what to say to your ex to get him back

As a love and relationship coach specialized in getting people back together, there is a certain question that people ask me pretty much every single day. When you’ve just gotten your heart broken and the person you love has left you, that question jumps to the forefront of your mind as well. “What can I say to get him back?” At this point, your mind is full of questions, you can be feeling overwhelmed by your emotions and you might even be panicking at the thought
of losing your ex forever !

Fortunately, you’ve found this article and you’re going to learn what to say to your ex to get him back and how to substantially increase the odds of him coming back and wanting to build a solid relationship with you. There are do’s and don’ts to bare in mind, and this process will require patience and perseverance.

As I always like to say, anything is possible in love as long as you are motivated, can exercise self control, and are willing to put forth the effort. You’re already reading up on what you can do, so you’re on the right track! Without further ado, let’s take a look at how to get the ball rolling!

Things to say to your ex to get him back: The weight of words

Things to say to your ex to get him back: The weight of words

I was coaching Adriana the other day, and she had come to me because she wanted to know what to say to an ex to get him back. She had been with her ex for about a year and a half before they broke up, and she was terrified that if she didn’t say the right thing she would lose him for good. She kept trying to call him to talk things over but somehow it just felt like each conversation made things more jumbled and confusing, and she wasn’t getting anywhere.

I remember her saying, “I don’t know what to say to him. Every time we talk it never comes out right and I think I’m making matters worse. I just want him to know I love him and I want him to give us another chance, but we end up fighting.”

Tensions run high after breakups. It’s really hard to keep your emotions in check when you’re talking to the person you feel like you’re losing forever. Ariadna was in this exact type of situation and she was right, it was making matters worse.

Her ex was pulling away because it was becoming dramatic and heart-wrenching, and she was trying harder and harder to get closer to him. He was beginning to feel suffocated so tensions were rising, and it was getting messier and messier.

So I told her what I tell all of my clients in this situation.

After a breakup, you need to put space between you. For many people, the thought of putting space between them and their ex is terrifying. They think, “No I can’t do that. He’s going to forget about me!! If I can just figure out what to say to get him back, this will all be fixed…”

The thing is that after a breakup, tensions and emotions are intense which makes it hard to communicate. Sometimes you need to take a step back so that you can make a stronger comeback.

Both of you need time to digest what happened and organize your thoughts. Sometimes we panic and try to say everything and anything we can to make an ex come back. This results in empty promises and conversations that don’t get you anywhere.

This is where some of the most powerful tools for getting exes back come into play… I’ll expand on this in a moment, but the most efficient one is the No Contact Rule.

When you’re in this delicate situation and you feel like everything is crumbling around you, the best thing you can do is take a step back and put some space between you and your ex. This allows you to regroup, focus on healing and bouncing back, and making concrete changes and improvements.

So many people ask me about words to say to get your boyfriend back, but the fact of the matter is that actions speak louder than words. You can tell your ex day after day that you’ll change, that things will be different, that things will be better…

But if you’re not backing these statements up with concrete proof, he’s not going to believe you. So, what needs to happen now to create a shift in the way he sees the situation?

What to say to your ex to get him back: The first step

What to say to your ex to get him back: The first step

Now is the ideal time to use one of the most powerful techniques for getting an ex back: The No Contact Rule. I began talking about it above, but if you’re unfamiliar with this tool, it basically consists of cutting communication with your ex for a period of three weeks to three months.

As I said, this makes a lot of people hesitate about using it, but the timeline is in fact what makes this tool so powerful.

There are a few goals here.

  1. It gives you the time and space to regroup and bounce back from the breakup
  2. It gives you the opportunity to take a step back and put things into perspective
  3. It creates a shock in your ex when they realize that you’re not at his beck and call anymore

While you’re using this tool, it’s paramount that you don’t give into temptation to reach out to your ex or to respond to their calls or messages. I know you’ve been wondering about what to say to win him back, but right now is not the time for words. Your ex needs to see actions.

That is why it’s so important that you don’t neglect the second part of this tool: Personal Development.

It’s up to you to use this time wisely and take advantage of the opportunity to focus solely on yourself.

Think about getting more physically active or switching up your workout routine to that you can get more energy and get those endorphins flowing, focus on your personal and professional projects so that you can get ahead, fill up your schedule with friends and family, think about what new activities you can try out like yoga or surfing, check out the new places that have opened in your town, and get yourself busy with things that bring you joy.

This is the determining factor of whether or not this tool is going to work.

You need to be able to prove to yourself that you can make yourself happy and this will boost your self confidence, which in turn makes it less likely that you’d make any mistakes that get you further away from your goal.

In addition, your ex is going to notice that this breakup has served as a catalyst for very positive changes in you. He’ll notice that you’ve made concrete improvements and that you’re not all talk!

It’s also important to keep in mind that men are more action oriented. We aren’t always so great at talking about our feelings, but we do tend to focus on actions.

So instead of focusing on what to say to get your ex boyfriend back, think about how you can show him that he’d be happier with you by his side.

Post pictures of yourself on social media in which you look genuinely happy, show that you’ve been trying new things, traveling with your friends, getting healthier, with a genuine smile!

Even if you aren’t connected anymore, word will travel through your mutual friends or he’ll go out of his way to browse through your profile (especially because you’re using the no contact rule on him and his
curiosity will be peaked!).

I do encourage you to click the link so that you can read more in depth articles on the no
contact rule and learn more about how to use this powerful tool.

What to say to get him back when the time comes

What to say to get him back when the time comes

Now, at some point you are going to have to get back in touch and actually speak to your ex boyfriend. A lot of people struggle with finding the right way to get back in contact, but there’s another technique for that that I highly recommend.

The Handwritten Letter is the ideal way to organize your thoughts and find the best way to present them to your ex.

This letter needs to be positive, and focused on a bright future. You don’t want to bombard your ex boyfriend with letter after letter, saying you need her back. He might get an ego boost out of that type of thing, but it’s not going to make him want you back.

Even if you’ve already written a few letters to him, it’s not the end of the world. In any case, like I said above, he’ll need some space now. Ideally, one strong letter is better than many mediocre ones.

Time will allow you to organize your thoughts, and it’ll allow for his emotions to calm down a bit.

Once you’ve been out of touch for a little while, and especially if you’ve been using the no contact rule, he will also be more inclined to be receptive to your letter.

Once some time has been allowed to pass, you can get back in touch with him by sending this
letter!

It will have to include some important elements, so make sure you take the time to sit down and start to map out how you’re going to present the following.

  1. How you’ve recognized your own shortcomings
  2. Thanking him for helping you recognize them
  3. Apologizing for not recognizing them in the relationship
  4. The fact that now you understand and you are currently working on rectifying them
  5. Communicating how you’re making longterm improvements and finding solutions

He will already have an idea of the improvements you’ve made as a result of what he’s been seeing on your social media or what he’s been hearing from your mutual friends, and this will solidify the thought.

You want to paint a positive picture of the future for him. Take your time with this, there is no rush.

Organize your thoughts, and make sure that it’s written clearly and concisely.

You don’t need to write ten pages. Two to three will be just fine.

If you have any questions about what to say to an ex to get him back, don’t hesitate to leave them in the comments section below or get in touch with us directly here!

Wishing you the best in life and love,

Your coach Adrian