There is often a period after a breakup in which a person makes faux-pas that vary in size based on how depressed they are when they begin missing their ex. Even if you’re the one that decided to separate, it’s not an easy thing to cope with because it changes your life.
You had your habits of possibly being emotionally dependent, had a shared past and even a certain routine that settled into place and it all ended when your relationship was smashed to bits. But a separation doesn’t mean that you just forget about your ex and that you have no choice but to move on. In fact, this period often amplifies your feelings for them and makes you realize how important they really were in your life. If you’re thinking, I miss my ex and if you want to start doing things to make them come back to you, love isn’t the only thing fueling this desire. I’m not saying that you’re trying to manipulate your ex or that your feelings are not sincere; all I’m saying is that subconsciously, your heart isn’t the only thing guiding you.
In this article, I am going to share my thoughts and advice to you as someone who may think they are emotionally dependent. If you have any questions or comments I invite you to comment below so we can answer your questions and give you some feedback that would help you move forward.
What does emotionally dependent mean?
Oftentimes when feelings are revived right after a breakup, it’s a sign of being emotionally dependent. Unfortunately, this is something that very often leads to mistakes that make it harder for you to succeed in getting back together with the person you love. It’s highly beneficial to know more about this phenomenon and the way in which you can fight it so that your attempt at being with your ex again will be successful and also so that your relationship can be more solid then it was in the past. What does being emotionally dependent mean?
According to the DSM-IV (the manual on behavioral disorders), emotional dependence is characterized by “excessive need” that can lead to submissive and overly attached conduct that is often accompanied by a fear of separation. It can be manifested in many different ways.
If you’re familiar with my philosophy, you know that it’s crucial to figure out what the problem that you’re facing is exactly so that you can find the best possible way to surmount it. So, there are multiple types of emotional dependence and multiple stages based on your degree of attachment. Dependence on your significant other can be rooted in:
– A lack of self-esteem or confidence
– Being hyper-sensitive
– A painful history of relationships
– Intense anxiety
Though emotional dependence can have a variety of different causes, it’s important to note that each situation is very unique and therefore there are many different ways to deal with the issue at hand. This is the most common reason I see with couples that causes a breakup to arise There are in fact many different types of emotional dependence. The ones that I pointed out are the most common ones I see today. One thing I want to mention before we move on is that it’s important to do your own personal growth to break through of your emotional dependent habits. In order to have a healthy relationship, this is critical to your future relationships, present relationships, or current relationship. We have tons of available resources and if you are feeling lost I encourage you to reach out and schedule a session as we will breakthrough this together. Our coaches are highly motivated by helping clients as this is such a common trend we see with breakups and also something that can be healed which will reveal a new sense of happiness.
Can I get back together with my ex if I am being emotionally dependent?
The answer might surprise you but YES, you can get your ex back even if you’re being emotionally dependent. Nevertheless, you have to start by dissembling your unstable emotional state because this is the source of mistakes made and tension.
So, before you start using techniques like radio silence or any other action that will start the process of getting back together, you have to take some time to reflect on the consequences both in terms of yourself and in terms of your ex. Many men and women aren’t aware of the fact that they are victims of this and they shouldn’t jump in without having considered all the details and factors of their situation.
Speaking of radio silence, it is the most striking technique in this special program. It’s so important simply because when you want to start the difficult process of getting back together with the person you love, you need to stock up on morale. When you’re emotionally dependent, you’re going to have a hard time doing this. Even though you may have a hard time doing this, it can and 100% should be done. This is something that you take the initiative yourself and you don’t tell you ex you’re doing this as this will still give them a sense of control.
If you’re at your ex’s beck and call, how are you planning on cutting contact with them for a few weeks?
