It’s not easy to know how to talk to an ex and have a proper conversation with him or her, because more often than not one of the two still has feelings for the other. After having gone through a breakup, there is a high risk for becoming depressed. In truth, most breakups are unexpected and change your daily life overnight. This sudden change can turn things upside down in your life, and this is why it’s imperative to take action to make sure that the consequences are minimal.
Communication is essential when you want to get back together, so you have to do your best to hide your emotions so that you don’t unveil your intentions just yet. In truth, if you’re too direct when you two talk, your ex will know what’s up. You’ve got to be stealth!
As I explain in my Audio Seminars on How To Get Back With An Ex, communication is the very foundation of a solid couple and if it wasn’t strong up until now then you have to make an effort. Even if you’re no longer together it’s still possible to contact your ex and talk to them about the breakup, but it’s not to try and convince them to take you back.
Under these circumstances, it’s normal to wonder how to talk an ex again and what to say; What subjects are good and which ones should you avoid in order to put the odds in your favor? Ideally, when first trying to rekindle with an ex you should have a conversation in which neither of you bring up the relationship you used to have together.
Although this sounds difficult, trying to consider your ex as a friend is the best way to begin recreating complicity between you two and can allow for the conversation to flow with ease.
Nevertheless, it’s hard to set aside the relationship you had as long as your feelings for your ex are still present… Please remember: this is especially true if you get back in touch soon after the breakup. In this situation, it’s imperative that you don’t focus on the problems that you had been having; you should focus on the best moments.
One of the most common issues that arise when people are working on getting back together is a lack of patience. Should I talk to my ex about the breakup, for instance, is a question that I am asked all the time as people try to push their ex to commit once again.
The best is still to avoid talking about any of this and to focus on subjects that have nothing to do with the breakup. Because, yes, when you want to get back together, communication is crucial, and we will dive into more detail about that in this article.
Why is communication between exes so important?
As human beings, communication is crucial because it allows us to express ourselves to one another. It can be verbal of course, but also through alternative gestures, attitudes, and even our posture. We’re going to focus on the reasons why it’s important to have dialogue with your ex when you want to have a successful attempt at getting back together.
In relationships, communication is essential because it is what allows us to right our wrongs.
While you may want to speak to your ex immediately following a break up, it’s important to wait until you’re strong enough to listen and to analyze your ex’s words even if they’re hurtful.
Waiting can help you to understand why the person you love decided to leave you, but it’s also a way to show that you’re ready to listen to their wants and needs, and that you’re not flooded with bitterness.
If you can show your ex that you’re able to keep your cool and that you’re more attentive, you’re completing the first step to meeting their expectations, and you’ll be sending a strong message.
That said, “communication” doesn’t mean that all topics are fair game when you’re talking to your ex and want them back. You’ve got to avoid fights, and don’t bring up bad memories either, especially if you’re starting to reconnect post-breakup!
I’m going to outline the subjects you can talk about with your ex, after the no contact or right after the separation!
How to talk to an ex again? Expert ways to speak about the breakup
If you want to succeed at your attempt at getting back together and steal your ex’s heart again you shouldn’t completely act like the breakup didn’t happen or as if you are insensitive to your exes decision.
Should I talk to my ex about the breakup? 3 reasons why it could be a good idea
One of the first steps consists of accepting the breakup so that you can show that you’re capable of changing things and meet your ex’s needs and expectations. There was a crack in your relationship and now you have to construct a new story so make sure you’re not living in the past. To do this, communication and calm exchanges are crucial.
Talking about the breakup can help you to think like your ex and prove that you’ve changed
It is very common for distance to grow between you and your ex after a breakup. If this isn’t the case, you have to think about making it so in order to take a step back to gain an unbiased perspective and to give your ex some space to breathe.
During this period your ex is going to reflect on their future, make important decisions and maybe even change their attitude. You therefore have to keep in mind that the person you want back and the one you used to know are not the same!
This is exactly why it’s so important to put things into perspective and talk about the breakup with your ex. This way you can kill two birds with one stone. You’ll discuss the separation and reestablish contact, which in turn will benefit your attempt at getting back together.
Getting in your ex’s head is one of the trademarks of the CORMONT method. We actually put a lot of emphasis on the psychological aspect of the process; so let me remind you of the importance of analysis.
It’s crucial to understand what your ex wants if you want to meet their expectations. Your task is relatively straightforward; you have to put yourself in their shoes and learn to think like them. By talking about the breakup with your ex you’re going to learn what they resented in you, their disappointments and what made them decide to end the relationship.
