I know that things are feeling pretty rough right now. Not only do breakups hurt, they make you feel like your entire world has been thrown upside down. You feel lethargic and have the tendency to want to isolate yourself, you can’t focus on work, everything reminds you of your ex, and the worst part of all of it is that you have to readjust to life without the person you love. It feels so heavy and all you want is to know is how to feel better after a breakup.
No one wants this feeling to last, and a lot of people look for quick fixes to ease the pain. For example, many people turn to rebound relationships or vengeful actions. While rebound relationships work for some people, revenge is not going to serve you. It will offer you temporary satisfaction but could end up making you feel even worse in the long run.
That’s why I wanted to write this article for you today! I know that it’s hard to move past a painful breakup, so I wanted to share some tools with you that can help you to start feeling better starting now.
Understanding why going through a breakup hurts this much
We all know that breakups hurt, but why do they hurt SO much? The pain behind a breakup is characterized by a feeling of grief, frustration, abandonment, anger, disappointment, and hopelessness.
You spent so much time with this person, and you invested so much time and energy into your relationship. You had developed such high hopes for the future, and not only were you in love with your ex, you were – and still are – in love with the potential that this relationship had.
So, moving on from a breakup is so hard because you’re mourning the loss of what you shared with this person, and the loss of your hopes for the future. The hardest part is letting go of how you imagined your future looking,
Fortunately (and even though I know it doesn’t feel that way right now) this pain is temporary. There are various actions and tools that you can begin implementing in your daily life starting today, and you’ll see that you’ll begin feeling better faster than you thought!
How to move on from a breakup: Rule #1
Perhaps all you want to do right now is talk to your ex. You’re feeling hurt and vulnerable, so you’re searching for some reassurance. More often than not, we seek this reassurance from our ex. We don’t want to feel alone, we don’t want to feel abandoned, and we don’t want to accept the breakup.
I want you to understand that accepting the breakup is a crucial step in getting your life back after a breakup – whether you want to get back together with your ex or not!
Accepting what happened is going to allow you to take a step back and put things into perspective. You want to be able to pinpoint what went wrong and what you need to change in the future so that you don’t wind up in this situation again!
Now, what is the first thing that you can begin doing right now that is going to propel you towards recovery? If you’re familiar with my philosophy, then you might know what I’m about to say!
The No Contact Rule!
Yes, this is a technique that is used by my coachees when they want their ex back, but it is also something that I suggest to people who are having a tough time getting on with life after a breakup. Being in touch with your ex right now is going to distract you from what you need to be doing.
It’s going to make you fixate on your heartache, your sadness, and the fact that you are no longer together. Basically, it’s just going to twist the knife in the wound. Cutting contact with your ex is going to help you to begin focusing on yourself, which is the absolute best way to heal after a breakup!
It’s inevitable that your ex is going to be on your mind, but keep in mind that you are in control of how much energy you give it. What I mean by that is simply that you shouldn’t be going out of your way to make this more painful than it needs to be.
Decide to cut contact with your ex so that you stop twisting the knife in the wound, and so that you can switch your focus to healing from the breakup.
If you want your ex back, this technique can also be used to make him or her miss being with you. It’s time to put yourself first and do what you need to do in order to allow yourself to heal. I know that you might be resistant to this technique because you’re afraid that your ex will forget about you, but after everything you shared, your ex is not going to forget about you after a few weeks or months.
How to be happy after a break up: The key is switching things up
I’d like you to think about what elements of your life you lost track of while you were in the relationship. It is not uncommon for us to lose ourselves when we are in a relationship. Our lives begin to revolve around our significant other and before we know it, we stop doing our hobbies and passions, we begin spending less time with our groups of friends and family, we become more lax about exercise, and we begin to fall into a routine.
The problem with losing yourself in a relationship is that it has a negative effect on your self confidence and how you feel about yourself as a person, but it also damages the way that your partner sees you.
When you do not maintain your personal life, your self confidence and your passions, your partner might have trouble recognizing the person they fell in love with in the first place. This happens so often, and when the breakup actually occurs, you’re left feeling awful.
So the remedy is actually relatively simple. I want you to think about all the elements that you put on the back burner while you were in a relationship. Think about physical exercise, hobbies and passions, friends and family, and all the things you used to do that you stopped doing when you fell into the routine of the relationship.
Allocate ample time to bringing all of these elements back into your life! One of the best ways of moving on after breakup is to make yourself very busy. And I don’t mean that you should be taking on all kinds of responsibilities that stress you out just so that your schedule is jam-packed!
No, I mean plan to do lots of things that bring you joy. See your best friends and go try out new restaurants and bars, sign up for some new activities that you’ve never tried before. Start hitting the gym or switch up your workout!
I’d like you to think about bringing freshness into your life right now. Going through a breakup is so painful, and I know that your ex is constantly on your mind. So now is the time to start making new memories that bring you joy. Go on a weekend getaway with your best friends. You can even just have them over for a picnic in the backyard! Think of doing things that you don’t normally do.
By the way, a great way to feel better after a breakup is to reorganize your space and get rid of things that remind you of your ex. Switch things up and come up with a new layout for your furniture and decorations. Changing your environment really helps to change your mindset.
How to feel better after a breakup: Don’t isolate yourself
I know it feels terrible and it’s very tempting to just stay wrapped up in blankets on the couch eating ice-cream and binge watching Netflix… While you can allow yourself to do this sometimes, it should not take up the majority of your time.
When we are hurting, many of us tend to put up walls and hide away. We won’t want to seem vulnerable, or we don’t want to bug other people with our problems. Don’t forget that you have friends and family that love you, that want to be there for you when you need them.
Don’t isolate yourself from them and allow yourself to benefit from having a shoulder to lean on.
As always, if you would like one on one coaching on how to move on from a breakup or on how to get your ex back, I am always just a click away! Don’t hesitate to reach out.
Wishing you all the best in life and love,
Your coach for knowing how to feel better after a breakup