One of the questions people ask me the most often is how to be happy after a breakup. Your heart is broken, you’ve just lost the person you love most, your plans for the future have just crumbled down around you, and you feel like you’re in a cloud of sadness, anger, confusion, and fear. When you’re in this situation, it becomes very hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel and to see how to become happy once again.
I am asked this question as least once a week, so I wanted to write an article for you today on what you can do starting today in order to be happy after a breakup. If you’re familiar with our philosophy, then you know how important it is to focus on your wellbeing when you’ve gone through a breakup. It’s so easy to wallow in self pity or to isolate yourself from your friends and family, but none of that it going to help you bounce back and heal. This is especially true if you want your ex back!
Focusing on your own happiness is the key element in bouncing back from a breakup, but it is also crucial if you are hoping to get back together with someone. I see so many people make the mistake of thinking that making an ex feel sorry for them is going to be make him or her want to come back… Trust me, you don’t want to reestablish a relationship with someone just because they felt bad for you… You want someone to come back because they recognize that you could be a significant source of happiness in their lives!
The importance of knowing how to be happy after a breakup
It’s frighteningly easy to fall into a downwards spiral after a breakup. Your self confidence takes a big hit, you start to doubt yourself, you start to doubt the relationship you had with this person, and you start to feel pessimistic about the future.
These are all normal thoughts when you’ve been put through the emotional wringer post-breakup, but you can’t allow these feelings to consume you. I always like to remind my clients that you can get in control of your emotions, and you don’t have to let them control you!
If you’re motivated, you can turn any situation around. I know that you’re probably feeling despair and maybe even desperation right now, but it’s only temporary. You get to decide how long this period lasts.
You might be skeptical because you’re feeling like you’re in such a low point in your life, but if you’re reading this article it means that you know the there’s hope and you’re willing to do what it takes to turn things around!
Understanding how to be happy after a breakup will open all kinds of doors for you both in terms of your personal life, but also in terms of your professional life. It is what will give you the boost you need to make your life into what you’ve always wanted it to be. Truth be told, breakups are often huge blessings in disguise. They wake you up and catapult you in the new direction.
When it comes to getting back together with an ex, there is a common misconception that if an ex sees you happy, they’ll think that you’re better off without them. In reality, that’s not at all what happens. When an ex sees that you’re thriving, a seed of doubt instantly gets planted in their mind. If you do this right, they’ll start to experience thoughts like, “Did I make a mistake in letting them go?” Or, “I really feel like I would be happier if they were still my partner…”
But how do you do this? Well, I’m glad you asked!
How to make yourself happy again after a breakup
Notice how in the title of this section I implied that this is your job? That’s because your happiness depends on no one other than YOU! You are in complete control of how happy you allow yourself to be, how much joy you allow into your life, and how actively you pursue it. It would be so easy to just sulk around, eating pints of ice-cream at home, but is that really going to get you anywhere? Is that going to help you recover from this breakup? Is that going to make you more attractive in your ex’s eyes? Well, no.
If you want to see some positive developments you have to start focusing on how to introduce more joy and happiness into your daily life.
So starting now, I’d like you to start giving yourself new goals and challenges that help you to keep your sights set on the future. It’s easy to dwell on the past, but that’s not going to make you happy right now and our goal is to get you feeling better as soon as possible. Once you’re feeling better, you’ll see that you’ll attract others like moths to a flame and you’ll be feeling better than ever before!
I want to reiterate that breakups are sometimes the biggest blessings in disguise for two people because they serve as a wake up call. They make you realize what went wrong, how much you want to be with someone, what you’re willing to do about it, and in the process, you become the new and improved version of yourself, which makes you irresistible in the eyes of your ex!
The first thing I would like you to do is to grab a sheet of paper and start making a comprehensive list of things that make you happy. Think about your friends and family, think about passions, places you like to go, music you like to listen to, scenes in movies that make you feel warm and fuzzy inside… anything that makes you feel good.
Next, write a list of goals you’d like to set for your future – whether it’s physical fitness, travels, getting ahead at work, remodeling the living room, anything! These should be weekly goals, but also daily goals.
Then I want you to start brainstorming ways to make these goals a reality, and think about how exactly you can incorporate these things into the lives of OTHERS as well.
Let’s take a simple example. Let’s say that you love baking and you haven’t done it in a while. You also feel like you’ve been neglecting spending time with your family. So why not grab some ingredients and make some almond, coconut, chocolate chip cookies that you can go surprise your grandma with?
In making other people happy, something very interesting begins to happen. Not only do they feel fantastic, so do you. You will be reminded of how important you are to people, and how much of a positive effect you can have on the lives of others. When you go through a breakup, it’s easy to experience a sort of tunnel vision and fixate on the loss of your relationship and the hit your ego took as a result.
When you take all that energy and turn it into something positive, you’ll begin to feel more and more in control, and you will start feeling better and better. Work to actively dedicate time and energy to your short term and long terms goals, and make the effort to make other people happy in the process.
If you’re looking for how to become happy after a breakup, just remember that even if you do one random act of kindness a day, you’ll see that you’ll begin to feel better.
How to feel happy after a breakup: Doing it for yourself
When it comes to how to be happy after a breakup, it’s crucial that you understand and acknowledge that you aren’t doing this for anyone but yourself. You aren’t doing this to prove anything to your ex or to your friends… it’s all about you right now. It’s not about deceiving anyone, or putting on a show; it’s just about making concrete, sincere changes and improvements that will benefit you later on down the line, whether you want to get back together with your ex or not!
In order to be truly happy, you have to have a purpose that’s bigger than you, that’s bigger than trying to be with someone that you love. It needs to be centered around your ability to change, wherever you are, and be able to positively affect the lives of those around you.
The key is to stay as busy as possible with people and activities that make your life better! The busier you are, the less likely you will be to fixate on your ex and wonder what they’re doing, and what you could have been doing with them.
Once you find happiness, your ex will be inspired to want to be by your side.
Whether you want them back or not, right now is the time to shift your focus to making yourself happy, making others happy, and setting challenging and goals. As long as you stay busy in the process, you WILL achieve your goals and maximize your chances of success!
As always, we are here to help, so please don’t hesitate to leave your question in the comments section below, or reach out to me or a member of my team directly by clicking here!
Wishing you all the best in life and love,
Your coach for knowing how to be happy after a breakup