Brandon, a client I’ve been working with for about 7 months, used the above approach and it worked like a charm. His ex of three and a half years was truly about to tell that he’d developed a rounded perspective of the relationship and the breakup. Slowly, she became confident in his ability to change and to keep that change. Today, they’re still together.
Discuss the breakup so that you can prepare the necessary changes
One of the most important phases after a breakup (when you want your ex back) is the change that you’re going to have to bring about.
A breakup never happens without reason and your ex-partner had their reasons, good or bad, to leave you… Even if you don’t fully understand these reasons, realize that it’s never easy to decide to break up with someone. Something had to have pushed your ex to make this radical decision and this proves that they were deeply unhappy.
Reviewing the situation and looking inside yourself are essential for no longer making the same mistakes. In order to figure out which elements you really need to work on you have to understand the breakup and this happens through communication. By the way, when you’re talking with an ex, be careful to never harass them!
I’ve coached countless people who were very close to sealing the deal only to see most of their efforts go to waste because of a single moment of weakness during a conversation with their ex!
Don’t just bring up any subject with your ex. Instead of asking yourself should I talk to my ex about the breakup, don’t waste time; you have to figure out your bad habits and take action to start fixing them. These are the things that were stopping you from making the person you love happy.
You won’t be able to get your ex back by acting the same way you used to. Even if you get back together, the new relationship won’t have a solid foundation. What you do need to do is to give your ex a new image of you; the new and improved version of you.
The memories are painful and the breakup is maybe still fresh so you have to create a new atmosphere in which you can rebuild as a solid couple.
Talk about the tough times so that you can understand them
You’re going through a tough period. You’re at your wit’s end and it’s completely normal to be hurting. You’re feeling pressure from your loved ones that are constantly asking you how you’re doing and they want to know more about your breakup. You’re receiving advice that you don’t need and all of this is just making matters worse.
On top of that, as you’re having trouble taking a step back and putting some healthy distance between you and your ex, you’re making mistakes. Maybe you’re going too fast or you’re not using the most appropriate technique for your situation.
Talking about your breakup with your ex or with someone else, as long as you’re honest and sincere, will help you to put things into perspective and analyze the situation. Whether you want your ex back or you want to move on, you have to use logical methods. Don’t let this heartache control your life, because letting yourself become depressed won’t help anything.
What should I talk about with my ex?
Even if you had spent years together, there is one question that is still going to bug you under the current circumstances: what to talk about with your ex. What seemed natural just a few weeks ago has become really confusing and you don’t know where to start.
Breaking up has created various roadblocks, but you’re going to break them down one by one and once again achieve natural and pleasant conversation.
The idea of talking about the breakup with your ex isn’t always the worst thing you could do, but let’s be clear; it’s definitely not the best idea unless you have a clear plan. As it is the most recent thing that happened between you, some people can’t be stopped from talking about it.
When that happens, you have to avoid bringing up certain things such as how depressed you feel. Even if it’s hard, it’s better to focus on your progress.
Here are some subjects concerning the breakup that you can talk about with your ex:
1. It’s important to communicate that you’ve understood and accepted what lead to the breakup and that you’ve been able to analyze the issues and begin to make improvements.
2. To take it a step further, you can show your ex that you’ve started to do things that put an end to these negative elements.
3. If you had acted out during the breakup now is the time to present your apologies or explain that your emotions had gotten the better of you.
4. You can also explain that other couples have gone through breakups as well and are able to bounce back and start over. That said; you have to be careful with how you present this. Be very subtle, otherwise it could turn against you. Don’t try to reason with your ex to be with you. If they come back, it must be their decision. Trying to guilt them into reconsidering the relationship can end up pushing them further away.
5. If you really don’t know how to talk to an ex again; let me just tell you that it’s best to avoid subjects that highlight your past disagreements. By doing so you can talk about the practical aspects of your breakup such as who keeps the cat and who gets the car. For now, only bring up the things that you know you two will agree on!
Ideally, you should avoid talking about contentious topics during the initial painful period for the sake of both of you.
Conversations with your ex: 5 subjects that have nothing to do with the breakup
There are many subjects that can help you to better communicate with your ex or the person you love. I know it’s not easy to find a topic because you’re often afraid of fanning the flames.
Base your conversation then on one of these 5 subjects:
1. Talk about your new activities and your personal reconstruction. Avoid talking about new people you’ve met or the fact that people are hitting on you left and right. It’s pointless and if you really have set your sights on someone, your ex will think that you’re not serious about being with them!
2. You can talk about a special memory you two shared, even if this is a reference to your relationship. The idea isn’t to talk about your relationship but rather to talk about that special moment you shared to help you reconnect.
