My ex boyfriend is ignoring me what should I do?

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My ex boyfriend is ignoring me

My ex boyfriend broke up with me and on top of that they’re completely ignoring me. How can you stand up to their indifference? Why are you suffering so much after this breakup? How do you deal with your ex’s behavior and show them that you’ve changed?

The biggest fear shared by people that are victims of a breakup is losing their ex forever; and I completely understand your suffering and your desire to reestablish communication with your ex. It’s a nasty feeling and one that I encounter every day as a coach specialized in helping people get back together.

I’ve actually created an Audio Seminar on this very issue, so don’t hesitate to check it out here if you want to delve deeper into the process of how to get a man back after a break up.

So you’ve separated, he’s not answering your messages and it’s starting to feel impossible to get in touch with him. Your stomach is sinking and you begin to question, “What’s wrong, why is he ignoring me? Was our breakup actually amicable? Is there someone else?”  and most of all how to make ex my ex want me back. The questions start to pile up your fears and insecurities take over and you start to wonder if it’s too late…

If you’re able to get in control of your actions and take a step back, there are solutions. In this article, we will explore some of the reasons he might be ignoring you, and how to improve the situation; especially if you want him back! You will need to prepare to rationally and honestly assess the situation, and to show self-control.

A large number of men have a tendency to shut down when something is bothering them. Women, however, typically have an easier time expressing their feelings. This is why, when it comes to men, we may not have a clear understanding as to what went wrong and why our ex’s aren’t speaking with us. That’s where I come in. I’m here to help you.

To start, we need to figure out the root of the problem. In this article, I will explain the reasons behind your ex’s silence and the best things to do to stop suffering. You will begin to see that there are efficient ways for reestablishing good communication with your ex; but remember, it’s important never to rush things!

Is he ignoring me or is it just in my head?

Before we start talking about how to fix the problem, take a moment to really think about whether or not he’s actually ignoring you. Can you pinpoint what exactly is making you feel this way? For example, was he easier to reach before and now suddenly it seems like an impossible feat? Did they give you concrete reasons to believe, “He avoids me when I reach out..?”

Could it be that this person is actually just extremely busy with work and it’s not actually personal? Sometimes we meet someone at a time during which they are more available than usual. For example, when they’re in between jobs. When real life comes back into play, they are no longer as available.

If your gut is saying, “No, he really is ignoring me,” then it’s time to look at the reasons behind it. Understanding why your ex is ignoring you helps you to get to the root of the problem and subsequently points you in the right direction.

When Julia from Ohio called to explain that her relationship had ended badly and she felt her ex was ignoring her. I asked Julia to really take some time to think about whether her not her ex was really ignoring her, and to provide a few examples so I could help. In this exercise, she determined that maybe he wasn’t really ignoring her and that he was very busy with work.

She realized that her ego was making her really sensitive and fearful of rejection. It was a really hard thing to decipher, but it really helped her in the process of getting him back. Getting to the root of our feelings is key!

My ex boyfriend is ignoring me and I don’t know why

A breakup can be really painful and on top of that, you’ve realized that your ex doesn’t want to talk to you anymore. How can you explain this type of “escape” behavior after a breakup?

It’s not always easy to understand or accept your ex-partner’s behavior and yet it’s essential in changing your attitude so that you may better understand the situation. The key to getting back together is being able to control your emotions.

To do this you have to get into your ex’s head.

At the moment of the breakup, your ex sets up a natural barrier against getting back together that I call the “unconscious mechanism.” This is how they protect themselves from any attempt at getting back together and this is why they seem like they’re trying to escape you.

So the more you pursue them, or try to get back together, or promise that you’ll change right now, the more they’re going to avoid you. The unconscious mechanism can send a negative symbol to your ex boyfriend every time you try to make them realize that they were wrong to leave you.

This is why it’s imperative to learn how to adapt yourself in terms of your ex partner by making decisions that often go against what you initially want.

If your ex no longer wants to talk to you, taking distance will actually allow you make a bigger and deeper impact when the time comes to send a handwritten letter (and not a simple text message,) especially if you’re able to not divulge your plans to get back together. If not, your action will be met with your ex recoiling even further.

The more present you become, the more your ex will pull back. The goal is therefore to set in motion subtle actions that will lead to communication being naturally reestablished. When you’re thinking, “My ex is ignoring me” you have to be clever in order to reestablish dialogue.

My ex boyfriend is telling me to leave him alone: Is that truly what he wants?

The second possibility is that your ex is telling you to leave them alone and is becoming disrespectful. You’re wondering how to react and how to get back in control of the situation and avoid further frustrations.

My first piece of advice is to never take it to heart. There will be insults and the desire to hurt you, but you have to thicken your skin and not show them that you’re affected by it.

Your ex justifies their behavior because of how they felt during the relationship. The further your in-flexion point (which is a theme that I explain in my book, “70 Pro Tips To Get Back With Your Ex” goes back in your relationship, the stronger your ex’s pain was and you now have to fight against this intense anger.

It’s not easy to say, ““My ex is ignoring me, ” especially if you’re responsible for the situation, but you have to overcome your emotions.

That being said, you must realize the fact that your ex trying to make space between you isn’t such a bad thing when looking to get back together!

It’s better than ignorance or total lack of communication because by acting out like this, your ex is actually showing you that they care and you can consequently use their actions against them.

For example when you hear your ex say something they shouldn’t have, you can make them feel guilty by writing to them and telling them that their behavior is inappropriate and disrespectful and that you don’t agree with any of this.

My ex doesn’t want to see me at all: I feel awful!

You weren’t expecting to lose your partner and for them not to even want to see you afterwards. I know how much pain this type of situation can force you to feel, but start telling yourself, “it’s only a matter of time…”

The process of getting back together requires that you act at the right moment in order to obtain the desired result and in order to be in control of the situation. This is how you’re going to avoid being needy and also, how your ex boyfriend will begin to rebuild himself.

I’m going to ask you to not let his need to not see you run your life; even if your ex has someone else come pick up their things, even if they go to the other side of the street if they see you, and even if they stop going to an activity that you shared.

Making space between you doesn’t last forever because you eventually get used to it. This is the moment in which you’re going to be able to make your move with more serenity.

In the process of getting back together, you just need one moment face to face with your ex in order to make a positive impression, so don’t be offended and take your time to reveal your improvements.

If you are interested in understanding some of the biggest problems that many people have to confront after a breakup in order to take it a step further and better adapt to it, I recommend that you read other articles on my blog as well.

And if your ex doesn’t want to speak to you anymore click here.

If you told you ex that you hate them during your breakup and you’re thinking my ex hates me, there’s still hope. There’s even still hope for everyone that is thinking that their ex never wants to see them again. Nothing beats making space between you under these circumstances because it’s the perfect way to prove to your ex that you’ve made improvements and now, you can get back in control of the situation. You’re the one that will therefore decide if your ex partner is in touch with you or not!

This puts the ball in your court! You’re going to have to adapt your actions to your specific situation but the first step will be to fight off emotional dependency.

Why can’t reach my ex boyfriend & what do I do if he ignores me?

There are obviously tensions between you if you two have broken up, and a broken heart is one of the most common reasons behind why men ignore women.

Just because the reasons behind why he’s ignoring you might be a little more clear, it doesn’t mean it’s any less painful.

The solutions to the scenarios are going to be very similar, so let’s start by outlining the root of the problem.

My ex BF is ignoring me because he’s upset about something

A more obvious reason behind why your ex could be ignoring you is that maybe he’s just plain angry. You two just had a nasty break up and he’s having trouble letting it go and moving on. Or perhaps he’s found out about something that you’ve hidden from him (past or present,) and he’s really upset. He could also be taking a moment to gather his thoughts before he starts to talk about it with you.

Solution: First of all, give him a little space. When you know my ex boyfriend is mad at me, let him cool down while you prepare what you’re going to say. If there’s something that you need to apologize for, organize how you’re going to present it to him. If you’re worried about how it’s all going to come out, you can write him a letter.

Maybe it was a misunderstanding. Regardless of why exactly he’s mad, you two will have to talk. After you’ve given him some time and space, send him a text that says, “I know you’re upset. Let me know when you’re ready to talk about it and I’ll be here.” Don’t push him, and let him come to you.

Is he ignoring me because he doesn’t like me?

Unfortunately, sometimes people misread one another. One of the reasons behind men ignoring women is that they’re just not that into them.

Maybe you two have dated for a while and he’s not really feeling it. Think about how it was when you two were together.

Did he show you signs of being really, genuinely interested, or was he just nice? For example, at the end of your evening together, did he suggest seeing each other again soon? Did he message you after the date? If you’re realizing that he hasn’t really done anything to make you think he wants to pursue things, this might be his way of backing out.

It’s not a very gallant way to show a girl that he’s doesn’t feel the same way, or to call things off, but he’s trying to get a point across without actually having the say it. I know this can be a nasty blow to your ego, but if you’re thinking that you’re in this type of situation, there are two routes you could take…

– “You ignored me because you’re not into me, and that’s fine because I don’t want a guy that behaves like that anyway.” You know what you deserve and what you bring to the table, so if this guy can’t recognize that, then forget him and move on!

– If you’re determined to seduce this guy then what you’re going to do right now is disappear completely. Start using the no contact rule to make him curious. Post pictures on social media of you looking your best, having all kinds of fun.

He’ll start to wonder, “Wait… Why isn’t she talking to me anymore…?” and before you know it, he’ll be contacting you! Men like a challenge, but remember, the goal has to be attainable!

He totally ignores me now because of what I did…

If your breakup was a messy one and you played a big role in why things fell apart, it might be a huge indicator as to why he’s not talking to you anymore.

Perhaps you were unfaithful or you lied about something huge, and he just hasn’t forgiven you. He’s going to need some time, and so are you. You obviously need to apologize, but taking some time to let things cool down is just as important.

If you’re wondering, should I ignore him, the answer is no, but once you’ve genuinely apologized, you should not go out of your way to contact him until he gets in touch with you.

He avoids me because he’s trying to move on

Another common reason why a guy could ignore a girl is that after the breakup, he simply just wants to move on. While you want to know why is he ignoring me, he just wants to wipe the slate clean and move on with his life.

It’s hard to be in touch with a person that you had been so close with, especially if things ended badly. Ignoring you could be his defense mechanism right now. Another possibility is that he’s found someone else and he doesn’t want to hurt you, or he wants to avoid feeling conflicted.

I know it puts you in a tough position, because it’s making you feel even worse than you already do, but in a moment I’ll talk about how being out of touch can actually be beneficial for you.

He’s ignoring you because he still feels something for you

This kind of falls in line with the previous section about him trying to move on, but he might actually be ignoring you because he’s still in love with you. Speaking with you would just twist the knife in the wound. He could be avoiding talking to you because he doesn’t see how you could work things out, and it hurts him to be reminded of what he can’t have.

Out of sight, out of mind, you know?

It’s hard to accept, but the good news is that you can turn this around. Allow him this time and space for a while, and then you’ll be able to turn the odds in your favor.
(More on that in a moment…)

My ex is ignoring me because I’ve been smothering him

Since you’ve broken up you’ve been blowing up his phone. You’ve been telling him you miss him, you want him back, you can’t be without him… You call him, text him, like all his pictures on Instagram… Basically, you’re suffocating the guy.

Truth is, if you’re acting like this, you’re oozing desperation and men avoid desperation like the plague.

