As you are well aware, a breakup cuts deep. For some people, it’s the most acute pain they’ve ever felt. It can overwhelm you with grief, loneliness, a loss of self confidence, and all kinds of other negative emotions. What’s more, even if you know that breakups are hard, and even if you knew that this was coming, it doesn’t make the pain any less intense. Though you feel like your world is crumbling beneath you, you are now reading an article that is going to help guide you through this challenging period. There are a few things that you need to avoid doing, and there are a few things that you need to implement in your life in order to bounce back as soon as possible. Surviving a breakup is far from impossible, and you can actually start feeling better sooner than you think.
So how exactly do you survive a breakup that’s left your heart in pieces? Keep reading to find out! Here you will find fifteen steps to healing faster than you thought was possible. The most important thing is that you take matters into your own hands now and that you get in control of your situation.
Breakup up counseling: Why do breakups hurt so much?
Though you always knew that breakups hurt, you maybe weren’t counting on exactly how much it hurts. If this is your first breakup, the emotional pain can be excruciating. This is also true if this isn’t the first time your heart has been broken.
Very often, a person will go through a breakup and experience all the heartache that goes along with it, but as time goes on after they heal, they forget how acute that pain actually was. If their heart gets broken again, all of those feelings surge back up.
Fortunately, each time it happens, the feeling is less of a shock and you remember that it’s only temporary.
Now, whatever the case may be for you right now, I know that you are hurting and you want to know how to get to the other side of this as soon as possible. The depression after a break up of a long term relationship can be serious, and you don’t want to fall into it. You might be feeling that you’re already in the thick of it, but please don’t worry.
We will dive into tips on dealing with a breakup momentarily.
I first wanted to explore why exactly this feeling is so acute right now. The emotions involved with a breakup are actually closely related to those that a person experiences when they lose a loved one. The sense of loss can be so intense that it feels like you’ll never be able to find happiness again.
You’re dealing with the loss of something precious to you and it does feel like something died.
Studies have also shown that the more you see the breakup as a reflection of your flawed personality, the deeper the pain is. This is logical, but it doesn’t mean that we can’t change this is if it’s the case for you.
So what exactly goes on in a person’s mind when they’re going through a breakup?
Well, I’m sure you’ve heard of the five stages of grief.
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depression
- Acceptance
But what are the most common emotions that go through a person’s mind?
The emotions involved in surviving a breakup
The feeling that accompanies a breakup isn’t easy to put into words because it is a mixture of multiple emotions: anger, sadness, rage and love.
It’s hard to describe and because the pain is so intense, you might even be wondering “Can you die of a broken heart??” Though each person feels it in a different way, one thing remains true for everyone: it feels awful.
Generally speaking here are the 10 feelings a person experiences when they have a broken heart and are trying to survive a breakup:
- You want to be left alone and you have no desire to see an-y-one!
- Your self confidence takes a blow
- You feel like it’s unfair and it is making you angry
- You feel betrayed
- Tears well because you don’t understand
- You want revenge
- You feel profound sadness and disappointment
- You’re scared about the future
- You feel jealous of people that are happy
- You might even want to make threats or make your ex feel some version of wha you’re feeling now.
At the moment, you probably feel like no one gets what you’re feeling. You feel that you’re the
only person who is experiencing this pain, even though logically you know that that’s not the
case.
You’re angry at the entire planet though there’s only one person that’s at the root of this
feeling: your ex!
I often work with clients that refuse to leave their houses, refuse to see friends
or family, and they refuse to open up to anyone.
They think that nothing is going to make them happy again and they feel like they’ll be judged.
However, if you want to bounce back and recover from this shock (and even if want your ex back), you need to be doing the exact opposite.
We are often afraid of what other people might think after a breakup, and many of my clients open up to me about this feeling.
This is why I always insist on never neglecting your social circle. Besides, remember that your true friends will always be there for you no matter what!
After experiencing such a disappointment in love, we feel broken down. Not only does this have an effect on our love lives, it also affects our daily lives. We have difficulty seeing the light at the end of the tunnel we you have to get back on the horse if we want to get to the other side of this.
I know that you feel duped and rejected, and you thought this person was the one. Truth be told, anything is possible in love so if you put forth the effort, you can reach your goals.
It’s normal that you would begin to doubt yourself and wonder if you can actually make another person happy, and it’s normal that at the same time you’re angry.
It’s normal that you would fixate on the past and try to figure what was missing. You would go to the ends of the earth to find answers to your questions and more often than not, you overdo it.
You might even harass your ex, you don’t work on rebuilding yourself in the right way after an emotional shock like this, or worse still, you try to seek revenge.
You want your ex to feel the same pain you’re feeling right now. Needless to say, I do not recommend doing this!
If this is how you think, you’re going to have to work on yourself to restore your confidence in love as soon as possible.
So this bring us to the main point of this article: Exactly how to survive a breakup.
Surviving a breakup: 15 tips
We aren’t going to let this breakup control your life.
You’re already taking matters into your own hands by reading this article, so hats off to you! You’re already on the right track.
I know that the easiest thing would be to lay on the couch eating pints of ice-cream, wallowing in self pity, but you and I both know that this isn’t going to get you anywhere.
Giving yourself the chance to digest what happened and heal is one thing, but letting the situation persist is another.
So without further ado, let’s take a look at 15 steps for surviving a breakup.
Coping with a breakup: Step 1
The first thing you need to do is accept the breakup. I know that it’s the last thing you want to do but this will benefit you whether you want your ex back or not. Accepting the breakup will allow you to properly analyze the situation.
Think about what went wrong, what you could have done differently, and what kind of solutions you can propose for the future.