3. To start a conversation with your ex, you have to choose a subject that they will like. For example, talk about one of their passions. If your ex likes football you could bring up one of the most recent games. But if you’ve always hated football, don’t bring it up or else they’ll think you’re just using it to make them want you.
4. Sometimes you have to be a bit of a manipulator with your ex and you can talk about the future. Show them that you have the same goals and desires because this can bring you two closer together.
5. And lastly, when you’re talking to your ex, don’t forget about their friends and family. Without being a boot-licker, ask how the important people in their life are doing.
These ten topics of conversation with your ex will serve as ways to launch dialogue between you and to communicate peacefully. It goes without saying that these aren’t the only things that you can talk about and based on your situation, you can choose all kinds of things to chat about.
I wish you a good conversation with your ex and don’t forget to ease tensions!
Sincerely,
Your coach for figuring out how to talk to an ex again.
Coach Adrian
47 Responses
I’m not really sure what to call this situation, but this guy I dated over a year and a half ago called me out of the blue. I must say I was completely shocked and I never ever expected to hear from him again. Although, he stated he had his reasons for contacting me, which had nothing to do with our falling out. I can’t help to over think the situation, because he started flirting with me and asking personal questions about my love life, not to mention this conversation lasted over 3hrs while he was at work. What are his true intentions? or should I just leave it be since it’s been so long?
This guy clearly misses you and wants to rekindle, the ball is in your court!
Here to help if need be once you decide what you want to make of it.
Best,
Adrian
Hi Adrian !
My ex and I broke up because we were both moving out of the country for job reasons. He got into a new relationship incredibly soon after I left which made me very sad and angry… Now it’s been a bit more than a year and he is still with this girl and I still want to win him back. You must know that 7 months ago I talked to him again after 6 months of no contact. He told me he was really happy that I contacted him again and we actually quite talked a lot by messages until he said at some point that he couldn’t talk to me anymore because his new girlfriend wasn’t ok with that. He told me that she tried to let it be but she couldn’t help being upset and that he had to put her first. I couldn’t hide that I was upset and angry about that and he cut off the conversation.. Now it’s been 7 months that we haven’t talked and I don’t now what else I can do now… Do you think there is still a chance ?
Hi Fanny,
Thank you for reaching out. This situation sounds frustrating and painful. If you’re looking for how to talk to your ex again after essentially 6 months of no contact, it must be in a very non-threatening manner. If you’d like, we can plan it out together, so as to heighten the chances of him being receptive and open to further contact. This will set a foundation to get him back.
Sincerely,
Natalie
Me and my ex broke up 3 weeks ago, and he is the love of my life, and he said he never loved someone so much like he loved me. He was planning on purposing to me, but for the last 5 month i had been very contorting, disrespectful, and just mean to him, i also drank alot which didnt help. He finally said he had enough and left me. I cant believe i didn’t see how i was treating him because he really was a good and loving guy, and i want this to work. I am currently working on myself and getting help with the drinking, i need to deal with my emotional issues and not drink them away. We havent spoke in almost 1 week (i am trying the NC thing). Do we have a chance???? Please help
Hi Nicole,
Thank you for sharing your story. I know how hard it is to be NC, and trying to find the right way to reconnect with your ex. Continue to take this time to focus on yourself. This is the first and biggest step to getting your ex back. Stay strong, and I encourage you to listen to our Audiobook, “How to Get Him Back”.
I hope this helps.
Sincerely
Natalie
I’ve been with my ex for seven years and we broke up three weeks ago. He wants to meet tomorrow at the place we had our first date. Do you think he wants me back? How should I start the conversation?
Hi Erica,
I’m sorry I didn’t see this until now! I’ve been slammed with coaching. What happened? How did it go?
Sincerely,
Coach Natalie
We met a couple times. After a month of being separated he still hasn’t decided if he wants me back or not. I don’t understand why he has to decide. I’m pretty, smart and make good money. I’m also fourteen years younger than him. He puts his job and employees first. That is my big concern.
I broke the NC on day 3, I feel like a fool! He didn’t answer, needless to say he saw my call I’m sure. I’m not in a good place right now and I’m hurting a lot from our break nearly 2 weeks ago.
