Whether you are hoping to get back together with the person you just lost or not, one thing is certain. The heartbreak pain is intense and you want to know how to make it go away. When a person experiences a breakup, it feels as though their world is crumbling down around them and they are having to deal with the loss of their hopes and dreams for the future. It can feel all-encompassing, so I wanted to write this article for you today on how to ease the pain of a breakup so that you can move past this painful period and get closer to your goals, whether that is to move on or to get back together with your ex.
Healing is an essential process of moving past a breakup. Many people try to suppress the emotions because they’re so painful, but that’s only going to make it worse later on down the line when the feelings surge back up (because they will). In this article, you will find tools and techniques that will help you to get through this period and come out stronger on the other side, as quickly as possible!
Dealing with heartbreak pain: Why does it hurt so badly?
I often have clients ask me why breakups hurt so badly. I’ve had more than one person tell me that the pain that they were experiencing after breaking up with the person they love is the most intense pain they’ve ever felt in their entire lives. Someone recently asked me, “Can heartbreak cause physical pain?” and I think that you know that the answer to this question is yes. You can feel physically ill, nauseous, your heart can feel like it’s beating out of your chest and it becomes hard to breathe… It can cause you to feel like you have no energy for anything, you might just want to spend all your days in your bed or on your couch. It can keep you up at night, and you can experience an awful feeling in the pit of your stomach.
So what makes a breakup so deeply painful? Well aside from the fact that your brain and body are not producing the same amounts of serotonin and dopamine that it was when you were happy with your partner anymore, there are a few other things that are going on as well.
Why does heartbreak hurt: The feeling of mourning
One way to think about it is to see this period as a time of mourning. The feelings you’re experiencing are associated to a sense of loss, even if you were the one who chose to end the relationship. Both of you lost the relationship, so of course you’re hurting right now too.
Breakups hurt like this because it is the death of something that was precious to you. You had invested so much time and energy into making it grow, you nurtured it, and you developed all kinds of hopes and dreams for its future, but now it is no longer there.
Heartbreak feeling because how the relationship affected your identity
You had dedicated your time and energy to nurturing this relationship so much that it became part of your identity. So of course you’d feel completely thrown off when you lose the relationship. This is especially true if you had been with your ex for an extended period of time.
It’s normal that you’d be feeling a pretty big void right now and panic at the thought of how the future is going to look now. You had it all planned out and now you’re realizing that it’s not going to look the way that you had imagined, and your whole life is going to have to shift. That said, even if you’re hoping to get back together with your ex, it’s not the end of the world!
In fact, this shift is crucial if you want to be happy again in the future – with or without your ex!
You and your ex broke up for a reason, and even if you’re experiencing the heartbreak feeling right now, something has got to change!
But first, let’s look at the best ways to heal…
Heartbreak: How to heal from it
A lot of people reach out to me and ask if it’s normal that they would be experiencing this much pain after a breakup, and I want to take a moment to tell you that yes, it is very normal. You are going through one of the most painful things that we experience as human beings, so I don’t want you to think that there is something wrong with you or that it’s strange that you would be feeling like this.
Going through a breakup is extremely painful. That said, there are some things that you should keep in mind if you want to get to the other side of this painful period as quickly as possible…
Sitting back, isolating yourself, and spending your time sulking and feeling sorry for yourself is not going to get you anywhere. In fact, doing so would only make the heartbreak pain last that much longer.
Healing from physical heartbreak with physical activity
Though you might not be feeling like you have copious amounts of energy right about now, it’s very important that you get up and out there so start getting some exercise. This is one of the absolute best things to do when you want to start feeling better in your body and in your mind.
Remember how I mentioned that your serotonin and dopamine levels are low right now? Well exercise makes your body release another type of “feel good” hormone: endorphins!
What’s more, the more you exercise, the more energy you will start to have and you can in turn begin to start getting more active in your personal life.
Focusing on NEW things when your heart is broken
When you are experiencing the pain of a breakup, one thing that you can start doing right away is figuring out ways to introduce new, fresh elements in your life. Start by switching up your environment. Chances are that there are quite a few things in your space that remind you of your ex, so put those things away and reorganize the rest of your space.
Move your furniture around and if you’re feeling extra ambitious, change the color of the walls! Think about how you can introduce freshness and get rid of things that trigger sadness.
