Getting back with an ex after years apart

 Getting back with an ex after years apartHave you broken up several years ago but still wondering if it is possible to get back with that ex? Many times relationships don’t end up working out but circumstances can change. Other times you just mature or are faced with certain life lessons that push you to understand mistakes that you may have committed in the past. You are left wanting a second chance because you firmly believe that your ex may be the one or simply because you strongly believe that you can both be really happy together.

Rest assured getting back with an ex after years apart is most probably still within your reach! With the right game plan why wouldn’t it be possible for you to claim the heart of someone who once deeply cared or perhaps even loved you? If you were able to seduce him or her before you will most likely be able to seduce them again; and in this article we will tell you how!

Getting back with an ex after years apart starts with your attitude and outlook

In most cases it is possible to get back with an ex when you have a positive attitude and outlook. Even if you dated someone in high school or years ago it is still possible for you to start a new love story with that person if you set your mind to it. To want to be together and to believe that you can seduce your ex is more than half the battle won. If you are negative or lack the self-confidence to approach your ex, you will unconsciously create barriers or obstacles. You will make it a lot more difficult than it has to be and simply get in your own way! So in order to get back together after a long period of time you must ensure that you are in the right mindset but also that you feel good about yourself. A simple smile, positive body language or even optimism and excitement will attract your ex once you have been able to re-establish contact.

You can also inspire your ex or capture his or her imagination if you live with purpose or display a positive growth since the last time you were with one another. To live with purpose is to be passionate about a cause or an endeavor; this passion fuels you and becomes a central driving force in your life and the one thing that no one can take away from you. It is the opposite of coasting through life, of being passive or lacking motivation. When you are passionate or once you have found your element, you will be in a state of grace and you will inspire and draw people to you organically.

If you are able to convey your growth and show positive evolution since the last time that you spoke or were officially together your ex will be drawn to you. He or she will want to learn more about what you’ve become and instantly start to envision a future in which you are together.

But first you must establish a platform of communication especially years after having broken up

Before you can display your growth and showcase all that you’ve become it is necessary to establish a platform of communication. Quite simply it is impossible for you to get back with someone that you love if the two of you are not in touch. It may sound simple but I’ve encountered countless situation where people would play out different scenarios in their heads and create a mental block or come to the conclusion that they cannot get back with their ex even before having touched base with them again! Getting back with an ex after years apart is possible but you must first be able to talk to that person; not a just sporadic conversation here of there. You need to really be back in touch and create what I like to call an open platform of communication where you feel comfortable to reach out to someone without second guessing yourself.

In order to get to this stage you will need a bit of courage and show a genuine interest for your ex; in other words you need to provide him or her with attention to make them feel valued and be an active listener. Whether you reestablish contact via a Facebook message, in person or through an email the important thing is to show that you are genuinely interested in how they are doing and in what they’ve become. Ask him or her questions and pay attention to their answers and concerns in order to rebound on something that they may say or give more importance too and create an organic free flowing conversation. Especially in the beginning or during the first few times that you communicate. He or she will feel your genuine interest; although you may not have talked in years it will seem as if you’ve been in contact all along. He or she will quickly start to confide in you and you will have your opportunity to re-seduce your ex!

Seduce your ex and seal the deal during a face to face meeting after more than 2 years apart

You can seduce your ex in many ways and I have already disclosed 2 unique and natural ways to attract him or her without even having to court them or directly flirt. First you can attract them through your positive attitude and passion. By not coasting through life and having a passion or calling that makes you excited to wake up every morning. Second you can seduce your ex by being an active listener and genuinely showing interest about their life and their concerns. We are social creatures and most people want nothing else than to have someone to talk too; someone who understands their concerns and that does not judge them!

You can also seduce your ex in a more traditional sense; by creating intimacy or by flirting and complimenting them. It should be very easy for you to convey attraction or to sexualize a conversation due to the fact that you have been together before. Ultimately, especially if you have been broken up for more than 2 years you will need a face to face meeting to seal the deal. If you have been talking via social media, email or phone for some time and you feel that you have re-established a connection, a face to face meeting is the only way to take the next step. Physical contact, grabbing his or her hand and even a kiss or an evening together can bring you even closer together and create that permanent need to be with one another. So don’t be afraid to ask your ex out on a date or to do a fun activity that you will both enjoy because it is the best way for you to finally meet your goal of getting back together after several years apart!

