How to get through a break up and stop thinking about your ex in the days, weeks or even months after a separation? How can you mend your self-confidence and trust in Love when the person you loved most has just left you? You’ve just broken up with your significant other? You’ve just been dumped and your objective is clearly to move on, to feel better and rebuild yourself?
If you’ve answered yes to at least one of these important questions know that you’re in a similar situation as thousands of people that we’ve previously helped get through this painful experience.
If it’s any consolation, you’re not the first person to read these lines or to ask how can you get over a break up if you still love your significant other…
We’ve been writing blog articles in English since 2014, in French since 2007 and millions of people have visited our websites seeking help.
Most people go through a breakup at some point in their life and instead of trying to avoid this at all cost (there’s nothing worse than staying with someone that you don’t love) the goal should be to overcome the heartache and to come out better and stronger…. Because getting over break ups isn’t always easy!
My job consists of helping you get back together with the person who decided to leave; but I am also here as a personal development and self-help coach to help you to feel better, fight this pain that feels like a knife going through your heart, and to help you move forward.
As I was saying, you’re not the first person that had endure the pain of losing the one you love. In fact in August of 2009 (it’s already been that long; it’s crazy how time flies!) I was able to coach and help Stephanie who had been fighting for months in vain to get back together with her ex.
I’ll come back to this story a little later in this article so you’ll see how exactly I was able to help her. Convincing an ex to take you back is never easy, and it always involves a process of personal development.
Within this article, you’ll learn about my guidelines to get back together with an ex. Even though this is my expertise; I wanted to discuss another important aspect of my coaching services that is not as known but also very important: Post-breakup personal reconstruction. In other words, how do I get over a breakup and be fully happy and at peace with myself once again!
This aptitude is essential in my eyes because it is exactly what will enable you to either start a brand new relationship, or set actions into motion that will help you to make the one you love come back to you.
Of course everything won’t be sorted out overnight; but little by little through methods you’ll be using every day, you’ll have everything you need to start to feel better and better. And the more you lift your head back up, the more attractive you’ll be in the eyes of those around you.
You’ll find this article interesting whether you want to get back together or figure out how to let go of your ex and move on if your goal is simply to feel better. In order to do so successfully there is a process that you’ll find in this article… And tips for getting over a breakup are right below!
Getting over a breakup is essential in order to eventually move on successfully!
I know what you’re probably thinking; “How do you get over a break up and how can I be sure that what you are telling me really works… and oh by the way what the h*** does Stephanie have to do with what I am going through right now?” If this is in fact what you’re telling yourself now, then congratulations… we are on the same page!
If I were someone reading this article too, I’d be thinking the same thing… in fact I know for sure that I would be thinking the same thing!!
I will prove it to you as you keep reading this article!
When I talk about how important it is to move on after a breakup, I’m not suggesting that you immediately cut all contact with your ex. If you want to keep in touch, go for it. But my point is this: after a separation or divorce, it’s imperative that you change your behavior. Do not act the same way you did while you were still together…
Turning over a new leaf doesn’t mean forgetting everything overnight; acting like the months or years you spent together never existed, or pretending like your ex is a perfect stranger. Similarly, trying to never think about the person you loved ever again and trying to pretend that nothing ever happened would be silly.
Of course you can keep your memories and remember the good times spent together, but the relationship is now over so you have to look ahead. The one thing you should be focusing on right now is your own happiness.
Coming back to Stephanie, the young lady that tried literally everything (well, not very well at first I must admit) to get her man back. After making quite a few mistakes she decided to get in touch with me. I assure you that it’s never too late to reach out! And so she started doing exactly what I suggested.
She started to focus less and less on her ex, and started to work on herself little by little. In any case she didn’t really have a choice because after badgering the person she had shared her life with for weeks, he didn’t want anything to do with her anymore.
To be perfectly frank with you, after almost two months of fruitless attempts and using multiple techniques to try and get back together, nothing seemed to work.
She knew the basic techniques to get back together; Radio Silence (she did this three times,) the hand-written letter (she wrote about ten,) and she tried numerous other methods that can help get a positive reaction from an ex. But her ex wasn’t receptive. So she came to me and we both knew that I was her last resort!
Ok I have to admit that it was a really complicated situation and the odds weren’t looking good at first; but as I like to say nothing is impossible, and I like a challenge.
We designed an eight-week strategy. Were you thinking that the process of getting back together would take less time? My friend we are talking about human relationships and nothing truly worthwhile is fixed in just a few short days.
You must exercise patience. I’ve seen attempts at getting back together that not only lasted months, but years! So, during the few weeks that ensued, there was an evolution but she still didn’t have her man back.
