How to use social media to get back with your ex

Use social media to get back with your exSo many people are now on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter or some other form of social media platform. Human relationships have taken a virtual element to them and many people interact with their friends or socially more on the web than they do in person. When a breakup happens you are forced to deal with it via those online platforms as they serve as an extension of who you are.

It can be very difficult to cope with a breakup in general but also challenging to face this new reality when looking back on your social media page or when going online. Are you supposed to take down all of your ex’s pictures? Do you block them or unfriend them? Is it possible to use social media to get back with your ex?

In this article we will provide you with tips and insights in order for you to use your social media platforms and habits to your advantage in order to quickly rebound from a breakup and even get back with your ex.

A different type of communication platform

If you have spoken with one of our coaches during one on one sessions you most probably have heard us use the term “platform of communication” when it comes to getting back with an ex.

It is very important to maintain certain channels of communication open with your ex in order to showcase your change of behavior or evolution; however you must be really careful not to let your emotions overwhelm you and do, say or react in a way that will make you lose credibility in your ex’s eyes.

In that sense social media is really a double edged sword as it can be the ultimate platform to show to your ex that you have changed and make them miss you; or you can let the information flow overwhelm you and be too passive to make the shifts that are necessary to re-seduce the one you love.

Which path will you choose to take?

Don’t be too needy

The biggest mistake that most people make in the days following a breakup is being too needy and not giving their ex the time and space they need to gain perspective on the relationship and its recent events.

You want to be back with your ex right away and you look to convince them that this separation is a big mistake. So you chase them and put yourself in demand which ultimately will leave you with less credibility as well as be less appealing in your ex’s eyes.

Do not let social media play you a disservice in that regard; don’t be fooled by the ease of access or this constant channel of communication to your ex always available. You need to be really strong and resist the urge to contact them. Your ex needs time to reflect and live through their decision to breakup. In most cases not contacting them through social media in the first few days after a breakup is a good start when hoping to use social media to get back with your ex.

If you are unable to resist the urge we suggest that you either block your ex entirely on the different platforms where you run the risk of engaging with them or that you stay off of social media all together for at least the first 10 days following a breakup. Moving away from social media all together can be a last resort effort if your emotions are simply too overwhelming to bare. You can always unblock your ex latter!

Don’t spy on your ex

No matter what you will need to stray away from the temptation of monitoring their every move on their page. After a breakup the less you go looking into your ex’s life for updates the better it will be for you.

Simply put you are not ready to see your ex as a single individual. You run the risk of misinterpreting every post, photo or comment in a negative way. Your fear of losing them forever or of being alone will cause your brain and imagination to play tricks on you; you will always imagine the worst possible scenario. One way to protect yourself from this self-inflicting torture is to have the discipline to not check what they may or may not be doing.

Everyone always seems so happy and perfect on social media; seeing your ex appear to be happy will only cause stress and prevent you from doing the right things in order to quickly bounce back and be in a position to get back with the one you love.

Change your habits and show your evolution

You can use social media to get back with your ex if you take a smart approach and focus on being physically active and bringing about changes to your life in the real world. To put it in another way social media won’t help you heal or put the right foundation in place to get back with your ex; it will help you in ultimately being able to re-seduce them when the times come!

First you must focus on regaining confidence and a sense of self and not live in the past whether through your ex or past relationship. Not looking at old posts and pictures is recommended and will help you look forward.

Develop new hobbies and activities and look to stay as active as possible in your day to day. Stay busy and really try to change your outlook on life and to be more positive in general. You can post pictures or updates about the progress that you have made or when reaching goals that you have set for yourself.

If you are still friends with your ex on social media be sure not to overdo it when it comes to posting news, updates and pictures. Again you  should really try to reduce your social media activity all together in order to focus your energy on the real world and live in the present moment.

Your ex needs to miss you and want to hear from you; the last thing you want to do is be the annoying person who detail the play by play of their entire life online!

Use social media to get back with your ex

Ultimately once you have regained self-esteem, when you will have become more positive, busy and active you should look to progressively re-engage with your ex. This can initially be done via social media. This will enable you not to have to confront your ex right away and to build a bit of suspense or engage in a game of seduction.

Talk to them about the changes that you have made in your life and the new activities that you have taken on. Never tell them that you miss them or put them on a pedestal; rather talk to them as equals, like you initially did before you started to date. You need to once again become a challenge for them while also showcase that you have now become the person that they always dreamed of being with.

Finally use social media to setup a face to face meeting. You will need to seal the deal in person as you need to be able to be physically with someone in order to take the next step. Use social media as the foundation to get back with your ex and as a communication tool to stay in touch and to flirt with your ex after that period of reconstruction.

For any specific questions that you may have when it comes to how to use social media to get back with your ex, or in a specific set of circumstances that you are faced with; simply leave a comment and a bit about what you are going through in the comments section below. I will be sure to get back to you personally.

