When you go through a breakup, especially when it’s unexpected, you tend to have some bad reactions and even more so if your feelings for your ex are strong. It’s hard to accept the separation and you want to do whatever it takes to be together, but this can result in some false moves.
A lot of people think that by giving their ex gifts, by making big promises, or by stifling them they’ll get them back. If you want to successfully get back together with your ex, you have to let them breathe.
I know that your friends and colleagues are urging you to tell your ex everything about how you feel, but an expert in human relationships and getting back together is telling you that there are important rules to respect in order to avoid making things worse!
Now is not the time to declare your undying love or to treat your ex to expensive meals in fancy restaurants. A separation means that you both need to put some space between you. If you know my philosophy, then you’re aware of the dos and don’ts of getting back together.
For those of you who aren’t yet familiar with this topic, these are actions to avoid doing at all costs in order to preserve your chances of patching things up. Unfortunately, a great number of people reading this article right now have a very tough time following these rules and end up making their ex want to cut ties for good.
But asking yourself how do I give my ex space is a good place to start; it means that you recognize the face that there’s a problem in the way you two have been interacting. So, if you want to be happily together again, you’re going to have to change the way you’re acting.
The solutions are pretty straightforward when you want to know how to make your ex want to get close to you again, what tips will help you break this distance, and why your ex is acting like this… Keep on reading, leave a comment on the bottom of this article if you have any questions, and follow the advice that you’re about to find!
Why does my ex need space?
Even if it isn’t common, sometimes breakups don’t result in conflict and the two partners are able to remain in touch and on good terms. Sometimes even friendship can bud with an ex, even if one of the two would like more…
That said, it doesn’t look like you’re in that situation simply because the person you love has decided to take a step back.
Generally speaking, when an ex decides to put even more space between you after the breakup has already happened, it’s because you’ve perhaps been a bit overbearing. You’re always sending messages, you call often, and you frequently suggest meeting up. In other words, you’re not accepting what’s happening and sometimes you even deny the obvious.
This is what makes you have trouble respecting their need for space and go against what they’re expecting from the breakup. The solution to this problem is simple; put some space between you.
When you harass your ex, don’t be surprised if they end up moving on… If you don’t respect their wishes and make things even more complicated, it is going to be considerably harder to get back together.
It’s important to note that an ex’s desire for space sometimes isn’t your fault. Maybe you had still been together just a few days ago, and you’re not doing anything wrong, but you’re still faced with your ex’s need for distance. This is often the case when the separation didn’t ‘go well.’
I’m referring to situations in which there was infidelity, multiple fights, or a crisis, because a person’s anger or disappointment has been brought to a fever pitch. Even if it goes against your nature, sometimes you have to take a step back so you can change your approach.
Accept the breakup to make sure you don’t suffocate your ex
“How do I give my ex space and not be too needy?”
This is the biggest question you need to ask yourself if you want your attempt at getting back together to work! For now, don’t put so much focus on getting your ex back, because if you don’t focus on being less present and creating a proper balance you can kiss your dreams of being with your ex goodbye.
The only way you’re going to move towards your goal is by giving your ex a new image of yourself. The very first step is to accept and understand the breakup. When you keep acting as though you were still in a relationship it means that you’re in denial and you haven’t accepted what has happened.
It’s understandable; I want to reassure you because it’s so common for people to feel this way, but you must understand that this has to change if you want to be with your ex again!
You should know that accepting a breakup doesn’t mean that you’re giving up on being together again. In truth, the relationship you had is over, let’s be clear about that, but it doesn’t mean that you can’t build a new one with the person you love!
You’ll have to create a much more solid and balanced foundation and show your partner that you understand and can meet their needs and expectations. Once you understand this, you will stop breathing down their neck.
how do I give my ex space using radio silence?
You shouldn’t be thinking, “OK, I won’t do anything and I’ll just wait.” No longer harassing your ex isn’t synonymous with sitting around and waiting for them to come back to you. The good news is that there is a very effective technique that combines distance and the process of getting back together and I am of course talking about radio silence!
By using it, you’ll be able to respect their need for space all the while you prepare your return. Personal reconstruction, and psychological and physical evolution via a new physical activity are actions that will make you feel much better and will send a positive message to your ex.
They’ll no longer see the person that was begging them, that was crying and depressed, and they’ll see a new person that they could really like (as long as you’ve made these changes for the long run.)
