How to get over a break up or divorce and move on for good!

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Lonely woman is waiting is loveHow to get through a break up and stop thinking about your ex in the days, weeks or even months after a separation? How can you mend your self-confidence and trust in Love when the person you loved most has just left you? You’ve just broken up with your significant other? You’ve just been dumped and your objective is clearly to move on, to feel better and rebuild yourself?

If you’ve answered yes to at least one of these important questions know that you’re in a similar situation as thousands of people that we’ve previously helped get through this painful experience.

If it’s any consolation, you’re not the first person to read these lines or to ask how can you get over a break up if you still love your significant other…

We’ve been writing blog articles in English since 2014, in French since 2007 and millions of people have visited our websites seeking help.
Most people go through a breakup at some point in their life and instead of trying to avoid this at all cost (there’s nothing worse than staying with someone that you don’t love) the goal should be to overcome the heartache and to come out better and stronger…. Because getting over break ups isn’t always easy!

My job consists of helping you get back together with the person who decided to leave; but I am also here as a personal development and self-help coach to help you to feel better, fight this pain that feels like a knife going through your heart, and to help you move forward.

As I was saying, you’re not the first person that had endure the pain of losing the one you love. In fact in August of 2009 (it’s already been that long; it’s crazy how time flies!) I was able to coach and help Stephanie who had been fighting for months in vain to get back together with her ex.

I’ll come back to this story a little later in this article so you’ll see how exactly I was able to help her. Convincing an ex to take you back is never easy, and it always involves a process of personal development.

Within this article, you’ll learn about my guidelines to get back together with an ex. Even though this is my expertise; I wanted to discuss another important aspect of my coaching services that is not as known but also very important: Post-breakup personal reconstruction. In other words, how do I get over a breakup and be fully happy and at peace with myself once again!

This aptitude is essential in my eyes because it is exactly what will enable you to either start a brand new relationship, or set actions into motion that will help you to make the one you love come back to you.

Of course everything won’t be sorted out overnight; but little by little through methods you’ll be using every day, you’ll have everything you need to start to feel better and better. And the more you lift your head back up, the more attractive you’ll be in the eyes of those around you.

You’ll find this article interesting whether you want to get back together or figure out how to let go of your ex and move on if your goal is simply to feel better. In order to do so successfully there is a process that you’ll find in this article… And tips for getting over a breakup are right below!

Getting over a breakup is essential in order to eventually move on successfully!

I know what you’re probably thinking; “How do you get over a break up and how can I be sure that what you are telling me really works… and oh by the way what the h*** does Stephanie have to do with what I am going through right now?” If this is in fact what you’re telling yourself now, then congratulations… we are on the same page!

If I were someone reading this article too, I’d be thinking the same thing… in fact I know for sure that I would be thinking the same thing!!
I will prove it to you as you keep reading this article!

When I talk about how important it is to move on after a breakup, I’m not suggesting that you immediately cut all contact with your ex. If you want to keep in touch, go for it. But my point is this: after a separation or divorce, it’s imperative that you change your behavior. Do not act the same way you did while you were still together…

personal-growth Turning over a new leaf doesn’t mean forgetting everything overnight; acting like the months or years you spent together never existed, or pretending like your ex is a perfect stranger. Similarly, trying to never think about the person you loved ever again and trying to pretend that nothing ever happened would be silly.

Of course you can keep your memories and remember the good times spent together, but the relationship is now over so you have to look ahead. The one thing you should be focusing on right now is your own happiness.

Coming back to Stephanie, the young lady that tried literally everything (well, not very well at first I must admit) to get her man back. After making quite a few mistakes she decided to get in touch with me. I assure you that it’s never too late to reach out! And so she started doing exactly what I suggested.

She started to focus less and less on her ex, and started to work on herself little by little. In any case she didn’t really have a choice because after badgering the person she had shared her life with for weeks, he didn’t want anything to do with her anymore.

To be perfectly frank with you, after almost two months of fruitless attempts and using multiple techniques to try and get back together, nothing seemed to work.

She knew the basic techniques to get back together; Radio Silence (she did this three times,) the hand-written letter (she wrote about ten,) and she tried numerous other methods that can help get a positive reaction from an ex. But her ex wasn’t receptive. So she came to me and we both knew that I was her last resort!

Ok I have to admit that it was a really complicated situation and the odds weren’t looking good at first; but as I like to say nothing is impossible, and I like a challenge.

We designed an eight-week strategy. Were you thinking that the process of getting back together would take less time? My friend we are talking about human relationships and nothing truly worthwhile is fixed in just a few short days.

You must exercise patience. I’ve seen attempts at getting back together that not only lasted months, but years! So, during the few weeks that ensued, there was an evolution but she still didn’t have her man back.

But there was an undeniable break through: they started to have normal conversations and her ex stopped threatening to press charges…
By analyzing this situation, I realized the next piece of advice that she needed to hear.

A table in a restaurant in front of the beautiful sea“You now have to forget your ex and move on from the past. Do you know why? We’ve tried everything to show him you’ve changed but we keep reminding him of your history. He’s remaining negative because you once were a completely different woman and you haven’t really been able to recapture that confidence to steal his heart.

Consequently, if you can let go of the past, so will he. He’ll have no choice but to see your evolution and improvement that go hand in hand with moving on!”

