My ex wants to stay friends, what should I do ?

staying friends with your exAfter a breakup, there are usually two types of situations. You’re either in a conflict with your ex and the breakup didn’t lead to a calm after the storm, or you’re lucky enough to be able to have a platonic and healthy relationship after a breakup that “went well.”

We’re going to explore this type of situation today. There is a type of relationship between exes that you may not have been expecting. There is no more love between you but you realize your ex wants to stay friends… and a friendship begins to blossom.

You are however taken by surprise at your ex’s attempts to get closer. You’re thinking that this isn’t what you really want deep down but this will at least allow you to still be in contact with this person that you care so much about. You’re going to take advantage and therefore keep in touch.

Whether this situation is making you happy or making you feel anxious you don’t really know what to do so you’re going to have to put things into perspective before you act. If it’s better to not be in conflict with your ex does it mean that it’s a good idea to be buddies?!

My ex wants to stay friends! For some people, this idea breaks their heart because they’re still in love with the person and they want to get back together.

For other people it’s out of the question to continue to see their ex, especially not as a friend! Should you really remain friends with an ex as a means of trying to get them back? Keep reading this article and you’ll find out!

Why does my ex want to be friends after we break up?

It’s not uncommon when an ex still wants to be friends after a breakup, but it’s not always easy for the other person to understand. You’re hurt and you want to be together, and your ex’s proposition to remain close can feel like they’re twisting the knife in the wound. Moreover, you maybe don’t understand why it has to be platonic between you.

There are all kinds of reasons why an ex wants to be friends, but one thing is for sure and that is that they still care about you. At this point we might not know in what way they care for you, but in any case it’s a good sign!
Sometimes an ex wants to keep you close simply because you two have become so close, and the bond that exists between you is too precious to just throw away. This can happen with relationships that lasted a long time or a short time.

Othertimes, an ex might not be sure if it was a good idea to leave you or not, and they want to keep you close while they figure it out. If you’re the one that left, they might be suggesting staying friends because they don’t want everything to end so abruptly.

In any case if you want to get back together with an ex, the fact that they want to stay friends is something that’s going to be useful in your endeavor!

My ex wants to be friends but should I accept?

After a breakup at first glance, staying friends with your ex in order to avoid tension and disagreements would appear logical. There are however two principal reasons as to why you might not feel very enthusiastic when faced with the idea.

Ex wants to be friends I want more: You don’t want to be Friend-Zoned by the one you love!

This is the most obvious reason. If you’re on this site, you’re looking for solutions in terms of getting back together; not being friends with an ex that left you (or the person that maybe you broke up with.) You still have strong feelings for your ex and you’re not that interested in a platonic relationship.

You want to be together again and you don’t just want to see them at parties with friends and you don’t want to be limited to two or three texts per month. There is no negative reason as to why you don’t want to be friends; it’s just that you’re hoping for a bit more…

Your ex wants to be friends but you don’t want to be in contact anymore

For some people when a relationship ends it means that it’s over and that you’re not supposed to keep seeing each other and be in touch for months or years to come. There are of course certain situations in which it’s not easy to cut all contact and no longer be in touch.

I’m talking about people that have children together and therefore need to communicate who’s going to do what for the kids, or people that share real estate, pets… etc.

If you don’t want to be friends with an ex it’s because you want to move on from your relationship, turn the page, and move on while you rebuild yourself. On top of that, it’s not easy to meet someone new when you’re still seeing your ex.

Staying friends with an ex: Does it work when you’re trying to get back together?

As I’m sure you’ve understood, this article is principally about getting back together. You don’t want to lose your relationship forever and you’re wondering if friendship is a good way to get it back.

First of all if you’re hoping to get back together and it’s looking impossible (probably because you haven’t had a coaching session yet) you should never think, “At least I can be their friend; it’s better than nothing,” or “At least they’ll be by my side.”
You have to believe in getting back together! All you have to do is read the testimonies of hundreds of people that get back together with their significant other thanks to all the tools I recommend as well as my eBook on how to make your ex come back.My ex wants to stay friends

In longer relationships (meaning those that have lasted over a year that I discuss in another article,) it’s important that after the breakup you make some distance between you using important methods such as radio silence, or “the no contact rule.” It’s hard to imagine friendship without contact. You have to be careful with the friend zone so I suggest a coaching session. You will have to go above and beyond real friendship.