If you have been able to re-seduce your ex after years of being apart and ultimately got back together for good don’t hesitate to share your thoughts and ideas in the comments section below. Your approach and tips could be of great benefit to someone looking to get back with a lost love!

Your coach when getting back with an ex after years apart is all that you can think of,

Adrian

  • Michal Mielewczyk

    Gentlemen,

    Allow me to introduce myself. I am michal. A polish American that is trying to get back an ex gf after 2 years. A little background, I met my ex girlfriend in Poland, after being deployed you Afghanistan. I was stationed in Germany before and after my tour, and travelling to Poland was frequent to see family. I tired so hard to stay in Germany but was given orders to return to the states. Sadly I didn’t believe in long distance relationships so I ended it and to this day we are mutual friends. Every so often we tell each other that we miss each other and keep thinking of our time together. I miss her so much… and she is dating someone for a few months now. But even when she was in the relationship she would mention how she feels for me. I do too.
    I am officially out the army after 9 years. I’m going back to school and finishing. Got army year and some change to go. We have communicated by phone armylready a few times, we’ll every morning for the last 4 days either she will call or I will call. Or we’ll text. She is the one, I want her back. I love this woman. The soonest I Can see her is in may after my finals and plus I have an intership in poland for 3 months which works. Today I sent an actually letter of my true feelings and intentions. And yes, she knows how I feel, because a few months ago she said the same thing on she feels about me.
    I just need guidance. I’m worried this new guy is going propose a day it’ll be all over. I want her to be happy, but with me you know. I sound crazy, but isn’t that what love does to you? And so far she has expressed negative feelings about the guy she is with. I feel like it’s going in my favor, but I just want to know, what else I can do to win her back.

    Thanks

    • CoachAdrian

      Hey Michael,

      Sorry it took so long to get back to you; I was traveling in France for a conference and to do a couple of one on one coaching sessions face to face. I am now back into my regular routine and able to address your questions. First of all, yes I do understand how you feel because I deal with people that are madly in love all day every day. You are not a bad person for trying to be the one that makes her happy! You actually have quite a few things going for you: the fact that you were once together and that you were the one that ended the relationship at that time is a plus; the fact that you are still on good terms and that she openly tells you how much you still mean to her is also very very positive! I’dd be interested to know how she reacted to your letter because it would enable me to give you even better insights into exactly what you should do next! But I can already tell you that your biggest obstacle won’t be someone else or the possibility that she gets married; your biggest hurdle today is simply distance. If you have the possibility to fly her to you before May in order to re-kindle I think that you should make that happen! It would be my pleasure to help you game plan as to how you should bring this about, we could chat during the course of a one on one coaching session over the phone! In your case I truly believe that getting back with an ex after years apart is more than possible!

      I wish you all the very best in your quest to be with the one you love.

      Sincerely,
      Adrian

  • Jackie

    Hello Adrian, I broke up with my girlfriend in November of 2014. I told her the reason was because I was with someone new. However, I was never in a relationship with anyone before and after the break up despite I was indeed seeing someone new. A week before the break up, we were in a cold war, the kind of period where she just stopped talking to me, reason being I said something inappropriate. A week later, she came back to me and I asked to break up. My ex and I had little to no arguments or fights when we were together despite it’s our second time splitting up. First time was due to the same reason, except it was my ex who was seeing someone. It’s been almost 17 months since the break up and earlier February of this year, she got into a new relationship. Before that, I was told she was devastated to see me leave but I have no idea how long she felt that way. Now, I am not sure if my ex is in a rebound relationship. When she started dating, she seemed kind of protective of her relationship from me, but now she is getting more and more comfortable with sharing it on Snapchat and Twitter. One thing that puzzled me was that before and after she got into her new relationship, she still contacted me occasionally, talking about our common interests. When I found out she is in a new relationship, I insisted on asking if she wants to talk about it. She said alright and I asked it to be in a month’s time, allowing me to go through the no contact period. We will be meeting up end of April or beginning of May. We were also in a relationship for almost a year before I asked to break up. At this point, I probably have done things I shouldn’t have done, what do you think I should do next and do you think it is still possible for me to get her back? Thank you!

