My ex boyfriend is ignoring me what should I do?

My ex boyfriend is ignoring me

My ex boyfriend broke up with me and on top of that they’re completely ignoring me. How can you stand up to their indifference? Why are you suffering so much after this breakup? How do you deal with your ex’s behavior and show them that you’ve changed?

The biggest fear shared by people that are victims of a breakup is losing their ex forever; and I completely understand your suffering and your desire to reestablish communication with your ex. It’s a nasty feeling and one that I encounter every day as a coach specialized in helping people get back together.

I’ve actually created an Audio Seminar on this very issue, so don’t hesitate to check it out here if you want to delve deeper into the process of how to get a man back after a break up.

So you’ve separated, he’s not answering your messages and it’s starting to feel impossible to get in touch with him. Your stomach is sinking and you begin to question, “What’s wrong, why is he ignoring me? Was our breakup actually amicable? Is there someone else?” The questions start to pile up your fears and insecurities take over and you start to wonder if it’s too late…

If you’re able to get in control of your actions and take a step back, there are solutions. In this article, we will explore some of the reasons he might be ignoring you, and how to improve the situation; especially if you want him back! You will need to prepare to rationally and honestly assess the situation, and to show self-control.

A large number of men have a tendency to shut down when something is bothering them. Women, however, typically have an easier time expressing their feelings. This is why, when it comes to men, we may not have a clear understanding as to what went wrong and why our ex’s aren’t speaking with us. That’s where I come in. I’m here to help you.

To start, we need to figure out the root of the problem. In this article, I will explain the reasons behind your ex’s silence and the best things to do to stop suffering. You will begin to see that there are efficient ways for reestablishing good communication with your ex; but remember, it’s important never to rush things!

Is he ignoring me or is it just in my head?

Before we start talking about how to fix the problem, take a moment to really think about whether or not he’s actually ignoring you. Can you pinpoint what exactly is making you feel this way? For example, was he easier to reach before and now suddenly it seems like an impossible feat? Did they give you concrete reasons to believe, “He avoids me when I reach out..?”

Could it be that this person is actually just extremely busy with work and it’s not actually personal? Sometimes we meet someone at a time during which they are more available than usual. For example, when they’re in between jobs. When real life comes back into play, they are no longer as available.

If your gut is saying, “No, he really is ignoring me,” then it’s time to look at the reasons behind it. Understanding why your ex is ignoring you helps you to get to the root of the problem and subsequently points you in the right directio

My ex boyfriend is ignoring me and I don’t know why

A breakup can be really painful and on top of that, you’ve realized that your ex doesn’t want to talk to you anymore. How can you explain this type of “escape” behavior after a breakup?

It’s not always easy to understand or accept your ex-partner’s behavior and yet it’s essential in changing your attitude so that you may better understand the situation. The key to getting back together is being able to control your emotions.

To do this you have to get into your ex’s head.

At the moment of the breakup, your ex sets up a natural barrier against getting back together that I call the “unconscious mechanism.” This is how they protect themselves from any attempt at getting back together and this is why they seem like they’re trying to escape you.

So the more you pursue them, or try to get back together, or promise that you’ll change right now, the more they’re going to avoid you. The unconscious mechanism can send a negative symbol to your ex boyfriend every time you try to make them realize that they were wrong to leave you.

This is why it’s imperative to learn how to adapt yourself in terms of your ex partner by making decisions that often go against what you initially want.

If your ex no longer wants to talk to you, taking distance will actually allow you make a bigger and deeper impact when the time comes to send a handwritten letter (and not a simple text message,) especially if you’re able to not divulge your plans to get back together. If not, your action will be met with your ex recoiling even further.

The more present you become, the more your ex will pull back. The goal is therefore to set in motion subtle actions that will lead to communication being naturally reestablished. When you’re thinking, “My ex is ignoring me” you have to be clever in order to reestablish dialogue.

My ex boyfriend is telling me to leave him alone: Is that truly what he wants?

The second possibility is that your ex is telling you to leave them alone and is becoming disrespectful. You’re wondering how to react and how to get back in control of the situation and avoid further frustrations.

My first piece of advice is to never take it to heart. There will be insults and the desire to hurt you, but you have to thicken your skin and not show them that you’re affected by it.

Your ex justifies their behavior because of how they felt during the relationship. The further your in-flexion point (which is a theme that I explain in my book, “70 Pro Tips To Get Back With Your Ex” goes back in your relationship, the stronger your ex’s pain was and you now have to fight against this intense anger.

It’s not easy to say, ““My ex is ignoring me, ” especially if you’re responsible for the situation, but you have to overcome your emotions.

That being said, you must realize the fact that your ex trying to make space between you isn’t such a bad thing when looking to get back together!

It’s better than ignorance or total lack of communication because by acting out like this, your ex is actually showing you that they care and you can consequently use their actions against them.

For example when you hear your ex say something they shouldn’t have, you can make them feel guilty by writing to them and telling them that their behavior is inappropriate and disrespectful and that you don’t agree with any of this.

My ex doesn’t want to see me at all: I feel awful!