Hi! So me and my ex broke up four months ago, and since then he started dating another girl. I was devastated, and so I tried to move on and gave my self de vacations I deserved. After my vacation he pooked me on facebook, but I only responded gracefully with a message wishing I’m all well. So a while after that he unfollowed me on facebook. But now a few weeks ago he followed me on instagram and then unfollowed. And the day after he sended me a snap of a pic of something he was doing, wich I responded but he didn’t reply back. The other day I tried to engage a conversation with him by talking about something I saw and he replied two times only. So I don’t really understand why he does this thing of unfollow me If he’s always looking at my snaps and my stuff anyway.I guess he likes to plays this like little reminds of him. But I want to know how to act
Hi Anna,
Thank you for your share. I’m sorry to hear about your frustration, I know how challenging and stressful it can be when you’re trying to figure out how to talk to an ex again and keep the conversation flowing. It seems to me like your ex is battling with himself in regard to his feelings about you and the breakup. The more you reach out, however, the more empowered he feels so try to limit contact and let him miss you! I know it sounds backwards, but it’s a really effective strategy. I encourage you to take a look at our book: https://www.withmyexagain.com/product/70-pro-tips-to-get-back-with-your-ex-for-women/
I think it can really help.
Sincerely,
Coach Natalie
Hi my name is Donnie, me and my ex have had conversation the last couple of days about getting back together, and the good times we had. She is 7 months pregnant and is seeing someone else right now what do you think about these conversations? Do you think she wants to come home and get back together.
Hi Donnie,
Thank you for your share. It’s usually difficult to interpret messages associated with how to talk to an ex, and how to let the conversation flow and develop. Is the child yours? What were the fundamental issues with the relationship and are they fixable? Use that question as a reference right now, to determine what the intentions may be. If you need help with a more thorough assessment, I encourage you to book a session with Adrian or myself. We’re here to support you.
Sincerely,
Coach N.
Hello,
My ex and I broke up a month ago and I had messaged him for the first time since the breakup just yesterday. I got a pleasant response but the conversation was only four messages long, with me ending it. I am not sure how long I should wait to message him again and what to message him about without making my agenda obvious or too cheesy.
Hi Colleen,
Thank you for your share. When talking to an ex, it’s important to let conversation flow. Make sure that the communication is valuable, like sharing an article or song he may like. However, don’t send anything too soon. Give him a chance to reach out to you!
I hope this helps.
Sincerely,
Coach N.
Hi guys, I broke up with my girl after five years, we lived together for a year and half at the end. I have ADHD, I had no money coming in and she was lumbered with a lot of bills and she tried very hard to be with me but my ADHD and insecurities about us and finances made us break up just before Christmas.
This sent my mental health into a fit of depression, I lost my home, my friends, my girlfriend, I failed Uni, my gran had passed away, I was being mocked online by her friends, I was being attacked in the summer because of me standing up to her families enemies and everything just made me crumble. I was ready to jump off a bridge twice, I’ve really hurt her feelings because of my moods swings and dark thoughts.
Since the 4th of Jan though, my ADHD hyperfocus kicked in again and I started focusing on making myself better, I am back on my medication and I am waiting to hear about a new job tomorrow (it is really looking promising) I’ve been still very pushy and needy but not as much. The last message I sent her was a moment of clarity saying that I understand and apologize, I don’t want to pressure her into getting back together with me on them conditions, only because I know we had something special and we can feel good about the future and being together. She hasn’t read the message yet. And I got blocked on social media because of me being desperate in getting her other friends to help me who do like me.
I am rebuilding my life day by day but I do miss her so much, I fell for her quickly because she researched about my ADHD and said “I understand you” those were the most beautiful words I’ve ever heard and I can’t let a woman like that get away, I have made too many promises towards her dreams such as traveling to Rome together.
She said we are never getting back together, she doesn’t love me anymore, she is over me and barely talks to me, and has said the relationship has just ran its course. I want to change because I love her, I want to be right for her and I am almost ready but my question is where do I go from here? How do I help her lower her defenses against me and allow me to be there for her once more? I’ve made so many mistakes and I want to make amends and have her smile once more.
What does it mean when your ex wants advice about a new partner
Hello so me and my ex have been recently talking again and have decided to have coffee and meet up this sat. The problem is it’s been two years!! The situation was we were engaged and he called it off and took the ring back… It was very hard aftrr that for me. I was very much in love with him.. But he was the one that broke it off…he had tried to get in contact with me between the two years but i was just very hurt by him.. I don’t know if talking to eachother after me moving on from that experience would be good. But why do i feel the erge to see him? I don’t know if i still love him.
My ex boyfriend broke up with me 3 months ago. We have been texting everyday since then (both initiating conversations). We also did see eachother multiple times at my appartment, with kisses, cuddles, cooking together,… He said he broke up with me because he didn’t know if we had a future together (been together for a year with lots of family parties, vacations,…). But he also said he still sees me as potential. Over these three months he kept saying that we might get back together but that he isn’t sure and doesn’t know when but that he definately isn’t looking for someone else. When I asked him to meet up (at his house, where his parents are) he said ‘we’ll see’ but now he says that ‘it is too soon for him’. He says ‘I don’t want to get back with you now’. He also said that we should ‘give eachother some space, but texting is okay’. What should I do? should I stop asking to meet up and wait a few weeks for that? Do you think he thinks that there will be a day that it is not ‘too soon’?
