It’s not always easy to deal with the post-breakup situation and the relationship you have with your ex especially if your feelings for them are still present. A separation doesn’t mean that love just disappears overnight, and these are the precise feelings that have led you to me today. You’ve undoubtedly broken up and you’re hoping that you’ll be able to rekindle the flame and not let misunderstandings and fights become the last memories you ever share together.
Sooner or later you’re going to have to get back in touch. At the moment it’s total silence, and whether it was your choice or not, you are not currently communicating with the person you love and you don’t quite know how to proceed. You’re having trouble making the first step because your head is full of questions. You’re waiting for a reassuring sign or you’re hoping your ex will make the first move. When you’re thinking, “I’m scared to contact my ex,” there is often an element that might be playing a big role: Pride.
Of course you don’t want to do anything wrong, but more than anything you’re scared and so you could be hiding behind your ego to justify the fact that you’re not taking action. Communication is however one of the main foundations of any attempt at getting back together and you’re going to have to use it in pretty much any situation. You should know that you’re not going to revive your ex’s feelings for you and reconstruct a solid, fulfilling relationship by employing radio silence for 6 months…
Why am I scared to approach my ex?
After having been together for months or for years, it’s not always easy to understand this sense of anxiety at the idea of approaching an ex. It’s not the butterflies you felt when you first started dating; it’s a knot in your stomach. In today’s subject, it’s actually an apprehension… A fear even. Nevertheless the person that you had been with hasn’t changed. They haven’t transformed into some scary monster, but this affinity and the ease in which you used to be able to communicate has a tendency to disappear.
The breakup may have created tension, bitterness, and explosive fights may have damaged the relationship that had once been so beautiful. This leaves a mark and the last very last memories you shared with the person you love are negative, so it makes perfect sense that you wouldn’t want to go through that again.
You might also have a lack of self-confidence. Sometimes the people I coach come to me and ask me to review the text or letter they want to send their ex, and I realize that they’re perfect and that the person knows it… But they don’t dare make the leap because their morale is pretty low. When you no longer dare talk to a person that you’ve known intimately for a relatively short period of time, it means that your self-confidence might need a boost.
I’m scared to contact my ex because I am not confident
I’m going to talk a little more about my last point because it’s imperative and it concerns many of my readers. If you’re familiar with my philosophy, then you know my method for getting an ex back. You know that you have to take it one step at a time and to never rush things. When a person decides you leave you, you often have the tendency to being apologizing or making big declarations of your love.
Unfortunately this is never the answer, and I know you’re reading this article a little late because you’ve already made a mistake. The good news is that that doesn’t mean that you can’t make things right again and adopt the right attitude. In order to stop saying “I’m scared to contact my ex,” you have to decide to no longer suffer because of the breakup.
The key is therefore to lift your head back up and to approach the person you want to be with. They don’t want to be with someone depressed, who is always crying, or someone that asks a billion questions. I invite you to go ahead and read our guide on how to rebuild yourself after a breakup without further ado.
Approach your ex with something new
When you’re hesitating about contacting your ex it could be because you have nothing new to offer, and you know that you’re going to act exactly the same way that you did before the breakup. You invite them out to the movies when in fact you two need to talk, you promise changes but nothing changes, or you use Radio Silence when you hadn’t been together long enough for that to be effective. Under these circumstances, it’s normal that they wouldn’t be very responsive. It’s also possible to reverse the situation and to push them to make a move if you’re afraid of making the first move towards your ex. In any case, it’s imperative to make changes like the ones I’ve just mentioned.
It’s important to take a step back and put things into perspective so that you can figure out what exactly needs to change, and what the issues in the relationship were. Radio silence is a good solution, you’re most likely already employing it, but the best way to make headway is by looking inside yourself and analyzing the breakup and thinking about what needs to change. If you put space between you and your ex, it shouldn’t just be a ‘waiting period;’ it should be used for making improvements.
An excellent option for getting back in touch with your ex is to write them a handwritten letter in which you propose solutions and an analysis, without writing about your emotions. On top of all of this, the most important thing is to make sure that you have a new, positive frame of mind and an irreproachable attitude.
I suggest you get in touch with your ex and propose something new whether it be in your attitude, the way you perceive your relationship, or simply by taking into consideration your ex’s needs and expectations.
The coach when scared to contact an ex.