In terms of your personal life, fill up your schedule with new activities that you can do with your friends and on your own. Have you been wanting to try out surfing? What about taking a painting class? Yoga? Learning a new language? Take this opportunity to get started!
Healing broken heart pain by giving yourself a sense of purpose
When you are dealing with emotional heartache, one of the best things you can do is to give yourself a sense of purpose. If you’re now feeling like you’re waking up without anything to live for, it’s going to be very challenging for you to move past this pain.
The good news is that all of this is in your power. You can absolutely bring purpose back into your life by finding something that excites you. Think about what kind of challenge you can give yourself that makes you feel excitement or even a rush of adrenaline!
If your life feels lackluster without your ex, it is time to think about what you can do to prove to yourself that you are not defined by a relationship. You are more than just your ex’s partner, and it’s crucial that you remind yourself of this.
Check out what’s going on in the communities around you by looking online or on Facebook. If you’re into fitness, technology, or any hobbies you may have, find a community of people that share this common interest and get to know them! This is going to help you get to know yourself and speed up the breakup recovery process.
The key for curing heartbreak symptoms
Looking forward and carving the way towards a happier future is key and it is in your power. The fact of the matter is that it’s easy to let yourself slip into post-breakup depression, and this isn’t going to get you anywhere. Instead, you’ve got to focus on growth, evolution, healing, and finding your sense of inner peace again. All of these things are in your hands!
So many people think that they can’t be happy without their significant other, but that’s just flirting with emotional dependency – which incidentally is one of the biggest relationship killers known to mankind. The one way to ensure that you will be happy in the future (on your own AND in a relationship) is to guard against emotional dependency and ensure that you are living a life that makes you feel fulfilled.
The very first step towards that goal is get yourself busy. The pain of breaking up will instantly be eased when you get out there and start filling your schedule with new things. Think about what you’ve always wanted to try (yoga, rock climbing, salsa dancing, pottery, learning a new language, taking an evening class, boxing etc), and carve out time to do it!
How to overcome a broken heart
So as I was saying, get active! The longer you spend sitting around feeling sorry for yourself, the longer this process is going to take! The more passive you are, the longer you’re going to feel sorry for yourself, and this isn’t going to help you at all.
Heal a hurting heart with physical exercise
One of the best ways to ease your breakup pain is to get physically active. At this point in time your brain is suffering from a lack of serotonin and dopamine, so your endorphin levels are quite low. Physical activity gets your body to produce more endorphins, and will give you more energy.
The result is that your serotonin, dopamine and endorphin levels will pick back up, and you’ll have more energy to continue filling your schedule with things that bring you joy. What’s more, physical exercise will start to boost your self confidence because you’ll be seeing physical changes as well.
If you aren’t already, get in the habit of going for long runs. And I don’t mean just going for a light jog – I mean running until you’re drenched in sweat!
Allow your body to have this type of release and you’ll feel lighter afterwards. Not only is it great for your health, it will help you to release negative emotions and pain that is being harbored inside of you right now.
Dealing with heartbreak pain: The importance of setting goals
One of the biggest things I tell my clients is that they’ve got to start working on setting micro and macro goals. Being heartbroken is a terrible feeling, but you can speed up the recovery process by setting goals for yourself.
When it comes to macro goals, think about where you want to be in the next five years. It can be professionally speaking, personally speaking – whatever you want!
So where do you need to be in two years? What do you need to start doing in order to be where you want to be one year from now? How about six months from now?
Your micro goals can be part of your macro goals as well. Some micro goals can be as simple as making sure that you smile throughout the day or that you say something nice to at least one person a day. These little goals will start making you realize that you can meet your goals, they can give you something to focus on instead of your heartbreak, and they’ll show you that you can accomplish things that you set your mind to. This in turn will start to boost your self confidence and you will begin to start feeling better overall!
In terms of short term goals, also think about what things you can do that will immediately benefit you. For example, reorganizing your space. Not only will this make you feel better because things will feel fresh again, you won’t be confronted with things that remind you of your ex all the time.
The moment has come to begin thinking about how you’re going to transform your life into something better than ever before, and we are here to help you every step of the way. Please don’t hesitate to reach out to us by clicking here or to leave your questions in the comments section below!
Wishing you all the best in life and love,
Your coach when you are experiencing the pain of a heart break
I Know We Are Meant To Be!
Bonus: 3 advanced strategies that will turn you into a Human Relationships Expert and give you the tools to get back with the one you love... for good!