What I’m about to say might surprise you… But when it comes to getting an ex back, the easiest part is actually getting back together. The hard part comes when you’ve decided to try it again and you need to ensure that the new relationship between you and your ex is nothing like the old relationship between you. You both knew that something wasn’t working and that something needs to change, so incorporating those changes and making sure that this relationship isn’t going to end up the same way your last one did is key. It is also the trickiest part.
This is when you might start noticing early relationship red flags that should not be ignored. I wanted to write this article today so that you can get a better idea of what to look out for when you want to rebuild a solid, long lasting relationship with your ex!
When you’re so excited about getting back together with the person you love, it can be easy to overlook red flags. Many people will rush in and end up finding things that cause significant problems later on down the line… but that’s not going to happen to you because you’re already taking action by reading up on early relationship red flags!
Early relationship red flags vs deal breakers
The term red flags is often used in relationships but what does it actually mean and how does it differ from the term “deal breakers?” It can be compared to the term, “deal breaker,” which is defined by a behavior or characteristic that a person does not want in a partner. A deal breaker carries more weight than a “deal maker,” and it is a character trait that is enough to make a person realize that they do not want this person to be their lifelong partner and can result in the end of the relationship.
But a relationship red flag is more of a warning sign. When you see red flags in a new relationship, you are seeing things that indicate that this might not be the right person for you. So the difference between a deal breaker and red flags in a new relationship is that a deal breaker is more concrete and tells you right away that this isn’t the relationship you want. A red flag catches your attention and makes you take a closer look at your partner’s (or potential partner’s) behavior so that you can gauge whether or not the good outweighs the bad.
The problem is that when a person begins a new relationship, even with an ex, the emotions and the excitement can make them turn a blind eye to relationship red flags, which can come back to bite them later on down the line.
The most important thing you could do is take the time to define what exactly you want in a relationship and think about how to recognize red flags in budding relationships with exes. Know what your non-negotiables are, and be careful to not ignore them when you’re seeing things through rose colored glasses.
In order to help you do that, I’ve compiled a list of some of the biggest red flags to pay attention to when you’re considering investing in a serious relationship with a man or a woman.
Again, the most important thing is going to be knowing yourself and being aware of exactly what you want form a serious relationship with someone you’ve already broken up with once before…
Relationship red flags to keep an eye out for!
Many clients come to me after they’ve gone through a breakup and ask, “What are red flags in a relationship?” They want to know what they need to keep an eye out for when things seem to be coming back together with their ex so that they don’t end up with their hearts being broken again.
It’s true that after having worked hard and finally seeing the fruits of their labor, it’s so tempting to just rush back into the arms of the person they still love… But as I said above, the easiest part of getting an ex back is actually getting back together.
The hard part is staying together. This catches a lot of people off guard, but the truth is that in order for things to work out with your ex, you have to ensure that you two are stepping into a new relationship and that you’re making the effort to maintain positive changes and keep yourselves on a stable path.
It’s all too easy to fall back into bad habits or to get lazy, and it’s even easier to allow yourself to end up ignoring red flags in a relationship with your ex because you’ve been wanting this person back so badly.
Fortunately, you’re aware of this and you’re already reading up on how to steer clear of this. So hats off to you!
Let’s take a look at a list of some of the biggest red flags that you should not ignore when patching things back up with your ex.
• They try to come between you and your loved ones
Possessive behavior is something to pay close attention to when forming a relationship with someone you were once with. When a person tries to drive a wedge between you and your friends or family, they are not allowing there to be a healthy balance in the relationship.
It is also highly likely that there is an issue with emotional dependency which can make things fall apart very quickly. In order for a relationship to work, each person has to have a solid personal life in which they can have healthy relationships with their loved ones as well as their significant other.
• They want you to change
Everybody has improvements to make, and if you and your ex broke up, it means that some changes needed to be made in order to make your relationship healthier and more stable.
That said, if this person is asking you to change who you are and it’s not serving to make you happy, it could be considered a relationship red flag.
It’s crucial to love someone for who they are and to avoid winding up thinking, “Oh, we will be happy when he …” or, “Things will be good between us if she…”
• They put you down in front of other people
Sometimes people have self deprecating humor, but when you’re the butt of every joke it can start to feel like they don’t actually have that much respect for you. If your partner is constantly putting you down in public (and even in private) or is making you feel stupid around the people you care about, it’s important to pay attention to the respect that they have for you.
There are little indicators like this that they might not respect you as much as you would like, and this is a huge red flag.
• They have a history of cheating
There is a saying that goes, “Once a cheater always a cheater,” and while I don’t agree with it, I would say that it’s important to pay attention to patterns. If this person cheated on their last partner with you, and they were cheating with their ex in their previous relationship as well, it is very possible that you’ve got a big red flag on your hands and the pattern might repeat itself yet again.
• There is no trust
Yes, trust will take time to rebuild once you’ve already broken up once before, but if it feels like your partner does not trust you (and you weren’t the one that broke their trust during the breakup) or if your gut tells you that they’re up to no good, keep your eyes open. Even if it feels normal at first, pay attention to red flag warnings that don’t seem to subside.
• They hide the fact that you’re in a relationship
Some people are more private than others, but if you see that your ex is actively making sure that no one knows they’re in a relationship, something might be up. This is especially true if they’ve flat out lied about being single!
• You don’t share the same idea of what cheating is
You might feel that flirting with someone online counts as crossing the line and your partner doesn’t… They might think that flirting with a stranger at a bar is harmless as long as they don’t go and sleep with them, but you don’t agree. It’s important to be on the same page with the person that is your signifiant other.
• You want different things
Again, you need to be on the same page if you want to continue to grow together. If your partner doesn’t want kids and you do, you aren’t on the same page. It’s not a question of who’s right, it’s a question of working towards the same goals.
Being honest with yourself about early relationship red flags will ensure that you end up having the most satisfying and fulfilling relationship you can have.
If you aren’t sure about whether or not you’re seeing red flags in your budding relationship with your ex, please don’t hesitate to reach out to us here or leave your question in the comments section below!
Wishing you all the best,
Your coach in recognizing relationship red flags
I Know We Are Meant To Be!
Bonus: 3 advanced strategies that will turn you into a Human Relationships Expert and give you the tools to get back with the one you love... for good!