Accepting the breakup means that you’re no longer in denial – which is something that holds you back from properly healing.
The grief after a breakup can make this challenging, but remember that you are in control of your emotions and how much power you give them over you.
How to deal with a bad breakup: Don’t suppress the emotions
A common coping mechanism is to simply pretend nothing is wrong and try to convince yourself that nothing is wrong.
Bottling up your emotions is only going to give them more power over you when they finally surge up.
A good tool for this is journaling or speaking to a good friend about your emotions.
Don’t be afraid to let it all out. Seeing your words written out on paper can be a huge help.
Grieving a relationship: The importance of physical exercise
I’m sure you’ve heard that physical exercise can get your endorphins flowing, and there is no better time for that than now.
When you’re in a relationship, one of the feel-good chemicals that your body releases is dopamine.
When you break up, you can actually experience something that feels like withdrawal symptoms.
Hit the gym or switch up your work out routine. One of the absolute best tools right now is to push yourself until you’re sweating and tired. It will help you to release emotions and it will help you to sleep better at night.
What’s more, you’ll start to see physical changes that will improve your self confidence!
Dealing with a longterm breakup: Introduce new things into your life
If you were with your ex for a long time, you two had developed a routine and you became very used to having this person by your side.
Now that he or she is gone, you feel a huge void and everything you see reminds you of your ex.
Memories, both good and bad, are conjured up over and over, and you feel completely haunted by them. You might even be dreaming about your ex.
So I suggest that you switch up your environment.
Change the furniture around in your home, make sure you remove things that remind you of your ex, and give your space a breathe of fresh air.
You don’t have to throw things away, but at least put them in a box where they can be out of site out of mind.
How to deal with a bad breakup: Try new things
Similar to the last point, switch things up in your personal life as well.
Start trying out new restaurants and bars with your friends. Spend time with people you haven’t seen in a while.
Pick up old hobbies that may have been put on the back burner throughout your relationship.
Go on a weekend trip with your best friend.
Try out new activities like surfing or art classes.
The goal is to get yourself very busy with new things. Your schedule should be full of things that bring you joy.
Coping with ending a long term relationship: Spend time in nature
There is something very powerful about just being in the forest or on the beach when your heart is hurting.
Connecting with nature can literally give you a breathe of fresh air.
Going for a run in nature is even better.
You can clear your mind and benefit from your environment.
Try to take a walk at least a few times a week, even if you just go to the park for twenty minutes.
Breakup therapy: Writing out your feelings
When it comes to surviving a breakup, you need to find an outlet for all of the emotions whirling around in your mind.
I suggest writing it all out in a journal. As I mentioned above, putting your thoughts down on paper can be a huge help because it is something concrete in front of you.
You see your words written out and you know you’re releasing them.
Get a notebook or a journal that you like and jot down your feelings whenever they come to you.
Break up tips: Write letters you don’t send
There is so much you want to say to your ex right now but it’s best to limit or cut contact entirely at the moment. You need to take the time to properly heal.
That said, you don’t have to dwell in your thoughts. You can try writing out letters to your ex about how you’re feeling (but not sending them).
If it feels good, you can even throw them in the fireplace.
Write as much as you want, as often as you want.
How to get over a long term relationship: Avoid isolating yourself
It’s normal that you would want to hide away with your misery, but don’t give into the temptation to do this.
You should be surrounded by people that make you genuinely happy – people who are there for you.
There are people that care for you that want to be a shoulder to lean on, so let them!
Don’t let negative thoughts or self pity take over. Hang out with people and remember that you bring a lot to the table.
This breakup is not a reflection of your value as a human being.
Long term breakup: Let yourself cry
The tears will want to flow so let them. My suggestion is to try to keep time and place in mind.
For example, you don’t want to be crying all day at work while your boss was considering giving you a promotion to a position in which you have more responsibility.
Try to remain focused on the task at hand, but allow yourself to let it all out at night.
Don’t dive into a rebound relationship just to keep from being alone
Everyone knows that a rebound relationship acts as a bandaid to distract a person from the pain of a breakup, but don’t jump into one if you know it’s only going to cause you more pain and confusion down the line.
If someone genuinely sparks your interest, you can of course go for it! Just make sure that you’ve given yourself to actually heal from this relationship before you rush into the arms of another person.
You don’t want the emotions you suppress to surge up later on down the line.
Speaking of how to digest these emotions, there are a few tools available to you.
Grieving a relationship using NCR
If you are familiar with our philosophy, then you’ve surely heard of a technique that goes by the name of the No Contact Rule.
The goal of this tool is simply to give yourself the opportunity to heal and bounce back, while making your ex heal.
Yes, it can be used both by people who want to get their exes back and people who want to turn the page and move on from the relationship.
In both cases, the distance you put between you and your ex allows you to breathe and organize your thoughts and actions. Generally speaking, this technique is used anywhere from three weeks to three months.
If you do not plan on trying to get your ex back, you don’t need to put a time limit on this period.
When you’re using NC, you cut contact entirely with your ex. That means no texts, no calls, no emails, no Facebook messages, no liking pictures on their Instagram, and no “accidentally” running into them.
You are giving yourself time to heal. This also means that you do not respond to their messages.
If you’d like to find more in depth information on how exactly to use the no contact rule and how it can benefit your situation, I encourage you to click here.
When you’re in touch with an ex, the knife can be twisted in the wound over and over.
Giving yourself some space to heal is one of the best things you can do, whether or not you want your ex back. The important thing is to not use this time to mope around feeling terrible.
If you would like more information on how to bounce back from a break up, I encourage you to
click here.
Wishing you all the best,
Your coach for surviving a breakup
Adrain
