Every relationship experiences challenges sometimes, but there is a difference between a bump in the road and a hot and cold relationship. The latter is volatile and can leave you deeply unhappy. There are many people who gravitate towards hot and cold relationships simply because they enjoy the drama of it all and don’t actually want something that is going to withstand the test of time.
Often times people who have relationships with very high highs and very low lows will separate when things get tough. It’s hard to know how to piece things back together and how to avoid having this happen again in the future…
In this article, I’m going to go over the reasons behind why relationships with certain people can be hot and cold, and what you can do about getting your ex back. If you want your relationship with him or her to have a solid foundation, you’re going to have to make sure that some things change… Fortunately, you’ve found this article and I’m going to explain what needs to happen!
What is a hot and cold relationship?
If you’re on this site dedicated to getting people back together with their exes, chances are that you and your ex have separated. The love and passion you feel for this person is still there, but things fell apart and you’re now wondering about what you can do now.
First things first, let’s go over what a hot and cold relationship is exactly. Simply put, it can be characterized by a feeling of being overwhelmed with happiness when you are receiving love and affection from your partner, but then there is a switch and there seems to be a wall between you. One partner becomes cold and distant, leaving the other person to wonder what happened. Did they say the wrong thing? Does their partner think they did something that they didn’t? Are there trust issues?
It can be extremely frustrating and draining, and it feels like you’re constantly on shaky ground. If your partner is the one who has a tendency to go cold, it feels like you’re walking on eggshells whenever you’re interacting with him or her. You don’t want to say or do something that will end up making them put up all of their walls and shut you out.
When there is hot and cold behavior in relationships, it’s very hard to build something stable and long lasting. It seriously damages the complicity because it creates a lot of space between two people.
That said, there are some people who are addicted to this type of behavior… You might even be thinking, “Why am I hot and cold in relationships?!” You might have recognized a pattern in your own behavior…
Whether the problem is stemming from you or from your ex partner, the reason is sometimes very simple. In fact, many people are addicted to the “drama” of hot and cold relationships simply because they love the moment when you can make up. It can be passionate and/or tender, and some people crave these surges of emotions. In extreme cases, a person will actually consciously sabotage the complicity between them and their partners so that they can reel them back in.
There is also a power play to take into consideration. Some people enjoy feeling in control of the relationship by exhibiting this type of behavior. When their partner stays with them despite this, they know that they have them wrapped around their finger.
The problem of course is that this isn’t healthy and is not the way to construct a long term relationship.
Now, when it comes to seduction, playing hot and cold is used as a tool for developing attraction, but it should not be taken to extremes.
So if you want your ex back and you had a hot and cold relationship with this person, you’re going to have to find the balance between having more highs than lows and keeping an element of attraction and desire. You don’t want to make it easy for this person to take you for granted, especially if they were the ones running hot and cold!
Getting a hot and cold guy or girl back
As each situation is unique, I recommend that you get in touch with us directly here for a custom action plan, but I’ll still give you some pointers to follow.
When she or he’s hot and cold, there is pattern that needs to be broken. You were once showered in love and affection, and you were clearly at the center of their attention. Then they suddenly took you out of the center of attention (this time by breaking up with you) and you are hardwired to yearn for it back.
Someone who is serially hot and cold knows this, and whether or not is conscious or subconscious, they’re using it as a power play to ensure that they’re in control of the situation.
A breakup is a pretty serious thing, so we need to keep in mind that it is highly likely that there was something fundamental the relationship that made your ex feel the need to get away, or possibly even that they are allowed to play serious games with you.
The first step in making him or her want you back is to stop going out of your way to give them attention. You are no longer going to be the powerless one!
That means that you will have to boost your self control and ensure that you are not at this person’s beck and call. When we are in relationship, especially when they’re hot and cold, we have a tendency to put our own needs and personal lives on the back burner. The relationship becomes the center of our attention, and it becomes easy for the other person to take us for granted.
If you want things to change, there will need to be a shift in your relationship with your ex. They will have to understand that your life does not revolve around them, and that losing you would be a serious shame. You might have developed a habit of always being there whenever they want, but an ex will want you back and will be more likely to commit when he or she begins to fear losing you for good.
The key of course is to make him or her understand that their life would be infinitely better with you in it! One of the most powerful tools for doing this is the no contact rule. Your ex is no longer the one who gets to decide when you see each other, when you speak, and how close you get to be. You’re taking power back into your own hands so that you can create some balance.
The biggest piece of hot and cold relationship advice is to take power back into your own hands by taking your ex off of that pedestal. Start to become very busy with activities that bring you joy, and friends that make you happy. Become busy making yourself happy and proving to yourself that you don’t need your ex in order to feel good. You will start to boost your self confidence, and all of this is going to spark your ex’s interest. They’ll begin feeling more inclined to go out of their way to get closer to you and develop something more stable.
As I said, each situation is entirely unique so it would be ideal to get in touch with one of us so that we can create a personalized action plan to get you closer to your goals.
Wishing you all the best in life and love
Your coach when you have a hot and cold relationship with your ex
I Know We Are Meant To Be!
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