It’s clear; if you decide to set your ex aside, even just for a while, it could be the very best way to make them come back! It’s completely nuts but this is how human beings are wired to react.

In the same eBook that Stephanie used to get back with her ex, you will learn my tips on how to mend your emotions, how to feel better and be more confident, and especially how to not think about the past anymore. You’ll be able to move on from the things that caused you so much pain and you’ll once again start to enjoy life.

If you’d like to be like the thousands of people that I’ve already helped, all you have to do is leave a comment at the bottom of this article and I’ll personally reply so that you can benefit from my advice as well!

This is the moment to take your destiny into your own hands.

The idea is simple. You have to pretty much ignore your ex in order to feel better. How many people are traumatized today because of things that have happened in their love life?

Way too many! So if you don’t want to go through this again and you’re becoming anxious, cease the moment and take action.
Stephanie succeeded in getting back together with her ex as soon as she realized that she had certain anchors to the past, and therefore to negative things. In your opinion who would want to go back to living an unhappy life? No one of course.

Different pictures of the couple's romance So the issue was that she was holding on to memories that were holding her back and making success impossible. You know the photos you’ve saved in your phone! The places you always went to while thinking about your ex! The conversations with your friends in which you were always saying that your ex was the perfect man or the perfect woman!

Yes, these are the things that are chaining you down and making it hard to move forward towards your goal. The first step for getting over a breakup is super simple. All you have to do is get rid of everything that is linked to the past.

Is getting over a break up and forgetting about your ex truly possible?

I know what you’re saying; “Sure Adrian but… Forgetting about your ex isn’t so easy! How does he want me to do this? You can’t control thoughts!”

Of course, in many ways you’re right and I know from experience that getting over a break up can be the challenge of a lifetime. Whoever says you can fully control your thoughts is a liar. Nevertheless, there are a multitude of ways to limit your ex’s presence in your mind. In order to do this, I suggest playing a little game.

You’ll see that it’s nothing complicated. It’s just a little mental exercise that is linked to NLP. If you’re not familiar with this, it’s Neuro-Linguistic Programing, which was a study that began in the United States in the 1970s. Its goal was to target subjectivity and thus improve communication between individuals.

Coming back to your situation, your job will be these three little assignments that will help you move forward as fast as possible!

So, starting today, you will:
– Refrain from saying your ex’s name
– Refrain from talking about and reflecting on your relationship
– Avoid thinking about the places you used to go to together in order to start doing new things and find yourself in a completely different situation.

So if you’re hoping to get back together with your ex, they’ll notice these changes and be much more inclined to approach you again.
Wouldn’t it be nice if your ex was the one coming back? You think I’m pushing it? Just know that it’s possible because this has happened time and time again. A person that’s returning to you after having pulled the plug is like magic, what more could you ask for right?

If on the other hand your goal is to figure out what to do to get over a breakup, know that this is perfectly possible as well and you can follow exactly the same strategy. You’re going to have to fight off the negative thoughts for a bit so that you can concentrate on your well-being and a healthy state of mind.

Were you thinking that I was going to end here and leave you with just one good piece of advice? You know I always have another trick up my sleeve!

I’m going to continue sharing techniques with you because I haven’t shown you in enough detail the power of my method, and we’ve barely talked about YOU!

It’s very true that self-discipline in diluting your ex from your thoughts is a crucial part of your development and it’s essential for forgetting them definitively. But it’s not quite enough.

You’re going to have to work on your personal life, taking time for yourself, and defining new goals. I’m going to ask you to be (maybe for the first time in your life) a little tiny bit SELFISH and to think about no one but yourself!

I put that in caps simply because it plays an essential role in a person’s development and accomplishments.
I am now going to reveal an exercise that could very well completely transform you…

An exercise to make you feel better while getting over a breakup

For this exercise in reconstruction after a divorce or separation, I am going to ask you to fully invest in it. You’ll see that I’m not just asking you to try; you have to go above and beyond and push it to the limit. It’s essential because you’re going to have to surpass your limits. This is how you acquire unprecedented mental strength and solid willpower.

Now is the time to grab a pen and paper and follow my recommendations:

– Run for at least 30 minutes 3 times a week! (Yes I want you to work out and you’re going to end up loving it!) If you’re the mother or father of wonderful kids or you simply aren’t able to take an hour and a half, know that thanks to today’s technology you can find videos on YouTube to help you exercise at home.

Try to do 15 minutes of physical exercise at night once things have settled down around you. Make this effort because it really will help you to rebuild yourself.

– Turn your phone off when you’re in a moment that brings you joy. Time spent with your friends and family, your loved ones, or things you do socially – like being part of a charity. The goal is to remain focused and to not be distracted by the thought of how to get over breakup, a text from your ex, or a phone call that could ruin all the work you’ve been able to do up until now.

– What are you going to do to FULLY take advantage of your weekend? The 48 hours that you have off should be planned through and through. Don’t leave things to chance so that no negative thoughts from the past surge up and bring you down. You should always be doing something. fear-of-being-alone

– How are you going to develop your professional life? This is the perfect moment to design challenges for yourself. It’s not just about money; professional platforms can prove to be really fulfilling. So one step left to push you towards success.

– Leave a comment on this article start to engage with me and make an effort to do something positive and personal and then share it with us! I make a point of answering each person’s question personally because I am PROUD to know that you read my articles, that you use my advice, and that I am a coach you trust!

