Is living with an ex a choice or an obligation if you want to get back together?

living with an exWhen two people break up, one of them night not be aware of the consequences of their actions, especially if they are still living together. Living with an ex is a comic phenomenon that is becoming more and more common, and it is usually linked to multiple factors.

It goes without saying that this type of painful situation can’t be allowed to continue eternally because you’re going to need the time and space to heal and reconstruct. However, not all aspects of living with an ex are bad. They could in fact be beneficial to you if you’d like to get back together with your soul mate. So sometimes living together is in fact a choice instead of an obligation!

Living with an ex is often an obligation

It’s clear that living with your ex and having to see them every day can become bothersome. Aside from all the questions regarding your separation, what about the basic questions like who’s going to sleep on the couch? Or who’s going to cook for the other? It’s not healthy to remain living under the same roof as the person you separated from just days before. On one hand this could favor getting closer on a purely physical level. But this ends up being a one night stand for one, and the other thinks that they’re getting somewhere. It becomes impossible for the person who was broken up with to begin healing and rebuilding themselves.

Most of the time, having to live with your ex isn’t a deliberate choice and it’s more of just the circumstance. There are generally two reasons behind this type of puzzling situation.

First of all, the most common reason for two ex-partners staying in the same house is because of children. The label on your relationship changes, but your role as mom or dad does not. In order to preserve the family, the parents can decide to remain under the same roof. In order to do this, the ex-couple needs to be on good terms and avoid letting the reasons for their separation be in the forefront. As soon as the parents’ attitude changes, the children take notice and the parents should be careful to be gentle with the kids. It’s important to take care of them and to explain to them little by little so that they don’t get a sudden shock when the separation is finalized.

Another reason that can lead a separated couple to continue living together is a financial issue that forces one of the people to remain living at their ex’s place. With the financial crisis as well as the incredibly high cost of rent (especially in the Paris and other big cities,) it’s becoming harder and harder to find a living situation within budget. Sometimes a pair takes out a loan for their home, and the monthly payments don’t leave enough money left over for one of the people to move elsewhere. There are always solutions. You could temporarily stay with family or get a roommate until things settle down.

Even though living with an ex is sometimes an obligation, it’s sometimes a choice that’s not very surprising!

Living with an ex is sometimes a choice

There are three principal reasons why one would hesitate to leave their conjugal home.

This is often the case when you’re the one who made the decision to end the relationship, but you’re not sure of how you feel. Sometimes you can be unsure of the proper way to act when nothing is working in your relationship anymore, and you end up deciding to take a break while you’re still living under the same roof. This is usually to try and see if something could still change and to know if you still feel the same love for the person you’re thinking about leaving. Sharing a home is a delicate matter and you have to know how to avoid disrupting it. You’ve got to know how to adapt and to not act as if nothing had happened.

You can also decide to act like roommates with your ex in order to not offset the family balance. The parents are no longer officially together, they may even be sleeping in separate bedrooms, but they continue to live in the same house for the good of their family. Past a certain age, some men and women aren’t necessarily thinking about finding someone else and they’d rather just enjoy a little freedom. When this is the case for both ex partners, living together proves to be easy. This way of life is actually becoming more and more frequent, because even though the feelings are no longer as intense as they were before, the two people continue to share the same passions and interests, they see their mutual friends, and they don’t forget their love story.

And finally, sometimes you choose to be living with an ex simply because you’re secretly (or not!) hoping to get them back. When you live with a man that decided to leave you but he doesn’t seem completely ready to let you go, it goes without saying that living side by side can help you get closer to him again. This is a maneuver for staying close to the person for whom you still have feelings despite the separation; the person you want back as your partner. Be careful with this type of strategy because after just one fight, things can go back to zero.

Your coach for choosing whether or not to live with an ex

Sincerely,

Adrian