How to stop being emotionally dependent?

being emotionally dependentThere is often a period after a breakup in which a person makes faux-pas that vary in size based on how depressed they are when they begin missing their ex. Even if you’re the one that decided to separate, it’s not an easy thing to cope with because it changes your life.

You had your habits, a shared past and even a certain routine that settled into place and it all ended when your relationship was smashed to bits. But a separation doesn’t mean that you just forget about your ex and that you have no choice but to move on. In fact, this period often amplifies your feelings for them and makes you realize how important they really were in your life. If you’re thinking, I miss my ex and if you want to start doing things to make them come back to you, love isn’t the only thing fueling this desire. I’m not saying that you’re trying to manipulate your ex or that your feelings are not sincere; all I’m saying is that subconsciously, your heart isn’t the only thing guiding you.

Oftentimes when feelings are revived right after a breakup, it’s a sign of being emotionally dependent. Unfortunately this is something that very often leads to mistakes that make it harder for you to succeed in getting back together with the person you love. It’s highly beneficial to know more about this phenomenon and the way in which you can fight it so that your attempt at being with your ex again will be successful and also so that your relationship can be more solid that it was in the past.hat does being emotionally dependent mean?

According to the DSM-IV (the manual on behavioral disorders,) emotional dependence is characterized by “excessive need” that can lead to submissive and overly attached conduct that is often accompanied by a fear of separation. It can be manifested in many different ways.

If you’re familiar with my philosophy, you know that it’s crucial to figure out what the problem that you’re facing is exactly so that you can find the best possible way to surmount it. So, there are multiple types of emotional dependence and multiple stages based on your degree of attachment. Dependence on your significant other can be rooted in:

– A lack of self-esteem or confidence
– Being hyper-sensitive
– A painful history of relationships
– Intense anxiety

Though emotional dependence can have a variety of different causes, it’s important to note that each situation is very unique and therefore there are many different ways to deal with the issue at hand. There are in fact many different types of emotional dependence.

Can I get back together with my ex if I am being emotionally dependent?

The answer might surprise you but YES, you can get your ex back even if you’re being emotionally dependent. Nevertheless, you have to start by dissembling your unstable emotional state because this is the source of mistakes made and tension.

So, before you start using techniques like radio silence or any other action that will start the process of getting back together, you have to take some time to reflect on the consequences both in terms of yourself and in terms of your ex. Many men and women aren’t aware of the fact that they are victims of this and they shouldn’t jump in without having considered all the details and factors of their situation.

Speaking of radio silence, it is the most striking technique in this special program. It’s so important simply because when you want to start the difficult process of getting back together with the person you love, you need to stock up on morale. When you’re emotionally dependent, you’re going to have a hard time doing this.

If you’re at your ex’s beck and call, how are you planning on cutting contact with them for a few weeks?

Your significant other and now ex always has the upper hand, you always do what they want, and this is holding you back from feeling fulfilled and advancing in your attempt at getting back together, and to give them a new image of you. I don’t like to say that they have more power over you, but you have to see things clearly. In a relationship (just like when you’re trying to get back together,) the two partners need to be on the same level and their efforts need to be mutual. In fact, when you’re trying to get your ex back, there can be a slight unbalance, but it should never be too much. Nevertheless, right now, you’re going to start getting back on the same level as your ex by beginning to work on yourself because at the moment you’re always the one making the first step and making compromises.

Please don’t think that men are the only ones at fault in these types of situations, and you shouldn’t think that manipulators and seducers or narcissists are the only people responsible either.

You’re finding it hard to stand your ground in your relationship and you’re devaluing yourself when you put your ex on a pedestal by thinking that they’re better than you. You have to realize that you’re not less important than your significant other and when you do, you’ll be much more attractive in every way. So take action! We’ve written all how to fight emotional dependence in our eBook that you can access here.

How to not show my ex that I’m emotionally dependent?

At first glance, one might think that being emotionally dependent on your ex concerns only you. Some people think that if you’re unable to detach yourself from your ex it must be a good sign because it means that you’re really in love right? Well, no…

In truth, a person isn’t looking for someone they can have dominion over. As I mentioned above, this puts them in a position of power but that doesn’t mean that this makes them happy. People are looking for someone and they want to be happy together. You can’t build a solid relationship with someone that is completely dependent on you because their own character will just whither away.

When you’re working on getting back together, and I’m sure you’ve understood, you shouldn’t need the other person. In reality you will have to send your ex an entirely new image of yourself. This is why I often refer to radio silence as a technique for getting your ex back because it ensures that you don’t fall make errors like begging or harassing your ex (which are typical characteristics of emotional dependence by the way.)

It’s crucial to rebuild your self-confidence, to avoid falling into depression, and to quickly get back on your feet after a breakup.

I am emotionally dependent and I want to fight it, what do I do?