These guidelines might seem pretty ordinary at first but you’ll see that they are powerful and that they will bear fruit as they are the result of thousands and thousands of hours of coaching in post-breakup reconstruction.

You will very quickly forget about your ex and be able to establish solid self-confidence and to rebuild your self-esteem.

3 ways to get over a break up permanently

How do I get over a break up? By focusing on the things you can control to feel better !

A woman sit down near the shadow of his disappeared husband You can start to over think what your ex may be doing, who they may be hanging with or analyze every single one of his or her text messages. You can choose to live in the past and imagine what could have been and drive yourself crazy or you can choose to focus on what you can control. In order to move on you really need to focus on you; on your well-being and on the actions that you need to take to quickly feel better.

A positive mindset and the willingness to come out of your slump is what will ultimately enable you to get over the break up and move forward. You need to resist the urge to do nothing or to be passive. Inaction is actually the most dangerous threat to your ability to quickly rebound and move forward following a separation. You should make no excuses; no matter how low your moral may be, you can find a way to stay active and to go out and exercise even more than usual for example.

Your attitude and your actions are going to be the determining factor in the days or weeks following a break up. In my experience coaching people who have gone through a breakup or a tremendously painful separation; the overwhelming majority of you who are able to quickly regain their emotional independence and find inner peace are those that have the most self-discipline.

Focus solely on you and the things that you can control and your outlook will instantly become more positive!

How do you get over a break up? By setting goals in your personal and professional life to overcome your sadness

The best way for you to stay on track and to monitor your progress is to set personal and professional goals that will enable you to put your sadness in the past. This can be done by having your mind focus on clear and attainable objectives that you will set for yourself.

After a disappointing experience in love and relationships some people can have a tendency to lose their drive or their ability to project themselves into the future. You need to be aware of this threat and pattern in order to ensure that you won’t let yourself coast towards such a mental state.

The best way to be accountable to yourself and understand where you are in your self-development process is to set micro goals on a weekly or even daily basis. In this way you will be able to stay on track and on top of your evolution.

This approach will also force you to stay focused on looking forward and not in the past. At first you will still think about your ex boyfriend or girlfriend but after a while your mind will start to zero in on your goals. At this point you will start to reap the benefits of your efforts and mentally separate yourself from your previous relationship.

Getting over a breakup starts with stretching your comfort zone

You will need to really stretch your comfort zone in order to keep up with the goals that you will set as discussed previously. As a former athlete I know how beneficial it can be to do a bit more than you feel compelled too in order to progress. It is all about going above and beyond what is easy and natural to achieve something significant and to feel better about yourself.

Another way to ensure that you quickly move forward is by stepping outside of your comfort zone in a social setting as well; it is essential that you meet new people and create new connections to bring a sense of renewed energy into your life. Don’t be afraid to talk to total strangers at work, during your commutes, at the grocery stores or in a pub. Again quickly getting over a breakup is possible if you do a bit more than what you would normally do in your everyday life and in your interactions with total strangers.

By carrying out this advice and following this game plan you will quickly regain self-confidence. There is no better feeling than to achieve a task that once seemed daunting or one that you would have previously walked away from. All of your efforts are significant even the smallest one’s; you will be able to see the progress that you make along the way.

No matter how messy or painful the breakup may have been it is possible for you to move on and not have regrets or feel bad about yourself. But you will need to be resilient in focusing on the things that you can control; monitor your progress through micro goals that you set for yourself on a daily and weekly basis; and finally by stretching your comfort zone. We believe in the motto shoot for the stars and land on a cloud; that is how you will make real progress and realize that the best is yet to come!

If you are currently going through a break up and are seeking more information about how to proceed, don’t hesitate to contact me for a one on one coaching session. It will be my pleasure to help you meet your goals and ensure that you stay on track.

To get over a break up: What does that truly mean

I could have started talking about this earlier but there’s a reason why I waited. Yes my friends there’s always a reason! If I had started the article with theoretical explanations of why it’s important to get over a break up or to forget about the past, you would have lost interest. I wanted to give you practical advice as early as possible so that you could take action as soon as possible.

Nevertheless, I’d like to talk about reasons that are a little more theoretical without worrying about losing your interest!

In order to forget your ex, you have to plan for the future future and remind yourself that life goes on. I know that this sentence is really hard to hear right after a breakup but at the same time, my role isn’t to tell you what you want to hear or just to appease you. I know that your friends say it all the time, but when a professional coach says it, it doesn’t have the same impact!

If I’m saying this to you, it’s because I’ve seen it work time and time again!!!

So together we’re going to understand this concept so that you can fully benefit from each piece of advice and learn to live fully and happily.
Sometimes a breakup is the best thing that could happen to you, because you didn’t realize that you were unhappy in your relationship. I’m not saying that your ex isn’t the right person for you but the relationship was no longer fulfilling!

Why do you think that is?

Quite simply because the breakup reveals unhappiness. Unless of course you were so in your own world and in denial that you didn’t see anything going wrong and you thought no one had ever been happier or more in love than you and your significant other.

Did you know that 95% of people are unhappy, and aware of it, but accept it anyway?

If your ex made this painful decision, it’s because they weren’t fulfilled in your relationship and I think deep down inside you weren’t happy too!

