How to talk to an ex again? 10 tips to let conversation flow!

How to talk to an ex againIt’s not easy to know how to talk to an ex and have a proper conversation with him or her, because more often than not one of the two still has feelings for the other. After having gone through a breakup, there is a high risk for becoming depressed. In truth, most breakups are unexpected and change your daily life overnight. This sudden change can turn things upside down in your life, and this is why it’s imperative to take action to make sure that the consequences are minimal.

Communication is essential when you want to get back together, so you have to do your best to hide your emotions so that you don’t unveil your intentions just yet. In truth, if you’re too direct when you two talk, your ex will know what’s up. You’ve got to be stealth!

Communication is the foundation of a solid couple and if it wasn’t strong up until now then you have to make an effort. Even if you’re no longer together it’s still possible to contact your ex and talk to them about the breakup, but it’s not to try and convince them to take you back. 

Under these circumstances, it’s normal to wonder how to talk an ex again and what to say; What subjects are good and which ones should you avoid in order to put the odds in your favor? Ideally, you should have a conversation in which neither of you bring up the relationship you used to have together.

Sometimes you can consider the person you still love as a friend in order to achieve a serene exchange. This is the best way to begin recreating complicity between you and you can do so by bringing ease back into your conversations.

Nevertheless, it’s hard to set aside the relationship you had as long as your feelings for your ex are still present… Especially if you get back in touch soon after the breakup. In this situation, it’s imperative that you don’t focus on the problems that you had been having; you should focus on the best moments. One of the most common issues that arise when people are working on getting back together is a lack of patience. Should I talk to my ex about the breakup for instance is a question that I get asked all the time as people try to push their ex to commit once again.

The best is still to avoid talking about any of this and to focus on subjects that have nothing to do with the breakup. Because yes, when you want to get back together, communication is crucial, and we will dive into more detail about that in this article.

Why is communication between exes so important?

As human beings, communication is crucial because it allows us to have contact with the outside world. It can be verbal of course, but also done through gestures, attitude, and even our posture. We’re going to focus on the reasons why it’s important to have dialogue with your ex when you want to have a successful attempt at getting back together.

Communication is essential in all aspects of our lives because it is what allows you to right wrongs. So of course you would want to speak with your ex after the breakup whether the decision was yours or not. Maybe not in the few days right after the breakup but at some point…

When you’re strong enough to listen and to analyze your ex’s words even if they’re hurtful.

First of all, this can help you to understand why the person you love decided to leave you, but it’s also a way to show that you’re ready to listen to their wants and needs, and that you’re not flooded with bitterness.

If you can show your ex that you’re able to keep your cool and that you’re more attentive, you’re completing the first step to meeting their expectations, and you’ll be sending a strong message.

That said, “communication” doesn’t mean that all subjects are fair game when you’re talking to your ex and want them back. You’ve got to avoid fights and bringing up bad memories, especially if you’re beginning to get back in touch after the breakup!

I’m going to outline the subjects you can talk about with your ex, after the no contact or right after the separation!

How to talk to an ex again? Expert ways to speak about the breakup

If you want to succeed at your attempt at getting back together and steal your ex’s heart again you shouldn’t completely act like the breakup didn’t happen or as if you are insensitive to your exes decision.

Should I talk to my ex about the breakup? 3 reasons why it could be a good idea

One of the first steps consists of accepting the breakup so that you can show that you’re capable of changing things and meet your ex’s needs and expectations. There was a crack in your relationship and now you have to construct a new story so make sure you’re not living in the past. To do this, communication and calm exchanges are crucial.

Talking about the breakup can help you to think like your ex and prove that you’ve changed

It is very common for distance to grow between you and your ex after the breakup. If this isn’t the case you have to think about making it so in order to take a step back to gain unbiased perspective and to give your ex some space to breathe.

During this period your ex is going to reflect on their future, make important decisions and maybe even change their attitude. You therefore have to keep in mind that the person you want back and the one you used to know are not the same!how to talk with an ex

This is exactly why it’s so important to put things into perspective and talk about the breakup with your ex. This way you can kill two birds with one stone. You’ll discuss the separation and reestablish contact, which in turn will benefit your attempt at getting back together.

Getting in your ex’s head is one of the trademarks of the CORMONT method. We actually put a lot of emphasis on the psychological aspect of the process; so let me remind you of the importance of analysis.

