There is not one day that goes by that I don’t read in the testimonials that men and women leave on this site, how much they love their ex and would do anything for them. Love is such a particular emotion. One that can place you on cloud nine, as you’re spending incredible moments with someone… But if the job of a love coach exists, it’s because love can doesn’t always turn out the way we expect or hope. Sometimes a screw is thrown into the machine and not everyone gets the chance to have an amazing love story.
The beginning of the relationship started perfectly. The moments you share are filled with joy and tenderness, but unfortunately, for some reason, or a variety of reasons, you and your significant other separate. However, the breakup doesn’t mean that your feelings evaporate into thin air.
You too have already thought, “I love my ex so much,” and you’ve unfortunately, blinded by emotion, had difficulty improving the situation and have maybe already made some errors. Can we love someone so much that we no long act reasonably or sensibly? Can the love we feel for an ex become destructive and hold us back from moving forward? What’s the best decision to make after a painful breakup?
I talk about all these questions in this article, and I invite you to read on if you’re unsure of how to proceed in terms of your love story, once the breakup has already taken place.
Why do I love my ex so much? The question to ask yourself
A breakup is often an electroshock. You realize how important this person really is in your life, and how much you care about him or her. You barely see them anymore, or you sleep in separate bedrooms if you are living together, or you don’t even get a text message anymore. Sometimes you need this awful moment so that your emotions can resurface and break free.
There are many explanations for this feeling of ”intense love”. Your ex may simply be extraordinary, but rest assured that I am not telling you to undervalue yourself, thinking that your ex deserves better than you. If you want him or her back, you will need confidence. Your ex knew you like the back of their hand and understood you better than anyone. Obviously no one is perfect, but your ex had wonderful qualities, and you’re more aware of that now than ever.
But when I hear something that comes up open while I’m coaching someone on how to get back together with their other half, “I love my ex so much, ” it’s not always because the ex had incredible qualities, but rather it’s because you have some sort of emotional dependence. You idealized your previous partner already when you were together, and even more now that you’re separated. I’ll have a chance to touch on this a little more towards the end of this article, but it’s important to note that this attitude will not help you get your ex back.
Another reason that could push you to feel an insatiable need to get back together with the one you love might simply be because you need to be in a relationship. You don’t want to be alone. It isn’t your partner that you “love so much,” it’s the single life that you hate. It’s true that even though there are ten million singles in France, it’s not easy to admit that you have no one by your side. You’ve therefore associated your partner with happiness.
Of course, subconsciously, you’re putting a sizeable weight on your shoulders and you’re telling yourself that you have to do whatever it takes to get them back, even though the best move would be to take a moment and think it through. I’m not saying that you have to forget about trying to get your ex back; I just want to remind you that it’s vital to make the right decisions, that aren’t based on emotional dependence. If you want to get your ex back, it should be because you know, from the bottom of your heart, that you love this person and can see a new future together.
It’s therefore necessary to take a step back and to put things into perspective, make the right choices, and to set into motion the right actions. You can read about these steps in full detail in our eBook 70 Pro Tips To Get Back With Your Ex.
Loving your ex can affect anybody
I’d like to clarify one point that I think is very important. Some of you aren’t necessarily going to find yourselves in the situations that I’ve described above, quite simply because each love story is unique.
But, I know from experience that many people might bury their heads, thinking that only time will tell. I can tell you right now that this is not the way to approach the subject. The only thing time will do is worsen the situation, and make it harder for things to change. If you want something to happen, you have to do something about it!
It’s also important to note that I am not talking about adolescents that are experiencing their very first breakup, thinking that it was going to be forever. No, I’m referring to people aged 30, 40, 50 years old, who have already gone through all of this. This is why my advice touches so many people; it directly concerns millions of you. Despite the specificities of each of your relationships, there is always one thing that you have in common; the heartache, and the pain that you feel deep down.
Moreover, even if this is the first time you’re saying, “I love my ex so much, ” it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t be careful about emotional dependence. Even just the simple act of thinking about it can lead to mistakes. This is why it’s imperative to not ignore the truth if emotional dependence is an issue. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, and through personal coaching sessions, I’ve helped hundreds of people pick themselves back up and stop obsessing over their ex. This is a question to ask yourself even before you wonder, “Should I try to get my ex back ?.”
Do I really want my ex back?
As I explained earlier in this article, just because you “love your ex so much,” it doesn’t mean that he or she will just waltz back into your life. Your ex-other half isn’t dumb; he or she knows what you’re feeling and that you’re having trouble mourning the relationship, but this didn’t stop them from leaving you in the first place. Showering your ex with expensive gifts, badgering them to take you back, making promises that will be forgotten in two weeks, are all things to forget about if you want to have any success in getting back together.
When you’re working on rebuilding yourself, avoid doing it for your ex. You need to make changes primarily for yourself; for your own good. I know that this might sound selfish to you, but I assure you, this is a method that works.
Cutting ties and putting distance between you and your ex are hard things to do, but they will prove to be very beneficial to you, as you will have the chance to put things into perspective, ask yourself the right questions, and to stop making mistakes. This isn’t about turning the page and forgetting about your ex. You have every right in the world to still love him or her, but you have to be careful not to act without thinking, and rush things in the name of love.
Your coach when you love your ex so much.