You weren’t expecting to lose your partner and for them not to even want to see you afterwards. I know how much pain this type of situation can force you to feel, but start telling yourself, “it’s only a matter of time…”

The process of getting back together requires that you act at the right moment in order to obtain the desired result and in order to be in control of the situation. This is how you’re going to avoid being needy and also, how your ex boyfriend will begin to rebuild himself.

I’m going to ask you to not let his need to not see you run your life; even if your ex has someone else come pick up their things, even if they go to the other side of the street if they see you, and even if they stop going to an activity that you shared.

Making space between you doesn’t last forever because you eventually get used to it. This is the moment in which you’re going to be able to make your move with more serenity.

In the process of getting back together, you just need one moment face to face with your ex in order to make a positive impression, so don’t be offended and take your time to reveal your improvements.

If you are interested in understanding some of the biggest problems that many people have to confront after a breakup in order to take it a step further and better adapt to it, I recommend that you read other articles on my blog as well.

And if your ex doesn’t want to speak to you anymore click here.

If you told you ex that you hate them during your breakup and you’re thinking my ex hates me, there’s still hope. There’s even still hope for everyone that is thinking that their ex never wants to see them again. Nothing beats making space between you under these circumstances because it’s the perfect way to prove to your ex that you’ve made improvements and now, you can get back in control of the situation. You’re the one that will therefore decide if your ex partner is in touch with you or not!

This puts the ball in your court! You’re going to have to adapt your actions to your specific situation but the first step will be to fight off emotional dependency.

Why can’t reach my ex boyfriend & what do I do if he ignores me?

There are obviously tensions between you if you two have broken up, and a broken heart is one of the most common reasons behind why men ignore women.

Just because the reasons behind why he’s ignoring you might be a little more clear, it doesn’t mean it’s any less painful.

The solutions to the scenarios are going to be very similar, so let’s start by outlining the root of the problem.

My ex BF is ignoring me because he’s upset about something

A more obvious reason behind why your ex could be ignoring you is that maybe he’s just plain angry. You two just had a nasty break up and he’s having trouble letting it go and moving on. Or perhaps he’s found out about something that you’ve hidden from him (past or present,) and he’s really upset. He could also be taking a moment to gather his thoughts before he starts to talk about it with you.

Solution: First of all, give him a little space. When you know my ex boyfriend is mad at me, let him cool down while you prepare what you’re going to say. If there’s something that you need to apologize for, organize how you’re going to present it to him. If you’re worried about how it’s all going to come out, you can write him a letter.

Maybe it was a misunderstanding. Regardless of why exactly he’s mad, you two will have to talk. After you’ve given him some time and space, send him a text that says, “I know you’re upset. Let me know when you’re ready to talk about it and I’ll be here.” Don’t push him, and let him come to you.

Is he ignoring me because he doesn’t like me?

Unfortunately, sometimes people misread one another. One of the reasons behind men ignoring women is that they’re just not that into them.

Maybe you two have dated for a while and he’s not really feeling it. Think about how it was when you two were together.

Did he show you signs of being really, genuinely interested, or was he just nice? For example, at the end of your evening together, did he suggest seeing each other again soon? Did he message you after the date? If you’re realizing that he hasn’t really done anything to make you think he wants to pursue things, this might be his way of backing out.

It’s not a very gallant way to show a girl that he’s doesn’t feel the same way, or to call things off, but he’s trying to get a point across without actually having the say it. I know this can be a nasty blow to your ego, but if you’re thinking that you’re in this type of situation, there are two routes you could take…

Solution:
– “You ignored me because you’re not into me, and that’s fine because I don’t want a guy that behaves like that anyway.” You know what you deserve and what you bring to the table, so if this guy can’t recognize that, then forget him and move on!

– If you’re determined to seduce this guy then what you’re going to do right now is disappear completely. Start using the no contact rule to make him curious. Post pictures on social media of you looking your best, having all kinds of fun.

He’ll start to wonder, “Wait… Why isn’t she talking to me anymore…?” and before you know it, he’ll be contacting you! Men like a challenge, but remember, the goal has to be attainable!

He totally ignores me now because of what I did…

If your breakup was a messy one and you played a big role in why things fell apart, it might be a huge indicator as to why he’s not talking to you anymore.

Perhaps you were unfaithful or you lied about something huge, and he just hasn’t forgiven you. He’s going to need some time, and so are you. You obviously need to apologize, but taking some time to let things cool down is just as important.

If you’re wondering, should I ignore him, the answer is no, but once you’ve genuinely apologized, you should not go out of your way to contact him until he gets in touch with you.

He avoids me because he’s trying to move on

Another common reason why a guy could ignore a girl is that after the breakup, he simply just wants to move on. While you want to know why is he ignoring me, he just wants to wipe the slate clean and move on with his life.

It’s hard to be in touch with a person that you had been so close with, especially if things ended badly. Ignoring you could be his defense mechanism right now. Another possibility is that he’s found someone else and he doesn’t want to hurt you, or he wants to avoid feeling conflicted.

I know it puts you in a tough position, because it’s making you feel even worse than you already do, but in a moment I’ll talk about how being out of touch can actually be beneficial for you.

He’s ignoring you because he still feels something for you

This kind of falls in line with the previous section about him trying to move on, but he might actually be ignoring you because he’s still in love with you. Speaking with you would just twist the knife in the wound. He could be avoiding talking to you because he doesn’t see how you could work things out, and it hurts him to be reminded of what he can’t have.