If you haven’t given him any space since your breakup, not only is he ignoring you, he might even be running for the hills! It’s imperative that you back off and let him breathe, especially if you’re hoping to get him back. Bombarding him with messages is pretty much the worst thing you can do after a breakup.

Now, speaking of why is he ignoring me after a breakup and what you can do in order to get back in touch (whether you want him back or you want to be friends,) let’s talk about the single most useful tool in your toolbox right now.

How to make him stop ignoring me: Bust out the no contact rule!

Yes, we’ve been touching on, and alluding to the no contact rule throughout this entire article. It is the key for making him stop ignoring me.

Do you know why? It’s simply because it’s the very last thing he expects. He’s become so used to you always being present, always sending messages, always letting him know what you’re doing and what you’re feeling… It makes it easy for you to be taken for granted, so stop!

I was coaching Julie a young professional in the US who had been broken up by her ex. She did all the mistakes that you can think of, was super needy and lost a lot of credibility and self-worth in the process. When she reached out to me she was in the dumps and afraid to lose her man forever.

So imagine how she reacted when I told her to pull away and to not reach out to him for a month. She was petrified and she feared that he would be upset, or even worse meet someone else.

But I convinced her that this was the best move for her, to win him back but also to find herself again.

Sure enough after 3 weeks of radio silence, he found a lame excuse to reach out to her, he couldn’t understand why her attitude had changed all of a sudden, and through distance realized what Julie meant to him. He actually thought that she had met someone else and moved on!

After a few texts back and forth, he asked to see her and the rest is history!

So don’t be afraid to cut all contact with him for at least a month and to focus on your own well-being, and dreams. Really use this time to focus solely on yourself, your goals, and your happiness. Spend time with your loved ones and try things you’ve never done before. Start reminding yourself of the independent woman you are, and become an even better version of her!

Hit the gym, meet new people, or maybe look for an exciting new job. It’s very important to take time to heal and to remind yourself of your strength and potential. If he messages you, ignore your ex! You’re busy taking care of yourself right now. Word will travel about how well you’re doing, and he’ll start wishing you’d give him the time of day again.

The moment he starts fearing that he’s lost you, he will reach out. Make sure you check out this article we’ve written on the no contact rule to learn everything you need to know!

When you get back in touch, if you want to get back together, avoid talking about the relationship. Before you bring it up in your conversations, focus on telling him about the improvements in your life and show him that you’ve wasted no time being down in the dumps.

He will be reminded of the girl he fell in love with, and eventually, the breakup and your relationship will come up in conversation. Your new attitude and outlook on life will start to seduce him again. You will have had the time to see things clearly and to understand what wasn’t working. Thanks to this time apart and the perspective it has given you, you’ll be able to suggest solutions and you two can take things little by little.

If you’re facing another problem don’t hesitate to write to me in the comments below and I would be more than happy to help you.


Coach Adrian,
Expert in rebuilding relationships

119 Responses

  1. Hello!
    I am a bit confused…my ex and I were together for 7 years, 7 lovely years with ups and downs, but overall with an incredible amount of love…we mutually decided to break up 5 months ago, and after one month he met this new girl he is still currently with (but he told me only two months later)…until last month we still had an open conversation about trying to get back together (although he was seeing this new person) he was frequently hot and cold, confused, nervous, depressed…we had not been leaving in the same city for the last year or so due to my job, but now that I am back in his town he decided that he needs to keep distant from me and try to be with her…he avoids me in all the possible ways, says he feels guilty towards me and ashamed that he met her so soon…he says he can’t see me because it’s too early, he says he doesn’t know why but he just can’t…one time he says he’s happy but the time after he is not anymore…the situation seems quite desperate to me, what do you think? Thank you in advance, Jane

    1. Hey Jane,
      You are actually in a much better situation then you think because this man clearly has guilt and because you are finally in the same city!
      This gives a lot of potential avenues to explore, so don’t hesitate to reach out and to book a coaching session if you feel that you need extra support along the way.

      1. Dear Adrian,
        thank you for your message and help, I will indeed consider the coaching sessions. Just one easy and generic question: isn’t guilt a negative feeling that says more about pity than love? When he said the word “guilty” I thought it was very very bad, a sad red flag.
        I am curious to know your general opinion about guilt as a positive (possibly reversible?) feeling.
        Thanks again.

        1. Hey Jane,
          Thanks for the follow up. Guilt can put him in a vulnerable position and in turn enable you to cease control of the balance of power. By being a challenge, you can make an ex shift their perception of you because the image they had when they decided to breakup is challenged.
          Hence why I am confident that you can still turn this around!

  2. Hi Adrain,
    My ex boy friend of 3 years broke up with me 3 months ago.He called me up 5 weeks after that and apologised for things. He cried and said he regretted so much. However, I asked if he would like to get back together. he refused. And few days later he asked me back. He kept going back and forth for a month. He said he loves me but he doesn’t know how this can work again. He said his guilt is stopping him from getting back with me and he needs time to be alone and grow up. He said it’s unfair for me to put up with him now when he is a mess. He said he doesn’t want to lead me on and cut off all the contact with me since last week. I tried to contact him a few times but he totally ignored….I don’t know whether he wants to move on or he just needs time to think. I have no idea what to do. Should I wait? Or so, how long should I wait? Please give me some advice.

    1. Jenny, book a coaching session and I will help you make him crawl back to be with you….
      You are in a much more favorable position than you think!

  3. hi-
    think I’ve really messed things up.
    After 3 weeks of no contact, I made contact, it was off and on, then we hung out 3 times and it was great. He said he didn’t want to date anyone. I told him I was still interested- he wasn’t- said he could maybe see us dating again some day, but he didn’t want to date anyone right now. The last time I saw him, I kissed him. He kissed me back. Now he’s ignoring me- for a month. I think he may be dating someone else.
    I’m hurt. Tried 2 weeks of no contact . . . texted, and again he’s ignoring me.
    What do I do?? Move on?

    1. Let’s leave no stone unturned, reach out to me in order for me to help you figure out the best way forward.

  4. So I ws dating this guy for a year and I pused him away. Told him to leav. I’m under alot of stress and I am moody. I work two jobs and have no time for fun. My ex was living with me an helping me out due to my previous ex who screwed me over with money due to drugs. My current ex says he still cares and wants to help me but says we are an unhealthy relationship. He said we fought too much but it was because I’m so stressed out. I’m actually going to see a therapist tomorrow. My ex is currently ignoring me in which I get. I told him to give me another chance but I feel hopeless. I’m afraid I pushed the man I love away for good.

    1. It’s quite possible you did, but it doesn’t have to stay that way if you truly evolve.
      Book a coaching session in order for me to help you turn this around.

  5. My ex and I just broke up because I pushed him away. I’m dealing with alot of stress and I’m not the person I was when we first started dating. I know I need a therapist and plan to see one to better myself and get back to who I was. Even though we got into petty lil fights he claims we fought too much and that it was an unhealthy relationship. I want him back. He’s been civil through the whole break up and I just want to prove that I will be the person he fell in love with. What should i do? He makes it feel like we will never be again…

    1. Hey,
      Thanks for sharing. You are not alone, many people feel the exact same way…with many regrets after a breakup.
      I can help you turn things around, reach out to me and book coaching session in order for us to work together!

  6. I wish I knew what was going on with my ex. LDR for 2 years and friends for 3. I’m at least hoping to re-establish a friendship.Short version, he changed after awhile & partly I’m assuming due to things in his life over the past year since moving back to the UK. We started having more disagreements & miscommunication issues, he started name calling which started triggering childhood abuse issues for me. Which he knew I struggled with.When asked to stop it continued (subtle things like your being an idiot then another your so smart etc. He didn’t see this as an issue and said my way of thinking is “eff’d up and not normal. I sent info as well on how abuse and my up bringing is different for those in my situation.) I msg’d a friend of his thinking she could help explain why these things were bothering me) All of a sudden a huge fight that blew up over whatsapp. In anger at one point he even said he hated me.When he ended things it was out of anger.I’ve never seen him so mad! He’s done with me & wanted a “break”. Too me he ended it. He kept extending no talking. I pushed instead of backing off. I hate the silent treatment & thought a few days cooling off we’d talk it threw it wasn’t a big issue at least to what he made it. 3 weeks later I sent a letter since he refused to even hear my side of things, and couldn’t without blaming me for everything. Basically it was a if I hear from you again I’ll know you may want to work this out or at least stay friends and if not I know where we stand. We tried picking up as friends after he sat on the letter for 2.5 weeks. He even said it was childish and I appeared “unhinged” before he even read it. I ended up going into NC after he kept picking arguments & I realized how angry he seemed yet. Some days convos were minimal but ok. We may not get back together, lets let it happen natural but I don’t think it will.He messaged me a few times during NC. One to compliment a picture of mine, suggest a podcast and then made a sny remark about I may not be here when you get back. Come to find out one of the girls we argued about suddenly he was hanging out with, liked all her photo’s etc. He even took her some place we talked about together and made sure I’d see the pictures.I’ve deactivated fb, soon after he did the same,he was using manipulation tactics etc. I broke NC 22 days in thinking we would be ok. Turns out it made things worse.2 nice convo’s, him even trying to keep me talking longer. Then he went silent on me again after saying he wanted to try to talk more again. (that night was the night he took the girl to the meteor shower) Since then we haven’t spoke. He’s made no effort, I’m hurt, I’ve re-evaluated that at times he was verbally abusive, he still seems angry and he “flipped” to someone else in no time. Before that argument we had he wasn’t like this and not so cruel.Last talk he said I could message him and he’ll message me when he wants to talk but it’s been no drama and peaceful without me. Everything was on his terms now.We used to talk daily. I have abandonment issues & when we met I was dealing with loss of family & friends. He knew all this & I feel he put me through it all again. I’m trying to move on, some days are ok, others I’m so confused.His reasons and behavior at times was all over! He admitted to loving and missing me at first but says we are not compatible anymore (last talk where he started a fight), which wasn’t the case, he was planning on moving here. He’s still liking Instagram pictures of mine. Since I didn’t react to his jealousy tactics” he’s not posting like he was, or talking to that girl as much that I know of. So, I do believe it was to get me to react. I miss my friend more then anything. I’m hurt, confused, he’s shown narcissistic tendencies and I’m now dealing with flashbacks from an abusive childhood due to this. Which I tried explaining before I msg’d his friend. To him I destroyed everything by doing that. I only wanted him to understand and it blew up in my face. 🙁 I’m scared to even contact him because ultimately how he responds depends on his mood and I refuse to “chase him” but NC actually made my situation worse because now he doesn’t want to really talk to me at all. After him doing it though he messaged me less but almost every day. I just wanted him to realize I can’t keep being an emotional punching bag & he wasn’t treating me like a normal friend when it was met with hostility. It’s now been a little over 4 months since our initial fight and I’m feeling like I don’t even have my friend or like I never even mattered at all now.It’s horrible..I feel worse then before.I should add at times I was busy (I was on vacation) and didn’t respond right away so when I did he’d refuse to talk to me. (he wasn’t busy, but angry yet he would disappear from our convo’s which I stopped getting mad about because we weren’t together anymore) but if I mentioned it after he got angry.I was told to grow up, and he further got upset. He used to be understanding. I don’t get this. It’s push/pull and always his terms now. Why is he so mad at me?!! He broke it off, called me names. I apologized yet, he blamed me more and other days said there’s things he could’ve done different but it’s too late now. No apology though. Now…here we are another 2 weeks and he’s not talking to me or making effort again. 🙁

    1. Hey, thanks for sharing your story. I believe that you should write him a strong handwritten letter while leveraging the friend card… I can help you craft it if you book a coaching session with me in order to re-establish contact the right way in order to eventually win him back.
      I sincerely hope to be able to speak with you soon.