I know that what I’m telling you to do isn’t simple, and that’s exactly why I am here to help you with an ultra-effective method! In this eBook I reveal all the secrets of how to marry taking a step back with actions that show your evolution to your ex. I invite you to check it out by clicking here!
The coach when wondering How do I give my ex space?
Sincerely,
Adrian
33 Responses
Hello – I am needing help
and after reading your article which has been an eye opener I have a few
questions. My ex broke up with me about 3 months ago there was many issues in
our relationship and she was unhappy for a while. I failed to really put in my
part and over the last 3 months I have learned how much I have hurt her. I have
been working on myself thinking she was doing the same but I found out she was
dating someone right after our break-up and that has me broken to my core. She
informed me she loves me and misses me then goes cold and tells me she doesn’t
having feeling her heart isn’t in it because she is so hurt and is upset that
she is at this point. Over the last couple of weeks I have found myself being aggressive
and wanting to push her – but she told me she needed space. My ex informed me
that the girl was just a rebound and she informed her that they could only be
friend nothing more because she needs to really work on herself and find her
happiness. I guess I am needing help I decided that I need to stop talking
about the relationship and I am accepting that its over but I don’t want to
lose her so I am leaving the state for a month to rebuild myself and surround
myself with my family. So my question is how can I get her back – I see you
speak on the radio silences which from what I have read that would be “No
Contact” – do you think im on the right path of leaving for a while to
create space? We work together and I have to see her every day that is the main
reason I am leaving is because my job is allowing me to work from home/
different state so I figured out of sight for a while would help to let her
think about things and maybe miss me but I can really work on myself. Im scared
that she will let this other girl in – even though she informed me she is just
a friend and was a rebound but Im also scared if Im not reaching out she will
forget about me or feel that she doesn’t want anything with me. Please help I
need some peace of mind.
Hi,
Thank you for your share. I know how hard it can be to assess how to give your ex space so they can fall in love with you again. I really encourage no contact. We actually have another article in our blog regarding how to implement no contact if you work together. I highly suggest that you read it! I think it can be a great point of reference for you.
Sincerely,
Coach N.
We did not breakup , but I often feel like my partner has lost interest in me and it makes me feel insecure and fear losing him. He did not spoke about ending it but I always doubt that he wants to and it makes me feel sad to think that I might be a weigh for him , he thinks that I overthink but I really want to be that interesting attractive person he used to love talking to.
My partner and I used to talk about different subjects when we first met and it used to be fun but after going more through our relationship we mostly talked about our feelings for each other and our fantasies…
And I personally find it difficult to talk about anything else even thought I don’t want to talk about any fantasies or feelings I own for him anymore same as for him , I just can’t go back and be as we used to be and what we used to talk about
And I have to mention that it’s a distant relationship.
I really think that he is the person I want to live with for the rest of my life and I don’t want him sad with me neither I want him with someone else.
What should I do to make him gain interest in me again?
What should I do to get to have back those dynamic conversations we used to have ?
Hi CoCo,
Thank you for your share, and I”m sorry to hear about how you’re feeling. I know that it is really painful when trying to understand how to give your partner enough space to make them fall back in love with you. I invite you to book a session with me, so I can help you develop a strategy that will maximize your chances at turning this thing around. No one deserves to feel as you do. Adrian and I are here for you.
Sincerely,
Coach N.
Thank you, how do I get a session ?
Hi Coco,
For a session, please visit the following website: http://www.withmyexagain.com/coaching
I look forward to connecting with you.
Best,
Coach N.
My girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me 4 days ago. The things that lead up to it was I saw that she changed a password on one of her emails and it was and aol one but also had a aim account on it. And I saw she was chatting with a guy but I don’t know if it was old or not because she told me she hasn’t spoken to him in years. After I confronted her about it she deleted the chat and changed her password again. So it made me suspicious. After all that she started hiding her phone all the time. When she was sleeping she would put it under her pillow. When she took a shower she would take it in the shower with her. Just everywhere she went she took it with her and on day I decided to take it and hide it from her before work so she would leave it and I could see what she was hiding. And she started also buying sexy underwear all the sudden. And she went to her friends birthday party in a sleezy outfit she got. I know I sound insecure but it was making me suspicious. But anyway after I hid the phone she asked me where her phone was and I said idk. But she found it and told me we’re DONE! I begged her not to break up with me but she didn’t listen. We have a one year old little girl together and she told me to pack my stuff and get out. I could go to work the next day and stayed home. I went to buy her flowers and a card for when she got home from work to say I’m sorry. And I tried to talk to her and figure out how to solve our problems. I spilled my guts to her and she didn’t say one word and would not take the flowers or card I got her so I threw them in the trash. The next day she took them out of the trash and put them on the counter along with the card. I asked her why and she said even though we broke up I shouldn’t be a B to you. I haven’t ate for 3 days and have to take sleeping pills to sleep. I told her today I’m done to and I’m not the only person who is wrong for what they did and she hurt me real bad and I don’t wanna be with her either and she hasn’t said anything back. Plus we still live together until I can get another place so it makes it real hard and I want to see my daughter every day not only on weekends. She had a son from a previous relationship to and I been around him since he was 8 month and he’s currently 3 now. Someone please give me advice. Sorry for the grammar.