In Love, it’s highly unusual to have one person that’s extremely happy and the other completely unhappy.

If you’re actually the one that decided to break up, perhaps you were expecting a reaction from your ex. Maybe you wanted to force them to rethink the relationship and unfortunately that didn’t happen. But you shouldn’t have any regrets. You did what you did because you were no longer satisfied and you wanted all of this to change.

No matter the case, you must accept that sometimes getting over a relationship break up is what needs to be done for your future well-being.

In order to forget your ex, you’ll have to focus on all of the negative that existed in your relationship.
The point isn’t to become depressed; it’s to remind you of what wasn’t working so that you stop idealizing your previous relationship.

A tip to figure out how to get over a break up and let go of your ex for good!

Let’s look at a more practical part in which these tips will help you carry out a more thorough analysis. If you’ve decided to get over a break up and to stop thinking about your ex, I suggest pondering these questions:

– What are the things that you disliked about your ex?

– When where they disrespectful?

– Remember all the fights you ever had!

– Ask yourself why you were mad at them?

– What are some of the negative opinions your loved ones have of your ex and of the breakup?

YES! Get mad! Figure out why you weren’t on the same page and try to fix it in order to either get back together, or to grow for your next relationship.

To take it a step further, you should be irreproachable and have high expectations for yourself.
Now is the time to talk about what’s best for you. I recommend continuing to read articles on this site and watching my YouTube videos on how to take control of your life and not just keep asking yourself how can I get over a break up but to actually take action… because that’s the key to success!

If you feel miserable and you’re staying locked up all alone trying to get over break up by yourself, if you’re cold and uninviting, if you never step out of your comfort zone both in your personal and your professional life, you’re not going to be able to move on from what’s haunting you.

To get over a breakup and forget about your ex requires efforts and especially taking action. I’m counting on you, so please adapt my advice to what you are going through and your personal situation, and don’t be afraid to make decisions that are going to radically change your perception of your relationship and life in general.

I’ve been helping people rediscover a sense of happiness for years now. I maybe repeating myself but it’s normal that you feel beaten down after a breakup.

That said, if you take the time to integrate this article’s guidelines into your life and have a new frame of mind, just like all the other people that have done so, you’ll be able to take control of your life and emotions again, and alleviate your heartache.

I am here to help you with different kinds of coaching session packages, Audio Seminars, Video Seminars, eBooks and YouTube Videos.

I hope to hear from you soon, and to get to know you and what you are going through in a private coaching session or in a comment below.

Until then, keep fighting the good fight and we wish you all the very best for the road ahead.

Adrian, Natalie & Alex
Relationships Experts from

33 Responses

  1. Hi Adrian,

    My ex left me a week ago (although we will still be living together for 3 more months). I can’t eat or sleep or do anything because I miss him so much. We spent all of our time together. I’m following the crash course guide to hopefully get him back but in the mean time I need to figure out how to get over him so that I’m not so miserable because seeing him everyday is difficult… He seems so fine with everything.

    1. Hi Molly!
      I know you had messaged this to Adrian, but it touched me so personally, because I Know how challenging it can be when it comes to how to get over a breakup while still living together. I encourage you to STAY REALLY BUSY. Distract yourself. I know this sounds nearly impossible, but once you start, continuing will become easier and easier. Try to act as OK and confident as possible around the house. Let him know that you recognize that your partner can always compliment you, but they will never define you. YOU define you. If you need a hand, I invite you to schedule a session with Adrian or myself, we’re here to help.
      Coach N.

      1. Hi Natalie!

        Thank you so much for replying. I ended up scheduling a coaching session and Adrian helped me see what I need to start doing. I did the letter thing before I spoke to Adrian and that back fired on me because he left me a letter back in which he said he was done for good and the decision didn’t just happen over night. I’m kinda feeling hopeless after getting that letter. I got it right after I had my coaching session with Adrian so I felt good after talking to Adrian but that letter brought me back down.

        1. Hi Molly,
          I’m so glad Adrian was able to provide some insight. We’re always here for you.
          Coach N.

  2. My ex of over 1.5 years broke up with me end of Jan, reasons vary. I went into radio silence maybe a week after (this was before I know what no contact or radio silence was) then she texted me she wanted her screw driver back and if I could drop it off on the weekend. Long story short I contacted her and said I was out of town and will arrange a time to drop it off. Decided not to do it in the end and tried to move on with my life with dating, doing new things, travelling and to better myself mentally and physically. So over 1 month of radio silient, Bought the book and contacted Coach Natalie.The advice was to send the screw driver back, so before I left for my next travel adventure I’ve sent it back with her with a clean slate letter (from the withmyexagain sample) via post.

    Next thing I know after receiving she had remove/blocked me from whatapps. I haven’t tried to contacted her since then 2 months ago.

    Recently came back from a trip we had planned together but I went anyway without her, and brought back her favourate snacks she wanted. Should I try making contact with her to pass this on to her? Just a quick drop?

    1. Hi Ken,
      I think it’s OK to reach to reach out to schedule a drop off of the snacks. I think a light message saying you’ve gotten something you think she’d enjoy could be conducive to reopening the lines of communication. What was in the contents of the letter that could have left her angry?
      Coach N.

