Many of the articles we write on this website are inspired by questions we receive in the comment section on our videos on YouTube. The subject of today’s article came from a question that we received recently, and it is one that I hear very often. Many people come to us for help because their ex went back to their ex, and they want to know what to do. It is a particular situation, and it can be hard to navigate.
Fortunately, you have found this article! So if you have found yourself thinking, “My ex went back to his ex,” you’ve come to the right place! I will provide you with some tips and tools on how to approach this situation in the best way, and how to get your ex back for good! So let’s dive right in.
My ex went back to his ex: Why this happens
I know that the first response to something like this can easily be panic. The person that you love and want to be with has chosen to go back to a person from a previous relationship. First things first, don’t panic!
Every single person will deal with a break up in a different way, and it is important to keep in mind that the pain of the breakup can make a person do many things. When you experience disappointment in love, it becomes very easy to develop a sense of nostalgia for it relationship you had previously. When one person hurts you or causes you any type of pain in love, it is a natural reflex to think about how another person made you feel.
That doesn’t mean that the other person did not hurt you or cause you any type of pain, it just means that the positive memories of that person come to the forefront of your mind when you have negative feelings associated with someone else. The fresher the heartache is, the easier it is to feel nostalgic for something from the past.
Now, if your ex went back to their ex, it does not mean that all hope is lost. It means that they’re searching for something that they don’t feel that they can get from you… but here’s the good news: you are in control of more than you might realize and you can change the situation.
It is all going to depend on your approach in your mindset.
So before we dive any deeper, I want you to focus on this fact: your ex’s relationship with their ex does not matter.
The bigger deal you make out of it, the bigger deal it becomes. For this reason, it is very important that you keep your emotions under control and don’t show your ex that this situation has a huge effect on you.
Again, the more importance you give it, the more important it becomes. So starting now, you’ve got to approach the situation with the mindset that your ex’s ex could never give your ex what you could give him.
So it’s not competition, and please be careful with allowing competitive or comparative thoughts creep into your mind because they are very destructive. It is not about what they have that you don’t; it is about how you’re going to become the new and improved version of yourself and make your ex see you in a new light.
Just remember that a person often needs a rebound relationship after a break up to help them cope, and is very possible that if it wasn’t your ex’s ex, they would just be with someone else. So the person doesn’t matter – your actions are what will make the difference here!
He went back to his ex, will it last?
I have worked with many people in this situation before. I have been a love and relationship coach for many years now and I would say that about 90% of the time, when an ex goes back to his or her ex, it doesn’t last.
It really is just another form of a rebound relationship. As human beings, we gravitate towards what we know when we are feeling vulnerable. So if your ex is hurting and in need of a distraction from the heartache of this break up with you, it is not too surprising that they would turn to their past.
If you think about it, it’s easy pickings! It’s convenient, their ex is around, they know how it works, and it can give them easy distraction.
We need to start focusing on how to make a relationship with YOU last. We need to focus on the source of the issues that YOUR relationship was facing. So starting now, we need to zero in on why exactly your relationship ended with your ex.
My ex went back to their ex, are they better than me?
I can tell you right now one of the worst things you could possibly do in this type of situation is comparing yourself to your ex’s boyfriend or girlfriend, whether they’ve had a previous relationship together or not. You wind up demeaning yourself and devaluing yourself. You put your ex on a pedestal.
If you can become the best version of yourself, you an maximize your chances of success. Remember that your ex has fallen for you before, so you can make it happen again – especially if you can become the 2.0 version of the person he or she fell in love with in the first place!
So it doesn’t matter if your ex is dating their ex, if they’re dating somebody new, or if they are single because it’s all the same. The only thing that matters is that you use this break up as an opportunity for making changes and improvements in your life.
My ex went back to their ex: The different approaches
Now I always want to be transparent with you so I won’t sugarcoat things. You are in a tricky situation, it’s true.
We need to remember that there is not a one size fits all solution for every situation. If you were with your ex for six months and they went back to their previous partner to whom they were married for 10 years, the approach will be very different than if you were with them for two years and they were with their ex for one month. Every relationship is entirely unique and has its own intricacies, so I highly recommend getting in touch with me or a member of my team for one-on-one guidance on how to make your ex choose you.
In every break up recovery process, personal development is the foundation, but we can offer you additional tools and techniques to use at specific moments that can help you reach your goal much faster.
What I can say is that the longer your relationship was with your ex, the longer the timeframe will be for you to re attract them. The shorter the relationship was, the sooner you’re going to want to rebuild some kind of communication platform to rebuild intimacy.
Making your ex choose you instead of their ex: The solution
At the end of the day, we need to make sure that you can re attract your ex. I was coaching someone who was in this exact type of situation, and her ex had told her that he missed the woman that she was the beginning of the relationship. After their breakup, he went back to his ex and my client came to me for help.
So we began working on coming up with concrete solutions that would enable her to become the new and improved version of herself. We focused on restoring and reinforcing her self-confidence, filling up her schedule with people and activities that benefit her and bring her joy, cultivating a more satisfying and fulfilling life, and helping her to be proud of what she brought the table.
This helped her to change her approach, her mindset, and her life, and the result was that he started to realize that not only had she become the woman he fell in love with again; she was an even better version.
This opened the door for her to re attract him and show him that she had found long-term solutions to the issues they had faced in the relationship.
So you’ve got to make sure you don’t let your ego or any insecurities get the best of you. If you want to get back together with your ex because you believe in the potential of this relationship, there is so much that you can do. Get in touch with us today or leave your questions in the comments section below!
Wishing you all the best in life and love
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Bonus: 3 advanced strategies that will turn you into a Human Relationships Expert and give you the tools to get back with the one you love... for good!