It’s crucial to understand what your ex wants if you want to meet their expectations. Your task is relatively straightforward; you have to put yourself in their shoes and to think like them. By talking about the breakup with your ex you’re going to learn what they resented in you, their disappointments and what made them decide to end the relationship.

Discuss the breakup so that you can prepare the necessary changes

One of the most important phases after a breakup (when you want your ex back) is the change that you’re going to have to bring about.

A breakup never happens without reason and your ex-partner had their reasons, good or bad, to leave you… Even if you don’t fully understand these reasons, realize that it’s never easy to decide to break up with someone. Something had to have pushed your ex to make this radical decision and this proves that they were deeply unhappy.

Reviewing the situation and looking inside yourself are essential for no longer making the same mistakes. In order to figure out which elements you really need to work on you have to understand the breakup and this happens through communication. By the way, when you’re talking with an ex, be careful to never harass them!

Don’t just bring up any subject with your ex. Instead of asking yourself should I talk to my ex about the breakup, don’t waste time; you have to figure out your bad habits and take action to start fixing them. These are the things that were stopping you from making the person you love happy.

You won’t be able to get your ex back by acting the same way you used to. Even if you get back together, the new relationship won’t have a solid foundation. What you do need to do is to give your ex a new image of you; the new and improved version of you.

The memories are painful and the breakup is maybe still fresh so you have to create a new atmosphere in which you can rebuild a solid couple.

Talk about the tough times so that you can understand them

You’re going through a tough period. You’re at your wit’s end and it’s completely normal to be hurting. You’re feeling pressure from your loved ones that are constantly asking you how you’re doing and they want to know more about your breakup. You’re receiving advice that you don’t need and all of this is just making matters worse.

On top of that, as you’re having trouble taking a step back and putting some healthy distance between you and your ex, you’re making mistakes. Maybe you’re going too fast or you’re not using the most appropriate technique for your situation.
Talking about your breakup with your ex or with someone else, as long as you’re honest and sincere, will help you to put things into perspective and analyze the situation. Whether you want your ex back or you want to move on, you have to use logical methods. Don’t let this heartache control your life, because letting yourself become depressed won’t help anything.

What should I talk about with my ex?

Even if you had spent years together, there is one question that is still going to bug you under the current circumstances: what to talk about with your ex. What seemed natural just a few weeks ago has become really confusing and you don’t know where to start.

Breaking up has created various roadblocks, but you’re going to break them down one by one and once again achieve natural and pleasant conversation.

The idea of talking about the breakup with your ex isn’t always the worst thing you could do, but let’s be clear; it’s definitely not the best idea unless you have a clear plan. As it is the most recent thing that happened between you, some people can’t be stopped from talking about it.

When that happens, you have to avoid bringing up certain things such as how depressed you feel. Even if it’s hard, it’s better to focus on your progress.

Here are some subjects concerning the breakup that you can talk about with your ex:

1. It’s important to communicate that you’ve understood and accepted what lead to the breakup and that you’ve been able to analyze the issues and begin to make improvements.

2. To take it a step further, you can show your ex that you’ve started to do things that put an end to these negative elements.what should I talk about my ex

3. If you had acted out during the breakup now is the time to present your apologies or explain that your emotions had gotten the better of you.

4. You can also explain that other couples have gone through breakups as well and are able to bounce back and start over. That said; you have to be careful with how you present this. Be very subtle, otherwise it could turn against you. Don’t try to reason with your ex to be with you. If they come back, it must be their decision.

5. If you really don’t know how to talk to an ex again; let me just tell you that it’s best to avoid subjects that highlight your past disagreements. By doing so you can talk about the practical aspects of your breakup such as who keeps the cat and who gets the car. For now, only bring up the things that you know you two will agree on!

Ideally, you should avoid talking about contentious topics during the initial painful period for the sake of both of you.

Conversations with your ex: 5 subjects that have nothing to do with the breakup

There are many subjects that can help you to better communicate with your ex or the person you love. I know it’s not easy to find a topic because you’re often afraid of fanning the flames.

Base your conversation then on one of these 5 subjects:

1. Talk about your new activities and your personal reconstruction. Avoid talking about new people you’ve met or the fact that people are hitting on you left and right. It’s pointless and if you really have set your sights on someone, your ex will think that you’re not serious about being with them!

