Losing the person you love is one of the most difficult things that a person can experience. You thought that you were going to spend the rest of your life with this person, you have so many projects that you were building together, and they had become such an important part of your life, but they made the decision to walk out of your life. So now you are left heart broken, lost, hurt, angry and confused, and it has become really hard to figure out how to stay positive after a break up.
And yet, staying positive after a break up is one of the keys for getting an ex back. When you really think about it, it comes as no surprise that a person is not going to want to be in a relationship with someone who is miserable all the time. People are attracted to those who are genuinely happy and feel good about their lives. So I wanted to write this article for you on how to hold on to the positive emotions that seem to be hard to find at the moment, and how you can use these tools for getting back together with the person you love.
Being positive after a breakup is crucial
Like I just said in the introduction to this article, no person is going to want to step into a long-term relationship with someone who is constantly crying, complaining, feeling sorry for themselves, feeling miserable about their situation, and is only focusing on the negatives. These types of things just make people feel exhausted and make them want to put space between you. This is the exact opposite of what we want your ex to do!
We want your ex boyfriend or girlfriend to look at you and think, “Wow! I can see myself being so happy with this person! I want to be a part of the life that they are creating for themselves, and I think that my life would be better if have them as my partner!”
This type of thing is not going to happen if your ex looks at you and sees that you are wallowing in self-pity and feeling terrible all the time. I know that this is not pleasant to hear, but the truth is that your ex is just not going to want to be a part of that.
The good news is that you already know that because you have going out of your way to read an article on the subject of how to stay positive after break! So hats off to you because you are already on the right path. A positive frame of mind is going to make the biggest difference.
I bring this up because I work with a lot of people who have a lot of difficulty finding positivity and therefore, finding optimism. Truth be told, the more you tell yourself that “This will never work” or that “I’ve lost him/her forever,” the harder it’s going to be to turn things around. You see, mindset is everything.
If a person does not adopt the right mindset, they’ll just shoot themselves in the foot and stamp out their odds of success before they even try to reach their goal.
So, again, congratulations for already making the effort to seek out information on how to preserve and reinforce your positivity!
The 5 rules for being positive after a breakup
Unfortunately, the negative emotions that accompany a break up can be so powerful that it becomes dangerously easy for them to set up shop at the forefront of your mind. Your head is filled with doubts, nostalgia, pessimism and all the other elements of headache, but the truth is that you are bigger than all of these emotions.
The key to being strong after a breakup has a lot to do with mind over matter. We are all human beings so negative thoughts will surge up. It’s only natural, especially when something is painful happened.
Your focus needs to be on what you do when these feelings pop up, and how you are handling your day-to-day life…
How to be positive after a painful breakup: Tip #1
The biggest thing you can do right now is to get very busy. The more time you spend holed up in your house ruminating in negative thoughts, the easier it is for you to feel bad! It’s really simple. The busier you are, the less time you are going to have to fixate on thoughts and feelings that make you feel terrible. The longer time you spend not focusing on these thoughts and feelings, the easier it will be to start forming new patterns that keep you safe from them.
What do I mean by this?
We are all creatures of habit. When we are dealing with something painful, it’s very easy to fixate on the terrible way it makes us feel. So we develop a pattern of experiencing a negative thought, fixating on it, allowing it to amplify, and then we get depressed and want to eat a pint of ice cream while watching Netflix.
Of course this is not going to help anything.
So what happens when you develop the habit of being busy with people and activities that bring you joy on a regular basis? The thoughts will still surge up, that’s for sure.
BUT if you start training your mind to realize that you are in control, you have things going on, you are taking care of yourself, you are filling your schedule with people and activities that make you feel happy, and that you aren’t spending all your time fixating on how you feel in terms of the breakup, you’ll see that these thoughts will stop having so much power over you.
So starting now, I encourage you to start thinking about hobbies (both new and old), physical activity, shopping trips, checking out new bars and restaurants with your friends, new personal and professional goals, trips you want to take, and anything else that you can do that will make you happy, and fill up your schedule with them. If you want to know how to be positive after a breakup, you need to be busy with things that benefit you.
How to stay positive and happy after a breakup: Tip #2
The next tip I have for how to stay positive after a bad breakup is allowing yourself to work through your emotions. Being busy is a huge asset when you want to find some more positivity in your life following a breakup, that does not mean that you should suppress your emotions.
The funny thing about emotions is that if you suppress them, they typically tend to come back later on down the line – and they usually end up being even more intense.
So I encourage you to take time for yourself and do some mental exercises, meditation, or start practicing yoga or go more frequently, let your friends and family support you through this challenging period, and make sure that you give yourself some “you time.”
My colleague, coach Alex, refers to this as “cocooning time.” It basically means that you should set aside time to pamper yourself! Get some new clothes that make you feel good, treat yourself to a spa day or get a massage, and maybe even talk to somebody who can help you work through this like me, or a member of my team. I know how tempting it is to want to isolate yourself when your heart is broken, but now is the time for support.
You have to remind yourself how important you are. You have to show yourself that you can make yourself happy again, and the people that care about you want to be there for you, so let them.
Being positive after a break up: Finding balance
This tool goes hand-in-hand with my previous tip about being busy. When you are in a vulnerable state of mind like this, you’ve got to make sure that you find a balance in your different lives. Your love life is not your only one. You have a professional life, you have your familial life, social life, etc.
Putting your energy into these aspects of your life will help you a great deal. They will remind you of who you are, what you bring to the table, and how many great things you have around you.
And easy little trick that you can do right now is to start writing a List of Positives. One of my clients actually told me about this concept, and she has a very small book that she keeps in her purse. She calls it the Book of Positives.
Whenever something nice happens to her, or whenever someone says something kind or thoughtful to her, she will jot it down in this little book.
Then, whenever she is having a rough day and feels negative or pessimistic about herself or about life, she opens the book to a random page and starts reading the “positives” she wrote.
This is something that you can try as well, I will help you to be positive and will remind you of the good things around you.
Like I said above, we are here to help you every step of the way, so please don’t hesitate to reach out.
You can also leave any comments or questions you might have in the comments section below. If you have any tools thatyouhe would like to share with our other readers, go ahead and write them! We are here to help one another.
Wishing you all the very best,
Your coach when you want to know how to stay positive after a break up
I Know We Are Meant To Be!
Bonus: 3 advanced strategies that will turn you into a Human Relationships Expert and give you the tools to get back with the one you love... for good!