When you lose the person you love most on this planet, you feel like you’d do anything to get them back. You want them to realize what a wonderful partner you are, you want them to understand that you love them with all your heart, and you want to show them that there is a future for you two. So you do everything in your power to show this person how much you care and how much you want to be together. You go out of your way to make him or her feel special and loved, and you still give all of yourself.
The only problem is that giving too much to an ex can actually give you the opposite of what you want. It can make them not want to be in a relationship with you at all anymore, especially if you’ve already broken up. I know that this sounds counterintuitive, but I have written this article for you today to explain why this is true.
Don’t worry, I am also going to tell you what exactly you need to do to make your ex understand that they’d be making a huge mistake in letting you go!
What does “giving too much” actually mean?
As I’m sure you know, healthy relationships are balanced. Both people give to one another and no one is left wondering how to not care so much in relationships. No one wants to be giving love but getting nothing back…
When a person gives too much in a relationship, it simply means that they’re being drained and they aren’t receiving enough to fill themselves back up. Basically, there is an imbalance. If you are giving more than your partner is giving you, you will end up feeling this imbalance. Unfortunately, many of us think that the solution is to try to give even more. The result is simply that the imbalance becomes even more acute.
I once spoke to someone who told me something very wise.
She said, “Think of yourself as a cup filled with water. The water that is in this cup makes you whole, and the water that spills over the top can be shared with the people you want to share yourself with. When the water you share starts to deplete the water that’s supposed to remain in the cup, you’re giving too much.”
Once again, the result is that you begin feeling drained and the relationship becomes unbalanced, There are various things that you can do to keep yourself safe from giving too much in a relationship with an ex, and I will go over those things momentarily.
Why a give and take relationship is so important
I keep talking about imbalance in relationships but I haven’t told you yet what exactly the real issue is.
In the simplest terms possible, when you give too much to a person, it makes it painfully easy for them to take you for granted.
When it comes to getting back together with an ex, this is pretty much the worst thing you could do. The easier it is for your ex to take you for granted, the less likely it will be that they’re going to want to get back together with you.
Think about it, it’s normal human nature to desire something that you have to work for. If something is just handed to you, you’re going to be much less inclined to value it.
I see this happen time and time again. A person wants another person and pursues them while they present a challenge. I am not necessarily talking about playing hard to get. I am referring to being emotionally independent and showing that your life does not revolve around another person. Yes, it’s good to prioritize your relationship and the person you love, but these two things should not be your only priorities.
The other thing to keep in mind here is that if you’re giving too much of yourself, you risk developing a codependent relationship. Yes, this can also be the case if you’ve already broken up! By giving too much, you can develop a dependency on what the other person gives you. This often leads to a feeling of anxiety and resentment towards the other person for what they do or don’t do.
Similarly, when you give too much to someone you can end up getting burnt out while the other person develops unrealistic expectations of you. When you’re in a relationship and you suddenly stop giving so much, the other person might start to think, “Wait how come I’m not getting as much I used to get?! Don’t you love me anymore?”
When it comes to getting an ex back, this can be used to your advantage. More on that in a moment…
Being overly generous with your ex can not only damage your chances at getting back together, it can damage your own personal happiness. You don’t want to be taken advantage of or taken for granted – especially not by the person you love! So how do we fix this and get your ex to see you in a different light?
Give it your all, but in a different way…
When you want an ex back, you’re going to have to stop giving too much. Instead of offering up all your love and support and being at their beck and call, you’re going to have to switch your focus to someone else: Yourself!
Your life existed before you got with your ex, and you didn’t spend all your time giving your time and energy to this person. You were much more independent and chances are that you had a lot more going on in your personal life.
I often see that people tend to get very wrapped up in their relationships (whether they’re still together with the person or not) and they lose themselves. Their lives revolve around the person they love and their personal lives get put on the back-burner.
The problem with this type of thing is that you lose yourself, but the person you love also loses track of who you are. When your life begins to revolve around them, they will have trouble recognizing the person they fell in love with at the beginning of the relationship.
The other thing to keep in mind is that getting an ex back requires that your ex fears losing you. If you’re always there doing whatever they want, they’ll be fine with the way things are. They’ll feel no sense of urgency to get you back because they’re having their cake and eating it too! They have a person who’s willing to do everything a partner would do without them having to be in a committed relationship. This is especially true if you are sleeping with an ex!
You have to inspire your ex to want to commit to you instead of handing everything to them on a silver platter and not getting anything in return.
So, if you’ve been too generous with your love and actions and you aren’t getting anything back from your ex, it’s time to switch things up. We’re now going to give him or her an electroshock and make them realize how much you mean to them!
How to stop giving too much in a relationship with your ex so they realize how much you mean to them!
As I mentioned above, we want your ex to fear losing you. The best way to do this is to focus solely on yourself now. Yes, I am asking you to be selfish!
You are no longer always available to take your ex’s calls or reply to their texts, you’re too busy to help them with all the things they keep asking you to do, and you most certainly are no longer reaching out to them all the time.
Right now, you’re going to be focusing on yourself and making your life better than ever before! How?
It’s really simple. I want you to fill up your schedule will all the things that got neglected while you were in this relationship. Think about hobbies, passions, personal and professional goals, friends, family…
Then get more physically active and start feeling better about your body. Update your wardrobe, and get some new clothes or a hairstyle that makes you feel great.
Go out and try new activities and go explore new restaurants or bars with your friends. Broaden your horizons, meet new people, and prove to yourself that you’re able to make yourself happy. You are not dependent on your ex, and you don’t need to keep giving all of yourself to someone who isn’t giving you the same amount back.
While you do this, your ex is going to start noticing that your life looks incredibly enticing and will begin to realize that they want to be a part of it. They’ll want to go out of their way to get closer to you, and you’ll see that things can become more balanced.
If you’d like more in depth information about how to get your ex back, I encourage you to click here right away!
I sincerely wish you all the best in life and love,
Your coach when you’re giving too much to an ex
I Know We Are Meant To Be!
Bonus: 3 advanced strategies that will turn you into a Human Relationships Expert and give you the tools to get back with the one you love... for good!