A lot of people ask me if the person who decides to pull the plug on a relationship ever experiences something called “dumper’s remorse.” They wonder if the person they still love might actually regret leaving them. Unfortunately, we can’t read a person’s mind so it’s hard to know what exactly he or she is feeling about the breakup. Do they wish they had done something differently? Are they ever going to tell you if they do?
In order to give you a better idea of what’s going on in your ex’s mind right now, I have compiled a few signs your ex feels guilty about the breakup. I am also going to go over whether or not guilt is a tool to use when you’re trying to get the person you love back!
If by the end of this article you don’t feel like your ex is feeling guilty about how things ended between you, don’t panic. I am going to explain to you what exactly you can do in order to make him or her regret losing you!
Seeing signs an ex regrets breaking up
Truth be told, regret is a very common emotion that people experience right after a breakup. Sometimes we get ahead of ourselves and we decide to end a relationship in the heat of a moment. You can be tired, upset, and sick of recurring problems that seem to just accumulate, and the next time you’re fighting you hear the words fly out of your mouth: “I don’t think this is working out!”
In the moment, you might actually feel it… but then when your emotions have had a chance to settle down, you realize that you acted hastily and have done some serious damage. This might be what happened between you and your ex. Perhaps things got heated and they decided to end the relationship right then and there. Your heart is shattered and the sudden breakup has left you dumbfounded.
In these types of situations, a person might wonder why the ex doesn’t just come back and say that they said something they didn’t mean. Why doesn’t he or she just apologize and say that they still want to be together? Well, many people struggle with pride and can’t bear to admit that they were wrong or that they made a mistake.
But sometimes regret can surge up later on down the line once a fair amount of time has already passed since the breakup. You might start seeing signs of regret in a man or woman when you thought that all hope was lost!
This happens because we all go through different stages of grief and healing after a breakup, and there is always a moment when we experience nostalgia. If you’re working on getting your ex back, then you need to make sure that you’re prepared for this moment! But more on that in a moment…
When positive memories begin to surge up, your ex will begin to miss the good times and a little voice in their head might begin to question whether or not leaving you was the right call. Now of course, this is more likely to happen if your relationship and breakup weren’t completely messy, but if you follow the advice I will give you at the end of this article, you’ll be able to put the odds in favor of your ex feeling guilty and regretful about ending their relationship with you.
Is learning how to make them feel guilty for leaving you the right way to go?
I have a lot of people asking me, “Will he regret losing me if I make him feel guilty?” Or even, “Will my ex want me back if I guilt trip her?”
As you continue reading this article, you will find that the best way to make an ex regret losing you is not by actively trying to guilt trip them. Think about it… You don’t want someone to come back to you because they feel bad that you were sad. You don’t want them to be with you out of pity.
You want an ex to come back to you because they’ve realized that their life would be infinitely better with you by their side as their partner. You want to inspire them!
Now, if you’re wondering, “Does my ex feel guilty for hurting me,” chances are that yes, they do. It is not most people’s intention to cause pain and suffering to the person they had developed a relationship with.
A person can also feel guilty about how they handled the breakup. You might see signs he feels guilty for hurting you if he acted in a way that he knows hurt you more than necessary. In the heat of the moment people will often say things they don’t mean, or do things they wouldn’t normally do with a clear head.
It might also feel tempting to try and figure out how to make your ex feel bad for hurting you and look for revenge, but that isn’t going to help you construct a healthy relationship with him or her in the future. It’s tempting, but you have to rise above.
Let’s take a look at the signs your ex feels guilty about ending their relationship with you.
5 signs your ex feels guilty about letting you go!
Let’s get to the good stuff now and go over the signs to keep an eye out for when you’re wondering if your ex feels guilty about the way things ended between you!
So, how can you tell if someone is feeling guilty right about now? Your ex might not tell you flat out that he or she feels bad about what happened, but actions will always speak louder than words.