      1. Thanks Adrian. I simply can’t afford a one on one session and am so hurt that the only thing I’m truly worried about at the moment is trying to forget I ever met him. Which is sad because I’ve never felt that way about anyone who has entered and left my life. I’m still crying almost every other day. I miss him a lot but I am pretty sure everything he said wasn’t meant anymore. I feel more like a pawn and like I wasted almost 3 yrs of my life. I honestly believed he wanted a future with me.You simply don’t use things against some one and flip a switch to someone you supposedly love to making them feel hated and like trash for no real reason. Which he honestly did. I was “discarded”. He is still talking to that girl and although no longer tagging her in post as much she’s commenting on things he occasionally post of stoic wisdom saying it reminder her of that night they watched the meteor shower.The night my heart was broken, and the morning we had talked about trying to talk more. Since then we haven’t really spoke at all. I’m 95% certain the times he was messaging me have now been to her instead. Originally I know he did it to hurt me and make me jealous.Never saw that side of him til after I stood up for myself. Not too long after I posted this he accused me of sleeping with a friend of mine after posting a picture and tagging him in it. As soon as he contacted me he gave me a compliment saying I’m looking great, a few comments about what I was doing that day, then went into a “friend huh? LOL” comment. I was like like yes, a friend. I asked him what he meant and thats when he accused me of sleeping with him. Which I’m not and said even if I was it doesn’t matter we aren’t together.Then he said he doesn’t care, found it funny and then said I made things weird again, refused to talk to me and accused me of thinking he has a problem with it because I said doesn’t matter you moved on anyways. He got defensive after accusing me. Which to me means…he got jealous and cared! But, I was calm. Only said ok then. So. I “made it weird”. Even if I didn’t start the fight, he blamed me and like he does every 2 + weeks or so he will pick an argument and then disappear just as fast which leaves me more upset for awhile. I miss him and love him. But, I can’t play games. I just want understanding of this and closure. But, I realize I most likely wont get it. This has been the worst relationship ending I’ve ever dealt with. Had I not have kids I was even thinking of moving to England to be with him. So, he consumed a big part of my future and this guy is like 2 different people. I simply don’t understand this. I guess that’s why I came here and posted. I’ve never had my self esteem take such a hit. The girl he’s talking to personalty wise in many ways seems similar to me but with past that’s not as bad. In a way I’m concerned for her if he is actually going to do this too her. :'(

  7. My ex fiance broke up with me almost two months ago. I bombarded her with text and calls, had others call on my behalf during the first month of the breakup. No responses for the most part. Because it’s long distance, I even flew to see her (although she told me not to) and she didn’t show up to the airport. I’ve stopped and haven’t reached out in 3 weeks. She still has our pics on Facebook

    1. Hey Dee,
      Pulling back was the right thing to do, because you were way too needy and pushed her further away. I think that I can help you win her back, so don’t hesitate to book a coaching session if need be!

  8. This is our second break up..and its because of the same thing that happened the first time around. He simply feels overwhelmed is what I think. He’s been looking at other girls and we’ve been arguing and right at the end he tried to turn it all around on me. This was yesterday and since then I have been trying to reach him. He won’t talk to me. I want him back I really want things to work. I don’t know what to do.

    1. Rien,
      Thank you for reaching out. I know how tough it is when your ex boyfriend is ignoring you, especially when you’ve been trying to reach him. I encourage the no-contact approach. This will give him the opportunity to miss you and realize that being without you may not be what he wants. Also, you’ll have the time to find solutions to your relationship issues so you can make him happy in the long-run.

  9. Hi! I really need help! So my ex and I dated for 2 years. He was the player type and we had issues trusting one another. His friends would say that he was never as serious with a girl as he was with me. My parents don’t really like him and it had weighed heavily on our relationship. We broke up about a month ago. I made the mistake of being very needy and emotional and he would reassure me that he loves me and he doesn’t need care about anyone else. The more needy I was I think the more angry he got and one day he snapped. He said that he was just trying to move on and that he doesn’t know what he wants and he doesn’t want a relationship and just said if I can realize that we can be friends. he thinks we will never be able to get my parents approval and that he was scared to try still because he doesn’t want to keep wasting his time. He also said he was losing feelings because of my parents. I finally broke down and agreed and said I want to be friends but I need time. I didn’t text him for 4 weeks and then it was his birthday so I broke the no contact. He said “thanks!! It means a lot and I don’t want you to hate me” and then I ended it from there. Now he completely ignores me. At first he would try to get my attention and say hi but I would keep a poker face and only smile at him sometimes, but now he will look at me and look away and pretend I’m not there when I know he sees me. Does he like someone else since he’s been snaphatting other girls? What should I do? Should I wait to contact him for another month or so two see if he still has feelings? I don’t want to come off as desperate. Please help!

  10. As I read your article it made me realized a lot of things. In my case, my ex boyfriend and I broke up 4 months ago, during the no contact rule for 3 months he often send me random text messages or privately messaged me on facebook but his messages are just plain apology for what he did to me and my gut feeling says he apologized because he was guilty,then I found out that he and his ex girlfriend are getting back together I guess for good. The pain stings so much when I saw him twice his body language tells he is ignoring me, like he doesn’t want to see me for good. Our common friends said to me that he was not interested in me anymore, it still hurts so much though I forgiven him for what he had done. I accepted what happened to us but I am not open to be friends with him, maybe just casual or civil in future. I don’t know but I guess I am still in the process of healing and moving forward. My question is, is he still have the same feelings as I have for him or should I totally let him go for good because with all honesty my head is battling with my heart and it really sucks. Your response with my concern is highly appreciated. Kudos to your article.

  11. My ex boyfriend and I were dating officially for 2 months (known each other for 2 years). Everything was going great, he was interested in me, attentive, a perfect gentleman. He acted and I could tell he was crazy about me, and so was I about him. Last month I took a trip back home (out of state) to visit my family for 3 weeks. At first we talked every day and everything was normal but then towards the last week before my return he became distant and started ignoring me. I thought he was just busy or was having a difficult time as he had never acted that way. Long story short when I got back he didn’t call me or anything so next day I went to his place thinking that seeing each other would “make things go back to normal” but it didn’t. He broke up with me saying “I can’t do this right now” but didn’t give me a reason why. He was very distant and cold and avoided eye contact, like it was a completely different person. It shocked me. This was almost a month ago. The first week we talked through text a couple times but now he’s ignoring me, even know he follows me on social media. Any thoughts? Thanks.

  12. Hi Rose,
    Thank you for reaching out and sharing your story. It must have really hurt to have gotten back into town and felt rejected by him. If your ex is ignoring you, I think implementing the “no-contact” approach will help. He needs to recognize what losing you really means. This will also give you the time you need to reflect on what could have gone wrong and to adopt a 360 perspective on the breakup. Please take a look at our blog article on “radio silence”. It will help illustrate how to disconnect from him. If you need help on how to reconnect after taking some time apart, please let me know and we’ll devise an approach together.

    1. Thanks for replying, Natalie! Should I delete him from my social media so that he can’t see what I’m doing? Or just let him see I’m doing good without him?

  13. My ex and I were together for around two and a half years. Mid summer he starts a new job and his priorities changed and we started arguing quite regularly. Because we’re both quite stubborn it meant our arguments were often quite long and painful. He tried to break up with me however I convinced him to give me a chance to change, and we did that for two weeks which was going well, no arguing no tension. Then out of the blue two weeks later I catch him messaging someone and rather explain himself he breaks up with me saying that we can’t make eachother happy any more. This was 10 weeks ago. I know I should have been more supportive, I now realise and appreciate him more, and I just wish I had a proper chance to make things up to him.

    During the breakup I cried and begged and completely broke down. But I read I should do no contact so then after the first day I completely cut off all contact for a month. In that month I spent more time with friends worked on myself etc. But I don’t think NC had much impact given he didn’t try to reach out to me at all either. After this point we have spoken a little here and there, have seen eachother a couple of times to give back eachother’s things, and he’s been really hot and cold with me. When we see eachother we’re flirty and there’s chemistry, and sometimes he’ll start conversations with me; but then he’ll go and switch to being short, sometimes taking days to reply, or wanting to close down conversations ASAP.

    We eventually met up three nights ago for a reconnection drink we had a long chat and caught up without mentioning the relationship at all. I thought it went well. He had positive body language towards me, when we hugged goodbye he seemed to hold on a little longer, and at the end I really thought he might kiss me. But I just wanted to keep things friendly so I walked away.

    I messaged him afterwards saying how nice it had been, and he hasn’t said anything back to me. I also then messaged him yesterday with an offhand remark about an article I had seen about something we both liked, and he has ignored that too. I dont understand why he would want to meet up with me but after it goes well would not want to talk to me. What do I need to do now? I don’t want to miss my chance to get him back

    1. Hi Louise,
      Thank you for sharing your story. I know it’s very painful to feel like your ex is ignoring you. Based on what you’ve shared, it seems to me that your ex wanted to meet up to see if he could still have you. When he realized he could, he felt empowered and now doesn’t find the need to reach out again. This is an ego thing. I encourage you to stay strong and detach from him. This is the only way he’ll recognize what it’s like to really lose you. I know it’s going to be difficult, but it works. If you need a hand in this, please feel free to book a session and I can help.
      Either way, I wish you the very best.
      Coach Natalie

  14. Hello, my ex boyfriend broke up with me 9 months ago (we dated for 1.5 years)- he wanted to be friends but as of now I feel like he only said this, so he could push me out of his life quicker. He promised we’d communicate but he never really did. Obviously I panicked, messaged him many times and he got upset- end of story, we had a big fall-out. This was in July. I tried no-contact for 2 months and then started casually texting him, trying to start a conversation- nothing. He either doesn’t reply or just shortly answers my questions, but never asks me anything or tries to engage in a conversation with me. In the whole 9 months he has not once tried to contact me. He seems to have no interest in having any contact with me whatsoever. It’s driving me nuts. I don’t know what to do anymore… I think he is scared that if he talks to me again, I will become the possessive and obsessed person like in the beginning of our break-up or maybe he’s just a jerk, I don’t know… I’ve changed a lot- mentally and physically, but I can’t tell or show him because he refuses to talk to me. I can’t visit him or just accidentally meet him, because we’re living in different cities… Im desperate. Is a coaching session with you gonna help me or is this just a lost cause? Thanks for your assessment. -May

    1. Hi May,
      Thank you for being willing to share your story. I know you think that, since he has ignored you or isn’t’ giving you attention, all hope is lost. However, based on what you’ve shared with me, the plan of action here is going to be to showcase how much you’ve evolved. You need to set the stage to where him reaching out to you won’t make him worry you’ll become needy or obsessive. I can help you do this. If you’d like, feel free to book a session and we can discuss this in detail over the phone.
      I hope this helps.
      Coach Natalie

  15. My ex of 4 years broke up with my somewhat out of the blue. We got into a fight and i did something he was very angry at. He ignored me for a week and finally called to end things. I waited the 30days of NC and sent him a text saying i’m sorry & that i love and miss him.He never replied. I know he is angry but what i did wasn’t something unforgivable and we’ve had worse fights. This break up just seems so sudden and doesn’t make sense.