Out of sight, out of mind, you know?

It’s hard to accept, but the good news is that you can turn this around. Allow him this time and space for a while, and then you’ll be able to turn the odds in your favor.
(More on that in a moment…)

My ex is ignoring me because I’ve been smothering him

Since you’ve broken up you’ve been blowing up his phone. You’ve been telling him you miss him, you want him back, you can’t be without him… You call him, text him, like all his pictures on Instagram… Basically, you’re suffocating the guy.

Truth is, if you’re acting like this, you’re oozing desperation and men avoid desperation like the plague.

If you haven’t given him any space since your breakup, not only is he ignoring you, he might even be running for the hills! It’s imperative that you back off and let him breathe, especially if you’re hoping to get him back. Bombarding him with messages is pretty much the worst thing you can do after a breakup.

Now, speaking of why is he ignoring me after a breakup and what you can do in order to get back in touch (whether you want him back or you want to be friends,) let’s talk about the single most useful tool in your toolbox right now.

How to make him stop ignoring me: Bust out the no contact rule!

Yes, we’ve been touching on, and alluding to the no contact rule throughout this entire article. It is the key for making him stop ignoring me.

Do you know why? It’s simply because it’s the very last thing he expects. He’s become so used to you always being present, always sending messages, always letting him know what you’re doing and what you’re feeling… It makes it easy for you to be taken for granted, so stop!

I was coaching Julie a young professional in the US who had been broken up by her ex. She did all the mistakes that you can think of, was super needy and lost a lot of credibility and self-worth in the process. When she reached out to me she was in the dumps and afraid to lose her man forever.

So imagine how she reacted when I told her to pull away and to not reach out to him for a month. She was petrified and she feared that he would be upset, or even worse meet someone else.

But I convinced her that this was the best move for her, to win him back but also to find herself again.

Sure enough after 3 weeks of radio silence, he found a lame excuse to reach out to her, he couldn’t understand why her attitude had changed all of a sudden, and through distance realized what Julie meant to him. He actually thought that she had met someone else and moved on!

After a few texts back and forth, he asked to see her and the rest is history!

So don’t be afraid to cut all contact with him for at least a month and to focus on your own well-being, and dreams. Really use this time to focus solely on yourself, your goals, and your happiness. Spend time with your loved ones and try things you’ve never done before. Start reminding yourself of the independent woman you are, and become an even better version of her!

Hit the gym, meet new people, or maybe look for an exciting new job. It’s very important to take time to heal and to remind yourself of your strength and potential. If he messages you, ignore your ex! You’re busy taking care of yourself right now. Word will travel about how well you’re doing, and he’ll start wishing you’d give him the time of day again.

The moment he starts fearing that he’s lost you, he will reach out. Make sure you check out this article we’ve written on the no contact rule to learn everything you need to know!

When you get back in touch, if you want to get back together, avoid talking about the relationship. Before you bring it up in your conversations, focus on telling him about the improvements in your life and show him that you’ve wasted no time being down in the dumps.

He will be reminded of the girl he fell in love with, and eventually, the breakup and your relationship will come up in conversation. Your new attitude and outlook on life will start to seduce him again. You will have had the time to see things clearly and to understand what wasn’t working. Thanks to this time apart and the perspective it has given you, you’ll be able to suggest solutions and you two can take things little by little.

If you’re facing another problem don’t hesitate to write to me in the comments below and I would be more than happy to help you.

Sincerely,

Adrian,
Expert in rebuilding relationships

  • Jane

    Hello!
    I am a bit confused…my ex and I were together for 7 years, 7 lovely years with ups and downs, but overall with an incredible amount of love…we mutually decided to break up 5 months ago, and after one month he met this new girl he is still currently with (but he told me only two months later)…until last month we still had an open conversation about trying to get back together (although he was seeing this new person) he was frequently hot and cold, confused, nervous, depressed…we had not been leaving in the same city for the last year or so due to my job, but now that I am back in his town he decided that he needs to keep distant from me and try to be with her…he avoids me in all the possible ways, says he feels guilty towards me and ashamed that he met her so soon…he says he can’t see me because it’s too early, he says he doesn’t know why but he just can’t…one time he says he’s happy but the time after he is not anymore…the situation seems quite desperate to me, what do you think? Thank you in advance, Jane

    • CoachAdrian

      Hey Jane,
      You are actually in a much better situation then you think because this man clearly has guilt and because you are finally in the same city!
      This gives a lot of potential avenues to explore, so don’t hesitate to reach out and to book a coaching session if you feel that you need extra support along the way.
      Best,
      Adrian

      • Jane

        Dear Adrian,
        thank you for your message and help, I will indeed consider the coaching sessions. Just one easy and generic question: isn’t guilt a negative feeling that says more about pity than love? When he said the word “guilty” I thought it was very very bad, a sad red flag.
        I am curious to know your general opinion about guilt as a positive (possibly reversible?) feeling.
        Thanks again.
        Best,
        Jane

        • CoachAdrian

          Hey Jane,
          Thanks for the follow up. Guilt can put him in a vulnerable position and in turn enable you to cease control of the balance of power. By being a challenge, you can make an ex shift their perception of you because the image they had when they decided to breakup is challenged.
          Hence why I am confident that you can still turn this around!
          Best,
          Adrian