Remaining friends with an ex is not a bad thing, but that doesn’t mean that this should be your goal. For your ex maybe there is no ambiguity but for you it’s simply a way to get closer and to stay in contact. When you’re thinking, “My ex wants to stay friends what should I do,” you’re actually not asking the right question.

When you’ve got an ex that wants to be friends, the very first step is to figure out exactly what you want deep down. Your ex isn’t the one that should determine your actions; you have to follow your heart.

If you want to get back together you have to create a means of getting closer, spending time together, but you’re not going to try to establish friendship. Your focus will be reseducing your ex and that will change everything!

How to be friends with an ex: Is being friends with benefits the magic solution?

You’re thinking that the only way you can get close to your ex again is by getting in bed with them. A lot of women tend to base their attempt at getting back together on sex because they think that it’s the only way to keep a man close. Sometimes you go from being an ex to a friend with benefits very quickly.

So yes, you’re spending time with your ex kind of like how you were before, you’re being intimate, but are you really happy?
As I said, if you want to be together with your ex again, and your ex boyfriend wants to be friends, (even if they say that they don’t have feelings for you anymore), you shouldn’t settle for being their side-chick or their friend with benefits unless this is something that actually makes you happy.

If you are thinking that being buddies with your ex for purely sexual reasons is better than nothing, you risk getting stuck in this position because your exchanges will hold no sentimental value anymore.

It’ll be strictly physical between you. As a general rule, even when you’re saying, “My ex is coming back,” I really recommend that you don’t get in bed with them unless you’re in one particular situation that I explain in my book 70 Pro Tips To Get Back With Your Ex.

It’s best to use classic methods for rekindling the flame between you and to make your ex understand that you’re not looking for friendship.



Your coach when your ex wants to be friends

  • confused

    my ex says he wants to be friends, that I’m just his “friend”. we broke up 20 days ago. because i was jealous and starting fights and he could not take it. he said i can’t change that fast. he keeps calling me just a friend. he says he does not see me and him in a relationship anymore. he said but he never knows what the future holds he doesn’t even know but right now he is really solid on not ever seeing us as a couple again. we talked in the afternoon and it was really tense he said he would call me back when he got home. He did follow through and called me back. we end up talking for an hour on the phone about random stuff… he kept calling me his friend though. should i accept and be his friend even though i want to get back with him? Will be his friend and talking to him often ruin my chances of getting him back?

    • CoachAdrian

      Thanks for reaching out and sharing your story. Being friends with an ex is not necessarily a bad thing because it provides you with a platform to showcase that you are meant to be. If you are having issues being around him because you can’t control your emotions then perhaps it’s best to ask him for space…but if not pretending to play the friendship card can actually be the quickest way to get back together if you have a plan.
      I would love to help you in your endeavor to get back together, don’t hesitate to book a coaching session with me if you are serious about doing everything possible to get him back.
      Best of luck in your quest to be with the one you love.

  • Christoph

    My ex has broken up with me for another guy and she still wants to be friends.
    We had a relationship for a year and 3 months, I was the first guy she had such a long relationship with.
    All her previous relationships did not last for a month or two…She left me for a guy who was her friend first…our relationship was not good the last weeks and I guess she started loving that friend who is now her boyfriend…

    Her friends tell me that these are temporary feelings and that she will miss me because he is not the guy like I am.
    They told me it will last for a month and then it will be over with him.
    He will go to school tommorow he is 17 and a year younger than us. So she might not see him that often because we will go to university on the same school but other campuses. So i might see her more than she him.

    Should I do the ‘no contact rule’ or should I do the same that guy did and be her friend with as goel: comming together again?
    Or should I not talk too much but be a friend still ?
    I don’t know what do to..pls help me I love her so much.


