Being faced with mind games can feel completely overwhelming and tiring. You and your ex have broken up, yet you’re finding that your ex is sending you mixed signals, they run hot and cold, and what’s more, they are playing mind games with you. But why are they doing this? Do they secretly want you back or are they just using you? Are they playing with you out of spite, and is there anything you can do to to make them stop? In this article, I’m going to go over why your ex is doing this to you right now, and what you can do to make him or her stop. If you want to get back together, this situation cannot continue. It’s exhausting and unfair, and we need to get you back in a position of power ASAP! So it you’re wondering, “Is he playing games” or “Is she playing games with me,” you’ve come to the right place.
We are going to get to the bottom of what’s going on so that you can get back in control of the situation sooner than you thought possible. Your ex will need to understand that you are not their plaything and that they’re running the risk of losing you for good.
What does it mean to play games with someone?
When an ex is playing games with you, they are in essence sending you ambiguous messages.
It tires you out and makes you doubt your own decisions. They can fill you up with hopes of getting back together, only to make you come crashing down from cloud 9 when your ex becomes cold, distant, or just flat out unkind again. Trying to figure out what’s going on can drive you crazy.
“Why did he tell me that he’s not that into his new girlfriend? Is he playing mind games with me?”
“Why does she only text me super late at night?”
“Why does he break my heart and then tell me he misses me?”
“What did she mean when she told me that about the guy at work?”
“His words make it seem like he doesn’t love me but his actions make it seem like he still does…”
One day they’ll tell you that it’s over between you and that they never want to see you again, but then they’ll flirt with you the next time they see or talk to you. You feel like you’re on an emotional roller coaster and it’s really starting to wear you out.
You must be wondering why she plays mind games or why he’s playing with your emotions…
It usually comes from a place of insecurity. Either your ex isn’t sure about what they want, or they want to keep you on a string to stroke their own ego.
You see, sometimes a person plays games on purpose, and sometimes it’s unintentional. Either way, it’s awful for the person on the receiving end: You!
Sometimes, girls and guys who play mind games after a breakup are doing so because they are coming from a place of selfishness and don’t to allow you to move on. As of now, they don’t want to be in a relationship with you, but they also don’t want you to be with anyone else. They’ll manipulate you into staying close, but they’ll push you away when they feel that you’re getting too close. It leaves you thinking “Does he/she like me or are they playing mind games?” It becomes exhausting.
The other possibility is that your ex actually has no idea what he or she wants, so they’re trying to keep their options open. They might not even realize that they’re doing this. One day they genuinely miss you and the next day they genuinely don’t. It’s tough to hear, but it’s even tougher to experience on a daily basis.
You end up feeling hurt and confused, and you can even end up feeling deeply embarrassed for having gotten your hopes up only to end up feeling like you were fooled. You feel like constantly being played with, when all you want is to restore the love you two once shared. This is usually what leads to mistakes that allow these games to continue… but more on that in a moment.
People so often play along with these games because they’re holding on to the hope of getting back together. The fear of letting their ex go keeps them from standing their ground and putting an end to these games. The ex in question often takes advantage of this, again whether they realize it or not, and if you continue to play along you can end up continually feeling hurt and used, until your ex moves on.
As I was saying, there are varying degrees of games that people play. It can range from hot and cold behavior and mixed messages, to emotional warfare in which a person preys on your weaknesses and insecurities in order to keep you on a string. They might lie to you, spread rumors, guilt trip you, ghost you, cancel plans with you at the last minute, tell you all about their love life in an attempt to make you jealous…
How to deal with a guy or girl who plays mind games
It all boils down to a person’s indecision. If this person truly wanted to be with you, they wouldn’t be putting you through this. That, or they’re manipulative and enjoy playing with people’s emotions…
If you feel that your ex is doing this purely out of a desire to cause you pain and that this is a common pattern with him or her, I encourage you to exercise extreme caution. Healthy relationships that will withstand the test of time are built on mutual support and respect.
Perhaps your ex is playing mind games because they’re testing the waters. They’re considering the idea of coming back to you, and presenting you with hot and cold behavior will help them gage where you stand. You might be seeing signs he’s playing mind games or you’ve found yourself wondering. “Hold on a minute… Is she a player?” But you’ve got to remember that too many games will undermine a relationship.
There is a saying that I came across recently that I liked very much: Be careful with how much you tolerate because you’re teaching people how to treat you.
If you suspect that your ex boyfriend or girlfriend is playing mind games with you, you’re going to have to hit the reset button.
And how do you do that? Well, first things first, you’re going to have to put space between you.
As of now, your ex is used to having you at their beck and call, and they’ve been getting away with the games they’ve been playing with you. This means that somehow, they feel that you allow it.
That all needs to change now.
The best tool for starting fresh, especially when you want your ex back, is the no contact rule.
By using this tool, you will give your ex an electroshock and make him or her realize that they might actually lose you for good if they don’t get their act together. This is also a great way for someone who is on the fence about their feelings for you to realize how much they actually want you.
But let me be clear. There is more to this than just cutting contact and sitting back and doing nothing while you wait for your ex to come crawling back. That’s not how it works.
You have to use this time very wisely. If you don’t, your efforts could all be in vain.
This period should be used to improve your personal life. It’s time to think about how you can introduce more freshness in your life with new activities on a daily basis. Get more physically active or switch up your work out routine, spend time with your favorite people, sign up for classes that interest you (cooking, salsa, martial arts, painting…), pick up old hobbies, work on personal and professional projects, go on little trips… Fill up your time with things that boost your self confidence.
You’re going to feel so much better because you’ll remind yourself of your worth, and what you bring to the table. You will stop allowing your ex to play games with you because you know you deserve better. Besides, being busy is going to help you fight the temptation to cave during your no contact period.
Your ex is going to realize that they’ve been playing with fire and that they may have lost the chance to be with someone as incredible as you. This will make them realize that it’s time to get their act together, stop playing games, and step up to the plate so that they can be a good partner to you.
This is how we are going to shift the power play to your advantage.
Remember, we are always here to help, so don’t hesitate to get in touch with us here!
Wishing you the best,
Your coach when you’re wondering is she or he playing games?
Adrian