          • Jane

            Thank you Adrian,
            very fascinating insight!
            Best,
            Jane

  • Jenny

    Hi Adrain,
    My ex boy friend of 3 years broke up with me 3 months ago.He called me up 5 weeks after that and apologised for things. He cried and said he regretted so much. However, I asked if he would like to get back together. he refused. And few days later he asked me back. He kept going back and forth for a month. He said he loves me but he doesn’t know how this can work again. He said his guilt is stopping him from getting back with me and he needs time to be alone and grow up. He said it’s unfair for me to put up with him now when he is a mess. He said he doesn’t want to lead me on and cut off all the contact with me since last week. I tried to contact him a few times but he totally ignored….I don’t know whether he wants to move on or he just needs time to think. I have no idea what to do. Should I wait? Or so, how long should I wait? Please give me some advice.

    • CoachAdrian

      Jenny, book a coaching session and I will help you make him crawl back to be with you….
      You are in a much more favorable position than you think!
      Best,
      Adrian

  • KT80

    hi-
    think I’ve really messed things up.
    After 3 weeks of no contact, I made contact, it was off and on, then we hung out 3 times and it was great. He said he didn’t want to date anyone. I told him I was still interested- he wasn’t- said he could maybe see us dating again some day, but he didn’t want to date anyone right now. The last time I saw him, I kissed him. He kissed me back. Now he’s ignoring me- for a month. I think he may be dating someone else.
    I’m hurt. Tried 2 weeks of no contact . . . texted, and again he’s ignoring me.
    What do I do?? Move on?

    • CoachAdrian

      Let’s leave no stone unturned, reach out to me in order for me to help you figure out the best way forward.
      Sincerely,
      Adrian

  • Harv

    So I ws dating this guy for a year and I pused him away. Told him to leav. I’m under alot of stress and I am moody. I work two jobs and have no time for fun. My ex was living with me an helping me out due to my previous ex who screwed me over with money due to drugs. My current ex says he still cares and wants to help me but says we are an unhealthy relationship. He said we fought too much but it was because I’m so stressed out. I’m actually going to see a therapist tomorrow. My ex is currently ignoring me in which I get. I told him to give me another chance but I feel hopeless. I’m afraid I pushed the man I love away for good.

    • CoachAdrian

      It’s quite possible you did, but it doesn’t have to stay that way if you truly evolve.
      Book a coaching session in order for me to help you turn this around.
      Sincerely,
      Adrian

  • H2theolly

    My ex and I just broke up because I pushed him away. I’m dealing with alot of stress and I’m not the person I was when we first started dating. I know I need a therapist and plan to see one to better myself and get back to who I was. Even though we got into petty lil fights he claims we fought too much and that it was an unhealthy relationship. I want him back. He’s been civil through the whole break up and I just want to prove that I will be the person he fell in love with. What should i do? He makes it feel like we will never be again…

    • CoachAdrian

      Hey,
      Thanks for sharing. You are not alone, many people feel the exact same way…with many regrets after a breakup.
      I can help you turn things around, reach out to me and book coaching session in order for us to work together!
      Best,
      Adrian