    1. Hi Sandra,
      Thank you for sharing your story. I’m really sorry to hear about what you’re going through, and I know how painful and frustrating it is to feel ignored by your ex. Breakups, more often than not, are not spur of the moment decisions. It is likely he had been considering it for a little bit, but the fight triggered him to vocalize it. I encourage you to dig deeply into yourself to find what has been putting strain on your relationship. That’s the way you’ll fix it. If you need any help with this, I invite you to please book a session with me or Coach Adrian. We’re here to help and support you.
      Coach Natalie

  16. So after almost 5 years together (up and down relationship) he broke up and moved out. It was a hard drawn out thing for him as he said he hated it but it had to be done because we were never going to get better staying in the same situation. He said we would still talk but the day after he moved he deleted me off Facebook and we didn’t talk for a whole week. He would text my mom to check on me. So finally I gave in and answered a text he had asked my mom. At first he was short with me and then I wrote a long heartfelt text and it blew him away. Since then we had been chatting casually and a little flirty at times. Well I started to freak out a bit and asked why it felt like I usually was the one to start the convo during the week and asked if he didn’t care to talk to me, he replied that wasn’t it and I didn’t wb. Later that night I sent a text and he read it and didn’t respond so I started to freak and sent a few more texts (normal texts not accusing texts) he never read them so I called, no answer (I never call and if I do he would answer) so I freak out more. Sat am I called one more time and left a vm and then sent one last long text apologizing if I came off wrong and how I loved how things had been going and trying to rebuild a friendship (we discussed that rebuilding a friendship was a necessity for us) well he has not read or replied and it is now Monday. I know I must’ve freaked him out, but to ignore me? He’s never been that type. What do I do?

    1. Hi Katherine,
      Thank you for sharing your story. I’m really sorry to hear about what you’re going through, I know there’s nothing worse than being ignored by your ex. It seems to me like your ex is exerting his power over how your relationship works. Every time you reach out, you re-confirm that he’s got you in his back pocket. If you want to rectify the relationship and balance the power between you, you’re going to have to try your hardest not to reach out and be the confident woman he remembers. I can help you create an action plan geared toward getting him back. I invite you to book a session, I think it will really help.
      Coach Natalie

  17. I am hoping to get some advice.. I welcome any as I am a complete mess. I met Joe (not real name) 17 years ago. Not proud of it but he was and still is married. We had a 17 year relationship. I knew in the beginning it was just sex. after 2 years I ended the affair as I knew I was just being used and I had grown feelings for him. I met someone else, married and Joe and I eventually lost touch. 8 years ago I saw his profile online and messaged him. By this time my marriage had failed and our affair started yet again. I knew it was “just sex” but this time i was doing the using even though deep down I knew he was using me yet again. He was still married and one thing led to another and his wife found out and he took a back step. That was about 3 years ago. He contacted me about a week later and we stayed in touch. Speed up to this past year: I landed an excellent job. Joe was impressed and when I met someone at work Joe finally confessed his true feelings for me. Literally out of no where he suddenly spoke of marriage and wanting me to be his wife. I was absolutely floored. As he was always just in it of sex. I questioned his sincerely and motives believe me. He pushed and pushed from that point on for me to move in with him and he desperately wanted to leave his wife. He even spoke of looking for apartments closer to me he lived a few towns over. Again I questioned his sincerity. As I believe it was just jealousy and a dying need to get out of his very unhappy marriage. I expressed at this point the hurt he had caused me in the past and how afraid I was to let him in and the answer was an absolute NO. Well he kept pushing and said things like I will never leave you again, I would rather die then hurt you again bla bla bla . Well we were on the phone one night and his wife (i believe) over heard the entire conversation. She walked in on him and all I heard was screaming. He then abruptly hung up on me. After hearing from him every second of every day for just about the entire 17 years especially the last year he went MIA. I called him a couple days later at work and he completely did a 180. he told me he never wants to talk to me again and that its over. He is now completely ignoring me and I am an absolute mess. Its been about 6 weeks. He has blocked me and won’t answer the few texts I had sent him. What do I do? I can’t believe I am saying this but I want him back. I should also mention he is a bit abusive and has a temper. but had told me before he shut communication down that he would always love me. any advice is welcome. Please I am a basket case.

  18. My boyfriend and I split up 2 months ago, we remained friends and still talked. But 5 days ago after he reached out to me and we had a small talk about things not related to the breakup, he stopped talking to me. He hasn’t reached out to me ever since. During the talk he was annoyed that I took hours to reply to his message on snapchat, but I explained why and he said he felt like i was “shutting him down” when he wanted to give me the compliments of the new clothes I bought. We had an event that we attended the next day but with our separate group of friends and when I bumped in to him, he seemed so exceed and happy to see me, he gave me such a strong hug and lifted me off the ground like he use to when he hugs me. Today I posted a photo on snapchat of a pair of tickets I’ve purchased for a movie thats coming out and we promised to watch it together when it does, but my sister bought the tickets for us and I got overly excited and posted it. He has seen it, I was expecting a reply from him and asking me who I’m going with or why I’m not going with him, but he didn’t. Do you think he is annoyed by the fact and that i shouldn’t have done it if I wanted him back or do you think he has completely moved on from me? Please let me know, as I am honestly so confused by the situation.

    1. Hi Anna,
      Thank you for your share, I know how nerve wrecking it can be when your ex ignores you and you’re left wondering what to think about it. Without knowing more, I can’t make too much of an assessment, but I do encourage you to reflect on why the breakup occurred in the first place. Depending on those circumstances, you’ll be able to assess his current actions and intentions more thoroughly.
      If you need any help, I encourage you to book a session, where we can do it together.
      Coach N.

  19. I’m sorry this is long, And my first status here as well. but I need some advice. I broke up with my girlfriend of less than years but now I feel terrible/sad. For reference I’m below 25 years old and she was by far my best relationship.
    She’s great. In all honesty, she is kind, loving, and most thoughtful person I have ever met, just an amazing person. She understands me perfectly and I loved her. But, for some reason (family issue from my side) I lost her and I don’t know why/ what to do. We got along, had similar interests, and almost never fought. The problem now I miss her when she wasn’t around and when I knew she was coming to see me I was very excited to see her; especially after seeing how excited she was to see me.
    Breaking up with her was incredibly difficult because I couldn’t find anything wrong with her – she was the perfect girl for me. I just didn’t think it was fair to her to keep the relationship going, and make her sad later. So I choose to breakup early. I felt guilty because I could tell she loved me a lot. Now I feel terrible and I’m sad because I don’t know if I’ve made a huge mistake. This was the right decision. I do still love her and I just didn’t realize it because we were together for long.
    Has anyone else gone through something like this or have any advice? Should I ask her “stay in touch as a friend”. Talk sometime maybe but I know we can’t marry each other.
    And last time when we broke-up she un-follow me and unfriend me from Facebook. But she didn’t block my number. I miss (Drishu) her, now days more. should i text her now and apologize her. it’s been 6 month i didn’t contact with her. Because she so perfect and i feel so bad so i thought it’s good to give her own space. But i miss her terribly. Every single day.

    Someone please Answer.

    1. Hi Jesse,
      Thank you for your share. I know how hard it is to feel ignored by your ex or like you don’t know what to do. My question to you is, what was the family issue? If it’s truly something you can budge on, then spare yourself and your ex and discontinue contact. However, if it’s not a non-negotiable, I encourage you to book a session where we can strategize on what to do.
      Coach N.

  20. I had been seeing this guys for about 3 months. I have some jealousy issues because of past relationships. Prior to the break up I’d bring up stupid things here and there almost as if I’m trying to push him away when I really didn’t want him to go away. The night we broke up I went to work and he was supposed to cook me dinner. He text me while at work saying he was going to have a drink with his cousin… (he’s done this before where we had plans and he stayed out until 2am) while at work I text him and said of course you are, I knew this was going to happen. He said it was only one drink. Then I said I was done. After work I tried calling and texting and no response. All night I tried..I blew him up it’s embarrassing. Then at 230am he text me back and that’s when I said some hurtful things I regret. The next day I didn’t hear from him. I sent him a message apologizing and nothing. I text him a few more times and he finally said he wanted to be left alone that he was mad at me. So that night I went out and I saw his snap chats so did he. I got a little drunk and we started texting and then said some more hurtful things as did he also did to me. That following day he text me first and he didn’t say anything nice. I responded by saying that’s not how we talk to people..etc. we don’t live in the same city so I knew he would be heading home that day. So I few hours later I text asking him to stop by so we could talk. He said he couldn’t, that we would talk later that night to call him. I sent a few messages trying to apologize and then he didn’t answer the phone. That night he said we could talk the following day. The next day I didn’t call or text and neither did he. This went on for 3 days. On the 4th day I sent him a text saying I missed him and I was giving him some space. He didn’t say anything. I sent a few more apologizing messages and nothing. The next day he said sorry it’s over between us. At this point I’m a mess. I kind of blew him up. He responded a few times saying he can’t trust me. I asked if I should stop trying and he said “probably yeah” then I went off begging and being annoying. Texting and calling him for the next 2 days he never responded. It’s been 3 days since I’ve said anything and I’m trying this 30 day no contact thing, I also deleted him off all my social media..I just really hope he text me again because I miss him and I regret blowing up… help meeeeee😢

  21. My ex and I were dating for a year and half, he broke up with me cause some of the reason he said he couldn’t give me what I wanted and I expected more from him. we always stayed in contact here and there. we were broken up for a year plus some. One day he calls me crying that he can’t live his life with out me. Than the next day told me to forget it. I ended up finding out a girl that he was seeing was coming into town. He spent the month with her. After that month he msg me saying how embarrassed he was with all the lies he told me and didn’t know how to face me and again couldn’t imagine his life without me. I eventually went back to him cause I love him. We started dating, but he lived in MD and I live in NY so I would try and see him as much as possible given I didn’t have a job. We were getting serious talking about marriage, but the communication was lacking. In April i went to pick out a ring. He moved to NY, During that time I went out of the country for my best friend wedding. Being around ppl that communicated and asked about your feelings about ur day opened my eyes. Mind you during this time he went with my mom and best friend to look at the ring. When I returned I told him to hold off on proposing cause we had stuff we needed to work on. I started to pull away cause I wasn’t getting what I needed. Maybe he was giving it to me, but I wasn’t seeing it the way I wanted it so I wasn’t appreciating the effort he put in. October He went FL to visit his brother for a week. the last day he tells me he moving down to FL in a week. Mind you he still telling he friends he can’t wait to marry me. yes were arguing cause the lack of communication is decreasing and I feel like I was loosing him. After three weeks of being their he breaks up with me. Tells me all the same excuses as to why he’s breaking up like the first time. I find out he’s hanging out with this other girl a lot. He went to key west to new years and even Bahamas. He Ignores me completely, doesn’t answer my calls or return my msg. I’m heart broken.

  22. My situation may be different than some but my ex and I have an age gap (I’m older) he liked me since he was a kid and than after he got older we got together I was his first girlfriend first love etc. I was convinced we would be together forever since he fought so hard to keep us together despite our age gap. However I have trust issues and we broke up a month ago. We started talking and seeing how things go shortly after but we were still fighting over trust. On Tuesday we got into a bad fight and he said he needed time and he doesn’t know about us and that he thinks I’ll leave again. I’ve been doing some soul searching and I do want him back and for us to work on our issues. However I haven’t spoken to him since and I’m afraid to reach out that he will never want to see me again. I’m going to try to do 30 days NC and see what happens after. I’m hoping he will come around, he has before. But I’m worried. Any advice?

