How to get over a break up or divorce and move on for good!
How can you stop thinking about your ex after a breakup? How can you mend your self-confidence and trust in Love when the person you loved most has just left you? You’ve just broken up with your significant other? or you’ve just been dumped and your objective is clear to move on, feel better rebuild yourself?
If you’ve answered yes to at least one of these key questions; know that you’re in a similar situation as thousands of others that we’ve already helped get through this painful experience.
If it’s any consolation, know that you’re not the first person to read these lines or to seek advice from our blog articles.
To be completely honest we wrote these lines in 2014 and there have been more than one million people who have visited different pages on the French version of our sites.
Everyone goes through a breakup at some point in their life and instead of trying to avoid this at all costs (there’s nothing worse than staying with someone that you don’t love) the goal should be to overcome the heartache.
My job consists of helping you get back together with the person who decided to leave; but I am also here as a personal development and self-help coach to help you to feel better, fight this pain that feels like a knife going through your heart, and to move forward.
As I was saying, you’re not the first person that had endure the pain of losing the one you love. In fact in August of 2009 (it’s already been that long; it’s crazy how time flies!) I was able to coach and help Stephanie who had been fighting for months in vain to get back together with her ex.
I’ll come back to this story a little later in this article so you’ll see how exactly I was able to help her. Convincing an ex to take you back is never easy, and it always involves a process of personal development.
Within this article, you’ll learn about my guidelines to get back together with an ex. Even though this is my specialty; I wanted to discuss another important aspect of my coaching services that is not as known but also very important: Post-breakup personal reconstruction. In other words, how to get over a break up and be fully happy and at peace once again!
This aptitude is essential in my eyes because it is exactly what will enable you to either start a brand new relationship, or set actions into motion that will help you to make the one you love come back to you.
Of course won’t be sorted out overnight; but little by little through methods you’ll be using every day you’ll have everything you need to start to feel better and better. And the more you lift your head back up, the more attractive you’ll be in the eyes of those around you.
You’ll find this article interesting whether you want to get back together or figure out how to let go of your ex and move on if your goal is simply to feel better. In order to do so there is a process that you’ll find in this article… The answers are right under your eyes!
Reflecting on how to get over a breakup is essential to eventually moving on successfully!
I know what you’re thinking; “How can I be sure of what you are saying and what does Stephanie have to do with me?” If this is what you’re telling yourself now then I have to congratulate you because we are on the same page. If I were someone reading this article too, I’d be thinking the same thing… in fact I know for sure that I would be thinking the same thing!!
I will prove it to you as you keep reading this article!
When I talk about how important it is to move on after a breakup, I’m not suggesting that you immediately cut all contact with your ex. If you want to keep in touch, go for it. But my point is this: after a separation or divorce, it’s imperative that you change your behavior. Do not act the same way you did while you were still together.
Turning the page doesn’t mean forgetting everything overnight; acting like the months or years you spent together never existed, or pretending like your ex is a perfect stranger. Similarly, trying to never think about the person you loved ever again and to pretend nothing ever happened would be silly.
Of course you can keep your memories, but the relationship is now over so you have to look forward. The one thing you should be focusing on right now is your own happiness.
Coming back to Stephanie, the young lady that tried literally everything (well, not very well at first I must admit) to get her man back. After making quite a few mistakes she decided to get in touch with me. I assure you that it’s never too late to reach out! So she started to do exactly what I suggested.
She started to focus less and less on her ex, and started to work on herself little by little. In any case she didn’t really have a choice because after badgering the person she had shared her life with for weeks, he didn’t want anything to do with her anymore.
To be perfectly frank with you, after almost two months of fruitless attempts and using multiple techniques to try and get back together, nothing seemed to work.
She knew the basic techniques to get back together; Radio Silence (she did this three times,) the hand-written letter (she wrote about ten,) and all the other methods that can help get a positive reaction from an ex. But her ex wasn’t receptive. So she came to me and we both knew that I was her last chance!
Ok I have to admit that it was a really complicated situation and the odds weren’t looking good at first; but as I like to say nothing is impossible, and I like a challenge.
We designed a strategy for the span of eight weeks. Were you thinking that the process of getting back together would take less time? My friend we are talking about human relationships and nothing is fixed in just a few short days.
You must exercise patience. I’ve seen attempts at getting back together than have not only lasted months, but years! So, during these weeks, there was an evolution but she still didn’t have her man back.
But there was an undeniable break through: they were able to have a normal conversation and her ex stopped threatening to press charges…
By analyzing this situation I realized the next piece of advice that she needed to hear.