      1. Hi Natalie, I’m not entirely sure. The example was taken from the “70 pro tips for men” sample letter tailor towards me (pg 124), If I was to guess it could be 1. She recieved her item therefore there is no need to keep the communcation open 2. I mention I’m happy now and have moved on or 3. Could look like I haven’t moved on by sending the letter/item.

        This is a mystery for me.

        Text I’m about to send “I’m back from Japan and I saw the x you mentioned you liked. I’ll be in your area this weekend and I can drop it off while I’m there. Let me know what time’s best for you. :-)”

        1. Hi Ken,
          I would go as far as something like “I’m back from Japan and got you something I felt you’d like. Are you free for coffee so I can give it to you?”
          Something to that effect.
          Coach N.

  3. I was in a serious relationship over a decade ago. He broke up with me as he had commitment issues and ended up cheating. I cut all contact with him and moved on , or so I thought. I got married and have a 3yr old too now. I never really dealt with the breakup and I have a lot of unresolved guilt sitting inside me. In the past decade my ex has tried number of times to keep in touch and salvage the friendship we shared but I have never responded . We were very good friends. Now I am facing a lot of regret. I want to just give him a call and have a normal conversation and set things right. I don’t want to get back with him as I am in a good relationship but everytime I think of my ex I feel a lot of regret having lost a good friend. Even today any contact between us, even a hello, ends up with him asking me to give him a call or atleast pick up his call. The thing is I am kind of scared to talk to him as I donno what kind of a conversation it would be. Should I just let it be ? Am I dwelling too much in the past?

  4. Hi Adrian,
    Im not sure if you’re familiar with LGBT couples break ups. Im an oversea Lesbian and i recently just got broken with my engaged girlfriend of 13 years right before valentines day. Since then, she has move out of the apartment we stayed for 2 years and we have been in a no contact kind of relationship without even texting/talking and most likely ignoring each other. The fact is because she has now gotten together with a guy which she is convinced is her soul mate as he can inspire her to do things. The reason i think behind the break up are due to routine lifestyle and also me being lacked of being inspire to her anymore. We have broken up before 7 years ago due to another guy as well but we got back together after a few months because that guy cheated on her and etc. Even since the break up 7 years ago, things got me quite shattered and hurt and I wasn’t able to be fully recover. For recent months this thing has caused us fighting over trust issues and me not letting go of the past. btw after we got back together 7 years ago, she made her changes and tried to prove herself to me. With such, although im still hurt but i proposed to her 3 years ago and she said yes. We was actually planning our wedding and registration these 2 years and was suppose to have the wedding next year. Then things turns south, we argue and fight alot, and this 7 years ago issue came up and shadow over me. Besides this, we have been struggling financially as I felt that she didn’t pull her weight around the household and got me pay for most of the things and etc. The fight turns so fierce and many hurtful things are said.

    Now straight after the break up, she immediately move out and stay with this new guy which this new guy’s wife just left him. I’m very torn apart because 13 years of relationship is it no longer matters to her? After so many break ups, am i still able to get her back? I have always felt that she is the one but now im hurting so bad. During this break up period, I have been socially active with my friends and work but things doesnt seems to be working as we are still in the no contact zone and she is deliberately avoiding me everywhere.

    So have you experience such couples breakup before and could you please give me some pointers? Im weighing whether should i get a couching session since I’m at overseas (South East Asia region). Could you please shed some light for me? or am I just lost her for good?

    1. Hi Jaynik,
      Thank you for your share. I know how painful of a situation you’re in. We certainly do work with LGBT couples and people from all walks of life, and we appreciate your trust.
      I do find that there’s hope in your situation. The man she is with is rebounding with her as much as she’s rebounding on him. I wouldn’t worry about them as a unit too much – it’s tremendously unlikely it’ll survive. I hope this gives you peace of mind. What is most important here, is the modifications you’ll need to acknowledge to yourself and work on daily. It’s in these changes (no matter how micro!) that you’ll be able to best position yourself to get her back.
      We can help you here, and I think you’d gain a lot of insight from a session. We coach people from all around the world, and will gladly accommodate to the time difference.
      Wishing you the very best and look forward to connecting,
      Coach N. and A.

  5. Hi Adrian,
    In a nutshell…together for 2 years (very loving relationship…no abuse or cheating or anything bad like that)…she broke up with me end of Feb because of financial issues on my end. The breakup was the catalyst for me to resolve my finances and I no longer have those problems (was dealing with debt from a previous marriage). I broke NC/RC several times because I knew the emotional connection we had and I didnt want to lose her and all I wanted to do was fight. On numerous occasions (up until most recently today) she flat out said that she needs time and space…and me always contacting her and asking her questions is pushing her away (i dont get this…how can I push her away more if she has already apparently decided she doesnt want us to be together?) I am scared that not respecting her wishes for time and space since day 1 has completely damaged ANY possibility in her mind of wanting to one day see the changes in me…

    She just says that she is not confident that the changes I have made are permanent and she fears that I will revert back to my old ways so she needs a longer sample size to see how I am truly living life independently (financially), but she is still not sure if that will even be enough for her and she needs time and space to figure out what she wants – whatever that means. We both also have young daughters from previous marriages so she is scared and has to think about her daughter too and needs to be with someone who is financially stable and smart, which she has not seen in me.

