Can being too nice prevent you from getting back with an ex? Do you feel used or taken advantage of by your ex? Is your self-esteem taken a hit or do you feel that you are being taken for granted? Going through a breakup is hard enough in its own right. Having the feeling that you are under appreciated as well can make it even tougher!
I find that a lot of people are mistreated by their ex. You too perhaps can relate to this; you want to get back together so bad that you are willing to do almost anything for the one you love. You just keep letting things slide, until you wake up one morning wondering am I too nice to my ex?
The issue is that some people seem unable to say no or to stand their ground. Sometimes it’s out of fear of losing the person that you love forever, and other times it’s because you simply don’t have the strength to stand up to them! Rest assured it’s possible to buck the trend and regain a sense of control or to make your ex appreciate all that you do for them! In this article, I will give you concrete advice that has worked for hundreds of people that I coach during one on one coaching sessions on a daily basis.
Being too nice won’t bring your ex back
The first thing that you need to realize is that being too nice won’t bring your ex back! Your ex is not looking to settle with someone that says yes to every single one of their desires. Please understand this point, it is very important! Your ex wants to be with someone that will make them happy; and in order to be happy sometimes you need the person that you are with to stand up to you or even say no!
If you are too nice you probably won’t end up being happy even if you were able to get back with your ex! What will happen is that you will cease to exist; your personality, your desires, your social life, your obligations will all take a back seat to ensure that you accommodate the person that you love at all times. Perhaps this is already your case! If it is do not despair; there are certain mechanisms that you can put in place to let go, regain control of your emotions and start to value yourself more than you do your ex.
I’ve also encountered people that felt so guilty or helpless that they just let their ex walk all over them, thinking that maybe it will make their ex forgive them for something they did! If you’ve made mistakes, if you’ve cheated on your ex for instance and got caught trying to over compensate by being way too nice won’t make your ex feel better or forgive you. On the contrary it will probably annoy your ex even more because they will sense that you are acting a certain way out of guilt; your attitude will only keep reminding them of your mistake!
Am I too nice to my ex to ever get back together?
Nothing is ever permanent. When people ask me over the phone during consultations, Adrian am I too nice to my ex to ever get back together, I always tell them NO! You can always decide to change and have the self-discipline to enter into a new dynamic. If you change, your ex will be forced to adapt and to change too. When you are in the process of trying to get back with someone you love, you almost always have to act against your nature in order to surprise them and convince them that you’ve evolved.
I am not asking you to change who you fundamentally are for your ex! I am only trying to convey to you that you’ll need to evolve otherwise you’ll run the risk of banging your head against a wall and never be able to get back with the one you love. This evolution has to come from within and you need to do it for you, and not for someone else.
You need to have the will, the determination and consistency to stick to a game plan that you will have carefully crafted in order to be happier. Once you have regained a sense of self and gotten back to who you were at the beginning of your relationship, odds are that your ex will be running to get back with you because you will once again have become a challenge in their eyes!
Shift the power struggle to regain control and get back with your ex
So how can you be less nice and get back with an ex? Well, first of all you need to realize that every relationship is a power struggle. Even if you love your significant other, even if you’re really compassionate and prepared to do anything to make them happy and to have a stable couple; in the end it’s about your values and vision of what a good relationship versus the beliefs held by your significant other!
Your needs, your vision of happiness, the way that you want to educate and raise your kids can’t always be aligned with the values that your partner holds. A power struggle is than engaged until one of the two parties capitulates for the good of the relationship. As it currently stands you are probably the one that is always giving in! And that needs to change now if you are hoping to get back with the one you love.
In order to do so you need to take a step back and identify what your core values are. You need to be able to pinpoint exactly what type of relationship you want to be in and what you are not willing to compromise on. Once you have written out this road map on a sheet of paper, I highly recommend that you go back to focusing on projects and endeavors that are dear to your heart.
Whether it’s in your professional life, a hobby or a charity, or even if you are chasing a childhood dream buried deep down inside…you will need to focus on you and stop worrying about your ex’s wants and needs! Please set goals for yourself on a daily, weekly and monthly basis in order to make sure that you stay accountable and not relapse into being more focused on your partner than your own happiness and growth!
If you are having issues going through the process of setting goals and staying accountable, or even if you still don’t know where to start to not be too nice the one you love, I highly suggest that you reach out to us to book a one on one consultation with one of our relationship experts. This call could change your life!
The coach to reach out too when you realize that you are too nice to your ex,