Your ex boyfriend has broken your trust and now wishes to be forgiven? Are you hesitating and pondering whether you should give him another chance? Do you still love your ex but don’t know if things can ever be the same between you two? If you feel confused and need help figuring out what to do we are here for guidance!
If your ex boyfriend apologized after cheating on you or even if he broke up with you but now wishes to get back together, you need to figure out if he is sincere and what may have made him change his mind. You will need to either look to forgive him or move on in order to not be stuck in a state of limbo and suffer both more than you need too. It is possible for you to do the right thing once you have taken a step back and clearly analyzed where you stand emotionally.
Is he sincere and does he regret his wrongdoings?
If your ex boyfriend feels bad about something that he has done you will know based on the way that he acts with you. Did he feel immediate regret or did it take a few weeks or even a few months before he tried to ask for forgiveness? Did he continuously lie to you and did you find out on your own that you were being cheated on for instance or did he feel tremendous guilt and fessed up? If you answered yes to either of those questions it may be more difficult for you to trust that he is indeed being sincere; truly forgiving him may take more time than you think.
On the other hand if your ex boyfriend is looking to get back together after having broken up with you, you may not be as angry but still have doubts about your capacity to move forward with him and to give him another chance. In this case the circumstances of the actual breakup should play a large role in your capacity to quickly turn over a new leaf. If things got messy and he was hurtful when he decided to breakup it will of course be more difficult for you to accept his apology rather than if he would have been fair and up front when he chose to end the relationship.
Ultimately the key for you will be to gage his level of sincerity in order to try to figure out if he truly regrets hurting you. The best way to find out is to make him work to earn your trust. Whether you were cheated on or broken up with, something changed forever in your relationship and it will take time for you to move past it. If your ex keeps reaching out to you for weeks or even months it will drastically improve the chances that he is indeed genuine. Time is the best indicator of sincerity or true willingness to make things right! It is important for you to show that you do not approve of his behavior and make him sweat it out a bit before accepting to take him back, if you choose too.
My ex boyfriend apologized but has he really changed?
You will also need to consider whether your ex boyfriend has really changed or evolved since the incident that drove you both apart. If weeks or months have gone by, it will be a lot easier to accept the fact that he may have changed since then. You will also have had time to recover and put the entire situation into perspective. You will be better equipped to know if something about him his different through his action more than through his words.
I often encounter people who tell me during one on one coaching sessions “My ex boyfriend apologized but I don’t think that he will ever change, so I’m scarred to get back with him”. If this is something that you can relate too, I strongly urge you not to get back with him right away. Your intuition is often correct in these type of situations and you will know when your ex has changed. Don’t get caught up in words or grand statements; but rather focus on his actions and what he has done to change some of his negative habits or behaviors. You need to be able to clearly distinguish when and how he has tried to prove to you that he is a new man.
If he is truly sorry it will be possible to start a new relationship
It will take time for you to trust him again but eventually you will have to in order to start a new relationship together. If he has shown remorse and consistently reached out to try to make it work for a long period of time it is great sign. If you can clearly identify some actions that he has undertaken to change some of his wrongdoings or negative behaviors towards you even better! At that point it is best for you to let go of the past and to engage in a new relationship with him.
Once you have decided to give it another shot, you can’t hold a grudge or keep bringing up the past; otherwise your relationship simply won’t work! Either you forgive and engage in a whole new relationship without any resentment or you shouldn’t be together at all. My advice to you in this regard is clear; you should take as long as you need to weigh your options and to decide if you still want to be with your ex after what he did to you. But once you’ve made the decision to give it another shot you shouldn’t look back. Otherwise you risk being stuck in a state of limbo and enduring multiple breakups; while putting yourself in a situation where you both won’t be able to leave or stay with each for a long period of time.
If your ex boyfriend has hurt you but his now looking to start a new relationship and you feel like you need to speak to an expert about it don’t hesitate to reach out to me. It will be my pleasure to analyze your situation and give you the advice and feedback you deserve and need.
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