    I am trying to tell myself there is no hope so that I can heal myself and move forward but I just can’t stop wanting us to work out. I have made the conscious decision that as of today, I am no longer going to reach out to her in any way and just work on myself – regardless if she wants to revisit this or not. I am just scared that in this process of trying to figure out what she wants, that she will try dating and will find the perfect guy…someone who will give her the emotional connection and support she knows I was able to give her, but someone who will also give her the financial stability that she needs in a partner and then will just forget about me.

  6. Hi lili,
    Thank you for your share and I”m sorry to hear about your current situation. I invite you to be strong right now and resist the urge to reach out. Give the relationship some space. I feel he’ll begin to reach back out. Hang in there.
    Coach N.

  7. Hello,

    I was in a relationship for 5 years with my ex. We were both unhappy with the relationship at the end. Our communication was messed up. I want him back, but I also believe we need to heal. He texts me and calls me once a week, even if I don’t answer. What should I do?

    1. Hi Yaya,
      Thank you for reaching out. I’m glad you want to take space, because I think it’s really important for the both of you. Spend this time assessing what you’ll need to change to make the relationship survive longterm. If you need help kickstarting it back up again, I can help you here. I invite you to book a session with me.
      Coach N

  8. Hello, I broke up with my ex as a precaution against a long distance relationship which I didn’t think would work. But after a month I had reconsidered and realized it would work and that I was still very much in love with her. She reached out to me recently, saying she was reconsidering the relationship and maybe she wanted me back. But she also told me she had begun having casual sex with someone else during our time apart. Given that she had lost her virginity to me and I view sex as a very intimate act not to be taken lightly like that, I reacted incredibly poorly. Over the course of 48 hours I let impulse and gut reactions get the better of me and I’ve driven her away. She has blocked my number, and says she is unwilling to put any more work into being with me. I’ve managed to get past the casual sex thing, and I still love her very much, but I think there’s no way to ever get her back or even make steps towards it. What do I do?

    1. Hi Keegan,
      Thank you for reaching out to me and for sharing your story.
      There are no guarantees here, as your situation is a complex one…but I do believe that I can help you maximize your chances of making it work – and I do think that it is possible to turn everything around.
      I would recommend that you book a one hour private coaching session in order for me to respond to all of your questions, provide you with insights and a clear way forward.
      I sincerely hope to hear from you soon.
      Coach N.

  9. Hi,we have been married 28years together about 33.We went on holiday at the beginning of this year and it was then that we both said we had problems with the relationship and I was so angry about things that I said I wanted a divorce.
    We have had problems with our relationship since August last year.I felt neglected unappreciated and told him his.I was doing loads of Overtime and he was golfing doing his own thingand we were just drifting apart .I didn’t want to make love to someone who I felt fitted me into his life when he didn’t have anything else on. I realised just how much he done outside our marriage when I was recuperating from major surgery and told him that he needed to look at his priorities..not give things up just look at them. He refused saying that he filled up his life when I was working long hours and didn’t have time for him.
    On return from the holiday he said that he felt our relationship had came to a natural end that he no longer loved me and that he was no longer attracted to me sexually. He needed time to consider his feelings and this went on for four months. I tried to sort the areas of my life where he seen problems , went to counselling, tried to be less controlling and took up a new job and hobbies, I let him get on with his golf and other hobbies gave him space but to no avail.He moved from out 4 weeks ago to his mothers and has told me since then repeatedly that the marriage is over and we are done. He also said I used sex as a weapon . I have asked him to go to marriage guidance , to reconsider stating again but his mind is made up.He refuses to do anything though to end it.He will not put the house on the market despite him knowing that he can,t live forever with his parents, says he doesn’t need a lawyer and is talking to no one even his best friend about his decision.He knows his own mind and I have to get on with my life as he is not coming back. We have communicated by text and these can be amicable but when I see him in person I end up getting upset and asking him to come back.
    I decided yesterday to stop texting him finding ways to have to contact him…our sons are adults so there is no real need for us to communicate about them.I really believe our relationship could be over and that I need to get on with my life.
    I do want him to come back but only if he wants to fully committed to me and our relationship.I just don’t know if doing what I am doing is the right thing or will this just ale the situation worse.

    1. Hi Genny!

      Coach Adrian and I are hosting a free webinar on Sunday, June 25th, at 1PM, and it deals with preparing you to begin rekindling with your ex. We dive into how to work on yourself and prepare for the first date after the breakup. I think you’ll gain lots of insight. I hope you join! Here’s the link :


      Coach N

  10. I left my ex last Nov. He was trying to get me back up until april. We had been together for 10yrs and we have a child together. I left because I didn’t see the relationship progressing. It wasn’t until March did he decide to ask my father for my hand in marriage after I told him to do so. I was casually talking to someone else during this time and my ex found out and was very upset but continued to talk to me up until the end of April when he asked me to make things better and I told him I wanted to focus on my business and not continue to do this back and forth thing with him. He txtd me the next day saying that he really wanted me to try and put our family back together but he knew I wouldn’t and that he wanted to spend one last weekend with me. I agreed. Then all of a sudden the communication stopped. He started ignoring me and saying he never wanted to speak to me again. Immediately he started seeing someone else for about 2months now and recently allowed her to contact me on Instagram saying that I need to stop worrying about him and that he’s moved on and wants nothing to do with me. He won’t contact me even to see how his son is doing. But yet for mothers day he bought me a really expensive pair of shoes and called making a statement like “Even though things ended up this way” I was extremely impatient and constantly asked him to tell me what the deal was with no luck. I haven’t tried contacting him for a week now. But because we do have a child I feel the circumstances are different. I do plan to purchase a private session but can only afford the $99 phone package. Can this relationship be saved?

