When you want your ex back, the methods to use will of course be rooted in communication. Direct (or even indirect) exchanges, and therefore speaking with the person you want to be with again is imperative. People often say to me, “Adrian, I want my ex to come to me the way they used to, without me having to do anything.” I unfortunately am not a magician and that’s not how the process of getting back together works. There is a tried and true method that I use in my philosophy and you all know what it is. You know how important radio silence is but sooner or later you’re going to have to talk to your ex and put an end to the distance you’ve put between you.
So you’ve tried to reestablish communication and your ex has answered all your messages. They answer all your questions, but the only problem is that they never send you a text first. You’re getting tired of being the only person that’s making an effort to get in touch and you want your ex-partner to take the initiative as well. “My ex doesn’t text me first but answers my messages so I don’t know what to do,” is a common train of thought that leads to you thinking about giving up and wondering if it’s even worth continuing this effort as you feel more and more uncertain.
This situation is of course never easy, but there are always tips for launching communication and making sure that next time your ex does the same. Your emotions are guiding you and you don’t want to move on. You’re hoping that things will improve, but in order to do so you’re going to have to carry out the proper actions.
An ex’s silence is hard to take
It’s never easy to turn the page and act as though nothing had happened after a breakup, especially if your feelings are still present. Love is still present and so is the hope to rebuild a relationship. The fact that you’ve separated doesn’t mean that there is no longer love between you. Even if your ex tells you the opposite there are reasons that would explain the decrease in their feelings for you. This is an important aspect to understand and the actions you’ll have to carry out will depend on what your ex wants and needs. You’re going to have to do this without divulging your plans to them!
Silence creates a lot of frustration, especially if it comes from the person you love. Knowing that you can go for days without hearing a word from them isn’t easy to swallow. It’s often in these moments that you crack and start making mistakes that are known as the interdictions of getting back together.
You don’t understand how they can go from saying, “I love you,” to “I don’t feel anything for you anymore; there’s no chance of us getting back together.” These uncertainties and the fact that you almost don’t even recognize your ex anymore make you want to know more, and subsequently ask more questions. The thing is that you’re the only one doing so, and your ex never makes the first move so you end up feeling very uneasy. They respond to you, but they don’t ever reach out.
My ex doesn’t text me first, why and what should I do?
When people come to me saying ” my ex doesn’t text me first ” I often notice that the people telling me this haven’t taken the time to change in order to make the person they want back feel inclined to get closer again. Worse still, sometimes the person that comes to me for help had even started harassing their ex to the point that the ex in question had decided to cut contact. The ex feels hesitant about being in touch because they’re afraid of daily phone calls and having someone breathing down their neck all the time. You’re going to have to take a step back as well.
But that’s not all. When you’re talking with your ex, you need to be interesting! If all your conversations revolve around questions like, “Hey what’s up,” “How’s it going at work?” or even, “Did you see that new show last night?” your ex isn’t going to take the initiative to reach out to you because your conversations will be, to put it bluntly, boring. It’s not malicious; they’re not trying to hurt you. They act like this because they don’t see any other solutions.
When you’re working on getting back together it’s crucial to not rush things. An analysis of your relationship and profound change are necessary if you want to rekindle the flame and start over. There’s no reason to talk about ‘boring’ subjects or to seem unoriginal.
Wanting to communicate is great, but there’s a specific way to do it. I invite you to read our eBook so that you can gain a better understanding of how to communicate with your ex and how to avoid making mistakes. You can find it by clicking here.
Should I put some distance between us to get a reaction from my ex?
As I had explained, under these frustrating circumstances, it’s hard to change your ex’s mind but if you want them back, effort will have to come from both sides. If you hit a wall it’s hard to come back. It’s normal that you would take the initiative but if you want your ex to do the same, you’re going to have to get a reaction from them and not just count on your feelings for them.
Earlier I had mentioned making changes. So for example, instead of sending your ex a text saying, “Hey what’s up,” after a week of zero contact you could talk to them about something original… A new activity you’ve discovered for example. At this moment you reveal to them a new emotion and this sparks their interest. Little by little, by sparking their interest with new things, they’ll feel more and more inclined to reach out to you. The trick is combining distance and new ways of communicating.
The key for getting your ex to message you first is to make them miss you and this happens by showing them that you’ve improved. You can do so via social media or even when you’re talking. They should sense a certain evolution in your attitude, in the way you perceive your relationship, and in your daily life.
The coach when your ex doesn’t text you first.