Radio Silence : The new and improved no contact rule to get back with an ex!

The no contact rule is a concept that was developed some time ago in order to make an ex miss you and want to get back together following a breakup. My mentor Alexandre Cormont and I studied this idea and tested different variations of this concept over a period of 7 years! We recognized that no two breakups are alike and every relationship is unique; so we tried to adapt this concept to provide a tailored made approach for the more than 15,000 people who have reached out to us since 2007.

Ultimately our experience has led us to create a new and improved form of the no contact rule; a technique that Alexandre Cormont coined the radio silence. In this modern version of the no contact rule developed in France we were able to weave out all of the unnecessary elements in order to provide you with a simple yet very powerful 12 step plan.

A radio silence if implemented in the right way will help you shift the balance of power in your favor following a breakup.

It is our pleasure to be able to share with you this unique 12 step plan to implement a perfect radio silence; It will enable you to regain control and not let your emotions dictate your next move. With this amazing game plan you will have a renewed sense of direction and know exactly what you need to do to change the way your ex feels about you!

Enjoy it and good luck in your quest to get back with the one you love!

Adrian & Alex

Relationships experts from the Love Coach Team at WithMyExAgain.com

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A 12 step plan to implement a perfect Radio Silence

It may not be the first time that you read about the no contact rule, but I am almost positive that it is the first time that you will see a detailed 12 step plan to implement a perfect radio silence following a breakup. As I always tell the people that I coach on a one to one basis, it is never good to do a copy paste when it comes to advice that you find on the internet to get back with your ex.

Although our 12 step plan is the result of years of work we also encourage you to adapt our advice to the specificity of your current situation. If you are sure that one of these steps will be counterproductive to you than skip it!

This is only to serve as a guide and to provide you with a road map in order for you to know where you are going when you start to implement your radio silence to ultimately get back with the one you love.

That said make sure that you don’t cut corners or try to go too fast in this process. If the person that you are trying to get back with is that important to you, take all the time that you need to implement this radio silence the right way. If you do, it will change your life forever and drastically increase your chances of getting back with your ex.

If you feel that you need extra support to get back with your ex, or to be coached to get back with the one you love than reach out to me in order for us to work together! It would be my pleasure to guide you and help you meet your goals.

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The no contact rule may be the key to getting back with the one you love

The no contact rule is a fantastic way to go into damage control following a break up. It is so easy to let your emotions get the best of you and to do or say things that you will end up regretting after your ex tells you that your relationship is over. In order to implement it the right way you need to know why you are taking a step back; that is precisely what we will explain to you throughout the next 12 steps that you will discover here.

Step 1: Avoid making more mistakes

One of the primary purposes of putting in place a no contact period is to avoid making mistakes. We are going begin with the assumptions that you have already made some mistakes because more than 95% of the people that we coach have made major mistakes at some point in their relationship.

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By challenging yourself not to contact your ex for a pre-determined period of time you will force yourself to take a step back and ensure that you not say or do something that you will later regret. It is a lot easier to ruin your chances of convincing your ex to give you another chance than it is to make your ex fall in love with you again in the days or weeks following a breakup.

So the first step is to make sure that you hold yourself accountable and not reach out to your ex in any way shape or form during the no contact period that you will have set. For relationships that lasted more than a year, the radio silence should not last less than 3 weeks.

In some case we advise that people go even longer when big mistakes were made either before, during or in the days following the breakup.

For those of you coming out of short relationships that lasted less than a year, 10 days of no contact can be a good starting point.

Step 2: Give your ex space

If your ex broke up with you the odds are that they did so because they needed space. A breakup means separation. Do yourself a favor and give your ex what they so desire! A no contact rule is also destined to make your ex face their decision to break up with you. As long as you are texting, calling or reaching out your ex cannot truly understand what it’s like to be single.

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When someone breaks up they always believe that the grass is greener on the other side of fence. They have no problem envisioning all the benefits that come with being single. Your ex probably craves that freedom and the feeling of being back on the open market. Indeed a world of opportunity a waits.

What your ex fails to realize is that it’s very easy to feel lonely or to experience an emotional gap following a breakup. You will leave behind a pretty big emotional empty space that your ex will feel pretty soon after you stop reaching out. At best it will make your ex realize how much they miss you and need you.

At worse it will give your ex space to rethink the way that they perceived your relationship. A bit of perspective can’t hurt since you are already broken up!