    • CoachAdrian

      Hey Jackie,
      The no contact period is not really necessary based on what you have described here. The most important move for you at this point is to get back in touch with your ex and to maintain regular contact using your common hobbies as an excuse and or platform. Don’t talk about your previous relationship with her, don’t ask her insights into her new relationship and don’t reveal that you are interested in getting back together. Just focus on rekindling and spending fun quality time together. Then reach out to me at that stage and I will help you seal the deal.
      All the best,
      Adrian

  • Steve

    Hi I broke up with my ex girlfriend 3 years ago. And it was my fault. I didn’t cheat or anything, I just made the decision to break up because I felt that her family was more important to her eyes than me. And though she tried to convince me to stay, I didn’t. I was stubborn. And an idiot. We broke up and after that She hates my guts and would tell me things like “I would rewind time and undo things with you” and “I don’t want you near my house”.. Etc.. She said very awful things. But during the realtionship, she loved me. I was a jerk. But after the first year I started missing her alot, tried talking and was eventually blocked on social media and phone number. We had only dated for 6 months, but during those 6 months we did a lot. I believe it’s what you do within the time of dating that determines your love, not the time it took. I’ve learned a lot from her and miss her dearly. Tried to talk to other girls and tried many things to get over her. But she comes back to my mind a lot.

    Present day: she is my best friends sister, I was at their house one day and parked on the drive way. She was gonna leave to get some thing to drink and as she backed up from the drive way, she scratched my car. I was very upset because I felt she may have did it on purpose and also I had just bought my car. But to my surprise she didn’t come out of the car and yell at me. She apologized and talked to me as if I was a friend. Its weird because at the time she hated the hell out of me. And if that were to have happened in the past, she probably would’ve said something like “why tf you on my drive way then?!” but she apologized and said she would pay for the damage….. I love her, I still care for her… I instead asked for her number and as she gave it to me, we both joked with each other about her driving and she tells me to have a good night and smiles as she walked in the house. She was beautiful. I text her the next day about my car. Told her that I rather her just treat me out to some dinner. She was definitely confused but she accepted. We are eating this weekend.. If anyone read this far, please tell me if this is fate? If it’s a second chance given to me? If I can make her love me again? I’m over thinking a bit about this whole “treat” thing but if I was to see her just one more time after 3 yrs and have a decent conversation with her.. Then at least I can say we ended on good terms rather than the bad 3 yrs ago. If I can make her love me once more then I’ll be happy. But does she still care for me? Idk.. Please tell me your thoughts 🙂

    • CoachAdrian

      Please provide us with an update on how your date goes!? Is it fate….

    • Josh

      I’m curious to know the update too!

  • Jay

    Hi, me and my ex broke up about 2 years ago, it was on good terms but we still really loved each other. We decided to be friends but after all this time, I honestly just want a second chance with her. A year after we broke up, I just randomly told her I still have feelings for and she shot me down. After that I completely stopped talking to her for about 3 months until she contacted me randomly. We started talking again as if the rejection never happened it was weird. Some days she wants to be with me and other days it’s like she doesn’t want anything to do with me. It was frustrating but I fought through. A few months later we ended up going to a dance together and it was great. Fast forward till today which makes it 2 years. I never see her at school so we only talk over facebook msg. We talk a few times a week but I feel like its going nowhere. I want hang out with her but I feel like if I ask she turn me down.

    • CoachAdrian

      Hey Jay,
      If you are over 18 years old I suggest that you book a coaching session in order for me to help you win her back!
      Sincerely,
      Adrian

