You recently broke up and you are shocked by your ex’s attitude towards you? Do you not recognize the man or woman you were so intimate with during your relationship? He or she seems to be doing everything possible to not get along? If your ex is mean to you and you don’t know why, you have come to the right place. I will tell you how to shift your behavior to make him or her adjust theirs and to be on better terms with your ex.
When I speak to the people that I coach I often hear them say my ex is mean to me and I don’t know why? They feel like their kindness and overall willingness to make things work does not warrant the way that their ex makes them feel or communicates with them. You may also feel like you are facing someone that is tense, angry and that snaps quickly when you are dealing with your ex; when exchanging belongings, when sorting out bills or living expenses, or even when you see each other in social settings around mutual friends!
My hope is that you will be able to capitalize on my experience in order to understand why your ex is acting this way; as well as give you tips and tools that can help you change his or her behavior, to make your ex miss you and want to get back together!
Your ex is nasty to validate the breakup!
Most of the time an ex can go out of his or her way to be mean to you to make sure that you move on and not try to win them back. If it got to this point in means that your ex lost faith in your relationship and your ability to make them happy. They want to believe that you are not the right person for them and they do not want you to have any false hope.
They could also still be trying to convince themselves. They are still somewhat on the fence in the sense that they still have feelings for you and they are trying to repress those feelings in order to move on or quickly turn over a new leaf. By being nasty with you, your ex is putting barriers in order for you not to have the opportunity to seduce him or her. If you are both arguing or fighting every time you see each other or when you have to deal with one another it is a lot easier for him or her to say: “see I told you we weren’t meant to be”; or think to himself or herself that you cannot be the one otherwise you wouldn’t be fighting like cats and dogs even though their behavior is causing the rift!
Finally he or she could also be trying to prove to others around you both that you are officially done! It is quite common for mutual friends and family to try to resolve issues that you are facing as a couple and try to help your couple overcome a difficult period. By arguing in public it proves that you are not happy together and that the relationship may be unsalvageable; or at least that’s what your ex may want to convey!
Your ex associates you with negative memories from your past relationship
It is also quite common for your ex to associate his or her pain, frustration and negative memories of your relationship to you every time you see each other or when things are not going his or her way. He or she may simply be trying to get back at you for some of the unresolved issues faced during the relationship! Often times the nicer you are or the more you try to be helpful and the nastier your ex can get.
I see this type of attitude very often with couples that had serious communication issues. It forces people to internalize a lot of their frustrations and they tend to completely disconnect after the relationship is officially over. I also have seen a trend when the ex was too nice or feels as if they were taken advantage of; in these circumstances people tend to close up and hold serious resentment which pushes them to argue and be mean at every chance they get!
So how can I change his behavior if my ex is mean to me?
Well first of all you cannot try to force him or her to be nicer to you. If you try to argue or let the tone escalate you will play right into his or her hand. You should immediately take a step back, distance yourself or even do a radio silence all together. Your ex won’t be able to be nasty if you don’t have to deal with each other for a few weeks following the breakup. In time his or her tension will pass and your ex will actually start to miss you and start to wonder what you have been up too.
Your ex won’t find a new girlfriend or boyfriend more easily because you have decided to take a step back. On the contrary you have more chances of seeing your ex quickly get into a new relationship with the first person who shows interest if you are always on his or her back or bringing stress into their lives! Even if you have kids or still live together you can act differently, be less engaged, give them more space and do everything possible to prevent confrontation and diffuse tense situations by simply walking away!
If you want to make your ex crazy or fall in love with you again, the best way to do it is too be happy or fulfilled on your own! It may sound difficult for you to be happy without the person that you love, but if there is one secret to getting an ex back quickly this is it! If you are able to regain a sense of emotional stability, to have projects, dreams and goals and find joy in pursing them every day, your attitude and outlook will change.
You will once again become that person that they fell in love with and were attracted to at the beginning of the relationship. Stay positive and don’t give him or her the satisfaction of arguing. Take the high road and his or her attitude will have to change quickly; he or she cannot fight or argue alone! So when you stop giving him or her that attention and comfort the entire dynamic will change and in time you will once again become a challenge that they will want to take on!
If your ex is being nasty and you are overwhelmed or need help to come up with a game plan to change the dynamic don’t hesitate to reach out to me. Like so many before you, I will provide you with tips and tools and support all along the way to ensure that you meet your objectives and be more fulfilled in your love life.
The coach to call when your ex is mean to you and you don’t know why,