Step 3: Remember that a no contact rule is also meant to understand what went wrong

Most people tend to forget that a no contact period is not just implemented to have an effect on an ex; it’s also done to have an impact on you! If you are serious about trying to get back together you will need to take the time to understand what went wrong in your previous relationship in order not to make the same mistakes again the next time around.

Don’t just look at the surface or stay stuck on the same basic issues that you faced as a couple. Try to dig deeper to really understand what the forces that drove you both apart really were. A simple yet very powerful exercise is to list all of the issues that you faced as a couple on a sheet of paper.

Don’t neglect anything! List every possible conflict or major issue that you faced. Something that may seem small or insignificant to you may in fact be the straw that ultimately broke the camel’s back for your ex!

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No contact after breakup will provide you with fresh perspectives

Another issue that most people face during or after a breakup is that they are entangled in a negative spiral. It’s so easy to be depressed or to feel sorry for yourself when you lose the person that you love. Forcing the issue and trying to stay in contact with them immediately following the separation only creates more negativity and frustration.

In turn this can lead to inaction, to a lack of drive and to stay stuck moving in a downwards trend. But gaining a bit of distance and separation can give you a renewed sense of purpose and fresh perspectives about how to get back with your ex.

Step 4: Come up with a game plan to meet your goal

It is so important to have a game plan as you get ready to face your ex again to ultimately have a clear sense of exactly what you need to do to get back with the one you love. When I speak about a game plan there are three essential aspects that I will want you to pay special attention too. The rest will be optional and up to you to figure out if you want to incorporate those different elements into your strategy.

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You must have a communication strategy before you break your silence. Know how you plan to engage with your ex and when. This will enable you to regulate your approach but also to make sure that you will not be reactionary but rather take the lead to bring the dynamics of your conversations with your ex on a field of play that will be beneficial to you.

You also want to ensure that you include actions to your game plan that will force you to act against your natural way of being or of doing things. Don’t always act as you normally would; or do what you normally would do. Force yourself to try to be different with your ex because staying true to who you were at the end of your relationship did not end up working out!

Finally make sure that you take a goal minded approach in your quest to get back with your significant other. You must set daily, weekly and monthly goals in order to monitor your progress and hold yourself accountable. Stray away from abstract goals such as; I need to be a more caring boyfriend or I need to be a chiller girlfriend.

On the contrary you must include a when and a how as you plan to meet specific objectives. For example tell yourself “I will cook a special and different meal every Wednesday night” or “I will no longer call him during the weekends past 10 pm to find out where he is and who he is with”.

If you fail to live up to your goal, you will know right away that you are off track and that you need to pick up the slack!

Step 5: Rebuild your self-confidence and your self-esteem

If your ex is the one who broke up your ego probably took a hit; or you may be completely shattered and feel like a part of you was lost. No contact after breakup can help you snap out of this emotional blockage and regain some self-esteem before you are forced to see your ex again.

guylookingtocommitYou need to come to terms with the fact that you will not be able to convince your ex to get back together if you are unsure yourself of your capacity to make them happy in the long run!

Let’s not kid ourselves getting back with an ex can be a challenge sometimes; and you will need to be resilient and have enough faith in yourself to put in the time and effort needed to reach your goals.

Deciding to implement a no contact after breakup policy is a good start but you can look to regain some self-esteem in a variety of ways. Different techniques work better for different people depending on your personality and culture.

The best advice that I can give you is to stretch your comfort zone at every opportunity that you get. It will make you feel good once you have overcome an obstacle; and you will slowly start to realize that you can continue to breakdown more and more barriers.

Reach out to me if need be, it would be my pleasure to work with you to ensure that you regain a sense of confidence and to provide you with the support you need during your no contact period!

Step 6: No contact after a breakup can help you find solutions to avoid making the same mistakes

Another essential step is to be able to find solutions to ensure that you will not make the same mistakes but also to showcase your change. If you don’t take the time to clearly highlight how and when you plan to implement certain actions in your daily life you will simply not know where to start. Furthermore it is so easy to get sidetracked or to try to cut corners along the way.

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The best way to stay accountable to you and to the one you love is to use the period of no contact after a breakup to write down a list of concrete actions that you will start to implement right away. You should go back to the exercise that you have started in step 3 and find multiple potential solutions or actions to undertake to address each problem previously identified.

Please don’t gloss through this step and really take the time to put in the work. If you don’t do this right you run the risk of running into the same problems and being right back into the same situation that you are currently in; even if you do manage to get back with the one you love. Have you ever met couples that have gone through four, five or even six breakups?

Yep, those people did not take the time to see this exercise through before giving it another shot!