  • JS

    I wish I knew what was going on with my ex. LDR for 2 years and friends for 3. I’m at least hoping to re-establish a friendship.Short version, he changed after awhile & partly I’m assuming due to things in his life over the past year since moving back to the UK. We started having more disagreements & miscommunication issues, he started name calling which started triggering childhood abuse issues for me. Which he knew I struggled with.When asked to stop it continued (subtle things like your being an idiot then another your so smart etc. He didn’t see this as an issue and said my way of thinking is “eff’d up and not normal. I sent info as well on how abuse and my up bringing is different for those in my situation.) I msg’d a friend of his thinking she could help explain why these things were bothering me) All of a sudden a huge fight that blew up over whatsapp. In anger at one point he even said he hated me.When he ended things it was out of anger.I’ve never seen him so mad! He’s done with me & wanted a “break”. Too me he ended it. He kept extending no talking. I pushed instead of backing off. I hate the silent treatment & thought a few days cooling off we’d talk it threw it wasn’t a big issue at least to what he made it. 3 weeks later I sent a letter since he refused to even hear my side of things, and couldn’t without blaming me for everything. Basically it was a if I hear from you again I’ll know you may want to work this out or at least stay friends and if not I know where we stand. We tried picking up as friends after he sat on the letter for 2.5 weeks. He even said it was childish and I appeared “unhinged” before he even read it. I ended up going into NC after he kept picking arguments & I realized how angry he seemed yet. Some days convos were minimal but ok. We may not get back together, lets let it happen natural but I don’t think it will.He messaged me a few times during NC. One to compliment a picture of mine, suggest a podcast and then made a sny remark about I may not be here when you get back. Come to find out one of the girls we argued about suddenly he was hanging out with, liked all her photo’s etc. He even took her some place we talked about together and made sure I’d see the pictures.I’ve deactivated fb, soon after he did the same,he was using manipulation tactics etc. I broke NC 22 days in thinking we would be ok. Turns out it made things worse.2 nice convo’s, him even trying to keep me talking longer. Then he went silent on me again after saying he wanted to try to talk more again. (that night was the night he took the girl to the meteor shower) Since then we haven’t spoke. He’s made no effort, I’m hurt, I’ve re-evaluated that at times he was verbally abusive, he still seems angry and he “flipped” to someone else in no time. Before that argument we had he wasn’t like this and not so cruel.Last talk he said I could message him and he’ll message me when he wants to talk but it’s been no drama and peaceful without me. Everything was on his terms now.We used to talk daily. I have abandonment issues & when we met I was dealing with loss of family & friends. He knew all this & I feel he put me through it all again. I’m trying to move on, some days are ok, others I’m so confused.His reasons and behavior at times was all over! He admitted to loving and missing me at first but says we are not compatible anymore (last talk where he started a fight), which wasn’t the case, he was planning on moving here. He’s still liking Instagram pictures of mine. Since I didn’t react to his jealousy tactics” he’s not posting like he was, or talking to that girl as much that I know of. So, I do believe it was to get me to react. I miss my friend more then anything. I’m hurt, confused, he’s shown narcissistic tendencies and I’m now dealing with flashbacks from an abusive childhood due to this. Which I tried explaining before I msg’d his friend. To him I destroyed everything by doing that. I only wanted him to understand and it blew up in my face. 🙁 I’m scared to even contact him because ultimately how he responds depends on his mood and I refuse to “chase him” but NC actually made my situation worse because now he doesn’t want to really talk to me at all. After him doing it though he messaged me less but almost every day. I just wanted him to realize I can’t keep being an emotional punching bag & he wasn’t treating me like a normal friend when it was met with hostility. It’s now been a little over 4 months since our initial fight and I’m feeling like I don’t even have my friend or like I never even mattered at all now.It’s horrible..I feel worse then before.I should add at times I was busy (I was on vacation) and didn’t respond right away so when I did he’d refuse to talk to me. (he wasn’t busy, but angry yet he would disappear from our convo’s which I stopped getting mad about because we weren’t together anymore) but if I mentioned it after he got angry.I was told to grow up, and he further got upset. He used to be understanding. I don’t get this. It’s push/pull and always his terms now. Why is he so mad at me?!! He broke it off, called me names. I apologized yet, he blamed me more and other days said there’s things he could’ve done different but it’s too late now. No apology though. Now…here we are another 2 weeks and he’s not talking to me or making effort again. 🙁

    • CoachAdrian

      Hey, thanks for sharing your story. I believe that you should write him a strong handwritten letter while leveraging the friend card… I can help you craft it if you book a coaching session with me in order to re-establish contact the right way in order to eventually win him back.
      I sincerely hope to be able to speak with you soon.
      Best,
      Adrian

      • JS

        Thanks Adrian. I simply can’t afford a one on one session and am so hurt that the only thing I’m truly worried about at the moment is trying to forget I ever met him. Which is sad because I’ve never felt that way about anyone who has entered and left my life. I’m still crying almost every other day. I miss him a lot but I am pretty sure everything he said wasn’t meant anymore. I feel more like a pawn and like I wasted almost 3 yrs of my life. I honestly believed he wanted a future with me.You simply don’t use things against some one and flip a switch to someone you supposedly love to making them feel hated and like trash for no real reason. Which he honestly did. I was “discarded”. He is still talking to that girl and although no longer tagging her in post as much she’s commenting on things he occasionally post of stoic wisdom saying it reminder her of that night they watched the meteor shower.The night my heart was broken, and the morning we had talked about trying to talk more. Since then we haven’t really spoke at all. I’m 95% certain the times he was messaging me have now been to her instead. Originally I know he did it to hurt me and make me jealous.Never saw that side of him til after I stood up for myself. Not too long after I posted this he accused me of sleeping with a friend of mine after posting a picture and tagging him in it. As soon as he contacted me he gave me a compliment saying I’m looking great, a few comments about what I was doing that day, then went into a “friend huh? LOL” comment. I was like like yes, a friend. I asked him what he meant and thats when he accused me of sleeping with him. Which I’m not and said even if I was it doesn’t matter we aren’t together.Then he said he doesn’t care, found it funny and then said I made things weird again, refused to talk to me and accused me of thinking he has a problem with it because I said doesn’t matter you moved on anyways. He got defensive after accusing me. Which to me means…he got jealous and cared! But, I was calm. Only said ok then. So. I “made it weird”. Even if I didn’t start the fight, he blamed me and like he does every 2 + weeks or so he will pick an argument and then disappear just as fast which leaves me more upset for awhile. I miss him and love him. But, I can’t play games. I just want understanding of this and closure. But, I realize I most likely wont get it. This has been the worst relationship ending I’ve ever dealt with. Had I not have kids I was even thinking of moving to England to be with him. So, he consumed a big part of my future and this guy is like 2 different people. I simply don’t understand this. I guess that’s why I came here and posted. I’ve never had my self esteem take such a hit. The girl he’s talking to personalty wise in many ways seems similar to me but with past that’s not as bad. In a way I’m concerned for her if he is actually going to do this too her. :'(

  • Dee

    My ex fiance broke up with me almost two months ago. I bombarded her with text and calls, had others call on my behalf during the first month of the breakup. No responses for the most part. Because it’s long distance, I even flew to see her (although she told me not to) and she didn’t show up to the airport. I’ve stopped and haven’t reached out in 3 weeks. She still has our pics on Facebook

    • CoachAdrian

      Hey Dee,
      Pulling back was the right thing to do, because you were way too needy and pushed her further away. I think that I can help you win her back, so don’t hesitate to book a coaching session if need be!
      Regards,
      Adrian

  • Rien

    This is our second break up..and its because of the same thing that happened the first time around. He simply feels overwhelmed is what I think. He’s been looking at other girls and we’ve been arguing and right at the end he tried to turn it all around on me. This was yesterday and since then I have been trying to reach him. He won’t talk to me. I want him back I really want things to work. I don’t know what to do.