Hi Broken,
I’m sorry to hear about your current situation. I know how painful this can be. I invite you to take some time to yourself. Rebuild your strength – this is how you’ll get your ex back. Spend some time really recognizing what triggered the jealousy and need to control her conversations. This behavior will need to be tamed in order to get her back. If you need help, we can support you. I invite you to book a session with Adrian or myself – we help a lot of people develop strategies to fix situations like yours.
I hope this helps,
Coach N.
this is what she texted me yesterday after I surprised her when she got home after work with a poem that I put in her room with lit candles and rose petals all over the bed and floor and I played a sweet song on the speaker when she opened the door.
Leon I appreciate the work you put in tonight. It was really nice. I love you and I will always love you. But Leon I’m just not happy with you, and maybe I’m not happy with myself. I don’t know. I need time to myself. I can’t do this with you, only because you don’t deserve it. I am not happy and therefore I treat you like shit alot. I constantly yell and bitch about you and to you. I can’t live this way anymore. I can’t be with you cause I’m afraid of hurting you. With me not being happy with you and not feeling as special as I should. I know I’ll n looking for attention from other people. And I wont do that to you. I can’t do that to you. Cause nobody deserves that. I don’t know whether it’s you or me or the both of us. But right now I can’t be with you. It’s hard enough with you in the same house, soon all these nice things for me, the shit ive been looking for all along. But now it’s just to late, if been unhappy long enough and now I just don’t care. I’m sorry it has to be like this but I’d rather let you go rather than you you and get hurt.
What does this mean to you?
Hi Broken,
For some thorough insight, I do encourage you to consider booking a session. It’s must more thorough and lends to higher success than this comment forum.
Wishing you the best always,
Coach N.
Hi Jen,
Thank you for your share and I’m sorry to hear about your stressful situation. I know how tricky this can be. I feel that you should spend time reflecting on why he may feel that he’s not able to commit. It’s in this reasoning that we can in turn rectify the situation. If you need any help, I invite you to book a session with Coach Adrian or I. We’re here to help.
Best,
Coach N.
Thank you for your reply. If the reason he feels he can not commit is something that doesn’t have to do with me do you think I am wasting my time? I don’t understand how we could be in a relationship for almost a year if he had these feelings.
My ex boyfriend and I broke up a month ago, he used to love me and respect me a lot, during the relationship I was a little bit mean with him (since it was my first relationship i admit i made a lot of mistakes) , one day i broke up with him because i thought he was cheating on me but right after he explained to me the situation he broke up with me and told me he can’t handle all these problemes anymore , during this month of break up we haven’t stopped talking, last week he talked to me about getting back with each other but i didn’t give him an answer, so when i told him yes he told me he doesn’t know yet if he’s totally ready to be with me now and that he needs some time to figure this out, another thing that he told me is that after the breakup he dated a girl because he was mad at me and now he broke up with her for me (this is confusing me a lot i don’t know if i should believe him or not) the problem now is that we talk with each other like a couple he still sends me couple photos and cute things, but he still tells me that he s still trying to recover and make things back to the way they were. He wants me to wait for him, but i don’t know anymore if the feelings he had for me are ever going to be back the way they were and if i should wait for him now or just move on ?
Hi Katy,
Thank you for your share and I’m sorry to hear about your current situation. I know how frustrating it is.
I feel it’ll be important for you to really distance yourself from the relationship. Let him miss you and not think you’ll wait around. If you need help in maximizing your chances at turning this around – I would love to work with you.
Wishing you the very best,
Coach N.
