When you and your ex broke up, didn’t you wish there was some little button you could have pressed to go back in time? Back before the relationship took a turn for the worst? Wouldn’t it have been convenient if the happiest parts of your relationship were a click away? Of course you do. Who wouldn’t?
Unfortunately, that’s not a realistic option. Relationships don’t work this way. Fixing a damaged or broken relationship isn’t immediate.
If you want to reset your relationship, prayer to heal a broken relationship isn’t enough; it’s going to take time, strategy and commitment.
However, for the sake of this article, let’s pretend you had that button to fix your broken relationship. Would you send yourself back to the day before the breakup? Or, would you send yourself back to when your relationship seemed perfect and mutually satisfying for both people?
The above questions are important, because if you want your ex back, you firstly need to recognize that there is a gap between when you both were happy in the relationship versus when your ex broke up with you.
Helping people get back with the one they love and lost is our expertise, and I am delighted to introduce The Reset Button Technique to you in this article!
How to make a relationship work when all hope seems lost
In the majority of cases, the day a person decided to leave their partner was not the day he or she decided to. It may have been the day that they went through with it, but the decision to do so was previously established. He or she could have wanted this for days, weeks, or even months. You may have felt it, too.
How to fix my relationship or how to create a new relationship with the same person?
A lot of people call me saying, “I want my ex back. I want my old relationship back. I want my old life back or simply ask me how to mend a relationship.” However this isn’t entirely true. The relationship you had in the end is not the one you started with, and the one you had in the end didn’t work.
So, saying you want your old relationship back is incorrect.
What you truly want is a new relationship with the same person. You want to start the relationship over; leaving the baggage associated with arguments and resentment behind. Believe it or not, this is actually possible. The action of restarting a relationship with the same person is a concept and action plan I have personally developed, called “the reset button”.
Unfortunately, the reset button isn’t an immediate solution, like it is in Men In Black. This method will require time, strategy and perseverance, because you can’t erase the past. But, if you’re willing to put in the work, you can move on from it.
Since you’ve made your way to this article, you’ve already taken the biggest step: you’ve come to terms with the fact that you want your ex back or perhaps you’re finally committed to do what it takes to learn how to fix a broken relationship with your boyfriend and now prepared to do what it takes to materialize that desire.
Step one: Realizing that you don’t want your old relationship back
As I briefly mentioned above, the trick to getting back with your ex is realizing that you don’t want your old relationship back. Despite your efforts (or maybe lack of effort), that relationship didn’t work. It wasn’t fulfilling for your ex and it likely wasn’t very fulfilling for you either, right?
Something, somewhere along the line, changed for you or for your ex and one of you began to doubt your partner’s ability to make the other happy long term.
How to repair a relationship for good
Therefore, if you try to just figure out how to repair a broken relationship, you’re really just signing yourself up for inevitable failure.
By only trying to rekindle with an ex without resetting the relationship, you’re going to gain much more than just your ex: You’ll also gain all of the fights you had, tears you shed, mean things you said to each other, and pain you made the other feel.
You’re going to get into a fight in a month and your ex will mention something you did 5 months prior. Why? Because you didn’t reset the relationship and rather you extended the old, broken relationship into your present lives.
In short: the reasons that triggered the breakup in the first place will all come back and the outcome (breaking up) will come in tow. This often converts into those couples who break up and make up all the time. Is that what you want?
Remember: The true objective should not be to want your old relationship, but to want a new relationship with the same person.
How to make a relationship work even if you’re no longer on speaking terms with your ex
I’m not in the business of band-aids and quick fixes. I actually want to help you develop and maintain a fulfilling and lifelong relationship not just reveal how to fix relationship problems. You deserve it. We all deserve it.
It’s important to remember that this process can be painful at times and will require a lot of emotional discipline, but in the end, it works. If you follow the steps listed in this article, your chances of successfully rebuilding your old relationship into a newer and stronger one are very high.
In turn, you’ll be able to set the foundation of lifelong happiness with the person you love and desire.
Step two: Radio Silence is your best friend
In order to effectively rebuild and reset your relationship, you need to embrace the power of time. That’s right, time is power. Why? Because time is critical in closing the ties attached to your old relationship in order to make way for a new, stronger relationship to develop.
For example, let’s compare this stage to trying to grow a garden in a field full of weeds. In order for us to plant a new, lush garden full of consistently sustainable nutrients, we’ll need to make sure the land is weed-free and fertile.
This process takes time.
If we rush it, we may miss a spot, and eventually, the weeds we missed will grow back and as strong as the ones responsible for destroying the garden (or relationship) in the first place.
How to rebuild a relationship by mainly focusing on yourself!
“Radio Silence”, a term coined by Alex Cormont, master of fixing relationships and the primary founder of our relationship and reconciliation philosophies, refers to cutting contact with your ex.