“You now have to forget your ex and move on from the past. Do you know why? We’ve tried everything to show him you’ve changed but we keep reminding him of your history. He’s remaining negative because before, you were a completely different woman and you weren’t able to steal his heart.
Consequently, if you can let go of the past, so will he. He’ll have no choice but to see your evolution and improvement that go hand in hand with moving on!”
It’s clear; if you decide to set your ex aside, even just for a while, it could be the very best way to make them come back! It’s completely nuts but this is how human beings are wired to react.
In the same eBook that Stephanie used to get back with her ex, you will learn my tips on how to mend your emotions, how to feel better in your skin and be more confident, and especially how to not think about the past anymore. You’ll be able to move on from the things that caused you so much pain and you’ll once again find a taste for life.
If you’d like to be like the thousands of people that I’ve already helped, all you have to do is leave a comment at the bottom of this article and I’ll personally reply so that you can benefit from my advice as well!
This is the moment to take your destiny into your own hands.
The idea is simple. You have to pretty much ignore your ex in order to feel better. How many people are traumatized today because of things that have happened in their love life?
Way too many! So if you don’t want to go through this again so much that you’re becoming anxious, grab this moment and take action.
Stephanie succeeded in getting back together with her ex as soon as she realized that she had certain anchors to the past, and therefore to negative things. In your opinion who would want to go back to living an unhappy life? No one of course.
So the issue was that she was holding on to memories that were holding her back and making success impossible. You know the photos you’ve saved in your phone! The places you always went to while thinking about your ex! The conversations with your friends in which you were always saying that your ex was the perfect man or the perfect woman!
Yes, these are the things that are chaining you down and making it hard to advance. The first step for forgetting your ex is super simple. All you have to do is get rid of everything that is linked to the past.
How to get over a break up and forget about your ex?
I know what you’re saying; “Sure Adrian… Forgetting about your ex isn’t so easy! How does he want me to do this? You can’t control thoughts!”
Of course you’re right. Whoever says you can control thoughts is a liar. Nevertheless, there are a multitude of ways to limit your ex’s presence in your mind. In order to do this, I suggest playing a little game.
You’ll see that it’s nothing complicated. It’s just a little mental exercise that is linked to NLP. If you’re not familiar with this, it’s Neuro-Linguistic Programing, which was a study that began in the United States in the 1970s. Its goal was to target subjectivity and thus improve communication between individuals.
Coming back to your situation, your job will be these three little assignments that will help you move on as fast as possible!
So, starting today, you will:
– Refrain from saying your ex’s name
– Refrain from talking about and reflecting on your relationship
– Avoid thinking about the places you used to go to together so that you will start doing new things and find yourself in a completely different situation.
So if you’re hoping to get back together with your ex, they’ll notice these changes and be much more inclined to approach you again.
Wouldn’t it be nice if your ex was the one coming back? Do you think I’m pushing it? Just know that it’s possible because this has happened time and time again. A person that’s returning to you after having been the one to pull the plug is like magic, what more could you want!
If on the other hand your goal is to move on from the relationship, know that this is perfectly possible as well and all you get to follow exactly the same strategy. You’re going to have to fight off the negative thoughts for a bit so that you can concentrate on the well-being of your future state of mind.
Were you thinking that I was going to end here and leave you with just one good piece of advice? You know I always have another trick up my sleeve!
I’m going to continue sharing techniques with you because I haven’t shown you in enough detail the power of my method, and we’ve barely talked about YOU!
It’s very true that self-discipline in chasing your ex from your thoughts is a crucial part of your development and it’s essential for forgetting them definitively. But it’s not quite enough.
You’re going to have to work on your personal life, taking time for yourself, and defining new goals. I’m going to ask you to be (maybe for the first time in your life) a little tiny bit SELFISH and to think about no one but yourself!
I put that in caps simple because it plays an essential role in a person’s development and accomplishments.
I am now going to reveal an exercise that could very well make you completely change for the better…
An exercise to make you feel better while getting over a breakup
For this exercise in reconstruction after a divorce or separation, I am going to ask you to fully invest in it. You’ll see that I’m not just asking you to try; you have to go above and beyond and push it to the limit. It’s essential because you’re going to have to surpass your limits. This is how you acquire unprecedented mental strength and solid willpower.
Now is the time to grab a pen and paper and follow my recommendations:
– Run for at least 30 minutes 3 times a week! (Yes I want you to work out and you’re going to end up loving it!) If you’re the mother or father of wonderful kids or you simply aren’t able to take an hour and a half, know that thanks to today’s technology you can find videos on YouTube to help you exercise at home.
Try to do 15 minutes of physical exercise at night once the things have settled down around you. Do this effort because it really will help you to rebuild yourself.
