One of the biggest fears that my clients have is going on a dating site and seeing their ex’s picture looking right back at them from their computer or phone screen. Sometimes, they’re hit with the information that their exes are on dating sites out of left field and they’re left dumbstruck. In fact, I just spoke to one of my clients that got in touch with me because her friend had just called her to say that she saw her ex boyfriend on Tinder. If your ex is on a dating site, does it mean that they’re over you? Is there anything you can do to make them want to be with you instead of on an app like Tinder or any of the other dating apps?
I wanted to write this article for you today to go over what this all means, because I don’t want you to panic! This is a common phenomenon and it’s not the end of the world, trust me. If you’re thinking, “My ex is on a dating site already,” I want you to know that there are just a couple things that you should start doing to get back in control of the situation, and I’m going to go over those with you right here.
By the end of this article, you’re going to have a much better idea of what steps you need to take and how you can navigate this situation. As always, if you have any questions please don’t hesitate to leave them in the comments section below.
My ex is on a dating site already: Here is the firs thing to do
When you come to find out that your ex is actively trying to date new people, it can feel like you just got hit by a freight train. You can be seized with panic and start to wonder if all hope is lost in terms of you two getting back together.
One thing that I think is important to understand in this situation is that there is a reason behind why you and your ex broke up. It means that something wasn’t working, and it is true that your ex might be looking for something else right now.
That said, just because your ex does not envision being with the person you were at the end of the breakup and maybe even right now, it doesn’t mean that they wouldn’t be open to being with a new and improved version of you… but more on that in a moment.
First, I want to stress the importance of not panicking. Think about it this way instead: Seeing your ex on a dating app is not a terrible thing.
Yes, you read that right! Seeing an ex on a dating site is not a bad thing. It isn’t that easy to find something real on a dating app. The odds of them finding someone that they want to spend the rest of their lives with on Tinder are extremely low. What’s more, it shows that they’re open to being someone’s partner. This means that they aren’t isolating themselves from the world, and eventually, you will be able to get closer to catch their attention.
The best thing to do when you see your ex on a dating site is to stick to your strategy. If you’re familiar with our philosophy then you know the importance of determining a powerful action plan that will get you to your goal of getting back together with your ex. There are many effective tools available to you, like the no contact rule, or even the hand written letter. For more information on these techniques, I encourage you to click the links!
You are going to encounter obstacles along the way, but you can’t let them derail you. You have a goal, and you are going to continue to work towards it.
Running into your ex on a dating site or app is going to be a test. Whether or not it’s the first obstacle or test you’ve encountered, it’s up to you to stay on track. The most important element of getting an ex back is actively working on becoming the best version of yourself. This breakup should serve as a tool to highlight elements that need improvement and help you to actively boost your self confidence.
Your ego takes a hit when you go through a breakup, but it doesn’t mean that things need to stay this way. Take this time to start getting very busy with things that bring you joy. Think about friends and family members you haven’t seen in a while, think about what hobbies you could pick up again and what kinds of new things you can start trying out, think about new places to check out and new cities to visit… Get physically active or switch up your workout routine and get those endorphins flowing!
So as this is a test, it’s up to you to showcase your changes and evolution. If you “fail” this test and send them needy or angry messages, you’re just going to show him or her that you haven’t grown from the breakup and that you haven’t made any improvements. Finding your ex on a dating site is a terrible feeling, but you’ve got to remain in control of your emotions.
Another thing to keep in mind to help you keep from panicking is that if your ex is on a dating site, it means that he or she isn’t in a new relationship with another person. At the end of the day, it’s better to have an ex that’s open to meeting someone, than an ex that’s in a new committed relationship.
My ex is on a dating site already: Should I reach out?
Someone just asked me if they should talk to their ex on a dating site. Because their relationship was already cordial, I told them to go for it. You can actually use this situation as an opportunity to hit the reset button and get back in touch with your ex. You can reach out in a light-hearted, subtly flirtatious manner. For example, you can open up with, “Hi, what’s your name?”
You two obviously know each other, but you can start to joke around with each other and warm up to talking more. You can develop something new if you look at this in a more playful way.
That said, if you are using the no contact rule, seeing your ex on a dating app should not be taken as an excuse to break it. You’ve got to see it through if you want it to work. Just use it as a way to test your strength and remember that you will get in touch with your ex when the time is right. Don’t rush things and don’t truncate your no contact period because you’ll just end up undoing all your hard work!
If you see your ex on a dating site and it’s towards the end of your NC period, then this playful flirtatious way of contacting them on the app could be a great way to get back in touch. Just be careful to not jump the gun on it.
I want you to be confident in your actions and know that you are growing as a result of this breakup. It’s not a talk in the park, I know, but remember that we are always here for you. If you would like one on one guidance, I highly encourage you to get in touch with me or another member of my team right here. We can guide you every step of the way, and help you to fight temptation if it’s not quite time to talk to your ex just yet. This is a common issue that people come across, and we’ve coached people through it time and time again. Don’t let this development freak you out! You’re going to get past this and you will find happiness once again.
Good things take time, and investing time and patience can help ensure that what you build a relationship in the future with your ex will be stronger than anything you shared before.
Wishing you all the best in life and love,
Your coach when you’re thinking, “My ex is on a dating site already”