    • Coach natalie

      Rien,
      Thank you for reaching out. I know how tough it is when your ex boyfriend is ignoring you, especially when you’ve been trying to reach him. I encourage the no-contact approach. This will give him the opportunity to miss you and realize that being without you may not be what he wants. Also, you’ll have the time to find solutions to your relationship issues so you can make him happy in the long-run.
      Sincerely,
      Natalie

  • Isabel

    Hi! I really need help! So my ex and I dated for 2 years. He was the player type and we had issues trusting one another. His friends would say that he was never as serious with a girl as he was with me. My parents don’t really like him and it had weighed heavily on our relationship. We broke up about a month ago. I made the mistake of being very needy and emotional and he would reassure me that he loves me and he doesn’t need care about anyone else. The more needy I was I think the more angry he got and one day he snapped. He said that he was just trying to move on and that he doesn’t know what he wants and he doesn’t want a relationship and just said if I can realize that we can be friends. he thinks we will never be able to get my parents approval and that he was scared to try still because he doesn’t want to keep wasting his time. He also said he was losing feelings because of my parents. I finally broke down and agreed and said I want to be friends but I need time. I didn’t text him for 4 weeks and then it was his birthday so I broke the no contact. He said “thanks!! It means a lot and I don’t want you to hate me” and then I ended it from there. Now he completely ignores me. At first he would try to get my attention and say hi but I would keep a poker face and only smile at him sometimes, but now he will look at me and look away and pretend I’m not there when I know he sees me. Does he like someone else since he’s been snaphatting other girls? What should I do? Should I wait to contact him for another month or so two see if he still has feelings? I don’t want to come off as desperate. Please help!

  • Phoebe Ratonel

    As I read your article it made me realized a lot of things. In my case, my ex boyfriend and I broke up 4 months ago, during the no contact rule for 3 months he often send me random text messages or privately messaged me on facebook but his messages are just plain apology for what he did to me and my gut feeling says he apologized because he was guilty,then I found out that he and his ex girlfriend are getting back together I guess for good. The pain stings so much when I saw him twice his body language tells he is ignoring me, like he doesn’t want to see me for good. Our common friends said to me that he was not interested in me anymore, it still hurts so much though I forgiven him for what he had done. I accepted what happened to us but I am not open to be friends with him, maybe just casual or civil in future. I don’t know but I guess I am still in the process of healing and moving forward. My question is, is he still have the same feelings as I have for him or should I totally let him go for good because with all honesty my head is battling with my heart and it really sucks. Your response with my concern is highly appreciated. Kudos to your article.

  • Coach natalie

    Hi Rose,
    Thank you for reaching out and sharing your story. It must have really hurt to have gotten back into town and felt rejected by him. If your ex is ignoring you, I think implementing the “no-contact” approach will help. He needs to recognize what losing you really means. This will also give you the time you need to reflect on what could have gone wrong and to adopt a 360 perspective on the breakup. Please take a look at our blog article on “radio silence”. It will help illustrate how to disconnect from him. If you need help on how to reconnect after taking some time apart, please let me know and we’ll devise an approach together.
    Sincerely,
    Natalie

  • Louise

    My ex and I were together for around two and a half years. Mid summer he starts a new job and his priorities changed and we started arguing quite regularly. Because we’re both quite stubborn it meant our arguments were often quite long and painful. He tried to break up with me however I convinced him to give me a chance to change, and we did that for two weeks which was going well, no arguing no tension. Then out of the blue two weeks later I catch him messaging someone and rather explain himself he breaks up with me saying that we can’t make eachother happy any more. This was 10 weeks ago. I know I should have been more supportive, I now realise and appreciate him more, and I just wish I had a proper chance to make things up to him.

    During the breakup I cried and begged and completely broke down. But I read I should do no contact so then after the first day I completely cut off all contact for a month. In that month I spent more time with friends worked on myself etc. But I don’t think NC had much impact given he didn’t try to reach out to me at all either. After this point we have spoken a little here and there, have seen eachother a couple of times to give back eachother’s things, and he’s been really hot and cold with me. When we see eachother we’re flirty and there’s chemistry, and sometimes he’ll start conversations with me; but then he’ll go and switch to being short, sometimes taking days to reply, or wanting to close down conversations ASAP.

    We eventually met up three nights ago for a reconnection drink we had a long chat and caught up without mentioning the relationship at all. I thought it went well. He had positive body language towards me, when we hugged goodbye he seemed to hold on a little longer, and at the end I really thought he might kiss me. But I just wanted to keep things friendly so I walked away.