  23. So I have been dating the same guy for over 3 years. He is my first boyfriend and I was his first girlfriend. We have had our fair share of ups and downs and even broke up once before 2 years ago but only for about a week. Things have been really good lately. On Valentine’s Day he asked me to move in with him and two weeks prior to that he said if we weren’t in college in would have married me by now. Valentine’s Day was Tuesday and he broke up with me Saturday the 18th. He refuses to talk to me and even took the dog we shared together. I bought the dog for him for his 21st birthday but the dog lived with me for the last 6 months. I know I had to give him the dog but it hurts. He said he wouldn’t keep the dog from me and that he wouldn’t not talk to me. But he is currently ignoring me. I’ve blown up his phone for the last week and it has only made him say screw off and that he never loved me. The Monday after the break up he came to get the dog and agreed to meet with me in two weeks to talk. I’m very scared that he won’t show up this Friday. I don’t know what to do or how to get him talk to me. I want to work things out with him but I don’t know if he does. The breakup came really out of nowhere and I have no answers. I don’t know what to do.

    1. Hi Katelyns, thank you for your share. I know how hard it can be when your boyfriend is ignoring you and you don’t know what to do. I would encourage you to take a step back and assess the situation. How would you do things different if you could? It’s in this that you can develop a plan to get him back. If you need help, please reach out to me and we can talk one-on-one. I’m here to support.
      Coach N.

  24. So i was dating my ex boyfriend for a year now and he broke up with me for more than a month. At the beginning we were so in love until there was this guy who i was close with and just friends. I was spending more time with this guy friend and i did and never will have feelings for him. When my boyfriend saw that he thought that i was cheating on him and sleeping with him when i did not and never will. He is so positive about it but it isn’t true. He told me not to speak or see the guy friend again and if i do then he would break up with me. He always told me that the guy friend would be the reason that this relationship would fall apart. I still love him so so much but it doesn’t seem like he does because of everything that he thinks of that i did which is not true. He also hates it when i tell my friends about my relationship problems and i understand. After telling me what i did wrong i stopped telling my friends about my relationship ever since he broke up with me but when i tell him that my friends don’t know anything of what is going on between us he doesn’t want to believe me. He blocked me everywhere and he told me that i am not allowed in his premises. I really don’t know what to do to make him believe i did not do anything bad right now.

    1. Hi Alison,
      I’m so sorry to hear. I know how hard it is when an ex boyfriend is ignoring you and you’re wondering what to do. I’d say, let the relationship breathe for now. Don’t rush the progress. Trust me on this. If you need support, I invite you to book a session. I’m here to help.
      Coach N.

  25. My boyfriend left Wensday because I was being moody telling him he don’t care about my feelings he started acting meant me and I just walked off from him so he left . I talked to his sister Friday she said he was not at her place that day . I told her to tell him to meet me on Monday at the hospital but he didn’t show up. His mom told me to leave him alone when I called her. I tried to look for him today at his sister and moms place . I just left a letter with his sister and dropped off a set of clothes. He has his stuff here at my place. I don’t know if he is mad at me still .

    1. Hi Kida,
      Thank you for your share. Without knowing more, I can’t make too much of an assessment, but I say to take a step back from the situation to let emotions cool down.
      Coach N.

  26. I’m 22, he’s 25.
    My boyfriend of 20 months, now ex boyfriend since mid January, we would be at 22 months now if we were still together, anyway..

    We just separated this January because of his hot and cold mood swings he’s been having since September 2016.. we had just moved back from California (we moved in together after only knowing eachother 4 months), we really loved eachother and were in love but things got stressful living together and things just have been so rocky between us. 🙁

    He had started telling me things like that he isn’t in love with me anymore and that we shouldn’t be together anymore, that when we lived together in California it changed him (we would argue and get jelous about things, trust issues, he would punch holes in walls) and he just slowly started to “fall out of love with me”, I just don’t know what I did that could’ve caused him to feel this way? He also has narcissistic characteristics.. like where he will try to push me away and then come back like on and off kinda stuff and well recently he was just telling me he didn’t wanna be with me anymore, yet we would still talk like we loved eachother. One day he made me feel like shit by telling me how he didn’t wanna see me and made me feel so unwanted I was so sad and hurt by his words I felt vulnerable that I slept with someone else, (couldn’t go through the whole way, felt it was wrong) but him and I were broken up and I told him because I couldn’t lie to him even though it wasn’t any of his business at the moment, i don’t know if what I did was wrong or not? He makes me feel like I cheated but we weren’t together 🙁 right now he’s ignoring me or only tells me we can talk only when he texts me! And that I have no say or opinion in anything anymore because of what id done… ugh I’m very in love with him and I know he’s upset but I would never do something like that being with him, in almost the whole 2 years we were together I was very loyal to him & honest. I just feel he pushed me in this direction and I did what I did and it wasn’t what I wanted 🙁 in fact it made me want him even more and things just suck right now because he keeps telling me to leave him alone and that it’s over because I slept with someone else.. I know we love eachother but he keeps saying he does and doesn’t.. what should I do to get him back? How can I fix things???!, aside of being my boyfriend he’s a really good friend I just know I hurt him and causing him to be mean to me because of what I did:(( help how can we come back from this and make things positive again???

  27. Hello ! I was dating my boyfriend for almost a year and a half, and a week after valentines day he decided it was too much for him. He claimed we went in cycles and was done trying. He told me he was still attracted to me and cared about me, but he wanted to go live his life. In addition he claimed he did not love me anymore. This was very random as i did not expect this from him. He was starting to become distant previously but we did not fight and did not have a nasty break up. Through friends i have found out that he has been ignoring his friends and family, and me also. I texted once, but have not been blowing up his phone but he still ignored me. Any advice on what he’s thinking or if he is considering coming back around?

    1. Hi Hannah,
      I would encourage you to use this time to understand what went wrong in the relationship. What does he mean by cycles? What were your most frequent issues and how can you adjust them? It is in making these changes that you’ll be able to salvage your relationship.
      Coach N.

  28. I hit my boyfriend and hurt him this is not the first time . From either of us but this time he I hurt him bad and when he left he called me to see if I was ok because he knows I’m in a dark place right now that only he knows how to help . After he left crying and after he called I haven’t heard from him I did try to call a few times but not as much . I’m worried about him irk if he’s ok and how hurt he is but he has me blocked on the phone and I’m not sure if I should just email him an apology letter for had happened and then just let it be ? Or do what he’s doing ignore ?

    1. Hi Nicole,
      Thank you for your share. When a relationship gets toxic to this level, it can be really painful for both people. If your boyfriend is ignoring you, I’d let the situation cool down. In the meantime, try to figure out how you can modify your outbursts, so you both don’t have to continue going through this. I’m here to help if you need.
      Coach N.

  29. Hi
    I’ve been in an on-off relationship (6 years) with a guy who at first was a friend of mine. The first time we broke up, I ended it because I felt guilty for still having feelings for my ex. After that our relationship always ended because he pulled away as soon as we got emotionally close, leaving me feeling frustrated and hurt. He has been depressed and overworked the last two years and I’ve tried to be supported to him but it feels like I failed in making him feel good. Last round up I had some personal issues that makes me unable to feel good enough in whatever I do and I tried to communicate how much I needed him to be there for me but he must have seen me as getting to needy and insecure and pulled away. This rejection made me fall apart and lash out and though we never fight or ever had any nasty breakup I said some hurtfull facts about his personality changing the last couple of month. We never ended a relationship on bad terms and eventhough I usually need some space in the beginning we always stayed good friends. We have always talked very open about needing time-off and for all years we known eachother we had enormous respect towards on and another.
    This time he was sweet as always after the breakup when I’m sad. He let me be but initiated contact on Social Media (only liking some of my pictures). Im afraid I have come across as I didn’t care about him showing he wanted to be genuine nice to me, as in I haven’t expressed happiness beacause I’m in a weird state of mind theese days. As weeks went on I found it harder to contact him and I felt like I’ve let him down. At one event I met some familymemebers of his I freaked out by the thought of seeing him in public. So I told myself I should ask him to hang out some day to neutralise the situation. Im in a state where I feel that I need his friendship and even though I still Love him I need to focus at becoming a strong person again and need him to be able to commit if he wants to get back together.
    What upsetted me was me reaching out by text asking to meet up. He ignored me and me unused to him disrespecting me flipped and went over to his place to ask what was wrong. He did not answer his door eventhough I saw he was at home and I felt like a total stalker. I don’t understand why he didn’t simply say he changed his mind and wanted no contact. Im very hurt and confused, I don’t know if I hurt him last time, if he hates me. If he thinks I’m trying to get back together and he just doesn’t ever want to see me ever again. I felt so ashamed and worthless and extremly confused about his behaviour. Part of me feel so scared off that I should never contact him again but if he has no intention of ever talking to me, why couldn’t he just have let me know? Has he just simply moved on meaning he don’t even like me as a friend?
    I’m both angry and sad for him making me feel less worthy and at the same time ashamed for continuing to reach out when he ignored me and at the same time afraid that I really hurt him and don’t get to say sorry.

    1. Hi Jenny,
      Thank you for your share. I encourage you to take a step back and recollect yourself. You can handle this. You’re best bet is to disappear from his radar, let him miss you. Feelings associated with yearning can really assist you in turning this all around.
      Coach N.

  30. Hi. This is the second time that my ex and i broke up. I were really sad that he decided this again so i was needy and insecure to lose my ex forever, this made me text him everyday to take care and support him. However,he just gave me a short answer. This’s hurt, i feeled like i was chasing him so i decided to do no contact 30 days. After no contact, i reached out to him because his best friend has dead from the accident. Then he responsed me in a positive way exp. take care of me, call me first, text me first and invite me to have dinner during our graduation. After our graduation finished, he backed off(no text, no call). I don’t know why so i try to make a new attraction and connection with him.Anyway he is still on and off about 3 months. However 3 weeks ago everythings got better, he talked to me a lot, sent a funny clip to me, asked me where i am or where i go.So I decided to invite him to hangout and we met each other 1 week ago. Unfortunately after we met, he backed off further. He answered my text just one word.(normally he answered more) This made me confused and i don’t know what should i do or did i do something wrong. Please help me.

    1. Hi Supakarn,
      I’m sorry to hear about your current situation. It’s so painful when an ex boyfriend is ignoring you. I invite you to take a step back from the relationship. Spend time assessing what could have triggered this change in him and in his faith in the relationship. This answer will be what makes all the difference in getting him back. If you need help in any way, I invite you to book a session with me. I can help you strategize a solid game plan.
      Coach N.

  31. I was in a long distance relationship for about two months. It wasn’t long, but me and the guy became really close. I’ve known him since highschool and now I’m in college. A lot of drama had happened which was really sudden for me because at the time I just wanted a positive relationship. I won’t get into details of the drama, but it was very annoying and affected us both. A few days ago he decided to break up with me because we “argued” too much. I didn’t necessarily understand him at this point since couples usually argue. He always told me that we’d be together no matter what. And that we’d go through everything together. So now I feel as if what he said was basically just something he said so he could get me to stick around him.
    Again, I can’t read his mind. So I can’t really say that. But he’s never telling me what the problem is. I’ve tried giving him space for a few days and nothing works. It breaks my heart everytime because I love him so much and I don’t know if he’s okay/upset with me. I try to be kind towards him but he’s nothing but aggressive. He constantly ignores my messages when I try to be friendly towards him. He’s always telling me to leave him alone. But meanwhile, I don’t see him suffering like I am. He seemed to get over our breakup quite easily. I don’t know if he’s into another girl or something like that. I don’t know what to do at this point. It’s frustrating!

