Wishing an ex happy birthday, good or bad idea?

wishing an ex happy birthdayYou surely remember your ex’s birthday. You’ve probably already celebrated it together, and if the relationship lasted a while, you’ve probably given them many gifts.

Unfortunately, as time went on, you separated and you had to move on from your relationship. You’ve therefore lost certain habits and traditions, but in the back of your mind you are still aware of this date, and you think of your ex.

Ok but after the breakup, there are no more daily messages, no more phone calls, and in some cases you don’t even really communicate anymore. Your separation maybe ended badly and so communication is now in the gutter.

In this situation, a question often surfaces as your ex-significant other’s birthday approaches.
Should you wish them happy birthday or should you turn the page as it’s not even worth it to reach out to them on their special day.

This is a dilemma that many people face, but in your eyes they unfortunately haven’t found a solution. I wanted to explore the subject in this article so that I could shed some light and show you some pertinent pieces of advice.

There are different reasons behind why you decide whether or not to wish an ex happy birthday. Read on to find out different examples of the situation that will help you to make a well-informed decision.

Yes, wishing an ex happy birthday can be a good idea in these cases!

Wishing your ex happy birthday shows a lot of maturity. In fact, not many people do this and the fact that you’re taking the time to reach out reflects very positively on you. Y

ou don’t want any bad blood between you and this is a great way to show it. You’d like to do this so that things can settle down between you after a difficult breakup, and I have to congratulate you because it is proof that you’re ready to turn the page. You can remain friends without worrying about what lies beneath.

You maybe have kids together, and this results in you not only wishing your ex happy birthday but actually celebrating it with them and their family as well so that you can maintain cordiality. In this case it’s more of an obligation to wish your ex happy birthday, but you still have to make the effort.

I remember two years ago, I was coaching a woman that had decided to cut contact with her ex for weeks. Her main preoccupation was knowing when to stop radio silence. Then one day she asked me a question that changed the game. “My ex’s birthday is in two days. Should I reach out or continue my RS?”

I think you see where I’m going with this. You can definitely “use” an ex’s birthday as a moment to break the ice and get back in contact. He or she would like it and would be happy to start talking to you again on this special day, unless you’ve been fighting since the breakup.

Please note that if you haven’t been in touch for months and months, if you just pop back up to wish your ex a very happy birthday, they might be suspicious of your motives. In any case, if the day is coming up, you can of course wish them happy birthday.

The birthday phone call is en excellent way to get back in touch, and it’s also a way to show your ex-other half that you haven’t forgotten.

Wishing happy birthday is therefore useful when you’re trying to get back together. It’s also a great way to establish friendly contact that is separate from all the troubles that may have led to your separation. Use this day to improve the situation, and to show your ex that you are still thinking of them.

Feeling reluctance when faced with celebrating an ex’s birthday

If wishing an ex happy birthday can be a good idea in certain instances, there are also many reasons why you’d feel reluctant to reach out and to get back in touch. Maybe you’d prefer to stay disconnected, at least for this year.

The breakup was a messy one and so you don’t feel ready to get back in contact with the person you shared your life with. Some people find it “hypocritical” to send a birthday message with things are less than peachy between you. I understand why you’d want to keep your distance and avoid contact, and that your ex’s birthday doesn’t change the way you feel.

Let’s take the example of radio silence that I mentioned in an earlier part of this article. You can also use it to show your ex-other half that you’ve forgotten. You want them to really notice your absence, because they’ll probably be checking their phone or Facebook all day expecting to receive your message. Not doing it will not go unnoticed, and can prompt your ex to come to you in hopes of an explanation.

Certain situations can also explain remaining silent while your ex is celebrating their birthday. For example, when your separation was a result of a serious problem between you. If you were cheated or if you experienced some kind of betrayal, it’s perfectly logical that you wouldn’t want to reach out.

A lot of people think that they have to choice but to wish their ex happy birthday but these men and women probably haven’t gone through really hard situations concerning their old partners.

As I said, there are situations in which you have to make an effort to reach out (if you have kids for example,) but sometimes keeping your distance is totally appropriate as well. Your ex can’t reproach you unless they’ve already gone out of their way to wish you happy birthday!

Your coach when wondering if wishing an ex happy birthday is a good or bad idea.



  • Jen

    My ex and I broke up about 2 months ago. He ended things saying he didn’t think we should see each other (mostly because he felt like I was mad at him when he was with his friends). We discussed things at length. I went two weeks no contact, texted him asking if we could talk about some things, he didn’t want to meet in person but said I could text him anything i needed to say. The conversation ended amicably. I went another month with no contact. About a week before my birthday he started liking pictures on Facebook and Instagram (some related to me celebrating my birthday). However when my actual birthday came around he did not wish me a happy birthday. I was expecting that he would and that could have been a chance to open lines of communication between us. What could this mean? That he doesn’t care or that I should just move on?

    • CoachAdrian

      Hey Jen,
      Thanks for sharing your story with me! It could mean a lot of things and I would need to know more about your ex’s personality and the dynamics of your relationship in order to tell you what it truly means! I also would need to know, how long you guys were together and how he celebrated your birthday or showed love to you on your birthday in the past. I would love to know more about mutual friendships and both of you approach to communicating on social media.
      If you are serious about doing everything possible to win him back, I would strongly encourage you to book a coaching session with me. This would give us the chance to discuss all of these points at great length over the phone in the next 24 to 48 hours and get you moving in the right direction.
      I hope to hear from you soon.