2. You can talk about a special memory you two shared, even if this is a reference to your relationship. The idea isn’t to talk about your relationship but rather to talk about that special moment you shared to help you reconnect.

3. To start a conversation with your ex, you have to choose a subject that they will like. For example, talk about one of their passions. If your ex likes football you could bring up one of the most recent games. But if you’ve always hated football, don’t bring it up or else they’ll think you’re just using it to make them want you.

4. Sometimes you have to be a bit of a manipulator with your ex and you can talk about the future. Show them that you have the same goals and desires because this can bring you two closer together.

5. And lastly, when you’re talking to your ex, don’t forget about their friends and family. Without being a boot-licker, ask how the important people in their life are doing.

These ten topics of conversation with your ex will serve as ways to launch dialogue between you and to communicate peacefully. It goes without saying that these aren’t the only things that you can talk about and based on your situation, you can choose all kinds of things to chat about.

I wish you a good conversation with your ex and don’t forget to ease tensions!


Your coach for figuring out how to talk to an ex again.


  • Felicitypage

    I’m not really sure what to call this situation, but this guy I dated over a year and a half ago called me out of the blue. I must say I was completely shocked and I never ever expected to hear from him again. Although, he stated he had his reasons for contacting me, which had nothing to do with our falling out. I can’t help to over think the situation, because he started flirting with me and asking personal questions about my love life, not to mention this conversation lasted over 3hrs while he was at work. What are his true intentions? or should I just leave it be since it’s been so long?

    • CoachAdrian

      This guy clearly misses you and wants to rekindle, the ball is in your court!
      Here to help if need be once you decide what you want to make of it.

  • Fanny

    Hi Adrian !
    My ex and I broke up because we were both moving out of the country for job reasons. He got into a new relationship incredibly soon after I left which made me very sad and angry… Now it’s been a bit more than a year and he is still with this girl and I still want to win him back. You must know that 7 months ago I talked to him again after 6 months of no contact. He told me he was really happy that I contacted him again and we actually quite talked a lot by messages until he said at some point that he couldn’t talk to me anymore because his new girlfriend wasn’t ok with that. He told me that she tried to let it be but she couldn’t help being upset and that he had to put her first. I couldn’t hide that I was upset and angry about that and he cut off the conversation.. Now it’s been 7 months that we haven’t talked and I don’t now what else I can do now… Do you think there is still a chance ?

    • Coach natalie

      Hi Fanny,
      Thank you for reaching out. This situation sounds frustrating and painful. If you’re looking for how to talk to your ex again after essentially 6 months of no contact, it must be in a very non-threatening manner. If you’d like, we can plan it out together, so as to heighten the chances of him being receptive and open to further contact. This will set a foundation to get him back.

  • Nicole

    Me and my ex broke up 3 weeks ago, and he is the love of my life, and he said he never loved someone so much like he loved me. He was planning on purposing to me, but for the last 5 month i had been very contorting, disrespectful, and just mean to him, i also drank alot which didnt help. He finally said he had enough and left me. I cant believe i didn’t see how i was treating him because he really was a good and loving guy, and i want this to work. I am currently working on myself and getting help with the drinking, i need to deal with my emotional issues and not drink them away. We havent spoke in almost 1 week (i am trying the NC thing). Do we have a chance???? Please help

    • Coach natalie

      Hi Nicole,
      Thank you for sharing your story. I know how hard it is to be NC, and trying to find the right way to reconnect with your ex. Continue to take this time to focus on yourself. This is the first and biggest step to getting your ex back. Stay strong, and I encourage you to listen to our Audiobook, “How to Get Him Back”.
      I hope this helps.

  • Erica A

    I’ve been with my ex for seven years and we broke up three weeks ago. He wants to meet tomorrow at the place we had our first date. Do you think he wants me back? How should I start the conversation?

    • Coach natalie

      Hi Erica,
      I’m sorry I didn’t see this until now! I’ve been slammed with coaching. What happened? How did it go?
      Coach Natalie

      • Erica A

        We met a couple times. After a month of being separated he still hasn’t decided if he wants me back or not. I don’t understand why he has to decide. I’m pretty, smart and make good money. I’m also fourteen years younger than him. He puts his job and employees first. That is my big concern.