But there was an undeniable break through: they started to have normal conversations and her ex stopped threatening to press charges…
By analyzing this situation, I realized the next piece of advice that she needed to hear.
“You now have to forget your ex and move on from the past. Do you know why? We’ve tried everything to show him you’ve changed but we keep reminding him of your history. He’s remaining negative because you once were a completely different woman and you haven’t really been able to recapture that confidence to steal his heart.
Consequently, if you can let go of the past, so will he. He’ll have no choice but to see your evolution and improvement that go hand in hand with moving on!”
It’s clear; if you decide to set your ex aside, even just for a while, it could be the very best way to make them come back! It’s completely nuts but this is how human beings are wired to react.
In the same eBook that Stephanie used to get back with her ex, you will learn my tips on how to mend your emotions, how to feel better and be more confident, and especially how to not think about the past anymore. You’ll be able to move on from the things that caused you so much pain and you’ll once again start to enjoy life.
If you’d like to be like the thousands of people that I’ve already helped, all you have to do is leave a comment at the bottom of this article and I’ll personally reply so that you can benefit from my advice as well!
This is the moment to take your destiny into your own hands.
The idea is simple. You have to pretty much ignore your ex in order to feel better. How many people are traumatized today because of things that have happened in their love life?
Way too many! So if you don’t want to go through this again and you’re becoming anxious, cease the moment and take action.
Stephanie succeeded in getting back together with her ex as soon as she realized that she had certain anchors to the past, and therefore to negative things. In your opinion who would want to go back to living an unhappy life? No one of course.
So the issue was that she was holding on to memories that were holding her back and making success impossible. You know the photos you’ve saved in your phone! The places you always went to while thinking about your ex! The conversations with your friends in which you were always saying that your ex was the perfect man or the perfect woman!
Yes, these are the things that are chaining you down and making it hard to move forward towards your goal. The first step for getting over a breakup is super simple. All you have to do is get rid of everything that is linked to the past.
Is getting over a break up and forgetting about your ex truly possible?
I know what you’re saying; “Sure Adrian but… Forgetting about your ex isn’t so easy! How does he want me to do this? You can’t control thoughts!”
Of course, in many ways you’re right and I know from experience that getting over a break up can be the challenge of a lifetime. Whoever says you can fully control your thoughts is a liar. Nevertheless, there are a multitude of ways to limit your ex’s presence in your mind. In order to do this, I suggest playing a little game.
You’ll see that it’s nothing complicated. It’s just a little mental exercise that is linked to NLP. If you’re not familiar with this, it’s Neuro-Linguistic Programing, which was a study that began in the United States in the 1970s. Its goal was to target subjectivity and thus improve communication between individuals.
Coming back to your situation, your job will be these three little assignments that will help you move forward as fast as possible!
So, starting today, you will:
– Refrain from saying your ex’s name
– Refrain from talking about and reflecting on your relationship
– Avoid thinking about the places you used to go to together in order to start doing new things and find yourself in a completely different situation.
So if you’re hoping to get back together with your ex, they’ll notice these changes and be much more inclined to approach you again.
Wouldn’t it be nice if your ex was the one coming back? You think I’m pushing it? Just know that it’s possible because this has happened time and time again. A person that’s returning to you after having pulled the plug is like magic, what more could you ask for right?
If on the other hand your goal is to figure out what to do to get over a breakup, know that this is perfectly possible as well and you can follow exactly the same strategy. You’re going to have to fight off the negative thoughts for a bit so that you can concentrate on your well-being and a healthy state of mind.
Were you thinking that I was going to end here and leave you with just one good piece of advice? You know I always have another trick up my sleeve!
I’m going to continue sharing techniques with you because I haven’t shown you in enough detail the power of my method, and we’ve barely talked about YOU!
It’s very true that self-discipline in diluting your ex from your thoughts is a crucial part of your development and it’s essential for forgetting them definitively. But it’s not quite enough.
You’re going to have to work on your personal life, taking time for yourself, and defining new goals. I’m going to ask you to be (maybe for the first time in your life) a little tiny bit SELFISH and to think about no one but yourself!
I put that in caps simply because it plays an essential role in a person’s development and accomplishments.
I am now going to reveal an exercise that could very well completely transform you…
An exercise to make you feel better while getting over a breakup
For this exercise in reconstruction after a divorce or separation, I am going to ask you to fully invest in it. You’ll see that I’m not just asking you to try; you have to go above and beyond and push it to the limit. It’s essential because you’re going to have to surpass your limits. This is how you acquire unprecedented mental strength and solid willpower.