No contact after a break up also affects your ex!

Although it is important to start by highlighting the value that a no contact period after a break up can have on you and your own growth; let’s not forget that your radio silence will also have a very powerful effect on your ex! At this stage your ex feels that they know you and that you are incapable of changing or surprising them.

But being able to take a step back will plant a seed of doubt in the way that your ex feels about you.

This approach (when done in the right way) will slowly start to shift the balance of power in your favor!

Step 7: Create a feeling of absence or loss for your ex

Your ex thinks that they know what they want and it’s to be single. It is very easy to quickly see the positives that come with a new found freedom. It’s also a lot simpler to see the issues and frustration experienced in a relationship, rather than all of the positive aspects that you bring to the table. Humans by nature always want what they can’t have!

So make your ex really face the separation; don’t reach out to them every other day to remind them that you are here waiting for them to change their mind. If you do so you will never make them face the realities that come with being single.

Don’t give them the best of both worlds; and no contact after break up can ensure that they face their choice and start to experience the emptiness left by your absence. I am absolutely positively sure that you must have brought some sort of emotional comfort and stability to your ex one way or another.

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Shutting off all contact or reassurance from one day to the next will make your ex face the fact that they are about to lose you for good!

I often get asked “how can I implement a successful radio silence if I still live with my ex; if we have kids together; or even if we work together”. The answer is quite straight forward; you don’t have to completely shut down and not speak to your ex at all to show a change; or that you have distanced yourself from them!

If you have kids together, make sure that you stay positive around the children and that you cooperate with your ex on all issues that are centered around your kids.

Same thing, if you work together you need to stay professional and work with your ex in order to do your job efficiently. You need to separate your professional tasks to your personal business in order to keep it together! But at the same time, you don’t have to engage with him at all in regards to all other matters.

If you are forced to live with your ex, you can also just not give them the same attention as you might have in the past! Your ex will see a contrast in your behavior right away and your radio silence will have its intended affects.

Step 8: Change your look to reinforce the notion that you have evolved

The point here is not to go crazy and completely change your wardrobe. I am simply encouraging you to go out and buy those pants or that dress that you have been thinking about for a few weeks now. Or to go ahead and buy yourself a new suit just because!

Purchasing new clothes with the purpose of adding a new touch to your look will have a snowball effect and help you get closer to getting back with the one you love in several ways.

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First of all if you look good and feel good, you will gain confidence and self-esteem. We have already detailed at great length the importance of believing in yourself in step 5; so going out of your way to look good will make you feel better and thus be subconsciously more confident the next time you see your ex!

Again, no need to go crazy here or to go out and spend more than you can afford too. But within reason, make yourself happy and buy a few items that will enable you to feel renewed.

Changing your look will also showcase that you have evolved. Your ex probably knows every piece of clothes that you own. They will notice it right away, and they will know that something about you as changed. You can even take it a step further and go for a new haircut or hairstyle. Make sure you go for something different, but something that you love and that will make you happy…not insecure!

This way the next time that you communicate with your ex following a no contact period your physical appearance and look will reinforce the notion that you are indeed a new you.

Step 9: No contact in itself will enable you to surprise your ex

If you are able to control your emotions and not reach out to your ex following a break up the odds are that you will surprise your ex. They probably expect you to plea and beg; They know that you love them and want nothing else than to be together. They expect you to chase them! But you won’t do any of that. You will come up with a plan and really think about the way that you intend on communicating with them

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I constantly remind people that I coach that no contact is an action; inaction is an action when it comes to getting back with an ex! You will not only be able to surprise your ex by not reaching out but you will also put yourself in position to regain control of the process of getting back together. It will be your choice not to reach out or speak to your ex at this point not the other way around.

In essence you will put yourself in position to start to tilt the balance of power in your favor!

A radio silence can enable you to come full circle and start a new and improved relationship with your ex

Forget trying to get back with your ex! Your goal should be to engage in a new relationship that will enable both of you to break away from your past failed love story. Your ex doesn’t want to get back with you anyways she wants to fall in love with the person that inspired them at the beginning of your relationship.

Get in the mindset of starting something new with the one you love following your radio silence; it is truly the best way to ensure that you won’t fall into the same pitfalls the next time around!

Step 10: Showcase your resurrection

One you have decided to reestablish communication with your ex following your radio silence your goal should be to showcase your resurrection. You don’t want to overdo it because you will need to remain credible; but you absolutely must show to your ex that what you have just gone through has brought about an unprecedented change in your life.