  32. Hi, I hope you can give me some advice, it’s the first breakup, two months ago(march), of a relationship of 8 months, I was the one who started the “talk” and then my boyfriend agreed to end the relation. We didn’t do the no contact rule, I made mistakes of chasing him, begging to listen and not to ignore me, and he always told me that ” I didn’t do anything wrong, but this space is neccessary to work out the things we didn’t handle in the relationship because there were a lot of fighting, and we needed this alone , also that he is having changes in his life and he has this a priority, his works and projects, that is why he can’t be in a relationship right now, and he can’t love me as I want but he didn’t want me out of his life, and he has the possibility to return with me in the future, but today he can’t love me back, then ignored me totally again, then I phoned him last week and he answer, we didn’t talk of the relation or breakup, just friendly, and then he started to ignore me totally again, he told my friend that he doesn’t want to go to the same party because he is no comfortable seeing me. I don’t know if there is a chance to get him back, because of my mistakes of how I beg,gnat,apologies,or it’s true that he don’t want a relationship, and the other thing is that he practiced meditation for 4 years, so , I think that he just moved on because of that , I don’t know what to do or is it too late because nothing changed in two months, I really want another chance for a relationship. 🙁

    1. Hi Adela,
      Thank you for your share and I’m sorry to hear about your current situation. I know how painful it can be when we feel our ex has moved on. However, I think that if you’re able to give the relationship some time, you’ll be able to let the dust settle and accommodate a newer form of communication. I know it seems hopeless, but I do have faith in your ability to rectify this. If you need help strategizing on what to do, I can help you. Just say the word and we’ll schedule a session.
      Wishing you the best always,
      Coach N.

  33. I have been in a relationship with my ex of 1 month for 5 years. We at one point spoke about marriage and that quickly faded. I think he may be a narcissist but I’m not for sure. He has used what I call the silent treatment many times within the past 4 years mostly. Things really started getting bad when I was in a car accident in March of 2015. Since we only saw each other on the weekends before, I started spending a lot more time at his place. He made space for my things, seemed to enjoy having me around and then suddenly he switched. Started becoming distant. One night the Facebook topic was brought up. I never thought about looking to see if he had a profile much less sending him a friend request. He asked, why aren’t we friends on FB? I said i really don’t get on much. I’m 43 years old, I was married for 19 years and was never friends with my ex husband, I created the profile to keep an eye on my daughter and nieces and nephews mostly. So I sent him a friend request. Well after he left for work the next morning I got on FB and searched for him. Well needless to say didn’t like what I saw. From January to May 2015 75 young women, my daughter and his sons age had been added and maybe 4 male friends. I confronted him when he got home. He got mad, asked me to leave, never accepted my request, within a month I was told he cheated on me, I confronted him, within a month he broke up with me in August 2015 to go back to his younger children’s mother. Within 3 months, he asked me to meet him, I did, he begged me to take him back, he made the biggest mistake of his life, he loved me, would never hurt me again, etc. We get back together. By June of 2016, after he pulled a couple more silent treatments, and started acting wierd again, i revisited his FB but a little more in-depth. Found sexual comments on close to 100 women’s photos. Most local, some carried on conversations, are you single, when can I see you, etc. So I confront him. He gets mad said FB is bs and he only uses it for entertainment. And to ask any of those women if they ever had sex. There were 3 he commented on a lot, so I messaged them. 2 replied both said no, one just a friend, one said it was leading there but then he stopped contacting her. The last didn’t respond. So I dropped it. Then my car accident settlement came in. We took his two younger girls to Florida to see his son right after thanksgiving. Things seemed to be getting better. I got a new car, kids had a great Christmas needles to say, gave him 15k to get a car, paid off my debt, money borrowed from family, etc and invested in a college fund for his 2 girls and my grandson. After Christmas I see a picture on fb of the third woman that didn’t respond, naked on his bed, wearing a Mardi gras mask he likes me to wear sometimes, and wearing a pair of his socks. I confront him, he said his cousin had sex with her, he just took a picture. I tried arguing with him, but gave up. I wasn’t there, so I said ok, whatever, I believe you. Then I find a letter a week after our 5 year anniversary to some chick in jail, obviously the contents showed they had been sexually involved, so I took a picture and text it to him while he was at work. He told me to leave his home. Got angry with me for going through his things. Well we were trying to work through this when i was getting out of his bed after he left for work one morning. I was looking for my hair brush I keep at his place, and I was checking the time on the wall clock which is located by a vent by the ceiling. And i see a wrist cord for a digital camera sticking out of the vent. Curious, I got a chair popped the vent off and there was a plastic shopping bag full of love letters from that same fb chick and now she is in jail and the letters clearly indicated they were sexually involved and she wanted to be when she is released this July. I found a third letter from yet another chick who is in jail, all of which, given the time line, he had to of slept with last year after begging me to take him back. Needless to say I broke up with him. He is mad at me for going through his things, but i said you shouldn’t be hiding things, i shouldn’t feel a need to look for things, and after taking care of you and your kids and mom for the past 3 years on top of talking about marriage it’s not going through your things these are our things. And i left. He has been ignoring me ever since. I’m truly in love with this man, devastated, heartbroken and I want to be with him. What should I do?

  34. I have started the no contact rule. It has been a week and he kept texting me. I avoided his messages or made excuses most of the time. He even asked me if i’ve found someone many times, but I gave vague answers or totally avoided to answer it. Now he has stopped contacting me. Is he angry or will he now stop contacting me forever? He wants us to be friends and also suggested a friends with benefis relationship. I agreed to it but i won’t do it. Is that the reason he contacted me so often? I’m confused. I want him back. I am continuing with the no contact phase. Please help

    1. Hi Manaal,
      It seems to me like he may be considering rekindling – but that he’s still doubting it or whether it’ll work. You’ll have to do very specific things now (with him and without him) to show him that he can let you back in.
      If you need help with this, I can assist you. I invite you to book a session with me.
      Coach N

  35. Hi Gen,
    Thank you for your share and I’m sorry to hear about your situation. I know how tricky this can all be. I think he did all of that out of anger and jealousy. However, the way you go about reaching out to him will be very, very critical if you want a shot at turning this around. I invite you to book a session with Coach Adrian or myself so we can help you prep and execute.
    Wishing you the best,
    Coach N

  36. We were together 9 years married for 3 and have two daughters together. One day he wants to text me and then disappear. I found out my best friend and him have been together since I left him. He says it was just to make me hurt like he is and called it off. Things will be ok and then if i say the wrong thing he just ignores me. How do I get past this or how do I make him see that the games aren’t going to hurt me that in the long run he will see what he had?

    1. Hi Kristi,

      Thank you for reaching out to me and for sharing your story.

      There are no guarantees here, as your situation is a complex one…but I do believe that I can help you maximize your chances of making it work – and I do think that it is possible to turn everything around.

      I would recommend that you book a one hour private coaching session in order for me to respond to all of your questions, provide you with insights and a clear way forward.

      I sincerely hope to hear from you soon.

      Coach N.

  37. Hi, i just broke up with my bf last week and we recently got back together, is there still hope that we can get back together again after this break up, his reason are still the same as last times that his not ready for a relationship he thought he was, am pushy , needy and complain. He never gives me time or affection, when I tell him he says am needy, he would reather go drink then spend time with me, i always makes plans. I love this guy at 1st we where good but know it’s like am fighting a losing battle, how do i give him hope again with out being needy or pushy.

  38. I broke up with my boyfriend last week. He told me that he wasn’t over his ex wife. Of course I was trying to be understanding but at the beginning when we actually started dating I asked him if he was sure about this because he was going through a divorce. He said yes that being with me is what he wanted. So of course we started dating. It is a long distance relationship as well so it makes it even harder. We talked and texted every day all day about anything and everything since that is the only way we could communicate until the days we got to see one another. It was going great because the distance helped us get what we needed done in our lives that had to be dealt with to even think about a long happy life together. We literally talked about everything of course I thought. He has 2 kids. One lives with him and one lives with his soon to be ex wife. Of course I have not met his kids due to the situation. Which is fine because I don’t believe in meeting the kids until we are for sure going to move forward and start a life together. Anyway I broke up with him because I felt that we were both holding on for selfish reasons. I wanted to be with him because I love and adore him but why should I stay when he isn’t committed to us? I felt I needed to break up with him so he could figure things out and get through what he is going through. I of course told him that obviously he didn’t truly love me or care about me because if he did than he would’ve never stayed in the relationship and that he lied to me and that it was a fake relationship because he wasn’t committed. I know he loved abd cared about me but I said those things to make the break up easier. Well it caused him to not want to talk to me. He said give let me calm down. I said why can’t you talk to me. We are adults. He said he needed some time. I called him multiple times because why couldn’t he talk to me if he supposedly loves me. He then told me he was done. That I showed him a side he didn’t want to see that it was scary that I called him so many times. Anyway I have tried reaching him through text and Facebook and now he has blocked me completely. We have known each other for 20 years he was my twin brother’s best friend. My twin brother passed away. My now ex boyfriend had been with his wife all together dating and married for 24 years. We are in our late 30’s and early 40’s. So of course he has been with her for a long time. But she ended the marriage stating that she never loved him that she used him for financial reasons and stayed to get his retirement. I’m afraid that I have ruined ever getting back together. He would tell me that he was scared that he never knew love like ours. I just don’t understand how someone can talk to you everyday all day, tell you that he loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you and then all of a sudden cut all ties!!! Please what should I do?!

  39. Hi I have been in a relationship for two years everything was always good if anything he always fought harder for our relationship he did everything he could to fix all of our problems since day one but every time we argued I ran away from him he constantly would tell me to stop until a little over a month ago I broke up with him outta anger left blocked his number unblocked it two days later he was trying to fix the situation but I was still so angry I acted like I didn’t want him back and didn’t care . Then I reached out to him seeing that he stopped contacting me I wrote him a letter no response texted him and nothing called him and left him a message he finally answered , he tried to move away from me by seeing other girls he had sex with other people but told me I’m all he thinks about and his been hurt and lost ever since he thought we lost it all , I forgave him and I’m willing to fight for our relationship back because I don’t want to loose such an amazing guy because I acted childish and pushed him away with my actions he told me he needed me and loved me and he’ll never stop . I forgave him he started to back off a little said his scared of going in circles that if I left him every time we got into an argument I’ll leave him easier now that he did something to hurt me .We met and talked he said he knows what I’m worth and knows he won’t be able to find someone like me he doesn’t want to tell me we can’t try again but right now he can’t say tell me yes because I tell him I’m gonna change and never do so he doesn’t believe me his always been a very honest person . I was freaking out by texting him he would write me back but very dry so I stopped he hasn’t talked to me in one week and idk what to think are we actually done did he stop caring or is he really afraid of going in circles do I have a chance of getting him back i need closure I’m confused hurt and lost and now I know I should have valued him more than I did .

