It can be very confusing when your ex still insists on being in touch even though he broke up with you. What does he want? Does he just want to be friends? Does he want to be together again? Should I put some distance between us if I want him back?
All of these questions can feel like they’re driving you nuts… Especially if your ex has been making you feel like maybe he wants you back, but at the same time he won’t commit. I know how frustrating and confusing all of this can be, so I wanted to write this article for you today to explain what he might be thinking and what you can do about it to make things happen the way that you would like!
Does he want me or is he just playing with me?
I’ve been working with a lot clients lately who are trying to get their exes back, but are having trouble reading the ex in question. For example, one day the guy will be saying things like, “I love hanging out with you… I’d really like to see you more,” and then the next day he’ll go, “I need space.” Huh? What does he want? What’s going on? Does HE even know?
The problem is that a lot of guys don’t actually know what they want. Some of them want to have their cake and eat it too. The result is that it drives you crazy.
You’re working on getting him back but you can’t tell if it’s working or not.
What I can tell you is this: If you’ve been trying to get your ex back, and you’ve been wondering, “Does he really want to be with me,” it means that he doesn’t seem to want to commit. And why is that? Unfortunately it’s because he’s still able to take you for granted.
There are some elements that can make a man feel more indecisive about getting back together or not. For example:
- He isn’t sure if you would be able to be the right partner for him
- He wants to keep his options open
- He likes the attention but doesn’t want to be in a relationship
- He want to be nothing more than friends with benefits
- He feels like he should move on from you but is having trouble doing so
- He likes to stroke his ego by seeing that you still want him
- He’s scared of getting hurt so he’s keeping his distance
Now, some guys don’t realize that they’re doing this. In fact, this is the case with many of them. For some, it’s a game they like to play that gives them an ego boost but for others, it’s part of their process of figuring things out.
Whatever the case may be, some things are going to have to change in your behavior if you want him to want to commit to you! Of course it’s positive that you’re seeing signs he wants to talk to you and keep in touch, but you have to know how to use this to your advantage. Sometimes it isn’t as easy as we think!
Your natural reflex is to do anything to make him understand that you love him and want to be with him when in reality that’s not what needs to be happening right now. There is one essential thing to understand when you want to make sure he wants you…
What does he want from me and how do I make him want me for real?!
The most important thing to understand in these types of situations is this:
A man will want to commit to you as soon as he fears losing you for good.
Unfortunately, human beings have a terrible tendency of taking things for granted. When something is readily available, we value it less.
Think about it this way – You probably love chocolate, right? Who doesn’t. What would happen if you had chocolate all the time, every day, nonstop? Well, you’d get so freaking tired of that chocolate and you’d be dying to eat something else. Either that or you’d become painfully bored and wouldn’t think of it as anything special at all. You don’t want your ex to become bored or feel indifferent about you!
So what’s the key?
Making him realize what he stands to lose. This is when you start switching your focus. Instead of going out of your way to try to make him fall for you again, you’re going to have to focus on making your own life better than it’s ever been!
Instead of racking your brain with, “Does he want me?!” Make him want you by living a life that he’d be a fool to not want to be a part of! Get busy with doing things you love and seeing people that bring you joy. Get busy at the gym and start boosting your self confidence. Go on weekend getaways to places you’ve never been before with your best friends. Check out new bars and restaurants. Take classes like salsa or yoga! Fill up your schedule with fun and exciting things that make you happy.
Simply put, he shouldn’t be made to feel like he is your priority.
Does he really want to be with me if he’s in a new relationship and is still seeing me?
This is a tough one. I wanted to include this section in this article because I was recently talking to one of my clients who asked about how to tell what a guy wants from you when he’s with someone else but doesn’t want to stop spending time with you?
It definitely means that he enjoys spending time with you, but the fact that he’s seeing someone else complicates matters… obviously.
If your relationship is more or less platonic right now, it might mean that your ex misses the friendship that you had developed in your relationship. Perhaps he isn’t getting that from his current girlfriend. After all, you had spent enough time together to develop a real bond and that doesn’t evaporate overnight.
What if you’re seeing signs he desires you? What if you’re actually sleeping together..?
Well, the problem there is that he’s disrespecting you by not committing to you and he’s disrespecting his current girlfriend by not committing to her. It’s a classic case of having his cake and eating it too.
These situations are very delicate so I suggest getting in touch with me here so that we can design a custom action plan that will get him out of her arms and back in yours for good. I also have an article about getting an ex back from another person that I encourage you to read right away!
It’s hard to read a person’s mind, but making sure that you’re living your best life is the key for making someone want to be by your side for good. In addition to that, you will have to work on identifying the problems that your relationship with him had, coming up with long term solutions, and re-seducing him. If you’d like to know more about how to get back together with your ex, right this way!
As always, I wish you all the very best in life and love
Sincerely,
Your coach for knowing what he wants,
Adrian