    1. Hey Clorisss,

      I do believe it’s got a shot. Let’s speak over the phone and set up a game plan for you. I invite you to express a sense of urgency so you can begin ASAP.


      Coach N

  11. Hello there!
    I had dated my ex boyfriend off and on for about 7 years. He broke up with me last April because he felt he wasnt ready to fully commit to moving in together and that he was unhappy with a few things. As we have had a few breaks before all his doing, I was at my wits end. I left his apartment and went no contact for three weeks. He emailed me a detailed apology and i heard that he started going to therapy regulary for his commitment issues and things he did to not treat me well. While I was so happy he dod this its all I prayed for, i was soley
    Focused ln his progress but yet doing nothing for myself. I was sad, angry, hurt, and stewed in the breakup. Its been over a year with alot of ups and downs. He had been actively
    Trying to be a positive source in my lofe in hopes we can rebuild something for a while. But every chance i got i sabotaged. Almost like all the times he hurt me now was my turn to make him feel like I did. I didnt work on myself, and when my distractions fell through I would come back to him, only to be insecure again. He has grown and changed so much and I have stayed the same. He sais hes waiting for me to get on the horse and catch up let go of the past, so we can have even one positive coffee together thst doesnt end in my tears reminding him of the time he treated me badly 5 years ago. Its gotten to the point now where he said he cant do it anymore and his hope is less and less because I cant move forward. I know I have to let go and give it space. We havent gone more than three weeks without speaking to which he always mentions there was never really a breakup. Which I know he wanted and I couldnt let happen. Now I am really needing and wanting to but im sad as I feel a shift in that he might be giving his attention to someone else. I regret all the lost time I had when he wanted me, now I feel im at ground zero, and I genuinely want to be my best self and hopefully its not too late. What should I do? Is there hope? Thanks!:)

    1. Hi Kristina!

      Thank you for reaching out. I do believe in your story and that you can turn this around, but I feel you’ll need a coaching session so I can help you set up a game plan. I invite you to schedule a session by visiting this link:
      Once you schedule, I’ll email you immediately.
      Wishing you the best today and always,
      Coach N

  12. Hello sir
    I am long distance girlfriend, actually the problem is first he said me to talk about marraige to my parents when i talked he is moving back and ignoring me behaving rudely and slowly slowly he is moving on and flirting with other girls.we met through facebook but we had a beautiful relation but now he is ignoring me behaving rudely 😢 yea i don’t want no contact rule because he text me regularly but reply late to me because he is trying to move on slowly: -( give me tips to get him back

  13. Long story short me and my ex have almost 11 years between us. I was 32 her 43 when we got together. I’m now 38 her 49. We were together 6 years and got engaged. Something happened along the way when she found out her ex husband was having another baby. After that she started talking about him more and more she seemed to know a lot about him. Me being as naive as I was and not knowing any better I had no idea she was still emotionally attached to him or over her marriage for that matter. Since she left I’ve seen her with another guy which I don’t understand I honestly thought she would go back to her ex. It’s been 9 months since we separated and I’m still having a hard time letting go. Any advice?

  14. Hi GW,
    I’m sorry to hear about this difficult situation. I know how painful it is. You need to do what’s best for you. You know the answer, here. Leave. If you need help, I invite you to schedule a session and we can strategize. We’re here to support.
    Coach N

  15. Hello there! Me and my ex had been together since High school on and a long 12 year and we have two kids together a 3 year old and a 6 year old.we have been separated for a year in a half now and I’m still not over him. He has shown me that he has moved on with someone new. I have to have contact with him because of our kids. Even though he has moved on he shows me mixed signals sometimes. I really do want him so we can raise our kids as a family and because I still love him.

    1. Hi LB,
      Thanks for reaching out. Spend some time assessing what began to erode the relationship. See where the negatives are coming from so you can turn them into positives. If you need help, we can support you and coach you to results.

