The process of getting back together with an ex can be grueling and long, but you are finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel! You’re finally at the stage where things are coming together and it looks like you’re going to get the second chance that you’ve been working so hard to get!
You are now preparing for the first date after the breakup with your ex, and I am here to give you the tips and tools to make sure that this goes as well as it possibly can!
The first date after the breakup with your ex: The do’s and don’ts!
Now that you’ve successfully powered through the no contact period and you’ve reinvented yourself so that you can be the 2.0 You, you’re on track towards getting your ex back and the finish line is within sight. It’s so exciting! When you’re approaching this moment and you know you’re going on a date with your ex, it’s important to think about the element of surprise.
Making a big impression on your ex during the first date after you broke up
Some time has passed since the last time you two really spent some time together, so this is going to be your opportunity to showcase all the positive changes you’ve made to your life since you broke up. This break up has served as an important experience and it’s been the catalyst of growth and evolution for you, and now you get to present the new and improved version of yourself to the person that you love!
Now is the time to blow his or her mind. They want to realize that you’re changing and that you can surprise them in a fantastic way. Your ex has noticed that you’ve changed, and now you get to show them just how much!
Seeing an ex for the first time after the breakup: Keep it fresh
I want you to keep something in mind when you’re going to go on a date with your ex. You’ve got to make things feel new. If you suggest meeting up in the same restaurant you two always went to, and you wear the same outfit you always wore, or even if you just order the same exact thing you used to always get, it’s going to serve as a trigger that takes your ex back into your previous relationship.
If you’ve been following our philosophy throughout this process, then you know that you need to present your ex with a NEW relationship. It needs to evolve, you need to have learned from past mistakes, and it needs to feel fresh. This is why I would suggest using this date as an opportunity to give your ex subtle signals that things are different now and there are new things to discover about you.
You don’t want him or her to suddenly think, “Ah this reminds me of how it was when we were together, I remember our relationship… and I also remember why it ended.” You want your ex to see you and understand that things can be new and exciting between you.Sometimes nostalgia can be positive, but it can also be negative. A surefire way to avoid negativity is to highlight positive changes!
Date with an ex: Avoid boredom!
There is a common phenomenon that I see in people all around me. They tend to associate boredom with incompatibility. My colleague Coach Nat used a fantastic analogy to illustrate this concept. Imagine that you’ve picked up a book and after a few chapters, you’ve decided that you’re bored so what do you do? You close the book. You think, “Eh, this isn’t for me.”
Relationships can be the same way. If a person feels bored when they’re with you, they can think that you two just aren’t compatible. This is precisely why it’s so important to surprise your ex! They want to have fun and show them that they can still be stimulated by you.
So have fun with this first date! Check out what’s on Groupon, think about new places that have opened in your city, go somewhere neither of you have ever been before!
Think about the little details too like what you’re wearing, what you’re saying, what you’re ordering for dinner…
When they ask you how you’ve been, have something new to say. Tell your ex about your new hobbies, or what you’ve been working on at home (remodeling, rearranging, etc), the trip you’re planning, how you’ve picked up yoga… the list can go on and on!
Going on a date with your ex: Surprise means change
Change is the most important element of getting an ex back, hands down. It is the one thing that is going to concretely show your ex that things are different now and that if he or she gets back together with you, you’re not going to head down the same path again and wind up breaking up again.
Your ex has agreed to go on this date with you because they want to know if things are different now or if you’re still exactly the same. So surprise them and show them that you are the 2.0 version of the person they fell in love with in the first place.
Dating an ex: Changing for yourself
I want you to keep in mind that if you’re going to get back together with your ex, yes it’s important that they see your change, but it’s even more important that you change for yourself! You don’t want to stay the same either – you got hurt in this breakup and you deserve something new and more sustainable as well! You want to feel better and proud of yourself.
Many people don’t realize what an incredible opportunity a breakup can actually be. It can serve as the catalyst for very important change, and it can shock you both into changing the way you live your lives so that you can create a platform for a relationship that will withstand the test of time.
The toughest parts of the breakup are actually there to give you a boost towards becoming your best self, and when you go on a date with your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend, it will become clear to them that things are different and better now. Like I said, they’ve agreed to this date because they have picked up on the fact that you’ve changed. So use this to your advantage and take this date as an opportunity to blow them away!
When you’re on a date with your ex, be positive
When you go on this date with him or her, do not make the mistake of starting to talk about how much you suffered, how hard it was for you, how terrible it was to be without them… Keep the conversation positive, fun, lighthearted and enjoyable.
No one wants to sit at a table with an ex and discuss their misery. If they’re on a date with you, it’s because they’re open to seeing how things go, so you need to show them that things would be fun with you. They’d spend positive moments with you, and they’d be taking part in your fun and exciting new life!
You don’t want your ex to think, “Jeez, I guess hanging out with my ex consists of hearing about how awful it was that I left and how much I hurt them… Am I opening a can of worms here? …No thanks.” You want them to think about the future and get excited about it.
You don’t want them to think that it’s going to be dramatic. Your ex wants to believe that you’re different now, and they want to see the proof before their eyes. So, just give them what they want! That’s all you have to do. Be positive, optimistic, and surprise them in the best possible way.
Make your ex realize that you’ve made even more positive changes than they realized.
If you have any questions about how you should act, how to flirt with your ex, and how you should proceed after this date, don’t hesitate to get in touch! You can leave your question in the comments section below, or simply get in touch with us directly right here.
Wishing you all the best in life and love,
Your coach when it’s time for your first date after your breakup with your ex
I Know We Are Meant To Be!
Bonus: 3 advanced strategies that will turn you into a Human Relationships Expert and give you the tools to get back with the one you love... for good!