  • Dave

    Right Me and my ex were together for six years lived with each other twice and engaged during this time towards the end of the first breakup I lost my Nan and as she raised me i didn’t handle it well at all she started a new relationship, I carried on sleeping with her and many others and she fell pregnant it wasn’t ideal but I did love her and we decided to give it another go we moved in together and 9 months later my beautiful daughter was born after that her Dad passed away i treated her awfully during this period I knew what I was doing but couldn’t stop I was severely depressed and eventually ended the relationship again, I Continued to be a good father and she pined after me for about a year after I shunned her I was in a dark place and a very different person I knew what I was doing but genuinely felt that I was no good for her unless I changed myself I never said this to her and instead just continued to push her away, with time we had a good relationship for our daughter, Anyways four years flew by and it was revealed to me that she had been seeing someone for the last three years I never knew about this and the only reason it came to light was when she arrived at my house at half four in the morning in tears she confided in me told me everything and the long and short of it is this guy has been sleeping with her and his ex partner the entire time but has now made a decision that he wants to be with her proposing one day and 24 hours later sleeping with his ex, this has gone on for the last 8 months and I’ve tried to be there she asked me honestly if I still had feelings for her and I realised I did truly still love her I told her this and it caused resentment her telling me she doesn’t love me she loves him I’ve done everything I can the last 8 months and she says she deeply cares for me but doesn’t love or feel attracted to me anymore but she knows I’d be good for her and our daughter and can see how much I’ve changed and knows that he is no good for her at all yet she stays in contact with him because I’ve changed maybe he can change too though his actions seem to prove otherwise anyways do I stick or twist I really do love her with all I have but don’t know what to do it kills me every time he breaks her heart and not being able to hold her or be with her again I think the fact she has told me her feelings are with someone else despite me changing tells me that it’s time to move on

    • CoachAdrian

      Dave I want to help you but cannot provide you with adequate insights here.
      Your situation is just too complex, so book a coaching session if you truly want my insights and guidance.
      Regards,
      Adrian

  • Dave

    Me and my ex broke up 2 years ago after a 3 and half year relationship. We broke up on good terms and I feel the main reason for the breakup was that we had drifted apart and were at different stages of our lives with me being 5 years older. I would say the break up was 60/40 her decision, I totally accepted things weren’t great but thought we could have worked at it. I’ve dated other women since we broke up and have moved on in many ways but she always creeps into my mind from time to time, sometimes daily. This weekend I was at a wedding, got back to find a programme we had watched together on tv then woke up with an Instagram message suggesting I should follow her as she is in my contacts, all this has got me thinking about her a lot. I know she’s dating at the minute which I’m not devistated about because it’s been 2 years and expected. Do you think it’s worth contacting her? I’ve grown a lot in the 2 years we’ve been apart really just focusing on improving myself in every way which is why I think it could be different.

    • Coach natalie

      Dave,
      Thank you for sharing your story. It takes a lot of strength to be in your situation with such a level head. If you’re looking into getting back with your ex after years apart, the way in which you reach out will be critical. It would be non-threatening, and serve to establish a platform of future contact. I’d think you’d benefit from reading our “70 Pro Tips To Get Back With Your Ex”, but if you’ve like a more tailored approach given the uniqueness of your situation, please feel free to reach and we’ll book a session.
      Sincerely,
      Natalie

  • Jackie

    Me and my ex boyfriend have been broken up for 5 years now, we dated for 3 years. He made the mistake of settling down too soon after our breakup to prove he could find someone else. He now is married with a child and has told his sister (my best friend) he is miserable. I am too in a long term relationship but I still love my ex, I never got over him. We have not seen or spoken to each other in 5 years. I know once we see each other the flame will reignite but I cant wait for that I need to get in contact with him,(he has no social media) I need him to know I still love him and I need to know if he feels the same what should I do?

    • Coach natalie

      Hi Jackie,
      I appreciate you sharing your story with me. Getting back with an ex after years apart can be tricky, especially if he has a child. However, the most crucial next step is going to be HOW to reach out. The initial contact must not involve any verbiage regarding the past or the breakup, and must be non-threatening. If you need help with this process, we can tailor the next few contacts together.
      Sincerely,
      Natalie

  • Coach natalie

    Hi Ash,
    Thank you for sharing your experiences with me. I know it’s really hard not to know what to do when it comes to your relationship. Getting back together with an ex after years apart is possible, but I think that you’ll really have to think about what it is your want from your relationship. Have he evolved as a person since you ended? Have you? Take this time to reflect and I think you’ll come up with the right answer.
    I hope this helps.
    Sincerely,
    Natalie