It is absolutely essential that you position this resurrection as a change done for you and for your own stability and well-being. Although the breakup and her input may have triggered your reflection, you have decided to change in order to make yourself a better and happier person.

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Your ex will not want to hear that you are doing things just to get back with them. And they will be very skeptical about anything that seems different when it comes to your personality or behavior. That is why it is absolutely essential for you to do the work and to really evolve. If you try to trick your ex, they will notice it over time. You won’t be able to sustain a fake change.

So how can you showcase your resurrection? By highlighting things that you have started to do that you never would have done while you were together. If you were lazy and never wanted to get out of your comfort zone, you can tell your ex that you have started going to the gym 3 times a week; that you are starting to learn another language on your own; and that you are starting a home based business in your spare time, for example.

The only caveat is that you will really need to be doing what you claim you are doing! If your ex thinks that you were too selfish you can tell them that you have started doing community service to spend time with the elderly at local hospital; you get the gist. But again you will really need to be doing these things otherwise you won’t be credible!

So don’t tell your ex that you have evolved, explain to them what you have been up too during your radio silence in order to prove your point.

Step 11: Re-seduce your ex

If you are able to maintain a healthy communication platform with your ex; to stay positive and never argue or fight with them, you will place yourself in a prime position to re-seduce the one you love. When you are around them you will need to smile a lot; to be energetic and positive and to never ever criticize them.

Your ex will doubt you for a while so you really need to not push the envelope and to let time work in your favor. The longer you wait and the longer you stay in line with the new you; and the better your chances will be of making your ex fall head over heels for you. You will basically be constantly offering them the new and improved version of you, everything that they ever wanted and more!

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Remember that you were able to seduce your ex once before at the beginning of your relationship, before you officially started to date one another. If you’ve done it once you can do it again, especially after a successful implementation of the radio silence technique!

Be confident around your ex without being cocky; be mindful of their needs without putting them on a pedestal; create those intimate moments without putting yourself in demand. If you are able to find the right balance between hot and cold and if you remain positive; I have absolutely no doubt that you will be able to inspire your ex again!

Step 12: Seal the deal following a radio silence and prove your change overtime

Once you have proven to your ex that you can be trusted and that you can make them happy you will have basically reached your goal of getting back together. To make them trust you and believe that you can both make each other happy is in fact the exact same thing as haven proven your change over time!

The first rule to seal the deal is not to rush. If you are unsure whether you should make a move the time probably isn’t right. You will know when your ex is ready to commit again, it will be pretty clear.

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Don’t get discouraged if you feel like you haven’t been making progress. The moment that you have been waiting for often happens overnight. In other words you won’t know that you are getting really close until you do because your ex will have professed their love to you out of the blue!

But by then you’ll know what your ex is really trying to tell you; not that they love you again but rather that they trust you and believe in your ability to make them happy for a long long time.

To conclude I would like to remind you that you should never ever stop fighting for your relationship. If you do once you are back together you will start to settle and you run the risk of falling into another downward spiral; while also neglecting to meet your ex’s needs some way somehow.

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Healthy relationships take work to maintain; In order for love to continuously flow but to ensure that you are constantly inspiring your partner and making them happy. Good luck with your radio silence and in your pursuit of getting back with the one you love.

Sincerely,

Adrian & Alex

Relationships experts from the Love Coach Team at WithMyExAgain.com

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  • Myrna

    I dated a guy during his separation, we also work together, the divorce got real nasty and I decided to put things on hold to give him space and time to emotionally be available. That was 9 month ago, he was not happy with my decision back then ,felt I made it without him. His divorce now is final since about 3 month ago, I reached out to him, he recipcoated the contact but when I mentioned going for dinner he went radio silent.
    I stopped all contact also since them it’s been 4 weeks and I ask myself what now? Since I put things on hold back then should I always be the one reaching out first?( things with the ex and kids visitation are still a use mess). Any advise?
    I want him to come to me , I think that would be a sign he is ready, but I feel bad of having broke things of when he really needed me

    • Coach natalie

      Hi Myrna,
      Thank you for sharing your story. You are asking very appropriate questions at this stage in your breakup. I encourage you to think of a way of reaching out that is very non-threatening. This will set the stage for a warm response. How has radio silence been, overall?
      Sincerely,
      Natalie