Hi, my ex broke up with me 10 months ago. I thought we were happily in love throughout the whole year we have been dating. I had some issues during that period and he was the best friend and support in those hard times. Yes I was needy and I sometimes behaved childish, but i never thought he would left me. He is a divorced man with three children and he used to tell me how lucky he is to find me. He is also a very bad controlled diabetic and have erectile dysfunction so we never had real sex life but he used to please my needs. I was ready to accept that for the rest of my life and to never have children and prepare myself with all the bad that comes with diabetes over the years. He broke up with me saying how he wasn’t happy anymore and how he wants to spend his life alone and never gave me that second chance to prove myslef how I can be in a better place now when I don’t have those issues anymore and how happy we can be. Of course I begged and cried and assuring him, all sorts of things and all of them are recommended like things not to do if you want your ex back. Unfortunately I discovered that too late. Over the past 10 months we stayed friends because we work together and I still love him and enjoy his company, and he would say the same, but now he started seeing someone and blocked me on fb and asked to end up our friendship because it is not fair to that person if he is in a friendship with me knowing I’m still in love with him. For the first time ever I feel I am able to maintain no contact. I still want him, I think he is the love of my life and just a thought he is falling in love with someone kills me. I have been in this state for too long now, I wish she leaves him, it’s been two weeks now and I just want she does not want to cope with everything that comes with him. She is my age and don’t have kids. That is all I know. Is there a chance to get him back?
Hi Katarina,
Thank you for reaching out, and I’m sorry to hear about your current situation. I know how hard and painful this can be. I do feel that you’ll be able to achieve how to talk to your ex again, but please note that a lot of time has passed, considering the relationship was only a year. I would insist that you tread softly and perhaps use the “let’s be friends” approach, in order to get back into his line of vision. If you want tailored insight, I invite you to book a session with me.
Sincerely,
Coach N.
Hi Hassan,
Thank you for your share. When it comes to how to talk to an ex, timing is everything. I would reach out soon, and ask for a casual coffee. Don’t let her assure it’s for the pressure of rekindling. If you need help developing an outreach, I’d love to help you. I invite you to book a session with either Adrian or myself – we have a high success rate in this area.
Best,
Coach N.
Hey, me and my ex broke up a couple of months ago, we had a 2 month relationship and my time with her meant everything to me, now it’s been a while since we talked and I wanna get back with her, she hasn’t texted me since the breakup (the breakup came from both of us) and I don’t know what to text her or how to regain communication.
I just want to make her talk to me again and I could make her fall for me but the problem is what do I text her? How can I not sound needy or be transparent about my intentions?
Thanks
Hi Saul,
Thank you for your share, this is an excellent question. You may be able to reach out using the maintain a friendship approach, and then use that openness to re-attract her. To really determine the best way, I’d have to hear the complete story over a session. You’ll be able to gain the most insight.
Wishing you the best,
Coach N.
I met dis gal 2yrs ago nd like she really liked me nd wen i askd d gal out she was like she has a guy so i fashi it bt we were best fwends we eat we go out we always tgeda u can neva see me wthout her anywereSo time passd den her boifrnd whos in termal 3 Army dat time brokeup wth her cos of distance i tink den she calld me nd was crying dat her boifrnd brokeup wth her i calmd her down nd i made her feeel important as time passd i askd her out d second time nd dats wen she agreed 4 me We stated dating nd tinx were moving fyn bt d problem was dat i was a Christian nd she was a muslim bt still she loved me like crazy den one night we were talking nd kowai she was like she still have feelings 4 her Ex den i was like Wat tha Fuck nd i got angry nd Cut d call nd i told her i need to be alone nd she sayd okay 4 gud 2days i dint call her nd i was nt pikin her call den i missd her after two days den I decided to call her nd she was like she dnt love me anymore she have gone bak to her Ex I was like jst two days of space nd kowai wen we got bak to skoool i met her nd beggd her she had to turn me b4 she accepted me bak bt d problem dat time was dat she was double dating So i still flow wth it base on d fact i love her so much den all of a sudden anytime we get home we brakeup cos dat guy wen hes at home she gives him attention nd wen we in skool she gives me attention Nd ive been messing up anytime she says its over i jst stat crying 4 her kneeling nd begging her assive am nt a man It really pains me nd anytime i feel like moving on i jst cnt cos we in dsame department nd i cnt jst do wthout her Dis brake i calld her nd she was on anoda call nd i knew it was d oda guy whoose nw in termal5 hes gonna graduate dis yearI calld her 4 like an Hour she dint pik den i used anoda numba to call d guy cos i have his number in mah fone wich i stole it frm