When you love someone, it’s normal that you would put them first and make them a priority in your life. In fact, for many people, their partners become their main priority! The problem is that when a breakup occurs, a person is left brokenhearted with a bruised ego, and it becomes hard to remember how to put yourself first. Putting yourself first is the key to healing, but it’s actually also the key to getting your ex back! I’ve written this article for you today to explain how you get get back into the habit of putting yourself first so that you can get back in control of your life.
It can be challenging when you’ve spent so much time with this person, but there is always a way to change bad habits or behavior that isn’t serving you!
The misconception about putting myself first
When it comes to putting yourself first, there is a common misconception. It has a negative connotation and is equated to selfish needs, but the truth is that we need to do this in order to maintain balance in our lives !
Think about it this way – putting yourself first is like knowing how to make yourself happy. You pay attention to your needs and you do what is in your power to make yourself feel satisfied. As I often say to my clients, you are in control of your own happiness. It shouldn’t depend on anyone else.
When two people were together for a long time, it’s not uncommon for one of them to lose themselves in the relationship. Knowing how to think about yourself after a breakup will help you to bounce back. It doesn’t mean that you’re going to become an awful, selfish person who doesn’t think about anyone but themselves. It’s simply a matter to reminding yourself that your needs and your happiness are important, and that you should do anything in your power to make yourself feel good.
You’re not going to become an unpleasant person that makes people feel uncomfortable! No, you’re going to be someone who puts themselves first because they know that that’s how they’re going to heal from this breakup.
How to put yourself first after a breakup so you can heal
When you are going through a painful breakup, it is crucial that you make yourself a priority. There will be certain steps that you have to allow yourself to take.
I say “allow” because many people feel guilty after a breakup. They think that somehow it was all their fault, that they weren’t good enough, or that they did something wrong. It’s hard to break the habit and begin focusing on yourself instead of others and taking care of your own needs.
But now is the time to do exactly that, and I will provide you with the first steps to take!
1. Let yourself be sad.
We sometimes try to have thick skin and not allow ourselves to feel the pain of the breakup, but suppressing it isn’t going to do you any good. If anything, it’ll surge up later on and feel even more intense. Many people don’t realize that allowing yourself to grieve is a way to put yourself first. It allows you to feel the emotions that need to be felt, and it allows you to move forward.
Just be careful to not let these feelings consume you, It’s good to let the tears out, but that doesn’t mean that you should opt to lock yourself up in a room for weeks on end while life passes you by!
2. Put space between you and your ex.
This is a huge one – and yes, it’s the same whether you want your ex back or not. In fact, you may have heard of the no contact rule, which consists of cutting contact with your ex for an extended period of time.
The reason why I tell you to distance yourself from your ex is simple. They are a source of heartache and pain right now, and one of the best ways to put yourself first is to remove sources of hurt from your life. You are in control of how often you see your ex. It’s tempting to want to reach out, text, call, or email your ex. It’s normal that you’d want to look through their social media profiles to see what they’ve been up to, but you’re going to have to fight the urge.
All that’s going to do is twist the knife in the wound.
3. Start getting busy with activities that bring you joy.
Maybe you lost track of some of your favorite hobbies while you were in this relationship. Maybe you put your physical health on the back burner. Maybe you even stopped hanging out with your friends and family.
It’s also possible that you became codependent on your partner and prioritized everything he or she wanted to all the time. The more this happened, the more normal it began to feel, but now it’s time to change that.
So get out there and start hanging out with your best friends and your family, go to new places, try out new activities, and fill up your schedule with things that bring you joy.
4. Boost your self-esteem
You cannot blame yourself entirely for the breakup. Relationships consist of two people and the issues you two were experiencing stemmed from both of you. Like I said above, your self worth cannot be measured based on your ex or based on this relationship.
If you blame yourself for everything, you aren’t going to be able to put things into perspective and process what went wrong…
Taking a step back and looking at the situation in terms of what you could have done differently and what your partner could have done differently can help you handle a future relationship much better.
Remember, these are all learning experiences.
Take care of yourself first so you can be truly happy
I recently worked with a client who came to me because she felt like she had lost everything when her boyfriend broke up with her.
They had been dating long distance for about a year, and she had recognized that she always put him first. In the end, she put him first so much that she actually started to change. She was becoming someone else, and she no longer felt whole. Of course, when the breakup happened, she didn’t know where to turn.
If you want a healthy and long-lasting relationship with your ex or even with anyone else, you have to make yourself happy first.
When your ex first met you, you were living your own life, and you were putting yourself first whether you realized it or not. Now is the time to become that person again, but the new and improved version!
Remember what made your ex fall for you in the first place, and work on becoming an even better version of him or her!
As always, I am here to help guide you from A to Z so please don’t hesitate to reach out to me directly here or leave your question in the comments section below!
All the best,
Your coach for knowing how to put yourself first
Adrian
