One of the most common reasons for people ending relationships is feeling like they fell out of love with their partner somewhere down the road. It’s hard to explain, and it’s especially hard for the person who got broken up with to understand. How do you fall out of love with someone when you used to be so madly in love? Where does the love go? Is it the result of something specific in the relationship? Was it inevitable?
I’ll answer all of these questions and more, but I’ll also give you the key for falling back in love! You see, human nature is a fascinating thing and once you get a better understanding of it, you will know how to adapt your behavior so that you can find more joy in life!
Is it possible to fall out of love with someone?
When you have so many amazing memories with someone, it’s really hard to wrap your head around falling out of love with them. How do you fall out of love with someone that used to make your heart beat faster and fill you with a sense of joy and excitement? Where do those butterflies go?
Well, I want to begin this article by clarifying the difference between falling out of love and the normal evolution of a relationship. Many people make the mistake of confusing the end of the honeymoon stage with the end of love, but for some people, the end of the honeymoon stage really is the end of the love they once felt for this person…
Every relationship will go through three stages:
1. The honeymoon stage
2. The transitional phase
3. The partnership stage
During the honeymoon stage, two people develop a feeling of addiction to each other. They cannot get enough of each other, and everything is just wonderful. They see no flaws in each other and they keep wanting to learn more and more about each other. The amount of physical intimacy is off the chart and they’re astounded by all of their similarities. There is passion, there is excitement, and love develops. This is always the most intense period of a relationship, and the two partners experience a dopamine and oxytocin high that makes them feel that this person must be the love of their life. They see everything through rose tinted glasses, and everything is perfect!
Until the transitional phase comes along…
This is where many people feel that they fall out of love. When the effect of the honeymoon stage begins to settle down, we begin to notice the flaws in our partners. What we fail to realize is that this is actually perfectly normal and will happen in every single relationship.
Hollywood movies have made us think that the honeymoon stage is the most important stage of a relationship and if it changes, we panic. We break up and look for someone with whom we can share the excitement of a budding romance again, only to find that the transitional phase eventually pops up again!
So what happens here? Well, we begin to notice our partner’s shortcomings and begin to feel disappointment. They were supposed to be perfect! We end up trying to change them so that they can adhere to the person we thought they were at the beginning, and then tensions arise. This is one of the biggest answers to what make you fall out of love.
The couples that have relationships that do survive are able to evolve together and accept that the passionate, romantic love they experienced at the beginning is turning into something different – and more stable.
This is the period where a person might be thinking, “Am I falling out of love?”
They realize that they might not be as compatible as they thought and feelings of doubt begin to surge up. If you’re reading this article now, chances are that you are smack dab in the middle of this phase right now. I’ll go over some signs to help you determine whether or not you are actually falling out of love with your partner right now.
If a couple survives this stage, they enter the partnership phase. It is in this stage that a couple becomes closer than ever. They’ve survived as a team through the transitional phase, and they bond over setting out into the world together. They have common goals that they work towards (a house, children, a business) and find balance (compromise) so that they can both win arguments. They accept each other for who they are and work together to continue to grow.
How do you fall out of love: Signs it’s happening to you
So you’re probably worried that you’re falling out of love with your partner. Is there a way to tell for sure? This can happen to people in the Transitional Stage that I explained above, but there are also cases of people in long term relationships falling out of love.
It’s hard to explain exactly what makes a person fall out of love because each person and each relationship is entirely unique. Sometimes it’s just realizing that you two are not compatible, you want different things, or you find something else that you want more… There are some indicators to help you clarify your thoughts when you’re thinking, “I think I fell out of love… Could this be true??” Here are some of them in no particular order:
- You catch yourself daydreaming about being single
If you’ve been noticing that you keep thinking about scenarios in which you’re single and living life without your partner, it could mean that you’re slowly growing out of love. For example, you imagine yourself on a trip by yourself, feeling relieved that you don’t have to be around your partner. Perhaps you keep thinking about how it would be if you didn’t have to hold back around the person that has caught your interest at work. Speaking of which…
- You’re interested in/fantasizing about someone else
One of the biggest signs of falling out of love with someone is when you fantasize about being with someone else – and even more so if you feel no remorse about it. One of my clients was telling me, “I think I fell out of love and was sure about it as soon as I noticed that I wanted another guy… and didn’t feel bad about it. I just knew that I wasn’t in the right relationship and needed to end it.”
- Every little thing your partner does annoys you
They keep laughing at things that aren’t funny. You don’t like the way they eat. You don’t like the way they call you “Baaaby.” You don’t like they have to squeeze every single avocado at the store before choosing the first one they picked up. Heck, you don’t even like the way they breathe. All the little things you didn’t notice or care about when you first started dating are now at the forefront of your mind. You’re no longer seeing them through rose colored glasses and you’re thinking, “I think I am falling out of love with you…” You might be right.
Here are a few more things to keep an eye out for:
- You no longer communicate because it doesn’t really feel like it even matters.
- Other potential love interests catch your attention all the time
- You stop seeing them in your future
- You’re not interested in intimacy anymore. You might even feel repulsed by the thought of it
- You feel stuck in this relationship
What to do when you fall out of love but want to fall BACK in love!
If you’ve recognized the signs I outlined above and you’re thinking, “How do you fall out of love after everything that you share with your partner… Can I undo this? I don’t want to fall out of love,” don’t panic.
One of the biggest issues that arise in relationships that leads to two people getting sick of (or bored) of each other is The Routine.
If you want to freshen things up and bring that excitement back into your relationship, you’re going to have to make things more interesting. This means that you should not spend every waking moment together – give yourselves the opportunity to miss each other and have something interesting to share when you see each other again.
When you do spend time together, make it count! Come up with fun new activities like surfing or riding rollercoasters. I encourage you to do things that get your adrenaline flowing because it can actually boost your libido as well. When it comes to intimacy, make sure things still feel fresh! Switch it up in the bedroom with sexy lingerie or maybe even new toys.
Just think that things need to not feel predictable or monotonous and do what’s in your power to ensure that they aren’t. Your partner should do the same because you’re a team after all.
If you need more pointers or ideas, don’t hesitate to leave your comment below! As always, I am here to help you every step of the way.
Wishing you all the best,
Your coach when you want to know why people fall out of love