Guilt is one of the heaviest emotions a person can carry, and it doesn’t just disappear overnight. It has a nasty habit of creeping in as time goes on and setting up shop. Many people don’t realize that the dumper can feel quite the array of negative emotions as well… and each person has a different way of dealing with these emotions. For example, some people will try to overcompensate and continue talking about how they did nothing wrong and that the other person was entirely at fault.
I had one client once who told me that her ex had told all of their mutual friends that he had never felt better and that he was so relieved that they were no longer together. He felt suffocated by her in the relationship and she acted “crazy.” It hurt her to hear all of this, especially when she hadn’t done anything terribly wrong. She felt that she had handled the breakup gracefully and wasn’t letting her emotions get the best of her!
She came to find out later on that the fact that she was handling it so well was making him feel even worse about his decision to break up with her. Instead of taking responsibility for his guilt about his actions, he was painting her in a bad light to those around their friends so that they would reassure him that he had made the right decision to leave. She wasn’t trying to find things to say to make your ex feel bad, she was just living her life.
But what are some other signs your ex feels guilty about their actions or about losing you?
Signs he or she feels guilty about breaking up with you
I was recently speaking with one of my friends who was telling me about how she felt about having broken up with her ex. She was telling me about how it felt to break someone’s heart, especially when she felt that he didn’t deserve to be hurt… She wrote,
“I can’t seem to shake the guilt of breaking up with Serge. I mean the problem was that my feelings for him had just dissipated over time, so I didn’t even feel like I had a solid reason to tell him when I broke it off with him. I’ve also fallen out of touch with my friends at the time because they took his side and made me out to be a terrible, selfish person. But I never wanted to hurt him… Staying with him would have been worse because I would have been pretending to be happy and I’m sure he wouldn’t have wanted that either (…)
The thing is though that I broke his heart and I know that he hasn’t moved on yet. I’m not sure if he’s actively trying to date but I know that he hasn’t found anyone (…) I can’t shake this guilt because I know I hurt him and I know he’s still suffering. The worst part of all of that is that I am the one person who can’t make him feel better…”
So there is a difference between a person feeling guilty about their actions and feeling regretful about what they did. Some signs he or she feels guilty are:
• Your ex often calls you up to see how you’re doing
They want to make sure that you aren’t hurting too much and keep asking to let them know if there’s anything they can do. They ask if there’s anything you need and they want you to feel that you can turn to them if you need to. They know that they’ve caused you pain and want to do whatever they can to ease the intensity of it… even if they know deep down that they’re the source of this hurt and there isn’t much they can do in the current state of things.
• They speak very highly of you to others
Your ex makes an effort to express the fact that you are a wonderful person to other people. They take responsibility for the breakup and they don’t want to paint you in a negative light to anyone. When a guy or girl feels guilty, they really don’t want you to suffer any more than you already are. They wouldn’t want any type of negativity being spread around about you. It is their way of protecting you even though they’ve broken your heart already.
• They apologize to you quite a bit
The guilt can come from hurting you, it can come from the realization that they feel like they’re wasted months or years of your life, and it can come from knowing that you deserve better than to be feeling like this right now.
A client of mine told me that when her husband left her, she had found out that one of the things he felt most guilty about was the fact that he let it drag on when he could have ended things sooner and given her the opportunity to be loved by someone else the way that he knew she deserved and wanted to be loved. When an ex profusely apologizes for leaving you and hurting you, you can take it as a clear sign of guilt.
One thing I want you to keep in mind is the fact that there is a difference between guilt and regret. Guilt is something a person can feel when they’ve hurt someone they care about because they never wanted to inflict pain. They needed a change but they wish that there could have been another way to go about reaching their goal. On the other hand, if a person regrets what they did, it means that they could be wishing that you two hadn’t broken up…
Signs he or she regrets breaking up
When an ex regrets breaking up with you, a part of them (and this may be big or small) wishes they were still with you. So how can you tell if this is the case in your current situation? Keep an eye out for the following indicators and you’ll have a better idea of whether or not your ex is wishing that they hadn’t broken up with you.