    I messaged him afterwards saying how nice it had been, and he hasn’t said anything back to me. I also then messaged him yesterday with an offhand remark about an article I had seen about something we both liked, and he has ignored that too. I dont understand why he would want to meet up with me but after it goes well would not want to talk to me. What do I need to do now? I don’t want to miss my chance to get him back

    • Coach natalie

      Hi Louise,
      Thank you for sharing your story. I know it’s very painful to feel like your ex is ignoring you. Based on what you’ve shared, it seems to me that your ex wanted to meet up to see if he could still have you. When he realized he could, he felt empowered and now doesn’t find the need to reach out again. This is an ego thing. I encourage you to stay strong and detach from him. This is the only way he’ll recognize what it’s like to really lose you. I know it’s going to be difficult, but it works. If you need a hand in this, please feel free to book a session and I can help.
      Either way, I wish you the very best.
      Sincerely,
      Coach Natalie

  • May

    Hello, my ex boyfriend broke up with me 9 months ago (we dated for 1.5 years)- he wanted to be friends but as of now I feel like he only said this, so he could push me out of his life quicker. He promised we’d communicate but he never really did. Obviously I panicked, messaged him many times and he got upset- end of story, we had a big fall-out. This was in July. I tried no-contact for 2 months and then started casually texting him, trying to start a conversation- nothing. He either doesn’t reply or just shortly answers my questions, but never asks me anything or tries to engage in a conversation with me. In the whole 9 months he has not once tried to contact me. He seems to have no interest in having any contact with me whatsoever. It’s driving me nuts. I don’t know what to do anymore… I think he is scared that if he talks to me again, I will become the possessive and obsessed person like in the beginning of our break-up or maybe he’s just a jerk, I don’t know… I’ve changed a lot- mentally and physically, but I can’t tell or show him because he refuses to talk to me. I can’t visit him or just accidentally meet him, because we’re living in different cities… Im desperate. Is a coaching session with you gonna help me or is this just a lost cause? Thanks for your assessment. -May

    • Coach natalie

      Hi May,
      Thank you for being willing to share your story. I know you think that, since he has ignored you or isn’t’ giving you attention, all hope is lost. However, based on what you’ve shared with me, the plan of action here is going to be to showcase how much you’ve evolved. You need to set the stage to where him reaching out to you won’t make him worry you’ll become needy or obsessive. I can help you do this. If you’d like, feel free to book a session and we can discuss this in detail over the phone.
      I hope this helps.
      Sincerely,
      Coach Natalie

  • Sandra

    My ex of 4 years broke up with my somewhat out of the blue. We got into a fight and i did something he was very angry at. He ignored me for a week and finally called to end things. I waited the 30days of NC and sent him a text saying i’m sorry & that i love and miss him.He never replied. I know he is angry but what i did wasn’t something unforgivable and we’ve had worse fights. This break up just seems so sudden and doesn’t make sense.

    • Coach natalie

      Hi Sandra,
      Thank you for sharing your story. I’m really sorry to hear about what you’re going through, and I know how painful and frustrating it is to feel ignored by your ex. Breakups, more often than not, are not spur of the moment decisions. It is likely he had been considering it for a little bit, but the fight triggered him to vocalize it. I encourage you to dig deeply into yourself to find what has been putting strain on your relationship. That’s the way you’ll fix it. If you need any help with this, I invite you to please book a session with me or Coach Adrian. We’re here to help and support you.
      Sincerely,
      Coach Natalie

  • Katherine

    So after almost 5 years together (up and down relationship) he broke up and moved out. It was a hard drawn out thing for him as he said he hated it but it had to be done because we were never going to get better staying in the same situation. He said we would still talk but the day after he moved he deleted me off Facebook and we didn’t talk for a whole week. He would text my mom to check on me. So finally I gave in and answered a text he had asked my mom. At first he was short with me and then I wrote a long heartfelt text and it blew him away. Since then we had been chatting casually and a little flirty at times. Well I started to freak out a bit and asked why it felt like I usually was the one to start the convo during the week and asked if he didn’t care to talk to me, he replied that wasn’t it and I didn’t wb. Later that night I sent a text and he read it and didn’t respond so I started to freak and sent a few more texts (normal texts not accusing texts) he never read them so I called, no answer (I never call and if I do he would answer) so I freak out more. Sat am I called one more time and left a vm and then sent one last long text apologizing if I came off wrong and how I loved how things had been going and trying to rebuild a friendship (we discussed that rebuilding a friendship was a necessity for us) well he has not read or replied and it is now Monday. I know I must’ve freaked him out, but to ignore me? He’s never been that type. What do I do?