The key ingredient for Radio Silence to be effective is time. Time will let you and your ex heal. You and your ex left your last relationship feeling wounded. Maybe the wounds are psychological, or maybe they’re emotional.
In extreme cases, they’re physical (in which case I’m going to say to avoid rekindling with your ex altogether. You don’t deserve that type of activity in your life EVER).
By implementing Radio Silence immediately after a breakup, we ensure that those wounds heal and don’t scar your mind and heart. If they heal correctly, you and your ex will be able to reconnect without fear or resentment. This is how you can build a strong, new foundation without the baggage from the old relationship.
Fixing a relationship requires paying attention to details
If we bring this back to our garden example: time allows for us to really make sure those weeds are gone, that our soil is fertile and that our garden is really ready to handle new vegetation.
Remember, like in our garden, we may not notice that we’ve rushed things until it’s too late. In the beginning, our garden will look great, but over time, those weeds will return and by the time we realize they’re there, they may have already caused some serious damage.
What does this mean in terms of our relationship? DON’T RUSH IT. Be thorough and don’t cut corners just because you’re desperate for your ex back. Trust me, embracing time will make all the difference for you.
How to fix relationship issues that are deep rooted?
You may be wondering, “What do I do or focus on with all this new time?” or “What is my ex going to do or focus on with this new time? What if they use it to get over me?”
The answers to the above questions above are all the same: YOU. During this time, focus on yourself. On bettering yourself and evolving into a person that you and your ex can be proud of and rely on. It’s the best approach towards healing relationships.
There are two reasons why you shouldn’t use this time to party with your friends and slack off at work. One, your ex will find this unattractive. As people, we are attracted to ambition, drive and success. We want our partners to do and accomplish excellent things and to feel fulfilled doing it.
Two, if you spend the radio silence period out partying with your buddies and drinking, time is going to move much slower. If you think 30 days of no contact is tough? By not setting your focus on accomplishing some of your personal objectives, that 30-day mark is going to feel more like 60.
You might as well just sit in a chair and stare at the clock.
How to start over in a relationship by learning to think like your ex
In addition to bettering yourself for the purpose of repairing a relationship, spend time focusing on the underlying issues in your relationship. Try to learn how your ex thinks. A great exercise may be to make a list of issues you frequently faced in your relationship.
Once you’ve written your list, try to view each argument from your ex’s perspective. Try to envision how it made them feel. If you can learn to think like your ex, you can also learn how to really keep them happy (and also to prevent fights) in the future.
Outside of all the amazing things you’re focusing on to develop a new and improved “you”, this radio silence period is also going to give your ex the chance to really miss you. As the saying goes, “you don’t know what you have until it’s gone”.
Further, when something we had is abruptly taken away from us, we all of a sudden are desperate for it back. In short, Rejection = Obsession.
How to fix your relationship even if your ex is frustrated with you
Toward the end of your relationship, your ex was pretty frustrated with you. In their minds, your shortcomings outweighed all of the positive things you contributed to the relationship.
However, now that you’re gone and since you disappeared so completely, your ex is going to see all the added value you brought to their lives and will likely itch for you to return to them.
Not only will this expedite their healing process and make them more anxious at getting you back, but they’ll also really appreciate you once they do have you back in their lives.
Time is important for three reasons:
1. It allows for your previous relationship to end. The chapter can finally close and the wounds can start to heal. Your tempers will lower and the whiplash from the breakup will soften. Independently, you’ll be able to look back and decipher the core issues of your relationship.
This reflective period will be the groundwork for rebuilding your relationship and making sure it’s stronger than the previous time around.
2. Time lets you build an action plan and ways to fix a relationship. Radio silence is not for you to drink beer and play video games; it’s for setting objectives and accomplishing goals.
Use this time to the fullest – identify the relationship issues, identify how your partner may have perceived these problems, and then find solid solutions to them. This is where the “reset” begins to happen.
3. Your ex will have a chance to really miss you and to acknowledge all the positive things you brought to their lives.
Step Three: Determine when the relationship took its turn for the worst
As previously mentioned, not speaking with your ex is going to give you a lot of extra time to work with. Go above and beyond prayer to heal a relationship and start to reflect on when the relationship changed. As I mentioned in the intro, the day your ex broke up with you was not the day they decided to.
Fixing a broken relationship entails being honest with yourself
Delve deeply into your relationship when asking yourself how do i fix my relationship. What did you fight about? How often were you fighting about certain topics?
Trying to understand how your ex processes events and information relates to the list making exercise I mentioned in the previous section. It’s an essential step towards effectively rebuilding relationships. When you have the list, try to see your ex’s perspective on each fight.
How do you think they felt? Were they right? Wrong? Take time with this and be honest with yourself.
Now that you have the list of fights and have processed them through her perspective, take some time to separate the fights into groups based on similarity.