  • Ty

    My ex and I broke up 5 years ago on somewhat messy terms. I immediately found somebody else and made the mistake of settling down with them because I thought they were the one for me. Fast forward 3 years and i find myself not as happy as i use to be, I then find out she has been having an affair for almost a year and we get a divorce.
    Not long after my divorce my ex messaged me out of the blue and we have been talking for the past 3 months. Its almost as if nothing ever happened and we picked back up right where we left off. Is this normal?? I find myself happy to be talking to her again and hanging out (plus we share a similar interest in hobbies and passions). I know she really feels a strong attraction towards me and i do to her as well. It just makes me extremely hesitant to get into a future relationship with her again because of what has happened in my failed marriage. I am also worried how my family would respond to such a thing. any advice?

    Thanks.

    • Coach natalie

      Hi Ty,
      Thank you for sharing your story. Your concerns are valid, especially when it comes to trying to get back with an ex after years apart. However, when it comes to determining next steps with your ex, try focussing more on what happened in your relationship with her and not with what happened in your failed marriage. The two relationships need to be kept separate. If you can determine what went wrong between you and your ex five years ago, and find solutions to avoid it happening again, you should be in good shape for the next shot. If you need help in this, feel free to reach out to us and book a session. We work with a variety of couples dealing with issues similar to yours.
      I hope this helps.
      Sincerely,
      Coach Natalie

  • Lostgirl

    My ex and I broke up 5 years ago (we’re together for 2 years and good friends for 2 years prior to dating). We broke up because we both needed to grow as people. I jumped into a new relationship immediately and married this guy a few months ago. The person I married is very controlling and has a lot of insecurities. My ex had tried reaching out to me a couple times since our breakup (as recent as 2 years) but I had avoided reciprocating until 2 months ago. We started texting and catching up and that spark reignited for me (I suspected it would if I saw him again). I learned that he has a girlfriend he’s been with for a year but we kept talking. We met up a month ago and I felt such a connection for hooked up that weekend (2 different days). I have never cheated in my life but it just felt right. I’ve since separated from my husband and just filed for divorce. My ex and I still talked afterwards but have not spoken in 2 weeks. He’s still with his girlfriend but I really want to get back together with him. How do I go about trying to restart a relationship with the situation what it currently is? Did I completely ruin any chance of reconciliation when I slept with him? I feel so panicked at the thought of potentially losing my chance to be with him, HELP

    • Coach natalie

      Hi LG,
      I’m sorry to hear about your current situation. With this scenario particularly, I encourage you to consider coaching with Adrian or myself. Your relationship is complex and it’ll need undivided attention for us to assess what makes sense.
      Sincerely,
      Coach N.

  • confused

    My ex and I broke up 6 years ago and he showed up at my door apologized for not keeping in contact. The reason being he wasn’t allowed to talk to me because of his ex fiance he cheated on him . The reason why we didn’t work out is because of distance as I lived in Victoria and him in Queensland. Do you think there is a chance we may work things out?. I’m just staying friends for now but he’s moving to where I live soon.Please give me advise I’m so confused.

    • Coach natalie

      Hi Confused,
      Thank you for your share. I’m really sorry to hear about your current situation and I know it can be real tough trying to get back with an ex after years apart. WIthout knowing more, I’m going to be hard for me to assess. I really encourage you to book a session and we can sort it all out.
      Best,
      Coach N.

  • Dmitriy Kosilov

    Hey, so it’s the holidays and I have been apart with my ex for about 7 months now. We broke up because of space, it went from a break to I hate you to I hate you more. Then 3 months ago we started talking again and hooking up, things seemed ok then things went downhill once school started back up. She told me she hated me and that she didn’t want anything to do with me, continued to keep tabs on me though. I have begged and pleaded and at this point I don’t know if I have done too much damage. We broke up because of distance and she kind of freaked out when we had a little less contact. She told her mother that she can’t forget me because she loves me so much (she said this right before we broke up). We haven’t spoken in 3 weeks and its been really hard. She always said this wont happen again and I don’t find you attractive anymore. Now she has gotten around to saying I haven’t moved on I just have bottled it all up. She isn’t the same anymore, her mom talks to me occasionally and says she isn’t happy as she claims to be. She has been on Instagram and Vine and one of my friends told me to look at things she has been liking and reposting (she doesn’t do that very often). These things said things like: “Every time I see you, I fall in love all over again”, “Maybe I don’t cry, but it hurts. Maybe I won’t say, but I feel. Maybe I don’t show, but I care”, “don’t hit me up when you finally realize that no one else cares about you like I do”, “Just know that I love you, I love you with all my fucked up, piece of shit heart” and, “I don’t care about much anymore, but holy crap do I care about you”. She told me 3 weeks ago not to contact her and give her space and that’s what I have been doing. I do love her and life was better with her, I just hate seeing both of us in this weird phase in our life. Please help!

