Breaking up

I’ve been a coach specialized in love and relationships for quite some time now, so people often ask me what the most common reasons for a relationship ending are. What are the most recurring themes are and what should a person guard against if they want to protect their relationship?

I wanted to take a moment today to write this article for you, because unfortunately there is so much pain and heartbreak around us. People that have built something together, invested in a future together, and love each other sometimes still break up. Why? And is there anything you can do to prevent something like this happening to you?

If you are willing to put forth the effort, be honest, and make changes as your relationship evolves, then YES, you can withstand the test of time and overcome the obstacles that you might face! My intention is to bring your attention to the most common things that make relationships fall apart so that you can know what to look out for and what to guard against!

What are the most common reasons behind a relationship ending?

In today’s day and age, I’ve noticed that many people don’t really want to put their time and energy into maintaining a relationship. They would much rather just throw it all away and move on to something else. Very often, they end up regretting ending a relationship and want to get back together with their ex, when it would have been so much simpler to just put in the effort to take care of the issues the relationship had been facing!

So hats off to you. I see that you are interesting in learning how to steer clear of having to think about ending your relationship.

Even if you’re wondering if it’s time to end your relationship, you’ve come to the right place.

Once you’ve read through the seven most common reasons for breakups, you’ll have a better idea of whether or not you should call it quits!

Communication issues

One of the most common reasons for people thinking that their relationship is ending is that they can’t seem to communicate with their partners. Perhaps you or your partner has trouble sharing when something is wrong and then something small turns into a monumental problem, or you two can’t seem to talk without it turning into a fight.

As I’m sure you know, communication is one of the foundations of stable relationships.

If you are able to address the problem and recognize patterns, you can work together to come up with long term solutions. For example, when tensions arise many of us tend to point fingers and play the blame game. Think about it this way, do you go into attack mode when you’re upset about something?

Ex. “You never want to spend time with me! You’re always too busy with work or whatever else you’re doing.”

I encourage you to begin paying attention to your delivery. If something is bothering you, try reformulating your sentences so they don’t sound like attacks. The goal is not to make your partner switch to defense mode. Remember, you two are a team and should be working together to find solutions.

So, the above sentences can be reformulated like so :

“I miss spending time with you. Do you want to try out that new restaurant that opened up on Friday night?”

Remember that it is very common for issues and challenges to arise in relationships, and the way you communicate about them is going to be a key factor in whether or not they’re going to represent the end of a relationship.

The betrayal of trust

Perhaps you’re thinking about ending your relationship because one of you has betrayed the other. Infidelity, lying, or withholding truth are all things that can seriously damage the bond between two people. Transparency is key, and knowing that you and your partner can trust each other is crucial.

If something has happened in the relationship that has damaged the trust between you and your significant other, you’re going to have to be open about what happened and what you can do about it.

For example, if there were lies, you’ll have to address why it felt as though the person who lied could not be honest. If there was infidelity, pinpoint what was missing from your relationship that made the person look elsewhere.

It’s important to note that if you truly want your relationship to survive, you’ll both have to put forth the effort to define the root of issues and come up with long term solutions. If you’re facing a challenging issue, please don’t hesitate to get in touch with us here. We can design a custom plan of action for your specific situation.

Anger issues

I often see issues arise in relationship when there is misdirected anger. Sure, we all experience bad moods or bad days at work, but problems will arise if you take it out on your partner.

Instead, find other releases for your emotions – like physical exercise – and allow your partner to be a relief instead. Sometimes all you need to do is tell them that you’ve had a horrible day and you just want to relax and watch a movie together on the couch.

Wanting different things

Many people ask me, “Should I end my relationship if my partner and I have different goals for the future?” For example, one person wants kids and the other doesn’t.

These issues are tricky because it’s important to be on the same page as your partner. Keep in mind that compromise is a normal and healthy part of any solid relationship, and you are going to have to think about what your non-negotiables are.

The key to making things work is finding a compromise that makes both partners happy. If you two can’t come to an agreement on very important issues, you will have to ask yourself some honest questions about your compatibility.

Withholding affection

In the beginning of a relationship, people are more likely to show their affection and express their love on a regular basis. As time goes on, people become more lax in their efforts and their significant other can end up feeling under-appreciated.

This can give rise to tensions and insecurities in the relationship. Fortunately, it is relatively simple to go out of your way to make a person feel special. Think about incorporating thoughtful gestures into your daily lives. Bring the romance back with love notes, flowers, or surprise dinners.

Always think about making your partner feel valued, loved, and precious to you, and they should do the same for you.

Lack of physical intimacy

Of course the libido is in overdrive at the beginning of relationships, and we all know that couples begin to have less sex over time, but what happens when it disappears completely?

Well, many couples begin to drift apart. Sex is a vital part of healthy relationships and it shouldn’t be allowed to fizzle out completely. There are plenty of things that you can bring into your relationship to rekindle the flame.

Switching things up in the bedroom or being the one to initiate more often can help to spice things up! Let your partner know that you still desire them and be receptive when they show you they still desire you. If you aren’t feeling confident about that at the moment, I encourage you to start doing things that make you feel better about yourself – like hitting the gym or updating your look.

The routine

Last but not least, the routine is one of the most fatal things a relationship can experience. This is unfortunately something that I see all the time. At the beginning of the relationship, everything was exciting about your partner, and you wanted to learn everything about each other. You ended up spending all your time together, and the dreaded routine settled in…

Now it seems like there’s nothing left to learn about each other, and everything feels so monotonous and predictable. Many relationships come to an end because a person (or both partners) end up feeling like they want to be excited about a relationship again. They feel bored and suffocated.

Fortunately, it’s relatively simple to undo the routine as well! The remedy for something like this is to reintroduce new things to your relationship. Begin new activities, both together and apart! Give yourselves the opportunity to miss each other and have something new to talk about when you’re together again.

If you’re trying out new things together, bonus points if it’s adrenaline inducing! Adrenaline can actually help you bond AND increase your libido! So think kayaking, rock climbing, riding roller coasters, or even playing some kind of sport!

In love, as with most other things in life, where there is a will there is a way!

I am always here to help so don’t hesitate to get in touch. You can also leave your question in the comments section below.

Wishing you all the best,

Your coach for preventing a relationship ending