    1. Hi Sandra,

      Thank you for sharing your story with me. I’m sorry to hear about your current situation, as I know how painful and frustrating it must be.
      Based on what I’ve read, I invite you to book a session with me. Your situation, although fixable, is complex and will be challenging to express here.
      If you’d like to book, please visit this link:
      I’m looking forward to connecting with you,
      Coach N

  40. Hey, I am not sure maybe it is hopeless. I’ve been split with my ex for a year and coming up for 3 months. It was a very messy break up. I could have had his baby with no closure. He won’t talk to me at all. I’ve not spoken to him in 2 months and plan to continue because every time I do he does not want to talk to me. Feels like he hates me, I love him but maybe that is from a deeper attachment. Any advice would be good. It’s a lot more to this though. Thanks

    1. Hi Megan,
      Thank you for your share. I know how challenging trying to fix things with your ex can be. I do feel, though, based on my professional experience, that what you truly need is going to be a bit of coaching. Your situation does seem salvageable, but it’s complex and will require a tailored strategy.
      If you’d like to book a session with me or Coach Adrian, I invite you to visit this link:
      I’m looking forward to connecting with you.

      Coach N

  41. Hello, im looking for a private coaching session. Me and my boyfriend broke up. we are dating long distance. I live in Canada and he lives in Mexico. I am about to see him in a week. on July 18th. I don’t know Spanish. We broke up over a silly fight. He told me not to come and that his 100% done with me and have blocked me on everything. i told him that i was going to still come and hopes that he will come get me at the airport.He has told me he doesn’t care and that he will not pick me up and that he will leave me there alone and wouldn’t be stepping in his house at all. We have been fighting for the longest time and have been “trying” as we say to work things out. I know he was upset with me nagging a bunch and that i was super jealous of every girl he talked to and that drove him away. He has be blocked or has been ignoring me and wouldn’t reply to any of my text messages. He told his friends that he hates me and his never wants to see me again. Told me that he gave up hope and is just done and has moved on. I know i have been begging him to try and see how things go after the trip. I will be there for 12 days. I still want to go and see him but i dont know how to convince him to get and for us to have a happy time together. I know its a very short time frame. He told me Last Friday to not come and has ignored me since then. I know i cant force him to do anything. But i would still love to travel and see him. Im scared if he doesn’t come i will be by myself in mexico not knowing where to go or stay. I really need help. and would love to have a private coaching on this situation.

  42. I was dating this guy for 5 months. I am quite young and he was my first boyfriend. I broke up with him for reasons that I thought were important at the time. it was summer and college has been out for a little over a month, and he made no effort at all to visit me in the summer. We spoke on the phone everyday. He sometimes put his friends first, which was another reason I broke up with him. He told me he loved me and I loved him. He has not taken the breakup well, he has deleted me off of some social media accounts and posted a mean thing about me online. I’m regretting my decision and believe the reasons were silly of why I broke up. I can’t stand that I hurt him so much, I broke him. I want him back and I can’t stop thinking and obsessing about it, and I’ve realized that he made me so happy and I can’t stand not being with him. I was going to wait a few weeks to message him, after the no contact rule is in place. I can’t move on. I love him. Is reaching out to reconcile after the non contact rule is in place okay?

  43. Hi coach, I’ve been with this guy for two years now. We broke up 3 days ago. We’ve always been great, we’ve never argued what so ever. However in the past month we’ve been arguing a lot due to stress. I’ve had slot happen in my life that I did tend to take things out on him. I mostly tend to break it off quickly when I’m stressed, and he’s always been the one to try to bring us back together. However now, I was the one to break it off at first and regretted it. We’ve always talked on the phone every single day and have even texted one another every day as well. But he’s been ignoring me after the break up. Partly it was my fault because I started the issue. I told him I would wait for him however long it took for us to get back together. But he never responded back to my text message and that was 3 days ago. I want him back but I’m not sure if the one contact rule would work in this situation. I told him that when he’s ready for us to get back together then he knows how to contact me and where to find me. He’s been messaging other girls on fb complimenting them. I’m not sure what to do. Im not sure if I should reach out to him in a month or wait until he comes back to Me. I was his first love and the first girl he’s ever taken serious. I’m really looking forward to your response.

    1. Hi Serenity Iva,

      Thank you for your share and I’m sorry to hear about your current situation. I know how tricky and painful this can all be, especially when it comes to how to communicate issues to make them better. I think I can help, but we’ll need a session so we can fluidly talk about what you’re going through. Please visit this link:
      Coach N

  44. hi my name is Crystal and I’m dealing with a situation with my ex and I me and my ex broke up broke up about 2 months ago and we haven’t been speaking for a while then he came over to get a few things I’ve said he left and he grabbed me and kissed and told me when I leave from my old place and move to another place let him know me I was 3 weeks into The Break-Up and then he came back again then last Saturday he came over to the house and I went and we had relations and we spoke for a while and he told me he loved me and we have too much history for us to just break apart like that he had to leave and I accidentally went in his phone and I seen he had text other girls on this phone but we still aren’t in a relationship and we are broken up as of this point but he keeps you know in contact with me and I keep in contact with him so my question is do I continue to hold on to the relationship and see it through and pray that our relationship restarts and start new love trust or just let it go because my love for him is still there and his love for me still there too I haven’t been with any other man since The Break-Up and my heart will not let me be in a relationship with anyone but he is texting ladies and calling them wifey like he likes them or wants to start a relationship with them but yet he’s coming back to me so I want to know what do I do?

    1. Hi Crystal,
      Thank you for sharing your story with me and I’m sorry to hear about your current situation – I know that this can be rough and really painful. I feel like he may be eating his cake and having it too, and we’ll have to change that if we want to bring him back to you for good. I invite you to schedule a session with me – I can help you here. I’m excited to help you turn things around.
      Please visit this link if you’re interested !
      Wishing you the best today and always,
      Coach N

      1. hello Natalie this is Crystal cross I really would like help with my situation with getting my ex-boyfriend back but I looked at the prices of the coaching sessions and I’m just not afforded I’ve been going through financial difficulties and really would like to help to get my ex- boyfriend from back we’ve been texting each other every week and the during the weekend I receive no text message back and today is the first day of me really not contacting you to give him just space and give myself space we establish how much we love each other and how much we missed each other because we both had it to each other but I need someone to help me and be my corner to keep me through and tell me the things to do and what not to do to get my ex-boyfriend back so I hope Natalie that you can help me

  45. my ex of 6 years broke up with me because he said he was unhappy. hard for me to believe since he stayed in it for so long. i found out i was pregnant after the break up and then i miscarried. i didn’t tell him until after the fact because i was unsure of what he might say or do. i did some things that i’m not proud of. i incessantly called and texted him, drunk called him, and showed up at his house unannounced and uninvited to give him stuff back. he has blocked my number again and will not unblock me. i haven’t spoken with him in over 2 months. i wrote him a letter about a month and a half ago saying something about the pregnancy and miscarriage but i am not sure if he even read the letter, so i didn’t get a response. then i messaged him last week saying that i was sorry for my behavior and that i would like to talk before i move. then i messaged him earlier this week saying that i’d like to talk again and give him some things of his back, again no response. i have been messaging him on social media since he has blocked my number. i know that i haven’t acted right but he hasn’t either and i want a chance at reconciliation. i just do not appreciate being continuously ignored and i am not sure what to do to get him back. i understand he is in medical school which is stressful, but he can’t be studying all the time, and i really just want and need to talk things out with him and i just want him back. that is all i want more than anything in the world.

    1. Hi Wren,
      Thank you for reaching out and I’m sorry to hear about your current situation. I know how painful this can be. I invite you to schedule a session with me, because I do feel I can help you here. Please visit this link:
      I’m excited to connect with you – I have a high turn around rate with situations similar to yours.
      Wishing you the best!
      Coach N

  46. My ex broke up with me almost 3 months ago, We were togeather for 6 years but this is our 3rd break up. We have a child togeather so it is a little difficult. He broke up with me because he thought I cheated. First I tried to have him back, but got angry when I asked him to stop talking so much to me, he deleted me on facebook and snapchat, but is still following me on instagram and he started using instagram more. I tried to talk to him again, then he asked for minimal contact, it’s been 3-4 weeks since and I haven’t talk to him about us, just about our daughter when he’s picking her up and something like that. About 3 weeks ago I asked him to bring some of my daughters stuff and mine when he was bringing her to my place, he did not bring the stuff and when I was about to close the door he suddenly asked for his stuff ( I had some boxes with our stuff that I needed to go through). I told him that I didn’t had the time to go through them and I would let him know. 9 days ago I text him that his boxes are ready for him to pick up, but he never came. 4 days ago I told him that I needed the rest of my stuff back and want to get rid of his I got no reply, 2 days ago I text him again and told him that I was not trying to communicate with him just needed my stuff back and this is something that he can not ignore, and We also have a lot of boxes in storage that We need to go through and this is something I want to finish as soon as possible, and again no reply. Could it be that he regrets the break up, thats why he is not responding to return my stuff and pick up his? I also feel like after I quit begging he got more angry, he has no resons to be angry at me. I don’t want to have things like that, We have a child togeather so We need to have some communication. I’m in a crossroad if I want him back or not, I Find myself often thinking about how can I fix this? But sometimes im angry and don’t want him, he hurt me alot. Do you have any idea why he behaves like this? Ignoring me for wanting to return our stuff so I can just move on since he doesn’t want to talk to me

  47. My boyfriend brokeup with me bc I replied a boy and lied to him that he is my cousin ,he ended up telling me that he trusted him and All I did is cheated on him. Its been 5 months I am trying to make things bette but I am getting ignored utmostly though it hurts but I need him back. What should I do?

    1. Hi Inshrah,
      Thank you for sharing this story and I’m sorry to hear about this situation. You need to ask yourself what drove you to doing things you knew he’d be upset about. What triggered the lying.. I invite you to schedule a session with me so we can identify if we can turn this thing around :
      Wishing you the very best,
      Coach N

  48. He is ignoring me completely at work what to do he talks to everybody except me and if he talks to me he yells at me or being mean to me what to do please help me

    1. Hi Zahra,
      I’m really sorry to hear about your current situation. I invite you to really reflect on the situation – it is OK if he isn’t talking to you. Reason with yourself, and I promise that it will become easier.
      If you want help on how to change it, I can help. I invite you to schedule a coaching session with me.
      Coach N

  49. All great advice. It’s been 7 months since I got dumped and I am still completely heart broken. I screwed up and he had everybody right to be angry and to leave me. I also did everything wrong when he dumped me, although I was never angry and disrespectful to him, I lost all my pride and probably my dignity as well as I begged for forgiveness, and grovelled. It was pathetic and he was probably disgusted with me. I finally developed enough backbone to give him the space he needed. I doubt I will ever hear from him again regardless of what your article states, but I must live with the consequences of my actions and the least I can do is allow him to move on and with my blessing no matter how painful it is for me.
    I just hope wish the pain will go away and that I too can move on.

  50. So I was dating this guy and we broke up over a stupid little fight..It was our first argument.I gave him something bk he gave me that was important to his heart and I think it really hurt him.This was 3 months ago…He told me he needed space. I didn’t give him that I kept calling and txting and begging for another chance Now he has blocked my number.I know he can still get my txt but he told me he didn’t want me back because to many people knew our buisness and I didn’t give him his space.. He is completely ignoring me… I don’t know why to do because I truly love him.

    1. Hi April,
      Thanks for reaching out and Im sorry to hear about your situation. I invite you to have to session with me, so we can talk this out and determine what makes sense.
      Coach N.