    • Coach natalie

      Hi Dmitriy,
      Thank you for your share. I know how difficult it can be when trying to get back with an ex after years apart. You mentioned school. How old are the two of you? I would continue with the distance, as it’ll show her what she’s losing. We as humans have a tendency to really want things once they’re taken away from us. I know it’s hard, but it can make all the difference.
      Wishing you the best,
      Coach N.

  • Missmemetx

    Ok me and my ex have recently started back seeing each other. We broke up the 1st time 10 years ago due to me feeling he was too good. I was still young and wanting to party. We connected again 5 years ago and this time he wasn’t ready to be tied down. I reached out to him on Facebook the first week of December and we have talked everyday since. the first time we met up we did not have sex just a hug a peck goodbye which had us both texting about missing each other and how good it felt to be with each other. ( I recently got out of a relationship and now have 2 twin girls 7mths old. More recently we met up and we had sex and held each other all night. Pregnancy came up ( we were protected) just converting about what if my twins where his and what if I get pregnant again with his twins. so to get to the point I know it may be too soon to talk to him about moving forward but I’m confused he came over and we had sex during it he asked do I want to have his baby and he came in me. I’m not ready for more kids I just had 2 he said the same thing but why did he do that. I know my body I’m not ovulating so no worries but is this a sign he’s ready to move forward. I really don’t know how to ask him because I don’t want to seem like I’m rushing but he has been my first love the one I think about even when I’m with someone else.

    • Coach natalie

      Hi Missmemetx,
      Thank you for your share. I know that getting back with an ex after years apart is possible, but will require a lot of time and effort. Is it possible that a lot of what happened during sex was territorial? Could he be upset that, since you two have extensive history, you ended up having children with another man in another relationship? Rather that worry about the stress on the future, spend time really assessing what you want from a man and whether he can give it to you. If you focus on this, the rest will unravel as it should. If you need help, I encourage you to book a session. I’m here to support.
      Sincerely,
      Coach N.

  • lovestruckandconfused

    Hello, my ex-boyfriend and I have recently been in contact. We dated back in high school when we were 15 years old, and continued the very long relationship for 10 years until we were 25. We had only ever experienced each other during that time and we were truly in love. We broke up because I found out that he was being unfaithful. Looking back on this situation now, he could have handled the honesty better, but we were inexperienced and dealing with high school and undergrad. I don’t have negative feelings towards him presently. Fast forward to today, six years with no contact until mid-December 2016 when I had to reach out to him due to a background investigation for new employment. He responded to the message I sent him and we have been talking on the phone almost every day since. This past weekend we decided to hang out together, and we really enjoyed each other’s company. Everything felt so right and comfortable so we made the decision to sleep together. It may have been too soon, but again it just felt normal. We haven’t discussed the “what happens now?” I honestly don’t know if either of us really knows where this will go, and I don’t know how to address the situation. I don’t know if it was just a casual encounter or if it means he is interested in beginning a relationship again. I want to ask him what this all means, but I also don’t want to come off as clingy, desperate, or needy. I know it is better for things to develop organically, but at the same time I am a person who likes to know what I am in for. How do I handle this situation?

  • neverbeenmoreinlove

    My ex and I dated 20 years ago, broke up and still randomly hooked up for 6 years. he had a girlfriend which became his wife. I eventually got married and was married for 10 years (verbally abusive, mentally abusive and emotionally distant husband). Recently my ex and I were in touch through social media. needless to say I filed for divorce and he had filed for divorce about 4 yrs ago. We are together now and soooo happy it was the best decision I ever made in my life!! With communication and trust you all can do it!