My ex and I of a year broke up a few months ago. The contact backed off for a while, but we would talk from time resssuring that we still care about one another and that we hope the other is doing well. We started reconnecting in the past month and even started flirting again. He came over and we talked and caught up – we were affectionate, warm, and we were really reconnecting again. We revealed to each other that we both care about each other very much and missed one another. When we started to get to a deeper heart-to-heart part of the conversation, he went to the bathroom and I did something stupid — I picked up his phone and he saw me. In the past he would lie to me about stuff from time to time (which I came to forgive and move on from) so I really had no motivation to pick it up. There was nothing to look for or find, and I didn’t even open it – it was a childish impulse and I truly regret it. He got angry, stormed out, and sent me texts after saying that he needed some space. He felt victimized and I feel horrible for hurting him that way. He’s hurt because he thinks I don’t trust him (he knows me better than anyone and I’ve moved forward from the lying). Of course I apologized and expressed my feelings, and have backed off since to respect his wishes. After I apologized he said “thank you for your apology, it’s fine, don’t be so hard on yourself, I just need some time, etc.” A few days later I asked for a chance to apologize in person and was ignored, and he blew me off at the gym when we crossed paths. I left him alone after that, but since then he’s reached out to ask to borrow something simple, checked in on me before/after a surgery, and on my birthday – all within the same week. We haven’t spoken in a few days over text since my birthday, but he checks my other social media. That was all very recent and It’s only been 2 weeks since the “phone incident” . Do I continue to leave him alone? I’m not sure if he’s still upset and still needs space or if that was the end-all, be-all for him. I love him very dearly and would really like to try and rebuild with him…If he were that angry about it and wantedto cut me off, he would have done it by now right?
Hi AW,
Thank you for your share. I do feel like you can turn this around. However, you’ll have to be really tactical with how you approach him if you want for him to be receptive of your outreach. I invite you to book a session with Coach Adrian or myself. We can help you.
Wishing you the best always,
Coach N
**Have I ruined my second chance with him or do I just give it more time?
HELLO SO ME AND MY EX BROKE UP ALMOST 2 MONTHS AGO THE BEGAIN OF THE BREAK UP WAS BAD NO CONTACT NOTHING SHE SAID SHE MET SOMEONE AND ALL THAT BUT NOW IT SEEMS LIKE IT ALL TURNED AROUND AND SHE IS TELLING ME SHE IS WILLING TO GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE LONG STORY SHORT WE BEEN 2 GETHER FOR 9YEARS 3 CHILDREN AND SHE WANTS ME 2 PROVE TO HER IM NOT GOING TO BE NEDDY DEMANDING AND ALL THE ABOVE AND TO CHANGE FOR NOT JUST HER BUT THE FAMILY AS WELL AND WHEN SHE CAN FULLY TRUST ME THATS WHEN SHE SAYS SHE WILL COME HOME
Hi Juan,
Thank you for taking the time to share your story with me. I know how frustrating of a situation you’re in! If you want help on determining what to do next and how to do it, I can be of service here. I invite you to schedule a session with me! I’m here to help!
http://www.withmyexagain.com/coaching
All the best!
Coach N
My gf of 3 years broke up with me about 3 days ago and I can’t help but feel she’s just being irrational and not thinking the situation through. I was in a pretty bad depression and made me act a little cold to her. I can’t say that I don’t blame her for dumping me but I can’t come to terms with the fact that the woman I’ve come so far with has deleted and blocked me off everything and even set her status as single in just a matter of days. I’ve tried to make contact with (looking extremely desperate at that) but is there any way to know for sure that it is over or should I just stop attempting to communicate and see if she tries to get a hold of me.
My gf of 3 years broke up with me about 3 days ago and I can’t help but feel she’s just being irrational and not thinking the situation through. I was in a pretty bad depression and made me act a little cold to her. I can’t say that I don’t blame her for dumping me but I can’t come to terms with the fact that the woman I’ve come so far with has deleted and blocked me off everything and even set her status as single in just a matter of days. I’ve tried to make contact with (looking extremely desperate at that) but is there any way to know for sure that it is over or should I just stop attempting to communicate and see if she tries to get a hold of me
I still have strong feelings for my ex, and i really hope at some point we can get back together.
We were happily together for 4 years, but things broke down in the last two months, because I was focusing too much on cricket, and not putting enough time into work, or my relationship. She warned me I was taking too much on, ad I didn’t listen.