Being aware of your emotional dependence is the first step to overcoming it. This might surprise you but a very many people are not aware of the fact that they are addicted to their significant other. The breakup is what sheds light on this insidious phenomenon and it’s exceedingly hard for the person experiencing it.

I told you about radio silence as one way to stop feeling this oppressive need to be with your ex. I know that this technique that involves cutting all contact with the person you love can be quite difficult, but it shouldn’t be seen as punishment. RS has 3 main goals: taking distance to focus on rebuilding yourself after the breakup, making your ex miss you, and making your next move have more impact.

It’s not meant to make you forget about your ex and I know that’s not what you want. It’s actually a technique that has helped hundreds of people change the course of action for the better and to rebuild a healthier relationship with the person they love.

You can also count on your loved ones to help you feel less alone while you’re going through this ordeal. I’m not telling you to heed their advice (because they’re not always objective and in a position to give you appropriate advice,) but that you should spend time with them to avoid being depressed and alone, especially because solitude is detrimental to your state of mind after a separation. You have to start living life to the fullest and to prove that you don’t need your ex to have a smile on your face. This will allow you to reconstruct and it will help you to attract your ex back into your life.

Best wishes,

Your coach to figure out how to stop being emotionally dependent

Adrian

  • Joe

    My girlfriend left after one year. situation is a little complicated but ill try to give short version. everything was great for 11 months then i had surgery which took me a little longer to heal and i only sen he 2 in that whole month, i cancelled a lot from being sick. she also suffers from SAD and depression. so finally when i see her she said things weren’t the same (this is through text) that she lost feeling for me it was too long of a break and i promised i wouldn’t be away that long. i said i was sorry and ill fix it but she said she cant forgive me that seeing me will only make her remember everything bad and not good . ok what was bad…i was living with a a girl but we broke it off and only stayed in such place till lease was done then me and new girlfriend were going to get a place. yes this bothered her but i told her this even before we got together. anyways i go crazy texting her and i gt blocked , i never seen myself without her, i even said id move put today but she said no. there’s a lot more but that’s the short version. i love really hard and believe me when i say i don’t chase but this girl i am and went too far cause i believe you fight for what you want. i’m beside myself have no desire to do this go out and meet new people , i mean i actually feel pain in my whole body over this. i didn’t do nothing to intentionally hurt her and can fix everything but she says she cant forgive me and now i cant contact her. we text 2 days ago for 3 hrs over this but now she blocked me. will she ever forgive me or even contact me again.w been broken up a month but i have contacted her everyday, once she blocked me only to call 3 days later. its not like we run in same circle or have same friends so its not like we will run into each other . i only have one way of texting her left i think but if i screw that up then it would kill any chance i had. what more disturbing is now she tells me she talking with an ex but she don’t wanna date him again shes not into it plus hes away at college. i just feel now if i did no contact there would be a void but also that now she’s filling it talking with him. is there any chance i have left to get my ex back?

  • Joe

    My girlfriend left after one year. situation is a little complicated but ill try to give short version. everything was great for 11 months then i had surgery which took me a little longer to heal and i only sen he 2 in that whole month, i cancelled a lot from being sick. she also suffers from SAD and depression. so finally when i see her she said things weren’t the same (this is through text) that she lost feeling for me it was too long of a break and i promised i wouldn’t be away that long. i said i was sorry and ill fix it but she said she cant forgive me that seeing me will only make her remember everything bad and not good . ok what was bad…i was living with a a girl but we broke it off and only stayed in such place till lease was done then me and new girlfriend were going to get a place. yes this bothered her but i told her this even before we got together. anyways i go crazy texting her and i gt blocked , i never seen myself without her, i even said id move put today but she said no. there’s a lot more but that’s the short version. i love really hard and believe me when i say i don’t chase but this girl i am and went too far cause i believe you fight for what you want. i’m beside myself have no desire to do this go out and meet new people , i mean i actually feel pain in my whole body over this. i didn’t do nothing to intentionally hurt her and can fix everything but she says she cant forgive me and now i cant contact her. we text 2 days ago for 3 hrs over this but now she blocked me. will she ever forgive me or even contact me again.w been broken up a month but i have contacted her everyday, once she blocked me only to call 3 days later. its not like we run in same circle or have same friends so its not like we will run into each other . i only have one way of texting her left i think but if i screw that up then it would kill any chance i had. what more disturbing is now she tells me she talking with an ex but she don’t wanna date him again shes not into it plus hes away at college. i just feel now if i did no contact there would be a void but also that now she’s filling it talking with him. is there any chance i have left to get my ex back?

    • CoachAdrian

      Hey Joe,
      Thank you for booking a coaching session with me. Working on a game plan right now to get your ex back and will be in touch with you tomorrow morning.
      We can do this!
      Best,
      Adrian