I often talk to clients who explain to me that they feel so lost after a breakup. When you had been with a person for a long time, you start to develop a certain routine and your life begins to adapt to the other person. You start to envision your future together and you begin making big plans, and then when you break up you end up feeling completely lost. It can feel like you don’t know where to turn, or what to do now, and you end up feeling depressed and confused about what is supposed to happen now.
It’s one of the hardest things we can go through as human beings, and I am here to let you know that you can get back in control of your life and feel good again. It’s just going to require some time, patience, and perseverance. The easiest thing to do would be to sulk around feeling sorry for yourself, but how is that going to help you find yourself? This breakup needs to serve as fuel for transforming you into the best version of yourself. If you want to know how to find yourself after a breakup, you’re in the right spot!
In today’s article, I am going to give you some tools for finding yourself after a breakup, whether you want to get your ex back or not. The healing stage is the same for everyone, and I want to let you know that you can change the way that you are feeling by taking action starting today. You are more in control of this situation than you might realize, and I want you to see this as an opportunity to change and to improve. You’re not going to feel like this forever, and it is in your power to speed up the healing process!
How to find yourself after a breakup by switching gears
A person’s ego can take a huge blow after a breakup. As time went on, you probably started to get more comfortable in the relationship and you started to get into a routine with your partner. Many people start to get more comfortable with showing their shortcomings and being less of the perfect person that they were trying to present themselves as being in the beginning of the relationship. When the breakup takes place, it can be extra painful simply because you had allowed yourself to become vulnerable, and you feel like your authentic self was rejected by the person that you love.
In addition to this, the relationship had become the central focus of their life so when it ends, they end up feeling totally lost. It’s normal that you would invest in this relationship, share all of yourself and make the person you’re with your priority, but unfortunately, sometimes there is too much of an unbalance between these elements and your own personal life, and you end up losing yourself in the relationship. Of course when it all ends, you’re left feeling lost and out of touch with yourself.
So, what can you do when you’re looking for yourself after a breakup? Well, I’m glad you asked!
How to be happy after a breakup: Looking forward
I often tell my clients that it’s imperative that they stop rehashing and fixating on the breakup. It’s normal that your mind would be filled with doubts right now, but I don’t want you to allow your regrets to control you. Sure, there are things that you could have done differently and it’s very important that you are aware of these things, but they should not paralyze you.
The more you fixate on the what-if’s and the “Oh I should have done that differently,” the worse you’re going to feel right now. Instead, I encourage you to sit down and grab a pen and a piece of paper. Divide the paper into two columns. On the left, start making a list of the issues you were having in the relationship and what type of behavioral issues you may have been experiencing. On the right, and I encourage you to really think about this, next to each thing you wrote, write down a realistic solution.
This exercise will help you to get these things out of your head and come up with solutions, and trust me this will help you to get some peace of mind. Sometimes writing things down is the best way to get them out of your system so that you can clear your head and focus on the tasks at hand.
When you can organize these thoughts, you will be able to focus on finding yourself after a breakup.
There is no sense in reminiscing and driving yourself crazy about what you could have or should have done differently. Instead, look forward and use this as fuel for making your life better in the future, and focus your energy on working on yourself after a breakup.
Finding yourself after a breakup by getting busy
You probably feel that the person you were in the beginning of your relationship and the person you are now are not the same people. Somewhere along the line, you lost yourself so it’s time to start thinking about what exactly has changed.
• What where you doing in the beginning of your relationship that you are no longer doing now?
• What friends and family members that made you happy were you hanging out with?
• What did your schedule look like?
• What were you doing with your spare time before you were in this relationship?
Filling your schedule back up with these things is one of the absolute best ways to find yourself after a breakup.
In addition to this, now is the perfect time to start thinking about what kind of new things you can introduce into your life.
• What activities have you always wanted to try? (Think yoga, cooking classes, mountain climbing, painting, salsa dancing…)
• In what ways can you become more physically active?
By the way, using this time to become more active, and especially more physically active, can help you feel considerably better in a short span of time. When you dedicate more time to physical activity, a few things begin to happen. First, you start to feel better because your body will be releasing endorphins and serotonin.
On top of that, you will feel a boost of energy that will make you feel more inclined to grab life by the horns and start doing more things for yourself. When all of these elements come together, you’ll start to experience an increase in your self confidence. You’ll be feeling better in your body, but also in your mind.
Coincidentally, this is also what attracts other people to you like moths to a flame. People want to be around people who are living life to the fullest and are visibly happy and feeling fulfilled. This is key if you’re hoping to get your ex back…
Self motivation after a breakup
If you do not like the person you see when you look in the mirror, or if you feel like you don’t recognize this person, take action! Get up and get busy. If you find yourself thinking about what your ex is up to or if you catch yourself feeling sad about your current situation all the time, it means that you aren’t busy enough.
Whether you want this person back or not, you absolutely must work on being the person you want to be.
Make a list of the things you want to accomplish. Maybe it’s getting in better shape, maybe it’s changing your look, maybe it’s being more sociable so that you can meet new people, maybe it’s being more successful at work… whatever it is, channel your energy into making it happen.
I always encourage my clients to set goals. Where do you want to be in six months? So then where do you need to be in two months? And what can you start doing this week to get that point?
When you’re feeling lost and are working on getting on with life after a breakup so that you can feel like yourself again, you just need to analyze what parts of yourself could use some improvement, and fill up your schedule with people and activities that make you happy, and help you to get closer to your goals.
As always, we are here to help, so please don’t hesitate to get in touch here or to leave your question in the comments section below.
Wishing you all the best in life and love,
Your coach when you want to know how to find yourself after a breakup