her fone nd he was also busy so i jst knew it was him I calld her 20times she dint pik nd after seeing mah call she dint still call bak so i calld her again like 5times b4 she pikd nd i stated shouting at her nd i was so angry nd den i cut d call D next day i snt her a message telling her am sorry den all I could c as reply was dat shes Done nd its over I calld her she dint pik mah call or reply mah message 4 a week nw only day b4 ystday she piked nd she was like “WHAT” nd i was like uve nt been pikin mah call nd she sayd yah dat she have been busy nd i was like am sorry nd she was like nop she dnt wanna talk abt it nd i was blank nd she sayd she will call me bak md she cut d call nd upto tday we havnt talk nd am really inlove wth dat gal Am mad 4 her i swear i cnt even concentrate ive been reading some articles online bt still nofin is changing nd i wanna talk to her its upto a week nw
Hi Garrick,
Thank you for your share and I”m sorry to hear about your current situation. I think the most important thing you can do now is give the relationship some more space. Take some time to realize what it is she wants and what you want and then set a game plan to determine how to make those wants a reality for you two. This exercise takes time, don’t rush it. I believe you can turn this around with enough attention to detail.
I hope this helps!
Best,
Coach N.
Hey coach Natalie how can I get in touch with you for advice?
Hi Nick,
It’s nice to meet you! You can get in touch with me by reaching the following email: contact@withmyexagain.com
I’m looking forward to hearing from you,
Coach N.
I’m currently in the no-contact phase and it’s so damn hard. She started dating a new dude less than a week after we had just made plans to spend a day together. I want to establish contact in a month or two but what if she’s still with the same guy? I feel like she never cared and is so happy while I’m struggling to stay positive (an issue that she always brought up was my negativity) survive each day. Holding on to hope is so hard.
Hi coach
My girlfriend broke up woth me over 2,5 months ago,she was insecure and lately we had lots of argument. But deep down we were in love. We been together for 3,5 years and shared same appartment for 3 years. And this is our worse break up. She told me she still loves me but not trust me anymore. So since then we been in concatc. She responds my texts we meet for coffe and drink sometimes but thats about it. She says she want to be friend for now and may be in the future something else. I been begging and pleading in the beggining but right now i am more capable to control my emotion. My longest NC was for 14 days. So my question whats your suggestion. Should i go to long no contact period? Or is it too late for that?
Ps i told her i dont want to be her friend. I said we can start thing slowly from scratch
Thank you for your help
Hi Ram,
Thank you for your share and I’m sorry to hear about your current situation. I know how painful this can be. I do feel like giving her the “I don’t want to be your friend” can actually push her away from you. If you want her back, you’ll have to modify this strategy extensively. We can help you develop a strategy to help you maximize your chances of getting back together. I invite you to book a session with Coach Adrian or myself.
Wishing you the very best always,
Coach N
Hello, ive been dating with a woman (27), im (28) for nearly 5 months now, we used to work together at the same bar, she was together with a guy who also worked there and lived together with him. After various problems they had she cheated on with me one night we were wasted. We both felt wrong but she used to tell me she didnt had feelings for him but they worked and lived together and it was rough to leave him, she used to drink a lot of alcohol when she worked there, she told me that she also hooked up with someone else while being with him. Ive never asked her to leave him or something but we exchanged smiles and talked when we saw each other there. They had a messy break up and we started seeing each other more often, we never talked about being girlfriend and boyfriend but we did about monogamy and we started seeing each other more and more. After theyre break up she moved out and got an apartment for herself and i stayed there maybe 1 day or two of the weekend. A coupple of times we went out i got a bit jealous but we talked about it and everything would be fine afterwards. One of those problems was that i saw that she had been talking with her ex but she reassured she just wanted to deliver stuff back and forth. This weekend while i was at her apartment i saw a few calls with her ex and i got a bit weird, told her that it made me feel insecure that she still talked with him, she told me he that he was the one talking to her and she didnt tell me because she feared i might get jealous, and that she didnt want anything with him, just closing and not to feel like she had an enemy in him, we hung out that day normal and at night we discussed things further and was crying because she felt i was too insecure and she was too.
The next morning (monday) she send me a facebook message saying she didnt want us the see eatch other this because of the insecurities in both of us and my jealousy, that she understood where i was coming from because the way we started and she didnt wanted to build from ashes. also that she didnt felt very open and didnt want a relationship right now because she wasnt feeling very open with her feelings.
