When a person is in the middle of a breakup and needing to navigate through the slew of negative emotions that they’re feeling, it is not uncommon for them to lash out at their ex. We do it because it’s a form of self protection. Unfortunately, it leaves a mark and your ex probably wants some space from you right now. That is why I wanted to write this article for you today. Even if you’re thinking, “I messed up my relationship because of the things I did or the things I said to my ex,” I want you to know that you can still turn things around. You just need to create an action plan and remain in control of your emotions. I am going to share some expert tips with you on how to turn things around and how to ease your ex’s anger little by little, until you can establish a new dynamic between you. It’s not going to happen overnight, but as you know, good things take time. You’re going to have to practice patience, self control, perseverance, and follow a plan, and you will start seeing positive results.

You’re about to learn some things that might surprise you, but as a love and relationship coach specialized in getting people back together, you can rest assured that you can get your ex to forgive you and start thinking about giving you a second chance.

I messed up my relationship: Here’s what to do!

I messed up my relationship

This is a common problem. The breakup happens and your emotions take control. You’re angry, you’re hurt, you’re confused, you’re scared, and you don’t want to be in this situation.

Just this morning I was coaching someone who contacted me because he was panicking. His ex girlfriend had broken up with him and his response was to insult her and say some rather disrespectful things. He wanted to know if he had messed up the relationship for good, and if there was anything he could do about it.

So told him what I’m about to tell you, and he was just as surprised as you will probably be. As of now, you’ve probably tried to apologize countless times. You want your ex to understand that you’re sorry, that you’ll never do it again, and that you didn’t mean it. Unfortunately, the more you apologize, the worse your ex feels. This happens because each time you say, “I’m sorry,” you trigger the memory of what you did, so your ex becomes upset again.

If you’ve done something that you regret, stop apologizing!

Take a step back. Stop sending text after text, stop trying to call your ex, and stop trying to fix it.

Instead, take a bit of time to regroup and focus on one, powerful action like a handwritten letter for example.

The goal now is ensuring that your ex doesn’t have to constantly relive the pain that was caused in the previous relationship. You want to present them with an organized, well thought out, powerful gesture that can communicate your point so that you can both move forward.

If you are panicking and thinking, “I messed up my relationship, how do I fix it” and are messy in your apology, oftentimes what ends up happening is that you inadvertently force your ex to continue to relive the trauma of what happened.

I really messed up this time: The power of actions vs words

I really messed up this time: The power of actions vs words

Yes, you do need to apologize for what you did. You can’t pretend that nothing happened when it clearly did, but you need to fine tune your approach. If you aren’t sure how to apologize to your ex in a powerful, well thought out way, don’t hesitate to click the link above to learn about the handwritten letter, or get in touch with us directly right here. We can help guide you every step of the way and overcome challenges that you might encounter.

The next thing I want to bring to your attention is the importance of actions. Words are never ever enough! They must always be backed up by concrete actions or else they’re nothing but empty promises, which is the last thing on the earth that your ex wants right now.

Keep in mind that taking a few days to regroup and organize your apology is also an action. It will show your ex that you’re considering the situation, analyzing what happened, and making the effort to make things right by preparing your apology. Think about it through the eyes of your ex.

Let’s say you do something awful and then two minutes later you say, “Oh, sorry.” They’ll think that it’s no big deal to you and that you can do it every single day. It will look like you don’t understand the gravity of the situation. This is why a gesture like a handwritten letter is so powerful. You don’t want to present your ex with an empty apology. You want to show them that you’ve changed because that’s valuable. This can actually lower your chances of getting back together.

If you are familiar with our philosophy, you know how much we support the power of pulling away. We often suggest using the no contact rule and if you are unfamiliar with it, I highly recommend that you read this article that outlines what the no contact rule is. Instead of blowing up your ex’s phone and exhibiting needy or clingy behavior, oftentimes the best approach is to actually put some temporary space between you.

When you’re wondering what to do when you mess up in a relationship, just remember that sometimes you need to take a step back so that you can make a stronger comeback.

Oftentimes, not contacting your ex is the absolute most powerful thing that you can do, even when you’ve made mistakes, said things you regret, and messed up the relationship with your ex.

Keep in mind that we are all human, and it’s not the end of the world that you made this mistake.

We get it, emotions run high after a breakup and sometimes it’s hard to control them. Just remember that you can always change the way you handle things in the future, and it is possible for you to show that to your ex. Just remember to be patient.

Your ex will understand if you can come back with the right kind of behavior. Of course, it’s not OK to make huge mistakes, especially not on a regular basis, but don’t be too hard on yourself either. You can change, you can evolve and you can make improvements, and your ex will see that.

Sometimes we need to go through trying periods so that we can be set on a different path. I often notice that life has a funny way of shaking things up and giving you the opportunity to evolve so that you can be happier in the future. Challenges always serve a purpose, and it’s up to you to use them to your advantage.

In the end, this could be the perfect opportunity for you to show your ex that you’re capable of owning your mistakes and using them as fuel to become a new and improved version of yourself. Deep down, your ex knows that we are all human and that we all make mistakes, so it’s up to you to prove to them that you’re capable of learning from this and using it to make sure that your future together would be better than the relationship you had before.

As this article comes to an end, I want to leave you with one last piece of advice that I consider to be very important when a person is thinking, “I messed up my relationship.”

You need to be able to forgive yourself. If you don’t do so, you can’t expect your ex to do it!

What’s more, the way you’re feeling right now will probably keep you from making this type of mistake again in the future. We just need to take these moments as lessons that help shape us into the best versions of ourselves.

So don’t be too hard on yourself and remember that you can turn this thing around!

As always, we are here to help so don’t hesitate to reach out.

Wishing you all the best in life and love,

Your coach when you’re worried that you messed up your relationship with the one you love