  • John glimpsey

    Hey I have a unique situation I been with my x for 5 years 2nd year in I cheated on her we took like 2 weeks and got back together she was madly in love with me like head over heels ..I was into her just as much we did slot together through the 5 years and this past Tuesday she decided to end it cause she said she “feels empty inside and part of her died when I did that and does not care any more which bothers her and it’s not fair” Recently I was not showing her the love and emotion like taking her out spending time with her and stuff cause I was occupied with my hobbys she said it’s done and she doesn’t want to be with me any more and that she still loves me and will always do . We was suppose to go on a cruise together with her family and she just removed me last night and then proceeded to tell me to leave her alone or she going to block me she removed all instagram pics of me And her except 2..what I have done now is remove her from social media she was still looking at my snap chat and instagram but I left her on face book which she decided to remove me last night as well she said to me in one of our last text that she promises it’s not another guy and I know her so well I know she telling the truth that eased my pain a little ..and another text she said is that we can’t be friends or best friends any more due to what’s going on which we were I was her first boyfriend btw I told her not to forget about me because I truly love her and don’t want to lose her last night was the she texted me cause about the cruise and that’s when she proceeded to say “leave me alone , but it’s over I can’t keep repeating my self “and enough I then said ” I don’t want to end on bad terms with her ”
    Now her birthday is in two weeks I bought her a gift prior to all this break up what do I do as well for that do i text her happy birthday give her the gift ? And do you think she will come back cause she did say day by day to take it couple days ago and “maybe not now but sometime in the future” I know she’s still has pictures of us in her room up and stuff do you think there’s hope ? Sorry for the back and forth just trying to remember details.

    • Coach natalie

      Hi John,
      I’m sorry to hear about your current situation, but am glad to see you’ve landed on the “radio silence: a new and improved for of the no contact rule!” page, as this seems to be just what your relationship needs. You need to take some time to reflect on the issues your relationship dealt with, no matter how trivial, and find solutions to them. You must find a way of making your relationship seem like a haven for your partner, instead of the opposite. Please take a look at our E-Book, I think it may really shed some insight onto our methodologies and how they can mend your situation: https://www.withmyexagain.com/product/70-pro-tips-to-get-back-with-your-ex-for-men/
      Wishing you the very best, John!
      Sincerely,
      Natalie

  • Lauren

    Hi. Looking for some help. I was with my ex bf for about 4 months. I know thats not a long time but we got very close. In the beginning he was so amazing and seemed so interested. I became close with his family & friends right away. Abt a month ago i felt a change of behavior on his part so i began to question it. The next weeks it just got worse. He said by me questioning him it planted a seed and he didnt want to believe it but he cant make his feelings change. And now we arent together. It just all seems like a whirlwind and this was the last thing i wanted or saw coming. He tends to come off very unemotional and once a decision is made, thats it. What should i do? I know we are good together, we just needed to understand/learn abt each other more.

    • Coach natalie

      Hi Lauren,
      Thank you for reaching out. It seems to me that he may be viewing you as needy, or becoming more needy over time. This is likely that is pushing him away. I’m glad to see you’ve found your way to our Radio Silence page, as it is the new and improved form of the no contact rule and I think it can really help you. Use this time to reflect on the characteristics that may be driving him away and how they can be adjusted. Take a look at this E-book; it’s a self coaching tool that deals with scenarios similar to yours! https://www.withmyexagain.com/product/70-pro-tips-to-get-back-with-your-ex-for-women/
      I hope this helps,
      Natalie

  • Jaz c

    Hey, It’s been about 2 weeks since my ex broke up with me. We both still contact each other and every now and then we both get into arguments. We had lots going for each other and it’s been difficult to let go. Same for her as well. She can’t let go because of the time we’ve had together and because of how I’ve been towards her, but she still says she doesn’t want to be in a relationship. At least at the moment. I love her too much to just want to give up (and she knows that because I’ve expressed that a lot), but, being less than a year.. is it best to give it about a week and a half of no contact? I’d love to have her back and seeing and rereading this guide makes me feel as if things could continue for us.

    • Coach natalie

      Hi Jaz,
      Thank you for sharing your story and I’m sorry to hear about your current situation. I know it’s very challenging to feel like you have little control over your relationship. I do encourage you to implement our radio silence technique, an improved version of the no contact rule. In this time, reflect on what may have dismantled the relationship. You’ll need to know what happened if you want a chance at fixing it. Try reading this book, a lot of my clients have gotten great use out of it : https://www.withmyexagain.com/product/70-pro-tips-to-get-back-with-your-ex-for-men/
      I really hope this helped.
      Sincerely,
      Natalie

  • Ashley Harris

    -Ashley
    Hi, I came across your forum and found a little faith in my own situation. I just would like to an honest opinion on rather or not it may be too late and what my next steps should be. My husband and I have been married for 7 years, aruing, fighting and finances became the hump that broke the camels back. He was the one to break things off and leave, saying that he nolonger wanted to be married. During the 3 months he has been “gone” he’s still come to the house, watching our daughter while I work and spending nights still engaging in each other as husband and wife, which I believe was my biggest mistake because he became comfortable with the back and forth. Recently ive moved out of the house and the back and forth is nolonger possible so my question and concern is, is it too late to implement radio silence and what should my nexts steps be to reconcile my marriage?

