When you’ve been in a relationship with a person, it’s normal that they’d be on your mind all the time. When you go through a breakup, your thoughts and emotions can feel like they’re spiraling out of control, and your ex is constantly on your mind. I often have people reach out to me because they don’t know what to do. Their ex occupies every thought, and more often than not, they dream about this person at night as well. It becomes tiring and frustrating, and they start to realize, “Wow, I’m obsessed with my ex and I don’t know what to do!” Whether you want your ex back or not, it can become exhausting to feel like you can’t escape thoughts about them. You want to know what they’re doing, what they’re feeling, whether they’re thinking about you, if they miss you, etc. This is especially frustrating when you’re trying to use a tool like the No Contact Rule and need to put space between you…That is why I wanted to write this article for you today. There are some tips and tools that you can use when you want to learn how to stop obsessing over an ex.
Sometimes you just need to train your brain to stop fixating, and trust me, you can do it. I’ll give you some tools to help you to control your thoughts and to be more productive with your time and energy so that you can become as happy as you can be!
How to stop obsessing over an ex in three steps
Human nature works in a funny way. We have a terrible tendency of taking things for granted when they’re readily available to us, and then wanting them back when they’re taken away. The same could be applied to your situation right now. Perhaps you were content in the relationship, but the moment you no longer have your ex, you cannot seem to stop thinking about them.
You’re overwhelmed with a deep feeling of love for them, you want nothing more than to be back in their arms, and you begin feeling like you’re legitimately obsessed.
So when you find yourself in this type of situation, what can you do? Should you reach out to him or her and pour out your feelings? Well, now is actually the time to do the exact opposite…
What NOT to do when obsessing over ex
When you find yourself obsessing over your ex, it can feel very tempting to call this person up. You want reassurance, you want to hear their voice, you want to talk to them and tell them how you feel… But I’m going to be honest with you. Right about now, that is the worst thing you can do.
We work with people all the time who want to get back together with their exes. The end goal is to get this person back, but that’s the beginning of an entirely different journey. It’s important to always remember that yes, the goal is to get your ex back, but this needs to be done while keeping yourself happy. It’s not just about getting this person back; it’s about keeping them, and you need to ensure that you are prioritizing your own well being throughout this entire process.
If you’re looking at getting this person back as the end of this process, you’re setting yourself up for failure. Getting this person back is not the end; it’s a step. The journey continues because you need to reestablish a solid relationship that keeps you both happy and that withstands the test of time.
Let’s bring this back to being obsessed with an ex. What happens if you’re obsessed with your ex and you actually get them back? Imagine the dynamic in your relationship. If you’re truly obsessed with this person, and you’re dependent on them, how is that going to create balance and stability in your relationship? This is the type of thing that can make you needy and clingy, and subsequently suffocate the relationship.
If you showcase codependency to your ex, it’s going to push him or her away. At this point, you aren’t together and clinging to your ex is going to make them feel suffocated. If you get back together in the future and they see that you can’t stand on your own two feet and be happy without them, it’s also going to push them away and catapult the relationship towards a breakup.
Now I’m not telling you this to scare you. I want you to understand the importance of focusing all of the energy you’re expending on fixating on your ex back on yourself and how you’re going to improve your own personal life. Fortunately, this is also the key to understanding how to stop obsessing over an ex. Let me explain…
What to do when you can’t stop thinking about your ex
Whether you want your ex back or not, now is the time to grab life by the horns and really start working on how to make your life better than before. Think about all the elements of your personal life that got put on the back burner when you were in this relationship with your ex.
What people did you lose touch with, what hobbies and passions did you lose sight of? Start filling your schedule back up with these things and you’ll start to feel more in control. What’s more, you’ll start feeling happier because these are important elements of your life.
Next, start to think about what kind of new activities you can begin introducing. It’s easy to obsess over exes when you’re stuck in the same routine, surrounded by things that remind you of him or her. Go check out new classes like painting, yoga, or maybe even salsa dancing. Challenge yourself to learn a new language or move towards your professional goals. Tackle a project at the house like organizing your garage that you’ve been putting off.
Give yourself a busy schedule full of people and activities that bring you joy. Right now you’re thinking, “I can’t stop thinking about my ex,” but trust me, if you give yourself all kinds of new things to think about, little by little your ex is going to stop taking up so much space in your thoughts.
At this point, in addition to reaching out to him or her, the worst thing you could do is isolate yourself and sulk around feeling sorry for yourself. Yes, this situation sucks! But can you change it? You sure can.
I can’t stop thinking about my ex: When can I reach out?
As I said, now is not the time to reach out, but when is it the right time?
The perfect time to reach out to your ex is precisely when you no longer are obsessing over them. This is when you will no longer be vulnerable, and this is when you’re going to feel confident and genuinely happy. You can be casual and attractive, fun and magnetic, simply because you’ve done the work to feel good on your own, remind yourself of what you bring to the table, and prove to yourself that you don’t need your ex in order to be happy. This is exactly when your ex will begin to miss you and want you back.
You’ll remind him or her of the person they fell in love with initially, except you’ll be the new and improved version, thereby making yourself irresistible!
This is when you’ll be able to get him or her back… and keep them!
So getting this obsession under control is crucial if you want to get your ex back. Even if your goal is not to get them back, getting these feelings under control is what is going to enable you to move forward and be genuinely happy in the future.
Remember, we are always here to help so don’t hesitate to reach out and get in touch with us.
We can help you to wean you off of your ex and turn things around so that you are in control of the situation and of your own well being. You can also leave any questions you may have in the comments section below and it would be our pleasure to respond to you.
Wishing you all the best in life and love,
Your coach when you’re obsessing over an ex
Adrian
