One of most common questions I get in my coaching sessions and in the comments section beneath our videos is, “How come my ex is angry?” It can be because the person doesn’t understand what they did to deserve such a reaction from an ex, but it can also be because so much time has passed since the breakup that it feels like their ex should have cooled off by now. Oftentimes, it becomes a roadblock to someone who is working on getting back together with their ex. If an ex is angry at you, of course it’s hard to get close again. So what’s going on and what can you do?
Sometimes an ex’s behavior and attitude remain negative and bitter long after a breakup because you’ve broken their trust, you’ve neglected them, or perhaps you’ve even disappointed them in a serious way. Sometimes it goes deeper than your breakup and relationship and actually has nothing to do with you! In order to give you some clarity and help guide you towards success in getting back together with this person, I’m going to go over what’s going on in your ex’s mind right now and what you can do to turn things around.
Like all good things, it’s going to take time and patience, and you’re going to have to practice self control and discipline. You can change the situation and put the odds back in your favor, trust me! You just need to be careful to avoid making mistakes. It’s a tricky period, but as an expert specialized in love and relationships, I can assure you that there are plenty of things that you can do!
Why is my ex so angry with me still?
When the breakup is fresh and certain things happened that made your ex feel disrespected and hurt, it’s normal that they would be angry. They’re having a normal emotional response to something negative that happened in your relationship. Sometimes the source of this emotion is clear (for example if you cheated, lied, disrespected them, or hurt them in any way). Other times, it is not to clear and you might be left wondering what you did to deserve so much anger from your ex.
It is important to understand that exes are resentful because they are hurt. Even if they’re the ones that broke up with you, they can be feeling upset because they’re experiencing the death of what they thought was going to be a long and happy relationship with you. If you’re thinking, “My ex is angry and ignoring me,” keep in mind that your ex is hurt and disappointed with the situation. When they’re resentful, it can also be because you pushed a little too hard after the breakup.
Perhaps you tried and tried to change their mind. Perhaps they feel that at this point, you’re trying to hold them back from being happy without you. If this is happening, you’ve got to take a step back. I often see people making a serious mistake in this specific moment.
They try even harder to cling to their ex, and this just makes their ex want to get even further away and they end up feeling even more upset. You might catch yourself becoming overly apologetic and trying to justify your actions.
I’ve also seen instances in which an ex thinks a person did something when in reality they didn’t. One of my clients had an ex with a jealous best friend, who made up a lie about my client in an effort to get closer to my client’s ex . Unfortunately, the ex in question believed this lie and changed his entire attitude towards my client. He thought that she had been unfaithful to him, and she didn’t even know until he told her.
Sometimes, an ex will express anger towards you simply because they’re using you and the breakup as a scapegoat. They might just not be in a good place in their life, and they might be feeling unhappy and dissatisfied with themselves, so they take it out on you.
Each situation is unique, but there is a common theme that I’ve noticed. When an ex is angry, they often hold on to that anger for longer than necessary. While they might have a legitimate reason to feel that way, they often subconsciously preserve that feeling because it keeps them in a position of power over you.
They can often abuse this power to make themselves feel better. They want to feel like they call the shots now because you screwed up. This becomes incredibly frustrating for you because it feels like you can’t win. They build up walls and you can’t seem to figure out what to do…
Fortunately you’ve found this article because I am here to help!
What to do when you’ve got an angry ex
When you’re dealing with an angry ex wife, husband, boyfriend, or girlfriend, and you are met with negativity and walls over and over again, the first thing to do is to take a step back right now. Stop reaching out for the time being so that we can regroup. I know that sounds scary because you don’t want to be out of touch with the person you love, but sometimes you need to take a step back so that you can make a powerful comeback.
If you’ve been trying to talk to this person and you keep getting the same results, you can’t expect things to change. It’s like Einstein’s famous quote: “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”
If you’ve been trying and trying, it means that you’re still seeking validation from your ex and that’s going to need to change. Even if you did something wrong, putting your ex on a pedestal is not going to change the situation in your favor. Your ex knows that you’re sorry because I’m sure you’ve apologized many times, so now you’re going to have to change your approach.
Instead of showering your ex in apologies, instead of trying to justify your behavior, and instead of becoming needy or clingy, it’s time to take a step back so that your ex can breathe and so that you can regroup and change your plan of attack. The more you pressure your angry ex, the more bitter and resentful he or she will become.
At this point, it’s time to switch your focus to yourself so that you can focus on the things that you can control. It’s time to prioritize the things that actually make you happy, and you will see a tangible shift in the situation.
Once you begin focusing on making improvements to your own life instead of seeking forgiveness or focusing on getting close to your ex again, they will notice. This is when you’ll start noticing that they will test the waters and try to reestablish contact with you.
The absolute best thing to do right now is to focus on your own personal development so that you can become the best version of yourself. Even if your ex is angry at you, the more attention you give them, the easier it will be for them to take you for granted and maintain control in the power play.
Once you make a shift and begin prioritizing your own well being, growing from the breakup, becoming the new and improved version of yourself, your ex’s attention will be sparked. They’ll want to know more, so they will gravitate back towards you.
This is when you will be able to reestablish contact and create a new dynamic between you. I know that right now it’s tough because you’re dealing with a furious ex, or maybe even a passive aggressive ex, but you can turn this thing around, trust me.
Each situation is entirely unique, so I encourage you to get in touch with us. Together we can design the perfect action plan for how to deal with a difficult ex, and we can tailor it to your specific situation so that you can reach your goal as soon as possible! I know that it all feels overwhelming right now, but all you need to do is start by taking a step back and switching your focus to your own persona; development. For more information on how to heal from a break up, click here!
As always, we are always here to help so don’t hesitate to reach out. Leave any questions you may have in the comments section below and it would be our pleasure to personally respond to you!
Wishing you all the best in life and love
Your coach when you have an angry ex