  • Trey Knight

    Does this work with marriage separation and possible divorce? My wife and I have been separated 3 months and she is hot and cold with her emotions for me. One day she loves me then she hates me, I have stood my ground on fighting for this relationship and she went and filed for divorce in October. Then I saw her last weekend getting my things and she kissed me and told me I was her soulmate and said she is opening up to reconciliation. I am so confused and heartbroken, what is she trying to tell me? I was needy and vulnerable and pushed her away early in this but now I am ready to stand my ground. Help!

    • Coach natalie

      Hi Trey,
      Firstly, I commend you for being ready to stand your ground. I know how hard radio silence can be, but it will work in your favor if you let it. It will be important for her to realize what it is she’s going to lose. If you are always readily available, she will not recognize this. I invite you to book a session with me so we can develop a tailored action plan to get her back.
      I hope this helps.
      Sincerely,
      Coach Natalie

  • Tara

    Hey,
    Me and my ex just broke up like 2 weeks ago, but in those two weeks I didn’t contact him constantly rather I tried to give him some space, but assured him that I was still there. Then 2 nights ago we spoke and he said no we’re done. We had been having communication issues and we were losing the connection we used to share. I felt like it was falling apart for a while but we kept holding on to the attachment. So when he told me two nights ago we’re done he said he sees a different vision of his future and he doesn’t see me in it. How am I supposed to take that? I know he was tired of me trying to control him, but I didn’t know he’d just want me out for good. So I began this whole no contact rule, but I don’t know if he will ever want to come back because his ego is really big. He as gone 6 months without speaking to one of his best friends of 3 years. I want to have hope, but how do I go about my situation?

    • Coach natalie

      Hi Tara,
      Thank you for sharing your story. If your ex is able to discontinue communication for an elongated period or can hold a grudge effectively to someone he holds near to his heart, chances are he’s been previously scorned by a loved one or relative in his past. You need to try to put yourself in his shoes to find the best way to reach out to him. If you need assistance with deciphering this, I invite you to book a session, so we can analyze it together.
      I really hope this helps and either way, I wish you the very best.
      Sincerely,
      Coach Natalie

  • Ansel Mcclelland

    I was with my ex for 5 months and during the last month things started to go bad. We were talking about it and then all the sudden she broke up with me. We were in love so it was a shock to me that she didn’t want to try to work things out. It has been two weeks now where I’ve only texted her once saying that i cared and respected her. She responded saying I’ve been thinking about you and I care and respect you too. Simple and sweet. I feel like she still cares and that there’s a chance to get back together with her. However, I have not contacted her since and I don’t plan on it for a while but I’m not sure what to do. I want to text her more but I want her to realize that she may hand lost a good man. I don’t know what she’s thinking or feeling and it’s been hard not knowing

    • Coach natalie

      Hi Ansel,
      Thank you for being vulnerable and willing to share your story. I’m glad you’ve found your way to our “radio silence: a new and improved form of the no contact rule!” page, as I think this will be important to you now. It’s important to recognize that while you may have been very in love during the relationship, the day your ex broke up with you was not the day they decided to. It is likely she had been considering it for a little while. In order to rectify the relationship, you’ll need to dig into the issues on the relationship, no matter how trivial, in order to find potential solutions. If you need help in this, feel free to book a session and we can do it together.
      Wishing you the very best either way.
      Sincerely,
      Coach Natalie