Your coach to use social media to get back with your ex,


  • Matt

    Hi, my girlfriend and I have been dating steady for 7 years… Unfortunately for the first time she wanted a break.. I’m doing the no contact method ignoring her for 30 days atleast. As hard as it is its been a week and a half so far..
    I want her to feel it was the biggest mistake haha
    I was thinking of posting a throwback Thursday on Instagram a Video of myself that she took while we were on a great vacation together
    The plan is for her to see it and miss the good times and hopefully miss me even more

    • CoachAdrian

      Hey Matt,
      I think that your best bet is to stay away from throw back pics of you as couple and to go with pics of you going out, smiling, being social and being in a positive happy place. Your alternative seems needy, and I don’t think that it will have the desired effect. Don’t hesitate to reach out to me and to book a private coaching session if you want to speed up the recovery process and to get expert advice and a tailored game plan!
      All the best,

  • Tj

    I have a weird case, was with my gf for almost 2 years, she lives in the town over from me and it clicked right away, first real gf I had, we did everything together, parents loved me, went to Cancun, I really never trusted her due to what she did when I first met her. But I began to love her, so time went on she began to get sketchy towards the end of are break up, got her a new job that she wanted cause I had connects, started to work different hours, wouldn’t let me see her phone” it’s charging” and onto of that she got a new one while we where dating, the touching kissing stopped it was very wrong of her, and so fourth. So I caught her one night working out with her ex at the gym, I caused a big scene at the gym and then it escalated outside where I spit in her car punched her window I flipped out and that’s not like me at all. Days later she texts me we meet up for dinner, go to mall. And she’s trying to get me jealous. I did in fact snoop around and followed her a few times and caught her with a new guy. I then keyed her car I was so mad but I was very suprised I did such a thing cuz that’s not me at all. We broke up October of 2015 and I texted her about a week ago, saying I apologized for what I’ve done and the whole speel, no response. I did improve myself by getting Into the police academy even posted it on social
    Media to get a congrats from her but got nothing. I love my ex but I really don’t know what to do. Need help

    • CoachAdrian

      Hey Tj,
      I think that you went a little too far in damaging her property and you may have anger management issues…You will need to address those emotional mood swings if you hope to ever win her back. I’d like to talk in order to really get to the bottom of things, convey why she cheated, and highlight a plan to win her back. Book a coaching session if you want to work together!

  • Steve Gooch

    I am in a particularly difficult and unusual situation: I am English and married an Egyptian woman two months ago. We have been together for about 2 years. She had two kids. Because of the law in Egypt, where we live, if her ex finds out she has remarried, he has the right to come and take the kids from her. So we are still living apart and the kids don’t know we got married. Long term plan was obviously to rectify this sad situation.
    But such a marriage, across cultures and religions too, already brings in many problems. We have had a lot of stupid petty fights. Never ending it seems. Last week, exactly two months into our marriage, we had an argument and I blew my top at her like never before. I felt ashamed and embarrassed afterwards and told her so. It was all the pent up emotion that I had bottled up over all the previous arguments.
    The consequence has been that she has said she doesn’t want a man in her life, she doesn’t want me and if I want to go back to the UK, I should just go. She has dumped me.
    This weekend, her ex has come to take the kids, meaning that it is one of the rare occasions when we get to be a proper man and wife and be together for a short period of time but because she left me, she has blown that out of the water. I haven’t seen her all weekend. She is posting pics of herself enjoying herself with friends on Facebook. I don’t believe she is actually enjoying herself and she has posted this stuff to annoy me. I have not responded. In fact, I have gone social media silent.
    Should I be allowing her to see me just getting on with my life as normal on social media? Or should I stay silent so that she has no idea what I am up to or where I am, thus increasing her sense of missing me? Am I thinking about this wrong?
    I would add that her ex was abusive to her on a daily basis and she is definitely an abuse victim with all that entails. This is the root of many of our arguments, when she is putting me down (because I am not him and therefore am not going to retaliate like he used too), simply because she can, and is treating me as if I were him.
    Many thanks

  • Kitty

    Hey so me and my ex have been broken up for 3 months now and he has been dating another girl for 2 months and he blocked me everywhere a month ago. But he keeps blocking and unblocking me on instagram so here is my question….i know hes with her and as much as that hurts i have to accept it but i still want to win him back what can i do? We were together for 16months we lived together for a year and since i moved out the new girl has moved in right away.i understand its most likly a rebound relationship but how can i be patient and give him the time he asked for and not be hurt by her throwing him in my face all the time? Should i just delete my instagram and move on even though i love him and i know we can work on it?

    • Coach natalie

      Hi Kitty,
      Thank you for your share. I know how painful of a spot you’re in. When it comes to finding out how to use or leverage social media to get back with an ex, the situations are really relative. The good news is that if he’s blocking and unblocking you often, it’s because he’s still thinking about you a lot. I encourage you to go no contact with your ex, including limiting your social media use. Let him wonder where you are and what your doing. Let him miss you. If you need any help with this, I encourage you to book a session with me. We’re here to support.
      Coach N.

  • Sergio

    Hey so me and my ex have been together almost 11 months. She broke up with me a week before making it to the 11th month mark, at first I didn’t know why, because we were fine one minute then the other she broke up with me (not literally a minute), it’s been a month and 16 days since she broke up with me, I spoke to her on the 12 of January a day before our one year anniversary, so on that day she had told me “leave me alone, just move on” but honestly I’m not leaving, I soon found out why she broke up with me because I had re opened a wound from her past that was horrible that no one should go through, but I had no idea I did that so it was an accident, I never intended to hurt her at all. During the time of being separate, I spoke to her about 3 times, pleading and beginning to her, being needy desperate and pressuring her sadly. I messed up there I know that now, and I have been trying to focus on myself so I can mature more and bring myself together by being more confident yet humble, making new habits good ones of course, so that I can show her that I have changed for the better and that I have learned what not to do, Right now I’m giving her the time and space she needs but my question is, what does she mean by “leave me alone, move on”? Please help me.