I told her that i wasnt feeling insecure, that we had that problem and we talked about it and i tought we left that behind, i told her that i werent be with her if i didnt think we could build something good, that she was really important to me and i didnt want to lose her.
She told me that she was feeling upset and she didnt want that and she had a lot to think thru to what i said that i wanted to talk to her, she was off chat for 2 days.
Today she replied saying that she wants to talk to me on the weekend. That she thinks that we didnt talked in a light way about what we wanted from the relationship. i told her yes at first, ask her what day was good for her, but then i told her that i needed to talk asap because i was feeling a little unneasy.
Should i talk to her? or should i ask her if she think this is thru and maybe just wants to finish things in person?
Im really confused, im not sure if she really is feeling insecure because of the way we started? or maybe it was something i did, maybe the calls with the ex made her confused?. Would appreciate a response, i dont know what to do. Maybe talk to her and try to take her back, give her time? or maybe starting the no contact period?
I was seeing a man for five years i started talking to an ex phone calls nothing else he found out we seemed to sort it out he told me he loves me and wants to gt bk with me my previous bf then he went cold on me he suffers with deprresion so its going round his head ive tryed talking to him but wont look at me and says he doesnt know if i will change i bombarded him with messages and voice mails so he blocked me i am so desperate to gt him bk and love him loads which i have told him ive been in a state all wk and wont him bk help
Hello Janet,
There are no guarantees here, as your situation is a complex one…but I do believe that I can help you maximize your chances of making it work – and I do think that it is possible to turn everything around.
I would recommend that you book a one hour private coaching session in order for me to respond to all of your questions, provide you with insights and a clear way forward.
I sincerely hope to hear from you soon.
Regards,
Natalie
Hello! My name is Maria. Me and my ex boyfriend broke up about o month and a half ago. I started the NC but i broke it after 10 days. Moreover, i asked him if he wanted to hang out and grab a beer. Of course, he told me that it is to early.
I started again the NC but he contacted me in the 3rd week and asked me if i wanted our cat anymore and then we started talking. He asked me about my graduation and about my thesis and i asked him about his brother’s wedding. Anyway, we exchange
d personal information.
Today was his birthday and i wished him all the best. He seemed touched by my text and we talked a little.
He has always stated that he won’t get back together with any ex girlfriend. He said that the past should remain past and there is no point in rekindling an old relationship that failed. I made it clear that i do not have this perspective on old relationships and that i might get back together with an ex boyfriend.
Is there hope for us? I really love him and i believe that we can build our future together.
Hi Maria,
Thank you for reaching out and I’m sorry to hear about your current situation. I’m not like most coaches, and don’t want to offer advice when I don’t know the complete story. I know from experience that you need a tailored approach. I can help you develop one. To this end, I invite you to schedule a coaching session with Adrian or myself – we’re here to help.
Please visit this link: http://www.withmyexagain.com/coaching
I’m looking forward to connecting,
Coach N
Hi! My name is Jay, me and my ex broke up about a week ago. When he said about breaking off, I was nagging and begging a lot. And I started the NC. Before he said break up, we said about future plans, so I really didn’t and don’t understand why. He said becaus he’s leaving this country soon, so there’s no chance to see each other again, he wanted to end before it’s harder. Anyway he got my stuff so I need to see him again, and I’m thinking about contacting him in 2weeks. And I want to discuss about my future plans so that we can be together. Is it okay to talk to him right away when we meet? And we haven’t talked about being apart seriously, and he didn’t know I actually have planned leave this country too.
Hi Jay,
Thanks for your share! I wouldn’t bring up anything too dense in any upcoming meeting just yet! There’s better tips to rely on. I invite you to schedule a session with me so I can learn about your situation and help you develop a game plan to turn it around. Please visit this link if you’re interested : http://www.withmyexagain.com/coaching
Thank you and wishing you the best today and always!
Coach N
Hi my name is Baylie and just about a month ago my ex broke up with me. I begged and pleaded the first two days and then stopped talking to him. But up until a week ago he contacted me and we have been talking since. However my feelings get the best of me and I’m off and on eith being happy and sad with him. We have been together for almost three years and we had a pretty serious relationship. My friends didnt believe me when i told hin we broke up that’s how serious we were. I still feel we can be together again but i dont know what to say to get him to miss me again without it being obvious I’m trying to do so and without it seeining that i miss him. Please help?
Hi Baylie,
Thanks for reaching out! We’d love to help. We aren’t like most coaches in that we really like to know what’s going on. This being the case, we invite you to consider scheduling a one-on-one with us. We’re here to guide and support!
http://www.withmyexagain.com/coaching
Wishing you the best!