  • Savannah1980

    Good morning. So i was with my ex for two years. We work together. Whirlwind romance for the first six months. Got pregnant, lost the baby. Became an emotional wreck. I pushed him away. He started sleeping with someone else at the job. He slept with her prior to me. I found out about it while i was trying to get back with him last year. He ended up confessing and we started to work on things. At first it was rocky but i put all my trust in him. Then in December he gave me an std. i was dumb. I went back to him. Then he had financial issues and was evicted from his home. We had already been talking about living together prior to the eviction, which i had no idea about. Anyway, i let him move in back in april. Things were great at first. Then they quickly began to sour. I’m not a drinker so he said I was boring. He wants a fun girl. He started coming home late, drunk. Spending more time with folks from the job and his friends. He ended up putting his hands on me. And that was my breaking point. Third strike. I know we are not perfect, but i do love him. He’s a good man and i know he has a lot of growing up to do. He moved all his stuff out after i told him to leave. I feel like i will never get him back. My family loves him. I’m afraid to lose him. I don’t have the urge to reach out to him because I’m unsure of what i want. I just want him to reflect on his issues. Is there hope, do men come back after being kicked out. I’m officially trying the no contact rule. Last year i was gung ho on trying to win him back instead of giving him space. He professed his love for me before I put him out. Just wondering if he’s thinking about me, if he hates me? Help!

    • Coach natalie

      Hi Savannah,
      Thank you for sharing your story. I can only imagine the pain you’re currently feeling. However, I’m glad you’ve made your way to our “Radio Silence : a new and improved form of the no contact rule!” page. It is imperative that you cut contact for a little bit. Outside of the fact that this no-speaking period will allow for you to set the stage to rebuild the relationship, but it can also give you the time to determine whether or not this is the man you want for the long-term. When we walk through the door of disrespect, it can be very difficult to reset the relationship without extensive time apart. You will need to rebuild the way he thinks he can treat you and this will take time. During this period, decide if he’s the man for you. If you need help during this process or have any questions on how to proceed, I invite you to book a session so we can discuss your relationship in more detail.
      I hope this helps.
      Sincerely,
      Coach Natalie

  • Coach natalie

    Hi Lgb1,
    This you for being vulnerable and sharing your story. I know how hard it can be to implement no contact, especially when you’re dying to reach out. Here’s the bright side of no contact – you’ll be able to really sift through the issues of your relationship and what went wrong. You’ll need to identify these things and create solutions in order to prove you’ve evolved into the person he feels he can be with longterm. I encourage you to take a look at our E-Book (here’s the link: https://www.withmyexagain.com/product/70-pro-tips-to-get-back-with-your-ex-for-women/) and it can really help you set up a game plan. If you want a more tailored approach, please feel free to book a session with me and we can evaluate everything together. Based on your extensive history, I think coaching is the best way to go (https://www.withmyexagain.com/coaching/)
    I really hope this helps.
    Sincerely,
    Coach Natalie

  • Yonni

    Hi. My bf and I broke up in July and 2 weeks later we started speaking again. We decided that we were going to work on things and see what would happen. It went great for a while and within the last month it all went to hell. I messed up really bad and was really emotional because at one point he told me he liked someone else but wasn’t talking to her like that because he loved me. I was determined to get him back but one night I was at his house and highly intoxicated and became very emotional and started screaming and yelling and I may have even hit him but unsure. This is the second time it has happened but the first I was not intoxicated just emotional. A few days later he calls me and tells me that he is going to pursue this other girl and that he doesn’t love me anymore but has love for me even though that night he told me he loved me and missed me. I am on day 11 of no contact and he has not tried to reach out. I feel like all hope is lost. Is there still a chance? Should I be worried about this other girl? Please help 🙁

  • Dino

    Good article… Me and my ex broke up on Tuesday. However the following 2 days she messaged to say she was sorry and missed me.. She wanted her own space and wanted to be single so that was her reason to finish with me. However I did return her messages with a message stating that unless she wanted to work on us getting back together please do not contact me.. Since then I have been NC… Was this a good idea to respond to her messages with the message I sent her?

  • Talysha Hickerson

    Hi. My bf and I were together for 5 months and recently broke up. I have a 5 year old daughter and he doesn’t have but wants kids. We agreed to still be friends but it seems one-sided. He knew about my child from the beginning and was okay with it.. read: cooking for us, family dates/outings, etc. Now he’s being super shady and distant and told me that he doesn’t know if he wants all of this. I feel like I’m the only one who reaches out via text or calls and he acts like it’s never a good time to talk and doesn’t know what to say. Please help. I just started NC and it’s rough… today is day 3.

