Have you gone through a breakup and you’re having a hard time controlling your emotions? Your ex needs some air but you’re afraid of losing him or her for good? How do you boost your self-confidence and reestablish good affinity with your ex? Should you employ radio silence? This is the dilemma of getting back together with your ex!
After separating from the one you love, you have to take your time and never rush things, so that you may have a clear outlook on what needs to be done. It’s normal to think my ex needs space and distance because, just like you, he or she needs the time to rebuild. If the breakup was their decision, maybe the question is about wanting to turn the page. The biggest mistake you could make in this situation is becoming needy; declaring your love, and wanting to move mountains just to be able to hold on to the past. This is precisely how you suffocate your ex and make them want to run.
When an ex needs space, you’re going to have to allow for it, because you’ll only be able to communicate and show him or her how you’ve improved later on. In the present moment, it’s best to keep a low profile. You have to make sure you take time and avoid being compliant in order to steer clear from rushing things. If you fail to do this, you won’t show yourself in a good light, and your ex will ultimately resent your actions.
The idea is simple: the less present you are in your ex’s life, the more they will think about you! Not convinced? Then read this article closely, and don’t hesitate to ask me any questions in the comments below. I’d be more than happy to reply to you.
My ex needs space but I can’t stop thinking about him/her!
It’s perfectly normal to panic when saying ” my ex needs space ” because you get scared faced with the idea that they’ll drift away, never to return. People always ask, “And what if he/she finds someone new?” And yet, by doing the total opposite, you’ll be able to make yourself even more desirable, and you’ll facilitate positive emotions.
Giving your ex space is a great way to show your ability to change, and it is a great segue into action. What would you say to starting up a new activity? Revamping yourself? Trying a new haircut? Finding more time for your friends and loved ones? All of these actions would be beneficial.
You have to keep in mind that time is an ally when you’re trying to get your ex to want you back. It gives you the advantage. A period of giving space or employing radio silence is necessary because it give your ex the chance to ask:
-Why aren’t you speaking to me anymore?
-Have you moved on to something else?
-What are you doing in your free time?
This way you’ll reverse the power struggle and put your ex in a position of uncertainty, which will in turn urge to them to get closer to you. Once they start coming back, you’ll have the chance to show him or her how much you’ve improved, face to face.
How can I show my ex that I’ve changed because of the distance?
This is an excellent question that I often hear when I’m doing a conference, or when I’m coaching someone for the first time, one on one. You can make an appointment here!
Never forget that distance is a tool for getting back together! When you decide to cut contact with your ex; you make them feel unsure.
“But how do I show my ex that I’ve changed?” Here’s the burning question. You’re wondering how you can do this if you can’t see them.
And yet, based on my experience, I know that your ex only needs a few seconds before he or she sees how much you’ve improved. This is seen in these elements:
-The tone of your voice.
-The words you use.
-The things you’re doing. (I.e. Sending a text, an email, calling, suggesting meeting up…)
-The way in which you present your new actions.
-The overall energy that he or she can pick up on.
Yes, all of these things are based on contact, and if your ex doesn’t make the first move after a few days or weeks following your breakup and decision to put distance between you, eventually you will have to take the reigns.
This last point is VERY important… when someone changes, there is no need to talk about it! If you’re convinced and confident that you’ve made some great improvements, let your ex notice on their own. Otherwise, he or she will say,
“He/she is just making changes to get me back, and then everything will go back to the way it used to be…This is why my ex is giving me space now!”
How long should I give my ex space?
From now on, you always have to be aware of how important space is when you’re trying to get back together with your ex. You’re a little scared, but you’re ready to follow my advice? Then let’s talk about how long you should be giving your ex the space he or she wants.
As a general rule, the average length of time will be a few weeks. When you get back in touch, you will to make your ex wonder, “Will he/she talk to me as if nothing’s happened?”
The next goal will be to communicate with your ex with a certain amount of affinity, but to also hold back a bit, because you want this exchange to have a new feeling to it. Forget about the past! If you feel that your ex is still unreceptive to communication, then you have to take a step back and once again make some space between you. Remind yourself; “my ex needs time so I need to persevere.”
Don’t forget to respect all the rules that I’ve mentioned in this article, especially the one about proving your improvements through your energy and through enthusiasm if you want to make a good impression on your ex!
Something else to think about is that your ex will come back as soon as he or she realizes what he or she is losing: You! Show your ex that you’re once again the person they fell in love with, that you once again have all the qualities of an ideal partner!
I sincerely wish you the best of luck in getting your ex back.
All my best,
Adrian, Your love coach for getting back together with your ex by giving them space.