Now is the time to grab a pen and paper and follow my recommendations:
– Run for at least 30 minutes 3 times a week! (Yes I want you to work out and you’re going to end up loving it!) If you’re the mother or father of wonderful kids or you simply aren’t able to take an hour and a half, know that thanks to today’s technology you can find videos on YouTube to help you exercise at home.
Try to do 15 minutes of physical exercise at night once things have settled down around you. Make this effort because it really will help you to rebuild yourself.
– Turn your phone off when you’re in a moment that brings you joy. Time spent with your friends and family, your loved ones, or things you do socially – like being part of a charity. The goal is to remain focused and to not be distracted by the thought of how to get over breakup, a text from your ex, or a phone call that could ruin all the work you’ve been able to do up until now.
– What are you going to do to FULLY take advantage of your weekend? The 48 hours that you have off should be planned through and through. Don’t leave things to chance so that no negative thoughts from the past surge up and bring you down. You should always be doing something.
– How are you going to develop your professional life? This is the perfect moment to design challenges for yourself. It’s not just about money; professional platforms can prove to be really fulfilling. So one step left to push you towards success.
– Leave a comment on this article start to engage with me and make an effort to do something positive and personal and then share it with us! I make a point of answering each person’s question personally because I am PROUD to know that you read my articles, that you use my advice, and that I am a coach you trust!
These guidelines might seem pretty ordinary at first but you’ll see that they are powerful and that they will bear fruit as they are the result of thousands and thousands of hours of coaching in post-breakup reconstruction.
You will very quickly forget about your ex and be able to establish solid self-confidence and to rebuild your self-esteem.
3 ways to get over a break up permanently
How do I get over a break up? By focusing on the things you can control to feel better !
You can start to over think what your ex may be doing, who they may be hanging with or analyze every single one of his or her text messages. You can choose to live in the past and imagine what could have been and drive yourself crazy or you can choose to focus on what you can control. In order to move on you really need to focus on you; on your well-being and on the actions that you need to take to quickly feel better.
A positive mindset and the willingness to come out of your slump is what will ultimately enable you to get over the break up and move forward. You need to resist the urge to do nothing or to be passive. Inaction is actually the most dangerous threat to your ability to quickly rebound and move forward following a separation. You should make no excuses; no matter how low your moral may be, you can find a way to stay active and to go out and exercise even more than usual for example.
Your attitude and your actions are going to be the determining factor in the days or weeks following a break up. In my experience coaching people who have gone through a breakup or a tremendously painful separation; the overwhelming majority of you who are able to quickly regain their emotional independence and find inner peace are those that have the most self-discipline.
Focus solely on you and the things that you can control and your outlook will instantly become more positive!
How do you get over a break up? By setting goals in your personal and professional life to overcome your sadness
The best way for you to stay on track and to monitor your progress is to set personal and professional goals that will enable you to put your sadness in the past. This can be done by having your mind focus on clear and attainable objectives that you will set for yourself.
After a disappointing experience in love and relationships some people can have a tendency to lose their drive or their ability to project themselves into the future. You need to be aware of this threat and pattern in order to ensure that you won’t let yourself coast towards such a mental state.
The best way to be accountable to yourself and understand where you are in your self-development process is to set micro goals on a weekly or even daily basis. In this way you will be able to stay on track and on top of your evolution.
This approach will also force you to stay focused on looking forward and not in the past. At first you will still think about your ex boyfriend or girlfriend but after a while your mind will start to zero in on your goals. At this point you will start to reap the benefits of your efforts and mentally separate yourself from your previous relationship.
Getting over a breakup starts with stretching your comfort zone
You will need to really stretch your comfort zone in order to keep up with the goals that you will set as discussed previously. As a former athlete I know how beneficial it can be to do a bit more than you feel compelled too in order to progress. It is all about going above and beyond what is easy and natural to achieve something significant and to feel better about yourself.
Another way to ensure that you quickly move forward is by stepping outside of your comfort zone in a social setting as well; it is essential that you meet new people and create new connections to bring a sense of renewed energy into your life. Don’t be afraid to talk to total strangers at work, during your commutes, at the grocery stores or in a pub. Again quickly getting over a breakup is possible if you do a bit more than what you would normally do in your everyday life and in your interactions with total strangers.
By carrying out this advice and following this game plan you will quickly regain self-confidence. There is no better feeling than to achieve a task that once seemed daunting or one that you would have previously walked away from. All of your efforts are significant even the smallest one’s; you will be able to see the progress that you make along the way.