We argued 9 weeks ago, and at the time she asked for time and space, in the immediate aftermath I tried to emotionally blackmail her into taking me back, became increasingly desperate and needy. Over the last 4 weeks things have calmed down, but she keeps telling me she loves me, but wants more time and space which iv struggled to give. Iv never gone longer than 5 days without texting her, or ringing her.
Yesterday we saw each other, and she said to me, that I still love you, and I was really happy with you, and if you give me one and space I’ll come and find you when I’m ready.
I said to her I want closure as while I still feel you love me, and at some point want me back I feel like I’ll be waiting around for that day. I said I want to start meeting new people and moving on with my life, and she was upset by this.
As I left she said I think it’s best if you accept we won’t get back together, and that way it will be easier for you to give me the time and space I need, and then I will ring you when I’m ready.
I really love her, and I want her to ring me at some point, do you think she will, or should I let things settle for a few weeks, and then message her in say 20 days?
Iv done a lot of self improvement these last 9 weeks, I feel like I could live someone else now, and date people, but I still know the person I truly love is my ex. She kissed me yesterday as I left, and gave me a hug, and I could tell she doesn’t eat to give up on me yet.
Hi Dan,
With this situation, it’s all about playing your cards right. I invite you to schedule a session with me so we can strategize.
Best,
Coach N
How do I schedule in for a session?
Hi Dan,
You can schedule a session by visiting this link : http://www.withmyexagain.com/coaching
I hope to connect with you!
Coach N.
Hey, my ex boyfriend and I broke up 3 years ago.We were together for almost 8 years. He told my sister that he would want to be with me but that he feels my family would not accept him back. I feel he doesnt even try, he doesnt even tell me this. Our conversations after the brake up until now has been him asking me if am with someone..to forgive him..which I did. Even thought i dont know why he decided to to brake up, he doesnt like to talk about it.I stop contacting him 2 weeks ago, I feel i was the one trying to be with him. I feel bad that he doesnt do anything to be with me, he just talks the talk.
Hi Sarah,
Thanks for reaching out. Spend some time reflecting on how you two are communicating. Maybe if this is improved, you can really let him know that moving forward together is OK.
Best,
Coach N.
Hi,
My ex girlfriend and I have been broken up for two months and it’s not getting any easier. I did the no contact rule, but often looked at her Facebook page though I deleted her off social media. I did the no contact for a little over a month before sending a handwritten letter.
It’s tough because we go to college together and we had been dating for 1.5 years. She was everything and I was controlling. I regret the way I treated her, which led to a lot of fights. I would do anything to get her back. This past weekend she sent me an email saying she regrets the way she broke up with me (over the phone) but “still doesn’t regret that it happened.” I’m a mess and don’t know what to do.
Hi Dustin,
Thanks for reaching out. I know that this is tough. I invite you to take some more space from the situation. Maybe in a week you reach out to coordinate a brief meeting. It’ll be hard for me to know where to take this without reading those email exchanges. I invite you to schedule a coaching session with me.
best,
Coach N
Thanks Natalie,
I saw how much sessions run and that kind of scares a college student away. I really want this to work out because I truly think she’s the one. In the letter, I mentioned how I would like to have a face-to-face, but she refuses. She’s changed and it’s awfully scary. This is my last year going to college, while she has two additional years.
Thanks for your comment. Two months is not too long to figure things out on your own and ask for space. Now in terms of the relationship we would have to get more details if you would like to win him back. I invite you to schedule a coaching session if you would like some assistance with this. https://www.withmyexagain.com/coaching/
Sincerely,
WMEA Team
Hello Alisha,
Thank you for your comment. I know right now is an extremely difficult time for you. I would take a moment and reflect on what you deserve. Ask yourself some self-reflection questions to figure out if your husband is ultimately a good man for you. I also suggest for you to incorporate the no contact but only contact him for the children. It seems as though he may be putting his insecurities onto you which is common once a partner cheats. I also invite you to attend a private coaching session so we can guide you through this process.
https://www.withmyexagain.com/coaching/
Best,
WMEA Team
Hello Mary,
Right now the best thing for you to do is give him time and also support him during this process. Him sending you the picture means he may be missing you but you do owe it to him to focus on you so these bad habits do not interfere in the relationship anymore. Showing him that you are doing this through actions will be another way to try and get him back.
Best,
WMEA Team