For instance, if you often fought about you being late, and also frequently fought about not picking up after yourself at home, then these topics are related and fall under the “thoughtlessness” category.
How to mend a broken relationship by proving to an ex that you’ve really changed!
As you continue to review your list and identify patterns, you’re going to notice that your fights are related to themes in your character.
Remember, just because some on the fights you had were geared toward things such as you being thoughtless, it doesn’t mean you are 100% to blame for the dismemberment of the relationship. For instance, perhaps your ex was slightly controlling and this prompted you to stop caring to always please them.
There’s always going to be causes and effects in relationships, and so I don’t want you to let this exercise bring you down or make you feel entirely responsible. Use it more as a guide to develop a thorough and rounded perspective on what went wrong in the relationship.
Remember: Once you know exactly what went wrong, you’ll know what to work on. This is a major factor in successfully resetting the relationship.
Step Four: Implement The Solutions into your Routine BEFORE Reaching Out To Your Ex
When we crave our ex’s, we want to run right back to their and plea for their attention and say time and time again that we’ll do better this time around. However, by this stage, your ex doesn’t want to hear it. She wants to see it.
Rebuilding a relationship requires actions that showcase that you’ve changed
In other words, you need to walk the talk before you reach out to your ex. If you reach out prior to implementing the much needed solutions to the problems you faced as a couple (that you should have in a handy and lengthy list by this point), you’re only going to push him or her further and further away.
This makes the gap between you two grows much bigger, it’s going to start becoming more and more difficult to get her back. Therefore, I encourage you to do this right the first time, and take the time to make some changes, no matter how long it takes.
This way, when you reach out to your ex, your contact will be authentic and supported by physical actions and evidence.
Now, you’ll be able to showcase your evolution and illustrate to your ex that you didn’t take your time apart lightly, but rather you optimized every second, knowing that it’s what you need to do in order to rid them of doubt and make them happy in the long run.
How to start a relationship over once you’ve reestablished contact with your significant other
You may be asking yourself, “how do I know I’ve changed into the partner my ex needs me to be or how can i fix my relationship for good?”
The answer to this is simple: if you’re asking the question, then you haven’t made the changes. Progress is a feeling, it’s confidence, it’s self-awareness. When you feel you’ve truly changed, then prepare for the time to reach out.
Remember: If you reach out before this, your ex is going to sense it and end up pulling further away from you. Do not take advantage of time.; take as much of it as you need to make the modifications needed. If you don’t, all your efforts thus far will go to waste; and you’ve already come too far to stop!
Step Five: Reaching out the Reset Way!
The time has come that you’ve been waiting for: it’s time to reach out to your ex. Nervous? Don’t be! By this stage, you’ve decided to reach out because you’re certain that you’ve made the appropriate changes that your ex is going to need to feel happy in a relationship with you long term.
If you aren’t certain, STOP, scroll up! And reread steps 1-4.
How to start a relationship over the RESET BUTTON WAY
Now that we’re here and ready to open the door of communication with our ex, how do we make sure that it promotes a new relationship, rather than just an extension of the old one?
Well, in your initial meeting, do not bring up the previous relationship! I repeat, do not bring up the previous relationship!
Repairing a relationship doesn’t need to happen during the first contact
Right now, you’re only showing your ex how you’ve evolved, how confident you are, and how you can engage in a conversation with them without triggering any drama. You want to show how much you’ve changed, so don’t associate yourself with the past!
Leave it back there. Of course, you’re going to have to discuss a few of those challenging topics later on (they can’t be swept under the run indefinitely, either) But for now, let’s focus on starting anew.
Starting over in a relationship with the right mindset during the second first date
Here’s a good exercise for when you’re going to see your ex: try approaching the meeting as though you didn’t previously date, or as though you just started dating for the first time.
Remember how you made each other feel? Recreate that. In this exercise, you actually have an advantage, because you do know things that your ex likes and dislikes, so you can tailor the location and conversation to their liking.
Broken relationships don’t have to stay broken forever!
If you’re meeting for coffee or a meal, make sure it’s somewhere neither of you has been – the element of surprise is very powerful and can let the mind feel environmental stimulation and prevent it from feeling bored. Remember, it’s a first date!
To conclude this article, I want to stress that this process is lengthy, but it’s very effective. Don’t rush it or solely bank on prayer for healing a broken relationship and embrace the gift of time. If you have any challenges with implementing or following any of the steps of the “reset button”, I encourage you to book a session with me.
Together, we can delve into the intricacies of your relationship and tailor the approach to you and your ex specifically.
Either way, I wish you the absolute best on this journey of and in love. Remember, you can do this. I believe in you.
I Know We Are Meant To Be!
Bonus: 3 advanced strategies that will turn you into a Human Relationships Expert and give you the tools to get back with the one you love... for good!