    My ex and I broke up yesterday. He is the type of person to never really talk about his feelings or get emotional about things at all. He said he doesn’t know what happen but he doesn’t feel the spark. This last month was extremely difficult he just bought a new home for himself and has been under a lot of stress with it. He admitted that in the last couple of weeks he began seeing me more of a friend then someone he could also be intimate with. After discussing things because he kept bouncing between not knowing where or when things went wrong, and we got off our chest everything we wanted to say. I asked where do we go from here, he said that he truly still cared, valued, and respected me we always got along amazingly and never fought which is why it made his decision so much harder. He asked that we remain close friends because he still wanted me in his life. I told him unfortunately I couldn’t give that to him because I don’t see him as just a friend. At the end I told him whenever he was ready he could contact me and he said no that he’d wait for me to make the first move on that. When I was leaving he open the door and came to give me a hug and broke down crying on my shoulder, I asked him why he crying and he just looked away and we leaned back in for another hug and he continued to cry. Obviously I still care and love him dearly, we went through a rough time that neither one of us ever expected and honestly didn’t know how to handle. I want to still be in his life but only as his significant other I can not be friends. Is there any hope on rekindling our relationship? if so how would I go about it.

  • Stacy

    My long distance boyfriend of one year broke up with me 6 days ago. This came as quite a surprise to me. We enjoy the same hobbies, have the same goals in life and we genuinely have a lot of fun together. My work this year has been stressful, which results in me sometimes being a bit on the negative side. This at times also causes me to pick small fights. Since the break up, he has at times acted as if nothing has changed. This was confusing to me and we decided it would be best for him to continue his visit at a mutual friend’s house. During this move, he packed all of his stuff up at my place. He emptied drawers and his closet. He has texted me everyday since we have broken up. He also attended a football game with me that we had tickets to. We had a great time and at the end of it, he gave me a hug and kissed my cheek. In a text message yesterday, he indicated that he had purchased some stuff he thought I would like on Amazon. However, today, he mentioned his razor and indicated he had left it and he didn’t want me to throw it away. I am so confused. I feel the distance makes it hard for us to gain a real in site to each other. I love this man with my entire being, and I would be willing to work on my approach to stressful situations. Do you think there is hope, and if so how do I go about it?

    • Erika

      If A man is truly in love with you he would not let you get a way because there’s a good chance that he may lose you for good. Why break up? Just find a way to make things work. I been in this situation and the guys moved on but for me it just means that they didn’t love me enough to keep me in their lives. Move on because you’ll find someone that will never ever leave your side. Good luck sweetheart.

    • Coach natalie

      Hi Stacy,
      I’m really sorry to hear about your current situation. If your ex wants to stay friends, but you want more than that, I encourage you to dig deeply into the issues of your relationship. Have you considered coaching? I think it will help decipher what happened and how to implement solutions.
      I hope this helps,
      Coach N.

  • pumpkin ^.^

    Hey , so I met my boyfriend when I was in 4th grade .. we didn’t really know what love was but we really really liked eachother .. I am now 15 and we have been together for 4 years . We have always had our ups and downs like crazy but we always be found our ways back to eachother . He broke up with me 4 days ago and said he needed time to think but he’s been telling his friends at school that he don’t want to get back with me &’ well we still stay in touch and he says he just wants to be friends … I really want to be with him because we are older and now know what love is and I have fallen in love with this boy .. when I was 13 I lost my virginity to him and have never done it with anyone else .. He’s even my first kiss and well he also lost his virginity to me and he hasn’t had sex with anyone either . &’ he has met my whole family and I’ve met his . We are always together literally everyday and I even stay at his house or he stays with me . We practically live together and his family loves me and my family loves him like crazy and it hurts so much knowing we’re not together .. I don’t know what to do .. when I travel he always come with me .. we are so so close !! I love this boy and i didn’t do anything to deserve this . He messaged a girl and I got all jealous and started assuming and I guess he got tired of it and that’s why he left me …. but I think that’s a big excuse to just leave me . Will someone please comfort me on this … I don’t know what to do .. he claims to love me but why won’t he get back with me … it’s been 4 days …

  • Attakjak

    My ex and I broke up 3 months ago because she was immature and afraid of commitment. I understood that I did nothing wrong and there’s nothing I could do. We gave ourselves some space to heal and recover. Though, over the previous month, she’s been especially attentive to me such as talking to me about our favorite TV shows and bringing up inside jokes we made during our relationship. It took me by surprise because she was afraid that I still liked her and that’s why she’s been quiet for the other two month. I heard and know that she just wants to be friends but I still have strong feelings for her and I’m already making a plan to propose for a second chance. Help?

  • Jamaya

    My boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me because he just couldn’t get over the fact i cheated on him 3 years ago. i never cheated on him since then but he tells me he still wants to be friends and he will be there for my daughter and I. i love him a lot and i really want us to get back together. Do you think we would have a chance of getting back together in the near future?