– Turn your phone off when you’re in a moment that brings you joy. Time spent with your friends and family, your loved ones, or things you do socially – like being part of an association. The goal is to remain focused and to not be distracted by a text from your ex or a phone call that could ruin all the work you’ve been able to do up until now.
– What are you going to do to FULLY take advantage of your weekend? The 48 hours that you have off should be planned through and through. Don’t leave things to chance so that no negative thoughts from the past surge up and bring you down. You should always be doing something.
– How are you going to develop your professional life? This is the perfect moment to design challenges for yourself. It’s not just about money; professional platforms can prove to be really fulfilling. So one step left to push you towards success.
– Leave a comment on this article in order to be a part of the exchange and to make an effort to do something positive and personal? I make a point of answering each person’s question personally because I am PROUD to know that you read these articles, that you use my advice, and that I am your coach!
These first guidelines might seem pretty ordinary but you’ll that they will bear fruit as they are the result of thousands and thousands of hours of coaching in post-breakup reconstruction.
You will very quickly forget about your ex and be able to establish solid self-confidence and rebuild your self-esteem.
What exactly does getting over a break up mean?
I agree, I could have started talking about this earlier but there’s a reason why I waited. Yes my friends there’s always a reason! If I had started the article with theoretical explanations of why it’s important to forget, you would have lost interest. I wanted to give you practical advice as early as possible so that you could take action as soon as possible.
Nevertheless, I’d like to talk about reasons that are a little more theoretic without worrying about losing you!
In order to forget your ex, you have to plan your future and remind yourself that life continues. I know that this sentence is really hard to hear right after a breakup but at the same time, my role isn’t to tell you what you want to hear or just to appease you. I know that your friends say it all the time, but when I a professional coach is saying it doesn’t have the same significance!
If I’m saying it means that I’ve seen it work time and time again!!!
So together we’re going to study this concept so that you can fully benefit from each piece of advice and learn to live fully and happily.
A breakup is the best thing that could happen to you, because you didn’t realize that you were unhappy in your relationship. I’m not saying that your ex isn’t the right person for you but the relationship was no longer fulfilling!
Why do you think that is?
Quite simply because the breakup reveals unhappiness. Unless of course you were so in your world and in denial that you didn’t see anything going wrong and thought that no one had ever been happier or more in love than you and your significant other. Did you know that 95% of people are unhappy and aware of it but accept it anyway?
If your ex made this painful decision, it’s because they weren’t fulfilled in your relationship and has to have been the same for you!
In Love, you can’t have one person that’s extremely happy and the other be unhappy.
If you’re actually the one that decided to separate it’s because you were expecting a reaction from your ex. Maybe you wanted an electroshock that unfortunately didn’t happen. You should have no regrets. You did what you did because you weren’t, or were no longer satisfied and you wanted all of this to change.
In every situation, you must realize that the breakup was necessarily for your future well-being. in order to forget your ex, you’ll have to focus on all of the negative that existed in your relationship. The point isn’t to become depressed; it’s to remind you of what wasn’t working so that you stop idealizing your previous relationship.
A tip to figure out how to let go of your ex!
Let’s look at a more practical part in which these tips will help you carry out a more thorough analysis. If you’ve decided to stop thinking about your ex, I suggest answering these diverse questions:
– What are the things that you disliked about your ex?
– When where they disrespectful?
– Remember all the fights you ever had!
– Ask yourself why you were mad at them?
– What are some of the negative opinions your loved ones have of your ex and of the breakup?
YES! Get mad! Figure out why you weren’t on the same page and try to fix it in order to either get back together, or for your next relationship with someone else.
To take it a step further, you should be irreproachable and have high expectations for yourself. Now is the time to talk about what’s best for you. I recommend continuing to read the pieces on this site about how to take control of your life because this is the key to success.
If you feel miserable and you’re staying locked up all alone, if you’re cold and uninviting, if you never step out of your comfort zone both in your personal and your professional life, you’re not going to be able to move on from what’s haunting you.
Forgetting about your ex requires efforts and especially taking action. I’m counting on you adapt my advice to your personal situation, and to make decisions that are going to radically change your perception of relationships and life in general.
I’ve been helping people rediscover a taste for life for years now. Maybe it sounds like I’m repeating myself but it’s normal that you feel beaten down after a breakup. That said, if you take the time to integrate this article’s guidelines into your life and have a new frame of mind, just like all the other people that have done so, you’ll be able to take control of your life and emotions again, and alleviate your heartache.
I am here to help you with different kinds of coaching sessions. I look forward to hearing from you in a private conversation or in comments on articles and until then, I wish you the very best for the days to come.
Adrian & Alex
Relationships experts from the Love Coach Team at WithMyExAgain.com