  • Anna

    Hi! So me and my ex broke up four months ago, and since then he started dating another girl. I was devastated, and so I tried to move on and gave my self de vacations I deserved. After my vacation he pooked me on facebook, but I only responded gracefully with a message wishing I’m all well. So a while after that he unfollowed me on facebook. But now a few weeks ago he followed me on instagram and then unfollowed. And the day after he sended me a snap of a pic of something he was doing, wich I responded but he didn’t reply back. The other day I tried to engage a conversation with him by talking about something I saw and he replied two times only. So I don’t really understand why he does this thing of unfollow me If he’s always looking at my snaps and my stuff anyway.I guess he likes to plays this like little reminds of him. But I want to know how to act

    • Coach natalie

      Hi Anna,
      Thank you for your share. I’m sorry to hear about your frustration, I know how challenging and stressful it can be when you’re trying to figure out how to talk to an ex again and keep the conversation flowing. It seems to me like your ex is battling with himself in regard to his feelings about you and the breakup. The more you reach out, however, the more empowered he feels so try to limit contact and let him miss you! I know it sounds backwards, but it’s a really effective strategy. I encourage you to take a look at our book:
      I think it can really help.
      Coach Natalie

  • Donnie Sizemore

    Hi my name is Donnie, me and my ex have had conversation the last couple of days about getting back together, and the good times we had. She is 7 months pregnant and is seeing someone else right now what do you think about these conversations? Do you think she wants to come home and get back together.

    • Coach natalie

      Hi Donnie,
      Thank you for your share. It’s usually difficult to interpret messages associated with how to talk to an ex, and how to let the conversation flow and develop. Is the child yours? What were the fundamental issues with the relationship and are they fixable? Use that question as a reference right now, to determine what the intentions may be. If you need help with a more thorough assessment, I encourage you to book a session with Adrian or myself. We’re here to support you.
      Coach N.

  • Coach natalie

    Hi Colleen,
    Thank you for your share. When talking to an ex, it’s important to let conversation flow. Make sure that the communication is valuable, like sharing an article or song he may like. However, don’t send anything too soon. Give him a chance to reach out to you!
    I hope this helps.
    Coach N.

  • Cytriax

    Hi guys, I broke up with my girl after five years, we lived together for a year and half at the end. I have ADHD, I had no money coming in and she was lumbered with a lot of bills and she tried very hard to be with me but my ADHD and insecurities about us and finances made us break up just before Christmas.

    This sent my mental health into a fit of depression, I lost my home, my friends, my girlfriend, I failed Uni, my gran had passed away, I was being mocked online by her friends, I was being attacked in the summer because of me standing up to her families enemies and everything just made me crumble. I was ready to jump off a bridge twice, I’ve really hurt her feelings because of my moods swings and dark thoughts.

    Since the 4th of Jan though, my ADHD hyperfocus kicked in again and I started focusing on making myself better, I am back on my medication and I am waiting to hear about a new job tomorrow (it is really looking promising) I’ve been still very pushy and needy but not as much. The last message I sent her was a moment of clarity saying that I understand and apologize, I don’t want to pressure her into getting back together with me on them conditions, only because I know we had something special and we can feel good about the future and being together. She hasn’t read the message yet. And I got blocked on social media because of me being desperate in getting her other friends to help me who do like me.

    I am rebuilding my life day by day but I do miss her so much, I fell for her quickly because she researched about my ADHD and said “I understand you” those were the most beautiful words I’ve ever heard and I can’t let a woman like that get away, I have made too many promises towards her dreams such as traveling to Rome together.

    She said we are never getting back together, she doesn’t love me anymore, she is over me and barely talks to me, and has said the relationship has just ran its course. I want to change because I love her, I want to be right for her and I am almost ready but my question is where do I go from here? How do I help her lower her defenses against me and allow me to be there for her once more? I’ve made so many mistakes and I want to make amends and have her smile once more.

  • April D Washburn

    What does it mean when your ex wants advice about a new partner

  • Bardot

    Hello so me and my ex have been recently talking again and have decided to have coffee and meet up this sat. The problem is it’s been two years!! The situation was we were engaged and he called it off and took the ring back… It was very hard aftrr that for me. I was very much in love with him.. But he was the one that broke it off…he had tried to get in contact with me between the two years but i was just very hurt by him.. I don’t know if talking to eachother after me moving on from that experience would be good. But why do i feel the erge to see him? I don’t know if i still love him.