    • Coach natalie

      Hi Katherine,
      Thank you for sharing your story. I’m really sorry to hear about what you’re going through, I know there’s nothing worse than being ignored by your ex. It seems to me like your ex is exerting his power over how your relationship works. Every time you reach out, you re-confirm that he’s got you in his back pocket. If you want to rectify the relationship and balance the power between you, you’re going to have to try your hardest not to reach out and be the confident woman he remembers. I can help you create an action plan geared toward getting him back. I invite you to book a session, I think it will really help.
      Sincerely,
      Coach Natalie

  • Anna

    My boyfriend and I split up 2 months ago, we remained friends and still talked. But 5 days ago after he reached out to me and we had a small talk about things not related to the breakup, he stopped talking to me. He hasn’t reached out to me ever since. During the talk he was annoyed that I took hours to reply to his message on snapchat, but I explained why and he said he felt like i was “shutting him down” when he wanted to give me the compliments of the new clothes I bought. We had an event that we attended the next day but with our separate group of friends and when I bumped in to him, he seemed so exceed and happy to see me, he gave me such a strong hug and lifted me off the ground like he use to when he hugs me. Today I posted a photo on snapchat of a pair of tickets I’ve purchased for a movie thats coming out and we promised to watch it together when it does, but my sister bought the tickets for us and I got overly excited and posted it. He has seen it, I was expecting a reply from him and asking me who I’m going with or why I’m not going with him, but he didn’t. Do you think he is annoyed by the fact and that i shouldn’t have done it if I wanted him back or do you think he has completely moved on from me? Please let me know, as I am honestly so confused by the situation.

    • Coach natalie

      Hi Anna,
      Thank you for your share, I know how nerve wrecking it can be when your ex ignores you and you’re left wondering what to think about it. Without knowing more, I can’t make too much of an assessment, but I do encourage you to reflect on why the breakup occurred in the first place. Depending on those circumstances, you’ll be able to assess his current actions and intentions more thoroughly.
      If you need any help, I encourage you to book a session, where we can do it together.
      Sincerely,
      Coach N.

  • jesse ted

    I’m sorry this is long, And my first status here as well. but I need some advice. I broke up with my girlfriend of less than years but now I feel terrible/sad. For reference I’m below 25 years old and she was by far my best relationship.
    She’s great. In all honesty, she is kind, loving, and most thoughtful person I have ever met, just an amazing person. She understands me perfectly and I loved her. But, for some reason (family issue from my side) I lost her and I don’t know why/ what to do. We got along, had similar interests, and almost never fought. The problem now I miss her when she wasn’t around and when I knew she was coming to see me I was very excited to see her; especially after seeing how excited she was to see me.
    Breaking up with her was incredibly difficult because I couldn’t find anything wrong with her – she was the perfect girl for me. I just didn’t think it was fair to her to keep the relationship going, and make her sad later. So I choose to breakup early. I felt guilty because I could tell she loved me a lot. Now I feel terrible and I’m sad because I don’t know if I’ve made a huge mistake. This was the right decision. I do still love her and I just didn’t realize it because we were together for long.
    Has anyone else gone through something like this or have any advice? Should I ask her “stay in touch as a friend”. Talk sometime maybe but I know we can’t marry each other.
    And last time when we broke-up she un-follow me and unfriend me from Facebook. But she didn’t block my number. I miss (Drishu) her, now days more. should i text her now and apologize her. it’s been 6 month i didn’t contact with her. Because she so perfect and i feel so bad so i thought it’s good to give her own space. But i miss her terribly. Every single day.

    Someone please Answer.

    • Coach natalie

      Hi Jesse,
      Thank you for your share. I know how hard it is to feel ignored by your ex or like you don’t know what to do. My question to you is, what was the family issue? If it’s truly something you can budge on, then spare yourself and your ex and discontinue contact. However, if it’s not a non-negotiable, I encourage you to book a session where we can strategize on what to do.
      Sincerely,
      Coach N.

  • Paige

    I had been seeing this guys for about 3 months. I have some jealousy issues because of past relationships. Prior to the break up I’d bring up stupid things here and there almost as if I’m trying to push him away when I really didn’t want him to go away. The night we broke up I went to work and he was supposed to cook me dinner. He text me while at work saying he was going to have a drink with his cousin… (he’s done this before where we had plans and he stayed out until 2am) while at work I text him and said of course you are, I knew this was going to happen. He said it was only one drink. Then I said I was done. After work I tried calling and texting and no response. All night I tried..I blew him up it’s embarrassing. Then at 230am he text me back and that’s when I said some hurtful things I regret. The next day I didn’t hear from him. I sent him a message apologizing and nothing. I text him a few more times and he finally said he wanted to be left alone that he was mad at me. So that night I went out and I saw his snap chats so did he. I got a little drunk and we started texting and then said some more hurtful things as did he also did to me. That following day he text me first and he didn’t say anything nice. I responded by saying that’s not how we talk to people..etc. we don’t live in the same city so I knew he would be heading home that day. So I few hours later I text asking him to stop by so we could talk. He said he couldn’t, that we would talk later that night to call him. I sent a few messages trying to apologize and then he didn’t answer the phone. That night he said we could talk the following day. The next day I didn’t call or text and neither did he. This went on for 3 days. On the 4th day I sent him a text saying I missed him and I was giving him some space. He didn’t say anything. I sent a few more apologizing messages and nothing. The next day he said sorry it’s over between us. At this point I’m a mess. I kind of blew him up. He responded a few times saying he can’t trust me. I asked if I should stop trying and he said “probably yeah” then I went off begging and being annoying. Texting and calling him for the next 2 days he never responded. It’s been 3 days since I’ve said anything and I’m trying this 30 day no contact thing, I also deleted him off all my social media..I just really hope he text me again because I miss him and I regret blowing up… help meeeeee😢