  • sas

    My ex split with me 2 weeks ago .because ib done nothing but not believe he didn’t love me i pushed him away first by always sending stupid texts an just not believing him now he says we will never be getting back together. It’s hard doing no contact 1 because with have a child an 2 it hurts not hearing his voice on a daily basis .if I do text him about our child it’s 1 word answers .my guts telling me to back off an let him have space .but my hearts breaking so much .hes so angry with me .says he doesn’t hate me an loves me deep down .he says what we did have when it was good was amazing .now I just go on. I fear I may have lost him forever

    • Coach natalie

      Hi Sas,
      Thank you for your share. I’m sorry to hear about your current situation, I know how hard it can be to feel like you’ve pushed your ex away. I really think you’ll get a lot of our this article, Radio Silence: A New and Improved Form of the No Contact Rule!, and while I know it seems impossible to go through with right now, giving your ex and yourself some time to heal (without contacting each other) can really be beneficial in the long-run. I encourage you to follow the guidelines outlined by this article; I think it’ll make a big difference. If you need any help, please feel free to book a session with me. I’m here to support you.
      Sincerely,
      Coach Natalie

  • Ozi

    My wife and i have been together for 5 years we got married 3 years ago we both came from previous divorce in the past she has 2 kids from her previous marriage 5 years boy and 7 year girl i love them dearly as if they are my own. We both love eachother. We both have strong personality we had or ups and down and I believe we did not deal with our past issues and we drag it into our marriage we argued alot and rebal aginst each other this has resulted resentment and the feeling of not been accepted.
    At beginning of this year we had a lot going on we were trying for a baby she was scared I was not listening then to her fears ,wife left our home in March 2016 after big fight she swar me off in a restaurant and I pushed her she fall down and she went home packed and moved out.
    2 weeks after that my sister had an accident and been admitted into a hospital near her new flat my wife stod by my side for 4 months and she also needed my help with car for dropping kids to school so i moved in wirh her in her new flat and we started counselling she was asking for space i was pushing her to reconsile we would have sex and do things together but then she will switch and get angry and we were going on a circul then she went on holiday to hear family to South Africa for a month this was supposed to be our separate time to heal and think of what we want but she was calling me every day so we did not talk about our problems and we started chatting like we used to in the past. then she came back and I stayed in with her for 3 weeks then our counselling advice for proper sepreation and then try again as she was confused angry hurt and has high anxiety.

    I helped her buy a car and moved out immediately then 3 days later she found out that I syncysed her whatssapp to my laptop which is something wrong I did it when she wanted to leave home the first time I wasn’t sure why she wanted to leave our home the marriage and I had problems anger management controlling issues I used to shout when I get angry I used to argue with her and never used to listen to her i did not understand then that i needed hep started getting help from August after she left i also enrolled in a marriage course and realised were i went wrong in our marriage i also went for counselling for angar management and I have completed 3 months and now I’m even going on a group counselling for an other 3 months she confronted me I denied I was embarrassed I stopped immediately and 5 days later she asked for her divorce 2 months ago I agreed and admitted all my wrong doing and apologised. We did not divorce we started talking and having passionate sex and then we went back to same circle she keeps reminding me that we are divorcing this is confusing and I backdoff and we start talking about how we got here and then I asked her if she is 100 %”wants the divorce she said no but she is confused hurt angry and she doesn’t know if she can trust me and she wants to protect her kids then she asked me if i want to divorce her and i said no but if she is not happy i woudnt hold her in a marriage that she doesn’t want to be in.
    she love my family and want me to tell them that we are separated I said to her I will and will let her know when I do. I asked her why you are so angry with me now she says because I feel that you are nice with me and i feel you want to fix us. I did not want to push her any more I said to her let’s have no contact for a month and see how we feel and she agreed and we made love and she cried when I was saying goodbye to her.
    And then she started calling texting I just put my foot down as I don’t want us to be going on circle again. I did respond to her and explain to her that we both need the space after we talked about everything she said I’m mad with you and what makes me angry more is that I miss you. I didn’t respond and 4 days later I send her msg to let her know that I spoke to my parents and she can say her goodbye when she is ready I do not want to divorce her I love her so much I just don’t know what to do after the 30 days do I contact her and what is the best way to get out of the circle how do I start do I go straight to serious talk or do I start by talking and building connection again I just want us to get over this I want my family back. Please help with the best guide

    • Coach natalie

      Hi Ozi,
      Thank you for sharing your story. I’m very sorry to hear about your current situation and can understand your desire to get our of this cycle after implementing the radio silence technique. I feel that your wife is frustrated with herself : on the one end, she’s resentful toward you for pushing her and she has likely developed an underlying fear and pain toward you, but on the other hand, she’s upset with herself for wanting to ignore that fear and be with you and to restore the family. I encourage you to use this time in radio silence to determine what your wife can be feeling, by trying to put yourself in her shoes. If you need help with this, please feel free to book a session with Coach Adrian or myself. We can help.
      Sincerely,
      Coach Natalie