Coach N
Hi, My name is May. I have completed NC and initiated the contact. I tried not to bring up the breakup or past relationship but he brought up and talked angry about that. I tried to clam as much as i can and everytime we talked, he always bring that up and his tone is mad. I don’t even know what to do. Please can you help me? I really don’t know what to do. Thanks in advance.
Hi May!
Thanks for reaching out. In order to help, I’ll need to know some context. I invite you to consider scheduling a coaching session. I can help you get results.
Best,
Natalie
I had a break up with my girl friend about 2 months back as I raised my hand on her and beaten her like anything as she was talking to some other guy. After some time I did the same mistake of begging her pleading to take me back in her life but she denied …Our 7 years of relation came to an end ….After that I followed NO CONTACT RULE for 30 days and this got over about 7 days back ……About 7 days back she enquired about me from our mutual friend but she also told her that she is very much afraid of me ……plz provide me solution what is to be done in this situation.
Hello Richard,
I think right now you should be patient with her but also support her with positivity and confidence. It will take her a while especially if she is dealing with depression so you being uplifting will make your ex want to spend more time with her. Also, try something new together.
Best,
WMEA Team
Diana,
If he broke up with you I would refrain from being flirty right now and let him initiate.
Best,
WMEA Team
Hi! My name is Nadine and I am Brazilian. My story is that I’ve dated a boy during seven months, and we broke up less than a month ago. The reason why our relationship ended is that his life is very difficult. He lives with his grandmother and his uncle (his uncle insults him a lot), he doesn’t talk to his mom, and his dad stopped sending him money this year (we’re both 19, so we only study). Therefore, he doesn’t feel loved by his family due to many reasons, and because of that he wants to move to another city and live with a friend.
When we broke up, he said that he needed to learn how to love himself, since his uncle insults him a lot and he has depression. He also mentioned that he still liked me, but I feel a bit insecure about that considering the fact that when we were dating I was VERY jealous and immature and I’m sure it damaged our relationship. He was the first boy I kissed and dated, and because of that he said that I shouldn’t think he was the one I was supposed to marry, mainly because he will start studying law this year, and I already study medicine for 3 years and I’m 8 months younger. Hence, he thinks I’m somewhat too much for him because he thinks of himself as a loser who will always drag me down. Moreover, I told him before we broke up that I wanted to help him, but he answered me that I could do nothing to help. He is very proud and headstrong.
We didn’t meet each other, nor talk to each other till the day we met each other by chance at the gym 22 days after we broke up. When we talked we didn’t mention anything about our relationship, we spoke about the book I was reading, our pets, and about which university he wants to study. It looked like we had never dated before, and I couldn’t tell if he still liked me or not.
Before I continue the story, I think it’s important for you to know that we haven’t erased any of our comments on Instagram, and in our Facebook profiles it still shows that we are dating each other. Furthermore, he started liking my sister’s Instagram pictures again after the day we’ve met at the gym, because since the day we broke up he wasn’t liking any of my sister’s Instagram pics (she posts a lot).
We met each other at the gym the other day unexpectedly (we aren’t talking on the phone). He asked me about my driving license and about the book, and we talked about some other random things. However, he looked a little bit far, like when he used to talk to me when we studied together back in high school (but we already had a crush on each other at that time, so I don’t know if his expressions/gestures meant something “bad”…). The day before he stared me more, I think. His eyes didn’t glow as when we used to date, but I don’t know if it has something to do with his feelings for me. I think his eyes looked sad, trying to be happy and continue living, and even more trying to love himself. He didn’t look like my boyfriend, his gaze looked sad, only someone who really knows him would notice (I hope it is not a delirium of a girl in love haha). In the end of our conversation, I didn’t know how to say goodbye but I wanted to because I was scared. Anyway, he told me he had to work out and high-fived me (he used to high-five me when we studied together), I don’t know if he was tired of talking to me, but he was the one who started talking to me so…. In general, I guess he was trying to be friendly and I’m not really sure if he loves me back. I know he doesn’t know how to act very well around girls, and I guess he might’ve been insecure about how to talk to me and even more on how to say goodbye. I don’t know, he didn’t sound insecure but could be flowing with doubts.
I want to talk to him about our relationship, but I don’t know how to approach that subject. I really need an advice on that… I want to date him again and help him! I know he’s passing through hard times, but I wanted to give him a bit of support and show him that I’m not the immature girl that I used to be last year, and that I’m still the surprising girl he fell in love with. The problem is that he is very headstrong and proud, and because of that he may take the wrong decisions unfortunately.
Thanks in advance 🙂