When you’ve gone through a breakup, it’s normal that you would be feeling pretty down in the dumps right about now. The person you love is no longer with you, and you know that your future is going to look different from what you had originally planned and hoped for.
Many of my clients who reach out to me right after a breakup tell me that they are struggling with depression and want to know what to do. Because it is such a common phenomenon, I wanted to write an article on what to do when you’re depressed over a breakup.
How to turn things around when you’re depressed over breakup
The first thing I want you to understand when you’re feeling depressed over your breakup is that this is normal, and this is natural. When you go through a breakup, it is very much like going through the mourning process. You are in essence mourning the death of your relationship, and your hopes for your future with this person.
Though it can be excruciatingly painful, I want to take this moment to remind you that even though you need to accept what happened so that you can move forward, it doesn’t mean that all hope is lost for getting back together with the one you love. If you are on this site right now, chances are that you’re looking for the best way to get back together with your ex, and trust me, you’ve come to the right place.
You see, accepting the breakup is the first step in the process. It keeps you safe from living in denial, it allows you to take a step back and put things into perspective as you analyze what exactly went wrong, so that you can get organized and make a stronger comeback.
But I’m getting ahead of myself, first let’s look at how to get over breakup depression.
Breakup depression: Why this happens
When you go through a breakup it feels like everything comes crashing down around you. In a nutshell, your identity is shattered. You’ve invested time and energy into this relationship and you saw this person as your partner. So of course now that the relationship has ended, you feel lost, hurt, and depressed.
When you are in a state of depression, you only focus on what you’re losing. You no longer see this person for all that they are (their flaws included); you only remember the positive memories. It’s not uncommon to catch yourself fixating on what could have been if you had done something differently, and how things would be in the future if you two had managed to stay together.
The truth however is that this is not going to help you much. Dwelling keeps you rooted in a moment that is not the present. It is the present moment that you have control over, so this is what we need to be focusing on.
When you are dealing with breakup depression it is usually because you’re inadvertently keeping yourself in a bubble and putting your ex and the relationship on a pedestal. There is a reason why you broke up, and it is in your power to change this – but only if you decide to take action!
Being depressed after a breakup because of insecurities
Another culprit behind this feeling is a person’s insecurities. When a breakup occurs, people often feel terrified that they only way for them to be happy is to be with this person. They (subconsciously or consciously) feel that they aren’t enough to keep themselves happy.
This is dangerous of course because we begin flirting with emotional dependency, which is something we need to ward off if we want to be happy in our own personal lives and in relationships.There are so many clients that I work with who are dealing with a breakup and depression who can’t seem to see the potential that they have.
My goal is always to help you remember how much you actually bring to the table and remind you that a breakup does not take away from your self worth. If anything, it should serve as a catalyst for you to focus on rebuilding your self confidence.
Simply put, when you remember that you are fantastic and you have a lot to offer, your behavior will shift and you become more attractive. And I’m not just talking about in terms of your ex – I mean this is the type of attitude that attracts people in general like moths to a flame.
By reinforcing your self esteem and confidence you no longer feel the sense of desperation. On top of that, it can stamp out needy or clingy behavior. When you start to feel better about yourself, you will start to feel more in control of the situation, and you will stop feeling so depressed after a breakup.
Post break up depression: Creating the shift
As of right now, I know that you do not want to remain in this situation with these thoughts and emotions.
You’ve got to focus on bringing joy and positivity back to your life and changing the way that you see yourself. People often internalize, and try to take all the blame for the relationship. I want you to remember that relationships are a two way road and both of you are responsible for the breakup.
I often see people doing this as a defense mechanism. They figure that if they’re responsible for all of the problems, then they are in control of fixing all of the problems as well! They then put their ex on a pedestal and view him or her as this perfect being, when in reality no one is perfect.
So, you are in charge of your role in the breakup, yes. But do not take responsibility for your partner’s actions. What you can do is rectify your bad habits and create inspiration for your ex in a variety of different ways. These are the core elements of getting back together with an ex, and if you would like to dive in a find out more about how to do that, click here!
Tools for dealing with depression and breakups
There are two tools that I would like to share with you today, because I know you’re looking for some techniques to help you get to the other side of this period ASAP!
The first is one that you’ve heard about already but may not be in the habit of practicing, and the second one is a tool that you may not have heard about even though it’s very powerful.
How to come out of a breakup depression by using meditation
Meditation is one of the tools that is most often overlooked when it comes to bouncing back from a painful experience. It is something that has been practiced throughout history, and when it is implemented into your daily life it can have some serious benefits.
The main purpose of mediation is to ground you in the present moment and keep your mind from spiraling. As I mentioned above, when a person is dealing with breakup depression, he or she will dwell on the past and fixate on how the future could have been different. This is both draining and time consuming, so why not try a tool that will help you find peace and clarity so that you can focus on the now?
To begin, take at least five minutes every day (morning and/or night, or whenever your thoughts begin to spiral), sit down somewhere quiet and close your eyes. Start to listen to your breath.Breathe in for 5 counts, hold for 5 counts, and then exhale for 5 counts.
Once your mind is quiet and you’re focused on your breathing, start incorporating elements like positive affirmations. It can be as simple as, “I am here,” or you can begin expanding and thinking, “I am moving towards happiness,” “I deserve to feel good,” or even, “Good things are coming to me.” Just think about what you need to be reminding yourself of, and use this moment to communicate with yourself.
If you’re having trouble settling down and focusing when you begin, take stock of your surroundings and start to note the details in your environment. The sounds, the light, the colors, the textures etc.
Severe depression after breakup: Emotional hacking
My colleague Coach Natalie has come up with a powerful technique called, “Emotional Hacking.”
It basically consists of triggering positive emotions in your mind by doing actions that you know will have this result.
Right now, you are experiencing a lack of positive emotions. In fact, your body is actually going through a kind of withdrawal stage because the dopamine and serotonin you experienced while being with the person you love are no longer being triggered. So right now, you’ve got to trigger these positive feelings by the things you’re doing.
To illustrate, Coach Nat says she loves adrenaline so she will seek out activities that allow her to body to feel the rush of adrenaline. She actually sky dives! Cool, huh? If you love to feel the same kind of rush, you can also go ride roller coasters, surfing, rock climbing!
Let’s say you love laughing, so go to a comedy club with some friends, have a drink, and spend the evening laughing until your belly hurts.
I encourage you to write down a list of how you can use this tool, and how you can get yourself to feel things that will lead you towards moving forward.
A few more things to do when you’re dealing with depression after a breakup are doing some community service or do something sweet for those around you. Sometimes the best thing to do when you’re feeling awful is to get out there and make others feel good. It gives you a sense of purpose, it reminds you of how you can make people happy, and you’re putting some more positivity into this world.
Please don’t hesitate to reach out to us with any questions in the comments section below, or get in touch with us directly right here!
Wishing you all the best,
Your coach when you’re depressed after a breakup
I Know We Are Meant To Be!
Bonus: 3 advanced strategies that will turn you into a Human Relationships Expert and give you the tools to get back with the one you love... for good!