No matter how messy or painful the breakup may have been it is possible for you to move on and not have regrets or feel bad about yourself. But you will need to be resilient in focusing on the things that you can control; monitor your progress through micro goals that you set for yourself on a daily and weekly basis; and finally by stretching your comfort zone. We believe in the motto shoot for the stars and land on a cloud; that is how you will make real progress and realize that the best is yet to come!
If you are currently going through a break up and are seeking more information about how to proceed, don’t hesitate to contact me for a one on one coaching session. It will be my pleasure to help you meet your goals and ensure that you stay on track.
To get over a break up: What does that truly mean
I could have started talking about this earlier but there’s a reason why I waited. Yes my friends there’s always a reason! If I had started the article with theoretical explanations of why it’s important to get over a break up or to forget about the past, you would have lost interest. I wanted to give you practical advice as early as possible so that you could take action as soon as possible.
Nevertheless, I’d like to talk about reasons that are a little more theoretical without worrying about losing your interest!
In order to forget your ex, you have to plan for the future future and remind yourself that life goes on. I know that this sentence is really hard to hear right after a breakup but at the same time, my role isn’t to tell you what you want to hear or just to appease you. I know that your friends say it all the time, but when a professional coach says it, it doesn’t have the same impact!
If I’m saying this to you, it’s because I’ve seen it work time and time again!!!
So together we’re going to understand this concept so that you can fully benefit from each piece of advice and learn to live fully and happily.
Sometimes a breakup is the best thing that could happen to you, because you didn’t realize that you were unhappy in your relationship. I’m not saying that your ex isn’t the right person for you but the relationship was no longer fulfilling!
Why do you think that is?
Quite simply because the breakup reveals unhappiness. Unless of course you were so in your own world and in denial that you didn’t see anything going wrong and you thought no one had ever been happier or more in love than you and your significant other.
Did you know that 95% of people are unhappy, and aware of it, but accept it anyway?
If your ex made this painful decision, it’s because they weren’t fulfilled in your relationship and I think deep down inside you weren’t happy too!
In Love, it’s highly unusual to have one person that’s extremely happy and the other completely unhappy.
If you’re actually the one that decided to break up, perhaps you were expecting a reaction from your ex. Maybe you wanted to force them to rethink the relationship and unfortunately that didn’t happen. But you shouldn’t have any regrets. You did what you did because you were no longer satisfied and you wanted all of this to change.
No matter the case, you must accept that sometimes getting over a relationship break up is what needs to be done for your future well-being.
In order to forget your ex, you’ll have to focus on all of the negative that existed in your relationship.
The point isn’t to become depressed; it’s to remind you of what wasn’t working so that you stop idealizing your previous relationship.
A tip to figure out how to get over a break up and let go of your ex for good!
Let’s look at a more practical part in which these tips will help you carry out a more thorough analysis. If you’ve decided to get over a break up and to stop thinking about your ex, I suggest pondering these questions:
– What are the things that you disliked about your ex?
– When where they disrespectful?
– Remember all the fights you ever had!
– Ask yourself why you were mad at them?
– What are some of the negative opinions your loved ones have of your ex and of the breakup?
YES! Get mad! Figure out why you weren’t on the same page and try to fix it in order to either get back together, or to grow for your next relationship.
To take it a step further, you should be irreproachable and have high expectations for yourself.
Now is the time to talk about what’s best for you. I recommend continuing to read articles on this site and watching my YouTube videos on how to take control of your life and not just keep asking yourself how can I get over a break up but to actually take action… because that’s the key to success!
If you feel miserable and you’re staying locked up all alone trying to get over break up by yourself, if you’re cold and uninviting, if you never step out of your comfort zone both in your personal and your professional life, you’re not going to be able to move on from what’s haunting you.
To get over a breakup and forget about your ex requires efforts and especially taking action. I’m counting on you, so please adapt my advice to what you are going through and your personal situation, and don’t be afraid to make decisions that are going to radically change your perception of your relationship and life in general.
I’ve been helping people rediscover a sense of happiness for years now. I maybe repeating myself but it’s normal that you feel beaten down after a breakup.
That said, if you take the time to integrate this article’s guidelines into your life and have a new frame of mind, just like all the other people that have done so, you’ll be able to take control of your life and emotions again, and alleviate your heartache.
I am here to help you with different kinds of coaching session packages, Audio Seminars, Video Seminars, eBooks and YouTube Videos.
I hope to hear from you soon, and to get to know you and what you are going through in a private coaching session or in a comment below.
Until then, keep fighting the good fight and we wish you all the very best for the road ahead.
Adrian, Natalie & Alex
Relationships Experts from WithMyExAgain.com