Just this morning I was working with a client who came to me with a problem that I have seen before many times. He had gotten broken up with by the person that he loves, and she said, “Listen, I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore.” This is one of those things that creeps up on a person without them expecting it. After the break up, their mind is swimming with unanswered questions.
More often than not, this feels like something that came out of left field and you were completely unprepared. Add to it the feeling of heartache you are experiencing right now, and you’ve got a cocktail for feeling pretty miserable. So, that is why I wanted to write this article for you today. I’m going to go over how this happens, but also what do do you need to do if you want this person back!
I love you but I’m not in love with you: Meaning?
As I spoke with Casey this morning during our coaching session, I quickly found that he was experiencing exactly what I had suspected. In most of these cases, there is one thing that starts to disappear in the relationship that results in this type of situation.
The loss of seduction.
As time goes on, the people in a relationship will start to get very comfortable. While this is great, it can also mean that they stop putting time and energy into the attraction process. The result is that things start to feel kind of monotonous and predictable, and while the friendship remains intact, the sexual chemistry begins to dissipate.
This is precisely when you run the risk of hearing, “I love you but I’m not IN love with you.”
This is exactly what happened to Casey in his relationship with his ex-girlfriend. They were living together and their relationship had fallen into a routine. He was comfortable and he stopped making an effort to keep the flame alive between them. The problem that many people don’t realize, is that the honeymoon stage does not last on its own. It, just like the relationship, needs maintenance if it’s going stay alive.
During the honeymoon stage, people are putting their energy into the attraction process. They’re going on dates, they’re having fun together, they’re enjoying their sexual chemistry… but when these elements begin to fade away, while one person is feeling very comfortable in the relationship, the other can start to feel neglected.
If the complicity in the relationship has remained intact, then the thing that changes is the way that the neglected person begins to view their partner. Perhaps there isn’t any resentment. It can be as simple as the sexual chemistry was allowed to fizzle away, but because the friendship is still very much there, the person sees their partner as a friend (or as a roommate in some of the tougher cases) instead of a love interest.
So I think you know I am going with this. If you want to get someone back who told you that they are not in love with you anymore, or that they just don’t “see you like that” anymore, then you’re going to have to focus on the seduction process.
I love you but I’m not in love with you: Zeroing in on attraction
First things first, I want to be very clear. It all starts with YOU.
It’s understandable that your self-confidence might be a little bit down in the dumps at the moment given the current situation, but that doesn’t mean we can’t turn things around.
Not in love: Focus on you first
So the first thing I want you to do is make sure that you avoid sulking and isolating yourself. Not only is this going to hinder your healing process, it’s also not going to make you look very attractive to your ex boyfriend or girlfriend.
Start by thinking about what elements in your personal and professional life got put on the back burner while you were in this relationship. As we get comfortable in a relationship, we often neglect very important elements of our personal lives, without realizing how important they actually are.
Start prioritizing these things once again. Carve out ample time to spend with your friends and family members who make you happy. Pick up old hobbies and projects, just make sure that your schedule is full of things that bring you joy.
Love but not in love: Getting physically active
When you are feeling down in the dumps because of a break up, especially when someone just told you they don’t love you like that, it’s normal that your self-confidence would be pretty low.
One of the absolute best ways to start feeling better about life and about yourself, is to get physically active. I want you to think about how you can either switch up your workout routine, or start getting ample exercise. The goal here is to work up a sweat so that you can clear your mind, get your heart pumping, and your endorphins flowing.
Not only will you start feeling more positive and energetic as a result, the physical changes you see you will also boost your confidence.
I love you but… : Focus on Seduction!
As I was saying above, the biggest solution is going to be to restore the sexual chemistry between you.
The thing is, it needs to happen at the right time. This means that you have to lay a proper foundation before you start working on this stage. The proper foundation is laid by you feeling confident about yourself, your life, and what do you bring to the table.
There are a lot of tools available to you to give your ex an electroshock and make him or her realize that their life would be infinitely better with you by their side. For example, there is the no contact rule, and if you are unfamiliar with this technique then I highly recommend clicking the link.
To give you a brief summary, the no contact rule consists of cutting all forms of communication with your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend for a predetermined period of time. The goal is to give him or her shock, make them realize that you are not at their beck and call anymore, while simultaneously offering you the opportunity to become the new and improved version of yourself. In essence, it is the perfect tool for taking a step back in order to make a powerful comeback.
When you do make this comeback, you can start to work on attracting your ex back. Once again, if you want your ex to view you as more than a friend, then you need to help them see you as more than a friend.
If your ex is telling you that he or she is not in love with you, it means that they’re not seeing you in the correct light. Fortunately, your ex has told you that they love you – just got in the way that you want.
The advantage here is that you are not on bad terms with your ex, and this can help you.
Knowing that each and every situation is entirely unique, and having an ask who doesn’t see you as a potential love interest will require a solid plan of action. I encourage you to get in touch with me or member of my team by clicking here. You can also leave any questions you may have in the comment section below, and it would be our pleasure to personally respond to you.
Before I go, I want to leave you with this article on how to attract and ex back into your life.
Wishing you all the best in life and love,
Your coach when your ex says, “I love you but I’m not in love with you,”
I Know We Are Meant To Be!
Bonus: 3 advanced strategies that will turn you into a Human Relationships Expert and give you the tools to get back with the one you love... for good!