Your feelings for someone don’t just disappear after a breakup; sometimes they even become amplified and make you realize how deeply you care for your partner. A separation is often like an electroshock for most people.
It’s true that on top of the pain you’re feeling, your ego also takes a hit and that can result in profound sadness. Pride can sometimes make a person want their ex back but this isn’t necessarily the best solution because your personal reconstruction will end up being stunted. But if you can patch your ego up after a breakup, you could have the opposite effect as well. Your loved ones will of course want to support you through this trying period, but sometimes their advice the best as it isn’t always impartial. You know deep down that you weren’t perfect in the relationship and that your ex had their reasons for having made this decision, even if they aren’t perfect either. It’s now time to take the initiative to bring about change.
Idolizing an ex is far from a proper solution, and the same goes for blaming them for everything. Would you like to know how you’re going to be able to change things and to no longer be beaten down by this breakup? Then keep reading because in this article you will discover the guidelines.
What does it mean to stop idolizing an ex ?
Before you can fix a problem, you have to understand all of its aspects. In reality, if you rush things, especially without knowing the details of the situation, you might make mistakes that could make things worse. Only professionals in matters of the heart are in a position to accompany you because there is certain knowledge that is crucial to your endeavor, especially when you are going through a separation. The situation that follows is always probably the most delicate one that a person has to deal with in their love life.
No longer idolizing an ex consists of taking them off their pedestal, putting an end to the idea that they’re superior to you, and accepting everything so that your attempt at getting back together can succeed. Oftentimes the people that have this way of thinking are the ones that were left and the ones who feel broken down by the breakup. It’s clear that idolizing an ex is a blatant sign of emotional dependence that is blocking you from making proper decisions.
You base your happiness on your ex and you can’t imagine yourself feeling joy without them by your side. You’ve associated your relationship with the only way you feel fulfilled so it’s normal that you feel the way you do now that it’s over.
Why should I never idealize my ex-partner?
Some people don’t realize the mistake they’re making in feeling inferior to their ex. First of all, it’s a question of pride, and maybe even dignity. Your ex is a human being just like you are, and if they haven’t walked on the moon or discovered the cure for cancer, they’re not superior to you! Don’t underestimate yourself compared to your ex because both of you are equally important. You have qualities and great characteristics and you must put these things in the forefront. Even if your ex has found someone new, you shouldn’t be afraid of the “competition” because in truth you still have a lot to offer the person you used to share your life with.
Self-confidence is crucial in the process of getting back together simply because your ex wouldn’t want to get back together with someone depressed. If you’ve already had a coaching session then you know that I always insist on certain steps that you have to complete as you rebuild yourself, and actions that you will choose in order to regain self-confidence after a painful breakup.
You also have to work on your self-esteem and believing in yourself because this will benefit you in all aspects of your life! In your professional life, in your family, and in the subject we are exploring today, confidence is a necessity.
There is of course nothing wrong with thinking that your ex is great. They’ve shared some fantastic moments with you and you have great memories but it’s important to understand that you shouldn’t think that the only way you can be happy is by being with them. It is crucial that you stop thinking that they are perfect. Take a step back to put things in perspective in terms of BOTH their qualities and their flaws. One thing is certain: your ex is not perfect!
Tips for taking your ex off that pedestal
I just mentioned taking some distance because this will be necessary in terms of taking your ex off that pedestal and coming back to reality. You’re probably always available, waiting for them to reply to your messages, poring over their Facebook profile, or waiting for a rendezvous that will never happen unless you change your strategy!
By reviewing the situation and taking a little distance, you will give them a new image of you and your new attitude will catch them by surprise. In turn, you will be able to make them understand that they don’t have you under their thumb.
When you’re thinking, “I can’t help but to idealize them,” it means that you haven’t found any flaw and you only see their good side. Sometimes a person can even devalue themself compared to their ex. As I said above, your ex could be a fantastic person but perfection doesn’t exist! Every person has their flaws and their bad habits. In order to stop thinking of your ex as a person with nothing to criticize, I invite you to take a sheet of paper and write down all the errors that they had made while you were together, as well as characteristics of their personality that you didn’t like.
Whether or not you want to get back together, being fascinated by your ex is something to avoid. Keep in mind that during weeks or even months of your relationship, their behavior wasn’t always impeccable and that they had sometimes upset you with their attitude or their character. Don’t convince yourself otherwise! By reading this list you will realize that your ex wasn’t as perfect as you thought and then you can start working on stabilizing your own emotions in the best way possible!
It’s time to rebuild your self-confidence and to not let this breakup get you down anymore. You have to reinforce your character and show off your qualities. You’ll have to step out of your comfort zone so that you can advance.
Your coach for no longer idolizing an ex,
I Know We Are Meant To Be!
Bonus: 3 advanced strategies that will turn you into a Human Relationships Expert and give you the tools to get back with the one you love... for good!