• Signs they regret dumping you: They simply tell you
This one is pretty straight forward. If a person really regrets breaking up with you, they will usually just tell you. Now I know it is sometimes way more complicated than that, especially because there are things like pride, embarrassment, or nerves that come into play, and they might opt for a more indirect approach, but if your ex told you that they regret breaking up with you, it’s pretty safe to say that it’s true.
• They’re making an effort to stay close to you
This one is especially big if your ex is staying close to you and is remaining single! You can see that even if your ex has gone out on a few dates, it was nothing meaningful and that they aren’t interested in anyone else. Pay attention to whether or not your ex is flirtatious with you because this can be a huge indicator as well
• You can tell that your ex is feeling nostalgic
They keep bringing up happy memories that you shared together. They’re in the phase of a breakup in which nostalgia begins to settle in. They miss the good times and the memories of these are more present than the bad memories associated with your breakup. This might also be happening in a more indirect way – they might post pictures from vacations you took together with a caption saying, “Take me back…”
• They make excuses to be in touch with you
You can tell that they could ask anyone for help or advice about a certain thing, but your ex chooses to come to you. You’re still his or her go-to and you don’t see any signs of that fizzling away… They’re been going out of their way to talk to you and keep in touch with you, even when it feels like they’re coming up with any reason to talk to you.
A person who feels guilty and regretful about breaking up wth you is going to want to reverse the situation by getting closer to you. They know that they made you fall for them once before so they can do it again.
So now that we’ve spoken a bit about the signs he or she regrets breaking up, what happens if you want your ex back but aren’t recognizing the signs your ex wants you back? Does it mean that he or she doesn’t even miss you or regret leaving you?
Well, the good news is that there are plenty of ways to make an ex want you back after they breakup with you!
How to make them regret losing you and want you back
There are five key elements of making someone regret leaving you:
• Present yourself in the best light possible. Become the absolute best version of yourself
• Show your ex that you’ve made tangible improvements
• Make him or her realize that their life would be infinitely better with you in it
• Help him or her realize that you were meant to be together
• Spark a bit of jealousy in your ex
If it doesn’t look like your ex regrets breaking up with you, you’re going to have to give him or her a bit of a jolt. Think about the saying, “You don’t know what you had until it’s lost.”
The goal is to make your ex boyfriend or girlfriend realize that losing you would be a terrible mistake and that they’d be much happier with you as their partner. What’s more, sometimes a breakup is actually the best thing that could happen to two people that are meant to be together. It wakes them up and makes them realize:
1. How deeply they actually care about one another and
2. What wasn’t working and what needs to change
If you’re seeing signs your ex doesn’t want you back, you have to get to work! Time is of the essence so don’t waste any.
Sometimes you have to do something a little more radical in order for him or her to realize how much they really want you. You’re going to make your ex want to get closer to you and eventually admit their feelings for you!
You want them to reestablish communication between you or even better – bring a bit of complicity back.
If after reading this article and trying these tools for making your ex regret losing you and end up wanting you back, and you don’t see big results, your ex will experience a real shock if you pretend to have found someone.
Jealousy is one of our most human emotions, so it is imperative that you use it wisely. In order to create this desire and attraction, your ex needs to feel like they’re really losing you. You can’t just be at his or her beck and call and make it easy for your ex to take you for granted. You just need to make sure that you’re using this tool wisely and not going overboard. For more in-depth information on how to make your ex jealous, I encourage you to read this article.
Now, as I was saying above, becoming the best version of yourself is one the most powerful things you could do. Your ex fell in love with you for a reason. So what happens when you remind him or her of the person they fell in love with and then become a new and improved version of them?
The key, contrary to what one might think, is not focusing on your ex – it’s about focusing on yourself! It’s up to you to succeed in getting your ex back and to do so you can’t just sit around waiting for things to change on their own. You have to take matters into your own hands.
If you’d like to keep reading about how to make him or her want you back, click here, and don’t hesitate to leave any questions in the comments section below. It would be our pleasure to answer you!
Wishing you all the best,
Your coach when you’re looking for signs your ex feels guilty