  16. Hi, my ex lives in my apartment building. Ugh. He courted me. I wasn’t even interested in the beginning.
    We dated for 15 months. We are good together. But a few months ago, his big-time job told him that his position was being relocated to Singapore, and he could either move or quit. I knew this was going to change everything. Over the next few weeks, he was traveling but I could feel him start to pull away from me (not calling or texting as much). Then sure enough, a month after he got the news, he used a petty argument we had as his reason to break up. He acknowledged all the pressure with this job situation, but he tried to pass off the break up on “a few big differences” between us. Those differences, when I asked, were that we are both stubborn and inflexible. Not big enough to break up over! I was devastated!
    The break up was 6 weeks ago. He ended up quitting his job instead of moving. Today was his last day. Finding another job that pays as much will likely require him moving to another state. I initially told him I wanted to go with him, whatever he decided. But he needs to figure it out on his own.
    Needless to say, he’s going through a lot, I know this.
    I’ve handled things like a pro. A few days after it happened, I kind of begged for him to come back. He said he needed time to think about it. I said ok. 10 days later, he asked me to dinner (to tell me he quit his job). I shouldn’t have gone. It set me back! But at that meeting, I gave him my goodbye letter. He cried! But he didn’t say anything, so I said I would go, and I left.
    Then I did 21 days of no contact. And guess what, he started to text me occasionally. On day 20, he asked if I was free for dinner. I went. I shouldn’t have gone. He was not into me at all. I did everything just the way your guide told me. But I figured out afterward that he’s feeling totally insecure (being unemployed and almost 50), and he’s masking it with arrogance and self importance. He didn’t ask me one question about me at dinner. We only talked about him. This was a total turnaround from the guy who courted me and who became my best friend over our relationship. Suddenly he doesn’t care about me at all. After dinner, I asked why he wanted to go out with me. He said, “Why not? To be kind.” What kind of answer is that? I was hoping he’d say that he’d wanted to spend time with me, which is what he would’ve said before the breakup.
    So, my question is, what do I do to get him back? Is it possible, given all the circumstances? He doesn’t seem interested in me at all anymore, except when I ignore him for days on end. And even then, he only texts intermittently, with no room for further conversation.
    He lives in my building so I have to see him coming and going, making it impossible to get him off my mind. I’m trying to move on, working out constantly, changing up my routines, staying busy, but nothing I do is working. Is there any hope for us at all? What is my best course of action?
    Thank you for your insight and advice.
    Sorry this is so long!

    1. Hi Brooke,
      I’m sorry to hear about this tricky situation. The living in the same building thing is a real bummer. It’s ok, though, because you can use those glimpses of one another during the day to showcase your strength. Fact is that right now, he knows your angle, and he knows you want to get back together. So, you’ll have to work hard to illustrate that you are happy with your life, whether he’s in it or not. With this situation, consistency is critical, so whatever you implement – stick to!
      If you need help, I have a few ideas that can generate the results you’re looking for. I invite you to consider scheduling a one-on-one coaching with Adrian or I.

  17. Hi, thank you for the well-written article.
    I was together with my ex for 7 months. He even thought of marrying me after a year, and said he never love anyone like me before. We were happy and always had a good time together. However, 5 months ago, he asked for a breakup. I did not see it coming, and the reason he gave was that his feelings had changed, and we were both too different in terms of our views, goals, and both have high ego. However, he said we could still be friends in the future and he will be there for me etc.

    I did no contact for a month, but he wasn’t open to communicating after that. He unfriended me on social media to erase all reminders so that he can move on. Occasionally i sent him a text asking him how he is doing, but he would never ask me questions about me. He would reply briefly and seemed like he wanted to end the conversation.

    Few days ago, we texted again and it was my mistake to speak about the breakup, and he got annoyed with it, but he told me in the end the real reason for the breakup. He said it was because he didn’t like me being too engrossed with myself, i had trust issues, and i could not accept his culture and tradition (we are of different races). He also felt that i was trying to be number one over his mom and he changed to someone whom he didn’t like during the relationship. He said that we won’t be back together, and he wants his personal space back and would appreciate if i don’t communicate often with him.

    It has been five months now and he is still dealing with his feelings from the breakup, and can’t talk as friend still. He said this breakup is the hardest ever for him to deal with. It has been five months and i felt nothing changed. I do not know whether i should still continue trying, or should i give up.

    He is a wonderful person and i really wanted things to work between us, but he has been telling me multiple times that there is no chance of us getting back together. What should i do now ? Thank you

  18. So I feel that my situation is quite complicated. I was in a very toxic relationship and broke up with an x. Then I quickly got into a relationship with this guy that I met in 6th grade, but we just always had each other on social media throughout the years. At first I could not stop thinking of talking about my ex and realized that I needed some space. This guy treated me like a queen and the most amazing person ever. He wanted to marry me and have kids and give me the world. I ended up breaking up with him a year later to figure out how I really feel and focus on myself, since I never had that time and he never ever gave me a chance to. He kept trying and trying. So in a span of 3 years, we never ever spent literally 24 hours apart. And we were pretty much in limbo for 2 years after we broke up, still having sex, him spending the night, is together 24/7. He lives in the apartments right next to me, we work together, we’re in an organization with the same group of friends, and just pretty much we’re in a relationship with no title.

    Last month, we stopped having sex and I tried focusing more on myself, because for the last few months, he would get angry at me for no reason and started saying the most hurtful things. This month, a girl from work asked for his number and they started to hangout. Slowly, he started cutting me out and started to hangout with her 24/7. I would get hot and cold vibes from him and we had days talking about being together and he told me he’s not attracted to me. He said this girls more attractive and more mature and it was just a lot of hurtful things. It would be up and down. Some days he would want to talk to me and be “friends” other days he tells me to get out of his life. He rubs the relationship in my face and says he wants to marry this girl and that they’re having sex. After he told me to get out of his life, there were 2 days he ignored me and at work today, I saw the girl. We ended up talking and I told her the truth of what’s been going on and I believe she talked to him during his lunch. He literally came up to me after crying and asking if I told her anything, but I was on the phone with a customer and he ended up leaving early. So I’m just so confused and I literally have no idea what to even do from now. Does he not want to be with me? Does he want to be with her? I can’t stop thinking about him, I feel like I’m going crazy

    1. Hello Confused,
      I invite you to reach out to us to get some guidance around this. In order for me to give you the correct advice it has to be through a private coaching session. I do not want to lead you in the wrong direction. Please feel free to reach out here.
      WMEA Team

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