Your significant other and now ex always has the upper hand, you always do what they want, and this is holding you back from feeling fulfilled and advancing in your attempt at getting back together, and to give them a new image of you. I don’t like to say that they have more power over you, but you have to see things clearly. In a relationship (just like when you’re trying to get back together,) the two partners need to be on the same level and their efforts need to be mutual. In fact, when you’re trying to get your ex back, there can be a slight unbalance, but it should never be too much. Nevertheless, right now, you’re going to start getting back on the same level as your ex by beginning to work on yourself because at the moment you’re always the one making the first step and making compromises. This will no longer be appropriate for you moving forward. You have to show them that you have to be respected and also this will set a healthy standard of boundaries. Most importantly it will give you the time to reflect and figure out where the emotional dependency came from. It could be something from your childhood, past-relationship, beliefs, or even memories.
Please don’t think that men are the only ones at fault in these types of situations, and you shouldn’t think that manipulators and seducers or narcissists are the only people responsible either. This can be a situation for anyone and it’s important that you notice your faults before you notice anyone else’s. I say this because a lot of times it’s easy to point the finger at someone else’s wrongdoings which is also judging but you do this because it distracts you from really reflecting on what’s going on with you. It’s a common habit that a lot of us have not because we mean to do it but because in this world it was taught to use to judge other people, and point the finger at others wrong doings then in turn it mirrors our own insecurities as this is a way we turn away without doing any of the deeper work in finding out why you may be emotionally dependent.
You’re finding it hard to stand your ground in your relationship and you’re devaluing yourself when you put your ex on a pedestal by thinking that they’re better than you. You have to realize that you’re not less important than your significant other and when you do, you’ll be much more attractive in every way to them. So, take action! We’ve written all how to fight emotional dependence in our eBook that you can access here.
How to stop being emotionally dependent.
At first glance, one might think that being emotionally dependent on your ex concerns only you. Some people think that if you’re unable to detach yourself from your ex it must be a good sign because it means that you’re really in love right? Well, no…
In truth, a person isn’t looking for someone they can have dominion over or control over. As I mentioned above, this puts them in a position of power but that doesn’t mean that this makes them happy. It might make them temporarily happy but it does not last long until they get bored or take you for granted. People are looking for someone and they want to be happy together. You can’t build a solid relationship with someone that is completely dependent on you because their own character will just wither away. There ends up being no accountability with each other in the relationship and then the boundaries tend to fade away.
When you’re working on getting back together, and I’m sure you’ve understood, you shouldn’t need the other person. In reality, you will have to send your ex an entirely new image of yourself. This is why I often refer to radio silence as a technique for getting your ex back because it ensures that you don’t fall make errors like begging or harassing your ex (which are typical characteristics of emotional dependence by the way.)
It’s crucial to rebuild your self-confidence, to avoid falling into depression, and to quickly get back on your feet after a breakup. You come first before every and any relationship. You must fully love yourself first before you love anyone else. When you do you show up as the best person possible to maintain and have a healthy relationship.
Emotional Dependency: Tips on how to Overcome This
Being aware of your emotional dependence is the first step to overcoming it. This might surprise you but a very many people are not aware of the fact that they are addicted to their significant other. The breakup is what sheds light on this insidious phenomenon and it’s exceedingly hard for the person experiencing it.
I told you about radio silence as one way to stop feeling this oppressive need to be with your ex. I know that this technique that involves cutting all contact with the person you love can be quite difficult, but it shouldn’t be seen as punishment. Radio Silence has 3 main goals: taking distance to focus on rebuilding yourself after the breakup, making your ex miss you, and making your next move have more impact.
It’s not meant to make you forget about your ex and I know that’s not what you want. It’s actually a technique that has helped hundreds of people change the course of action for the better and to rebuild a healthier relationship with the person they love.
You can also count on your loved ones to help you feel less alone while you’re going through this ordeal. I’m not telling you to heed their advice (because they’re not always objective and in a position to give you appropriate advice,) but that you should spend time with them to avoid being depressed and alone, especially because solitude is detrimental to your state of mind after a separation. I know that this may be a difficult process, but understand that you are not alone. There are many people that have overcome this and just by reading this article you are on the path of overcoming some shortcomings you may have when it comes to being emotionally dependent. You have to start living life to the fullest and to prove that you don’t need your ex to have a smile on your face. This will allow you to reconstruct and it will help you to attract your ex back into your life.
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