  51. Hello my name is Bell, I was with my ex for 10 years. He made mistakes but so have I. We broke up 3 months ago and I didn’t contact him for 2 months now these past few weeks we talked but I again went crazy and attacked him because I was emotional and needed answers on why our relationship ended. He said he was there for me but I pushed it too far and there is no chance in a relationship again. Now he is ignoring my texts and I keep trying to reestablish a communication but I am failing. I am so heartbroken and feel stupid for acting crazy but he has done it as well in the past. Neither of us is perfect he just makes me feel like I am the one that messed it up now and it’s a lot of pain to carry on top of the heartbreak I don’t know what else I can do.

    1. Hi Bell,
      If you attacked him, it’s important to really let the relationship breathe. He needs to heal and forgive, and so do you. Don’t rush the rekindling process. If you want a strategy, I’m here to help and encourage you to consider booking a one-on-one with me.

  52. I’ve been seeing surgeon since May. He’s 37 and I’m 30. For the first two months everything was going good seeing each other 2-3 times a week and we talked on the phone often. All he did was mention his ex who is getting married to someone else. To me, he’s still very much hung up on her. I know her whole life story because of him. I’m divorced with no kids. We briefly touched on my divorced but I never mentioned it again. All of August we didn’t talk, neither of us contacted the other. He randomly messaged me that I forgot a something at his house. So we started talking again and seeing each other once a week or so. Now it’s been almost a month again and we talk on the phone here and there but we have no seen each other. I feel as if he is avoiding me. In early October he said that he doesn’t want to ruin things between us and that he’s not seeing anyone. He has a sexual dysfunction so I believe him. I recently asked him if he sees this going anywhere and he says he can’t say no or yes. I really want to see him to talk but I don’t want to chase him since I feel like he’s avoiding me. How do I make this happen?

  53. My ex of 9 months just recently broke up with me because he needed space and doesn’t know who he is, and wasn’t ready to be committed. Before he broke up with me I was getting ready to tell him I was pregnant. Well that went really nasty. He basically told me to fuck off and he’d See me in 9 months after I had the baby. He’s completely deleted me from all social media and his life. I just don’t understand what I’ve done wrong or what to do. I know I have to ignore him, yet it’s so hard when you’re 6 weeks pregnant and kind of lost yourself. Please help.

    1. Hi Leidy,
      I’m so sorry to hear about this situation – I know how painful it is. For right now, I’d give the relationship some space – let him cool off, while you prepare for this next chapter of your life.
      I feel space is your best bet, and slowly rebuilding over time. If you need help with strategy, I’d love to coach you. I invite you to consider scheduling a coaching session with me.

  54. My ex broke up with me about a month ago and barely ever spoke to me ABOUT the breakup. We had a blow up argument that resulted from little arguments that never got settled (He doesn’t like to talk about “negative things” so there was always still unsettled feelings). Any way he has completely ignored my every attempt to reach him. I did get one DRUNKEN phone answer where he was basically making no sense. He has yet to remove me from social media, but has resulted in saying harsh things the few times he has responded to my bombarding him with texts. Sating things like “he used to care….dont anymore…got closure now??!!” Is this just him being angry? Our last argument was the silliest thing of me showing an insecurity and instead of him telling me i’m being crazyy etc he started saying nasty comments and it went on from there. Most of our arguments were always sillly things but b/c of his lack to talk about things like that always resulted in him giving me the silent treatment for up to a week. That was “punishment” I guess. I just feel like he doesn’t even care and it’s really starting to take a toll on me. Any advice, help would be greatly apppreciated. Does he care? is he struggling too?

  55. my ex broke up with me.. but we talk at times and I go home with him sometimes and talk about things.. but when i ask him about us, he will say sory and his reason of prioritizing his family and that why im not seeing this time to just focus on myself and the time I can spend with my family.. he starts texting or messaging some girls but I always know because he tells me as well.. even when I ask him about them. and he tells me there is no one, but tells me he just talks to them through ig, messaging.. he’s my officemate and we both go the same way together before separating paths to each others home. at times I feel like he just abandons me or not really takes care of me, not interested in what I do or say., or how I still feel.. I want him to know that I’m not ignoring the fact that his mom and brother needs him and his left with all the responsibility, but isnt it why I’m his gf? or was.. to share it with me and talk it over and help each other.. I love him.. and as much as I want to not talk to him, sometimes… i just really cant get him out.. not even in a day.. Tho, I’ve lessen the text messages but when we get to talk.. I become the usual me who talks stuff to him and all.. he said we can be friends now but I was really honest and told him I am his friend even before we got into the relationship and being his gf, i cant just unlove him.. my parents also got mad because of the sleepovers and I emailed and wrote them with how I really feel that I’m not rebelling against them but instead just trying to let my love reach his heart again.. can you help me… i was quite down for a few months when he told me he wanted to talk and he wasn’t able to really tell this to me.. I just guessed.. and he said it was hard for him to say..

  56. I dated my bestfriend for 7 months and he told me he needed space and that I should stand by him which I did but he was acting distant. Kept giving me mixed signals and visited some day telling me his family issues(He’s very secretive to what breaks him but would still open up to me) and we had sex. After 2 days he bought me a ticket to an event which takes 3 days but we did not go together. I kept ignoring him physically for all the 3 days & when we got back home I tried reaching out to him but he gave me an excuse that he wasn’t home. When I tried texting he would reply late and after a week he deleted my number. I wrote to him a couple of times but he seemed angry and only called once. One week now we are not talking, what should I do.

  57. I dated a man for 4 mos and he fell fast and hard. Was talking about our future together, planning, etc. I was trying be careful and healthy about us because I really liked him. Once he won me, he started to pull away and then broke up with me. He said it was because he felt scared of being a part of my family…I have 6 kids but 3 are grown. He also admitted being uncomfortable with my special nerds daughter. He has 2 kids of his own. Since breaking things off, I do the no contact rule. But he reaches out to me and asks to see me every 4-5 weeks. He has been dating as have I. The last time he reached out to me, he wanted to have sex. I told him I only will that within a relationship…he knows this. I told him I do not want to give myself and heart to him again when he could pull away for weeks at a time again. I care about him and I want more than casual sex. He continued to want to see me that weekend and we spent time together and talked more. He says hes not ready to commit to being in a relationship with me but he keeps coming back because he says Im so terrific and hes so atrracted to me…that if his head was on right Id be the woman he wants to marry and get old with. Now hes pulled away again and I havent heard from him in over a week…so I was right to not have sex with him and right about himrepeating this pattern yet again. Everytime, I do the no contact, he comes back,Im kind but state what I feel and want but still he wont commit…yet hes the one that keeps coming back! Im at a loss of what to do.

    1. Hi Aimee,
      If you don’t want him back, then don’t accept him when he returns. If you feel he’s unable to change, maybe it’s time to let it go – for you, and for your family.

      1. I still love him and keep hoping since he keeps coming back that each time will be the right time. He says all the right things about his feelings but not the important thing… no action to truly be with me in a relationship. He keeps saying hes not ready tet but keeps coming back. My heart is so confused.

  58. Hello Kate,
    Thank you for your comment. We have a lot of comments to reply to daily as well as private coaching sessions. Its hard for us to spend time to read long comments then give advice. With your understanding we always want to help and guide everyone as much as possible. Please reach out to us here
    WMEA Team

  59. Hi.I did no contact for 2 weeks and couldnt hold it anymore because i knew we both missed each other,tried to get her back as she said she was missing me and stil loved me but end of conversation she said she stil thinks its the best for us.I sugested coffee and she agreed but said we will go in 5 days time.We went ,i didnt talk about the relationship only asked what she had been up to etc.It felt really good for me dont know bout her.When it came to say bye we hugged 5 times in 4 minutes and she ws crying her eyes out.This was 3 days ago and now i have no idea what to do as she only contacts me when i text her first.What should i do?we were together for 4 years,lots of plans etc.

    1. Hello Lawrence,
      In this particular situation I encourage you to give her space and still be somewhat available for her. I do not know the context of the breakup which would have to be done through a private coaching session but here is my overall advice to help you as much as possible. Whatever it was that caused the breakup make sure you sit with that and figure out why it happened and where it came from and fix it. You fix it through actions and just as you noted don’t talk about the past to much and do not apologize. You ex needs to see change and also needs to see positivity. Take her somewhere new every time! Encourage her to come up with ideas of things she wants to do that she’s never done before and TAKE YOUR TIME! 🙂
      I do ask that you reach out to us for a private coaching session so we can help but if not I have a link of a product that I think will guide you through this journey. Best of Luck!
      WMEA Team

  60. Hello Aracely,
    Thank you for your comment. It seems as though he may be battling something within himself. It seems to me he is worried about finance and health and this can hinder a relationship. In order to get the right answer I would suggest for you to go into NC for 3-4 weeks and he will reach out to you during this time. Once your NC is up you can set some boundaries on communication and see if he opens up as he will notice that you may be slipping away during NC.
    WMEA Team

  61. Hello Cam,
    I know right now can be difficult but its important that you give him room to grow so he can feel better about the relationship and himself. I believe the best thing for you to do at this moment is focus on what went wrong in the relationship and how you can show up differently in the future to support a better relationship. Do I think this is the end? No. But I do think that there may need to be some work in order for the relationship to move forward.
    WMEA Team

  62. Hi Anna,
    I know right no is confusing and difficult but just be strong and continue to focus on yourself.
    WMEA Team

  63. Hello Stacy,
    Just give him time. He will come back around. I would just keep the conversation about you and him and what you have learned from the breakup. Also, showing him through actions how things have changed will be the key in getting him back.
    WMEA Team

  64. Ex boyfriend broke up with me because he wanted to be single, fell out of love with me, couldn’t commit, and wanted to focus on career. We are 30 and were together for 1.5 years. He is the coldest person I know and I don’t think no contact would work on him. I did no contact for 40 days since day 1 of break up and he has not contacted me ever since. He doesn’t look at my social media posts and cuts me and all my friends out of his life. I finally reached out to him with a nice text reminding him of something he likes, wishing him well. He responds with polite wishes for me too, and I try to continue the conversation but he no longer responds. Does he want to really have nothing to do with me at all? Should I keep trying no contact again?

    1. Hello Judy,
      My suggestion here is to move forward and ask yourself why you would want this in in your life if he is not committing to you or is easily cutting you or family/ friends off. I would take the time to reflect and move forward with your life. If you need any tailored advice please feel free to reach out as we are always here.
      WMEA Team

  65. Hello Fay,
    Without the full dynamics through a coaching session it may be difficult for me to tell you 100% if this is a good idea. What I can tell you is if you been in constant contact with him leading up to this point then NC would be a good idea.
    WMEA Team

  66. My ex broke up with me last week. I still have his house keys and car keys and have a lot of my things at his place. He hasn’t contacted me and I don’t want to contact him. He hired my sister as his realtor while we were still together. He hasn’t contacted her and put a hold on his house hunting, however just today he decided to contact her and is back house hunting. Why is he still using her as his agent? WHy hasn’t he asked for his keys back nor brought up the subject on getting my things? I feel like if he was truly over me, he would not use my sister as his realtor…Am I supposed to contact him for my things?

    1. Hello Teresa,
      The breakup is still new. I would give this some time and let your emotions settle for the both of you. I do think he will reach out to you once the dust settles a little bit. Don’t respond to him immediately when he reaches out. I would suggest no contact for a bit.
      WMEA Team

  67. Hello, I was only with my guy for two months and we were in love, moved too fast and our break up was messy. I did everything wrong and messaged him too much, apologized too much and just acted crazy, desperately trying to get him to talk to me. He thinks that Im too clingy and told me its over and started ignoring me. At this point, A month after our break up, and after all my mistakes, can I still start the no contact rule?

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