Through all the coaching sessions on love and seduction that I’ve been doing for a quite a while now, a question often arises: “How does the ego fit into Love?”
I started to reflect on this question in order to see whether it has a positive or negative effect on love. Should we give in to our desire for recognition? Or should we simply fight against our pride in order to make the right decisions?
Throughout my analysis (no, coaching isn’t only about answering people’s questions!), I have to take into consideration an “evaluation phase” as well as social phenomena and their effect on relationships.
I have come to the understanding that we are all subject to a form of pride that can be intensified in our love life. It’s therefore completely natural that we would wonder if pride in a relationship is good or bad in a relationship.
How does pride fit into love? Is it a positive emotion or negative emotion for both partners? If you want to have a happy and fulfilling relationship, do you have to make compromises and if so, how many? If you’re wondering these same questions, I invite you to keep on reading and you’ll find guidance in this article.
Pride in a relationship: a negative emotion…
For a lot of people, an overdeveloped sense of pride only shows up in their love life. In your friendships or in your professional life, you’re able to be more accommodating, but when it comes to your relationship you can be more uncompromising.
Everyone wants to be respected for the person they are and we can insist on the fact that Love follows a unique set of rules. For example, I’m sure you’ve heard, “I sent the last text so my partner has to contact me now!” Or, “ After this fight I was the one that came back so next time it’s going to be my partner’s turn.”
Everyone has had these thoughts while they are in the seduction phase. All you have to do is attend one of my conferences to see proof! Whenever I ask this question about pride in a relationship, the answers are always pretty much the same. It transcends relationships, and it is in fact an important aspect of our society that can be beneficial to everyone involved!
One of my favorite authors, Robert Cialdini perfectly explains this in his book “The Psychology of Persuasion.”
Let’s take an example that I often cite in coaching sessions. Imagine yourself with your partner in a restaurant. You’ve just finished eating, and the last time you two had gone on a date, you had paid the entire bill. Now, the bill is has arrived and your significant other isn’t showing any signs of reaching for their wallet… What is your initial reaction? And what exactly are you feeling in your heart of hearts?
“I paid last time… Why isn’t my partner offering this time?”
This can be considered pride in love and you can be sure that most people that have attended my conferences react exactly like this. By the way I’ve actually noticed this more in woman than in men.
Pride can be highlighted by the fact that we want to maintain a certain balance in the relationship. Pride in love can be negative when it becomes too present and overpowers most situations. I am a firm believer in being natural and kind-hearted in Love. In truth, too much pride can lead a couple directly into a brick wall and if you never make any concessions, you won’t be able to move forward together in the long-run.
Happiness has to be mutual and this requires a certain balance as well. Nevertheless, you have to be careful to not have a lack of pride in a relationship because it can also have some very positive effects.
How pride can sometimes be healthy in a relationship
Feeling pride in love isn’t only a negative thing; there are a lot of positive things that you can take from it as well! First of all, your pride prevents you from being totally closed off in your relationship. Of course, in relationships, you will sometimes have to accept things that you don’t necessarily love, but pride will help you to set healthy limits. You’re able to say “no” if your partners behavior or actions don’t suit you.
Moreover, you can’t always just swallow your discontent or your disappointment, so pride in love will help you to show your partner that you don’t agree with something. When you’re not fully happy in your relationship your partner will sense it, unless you don’t want to impose. This is why pride in love is positive; it allows you to express yourself in an indirect way. What you feel is very important in a your love life because your emotions have to be able to show through.
You don’t always have to use language to communicate to your partner. Your attitude, a look and sometimes even showing indifference can make your significant other start to wonder. These are all forms of communication and they allow you to show your pride in love in a different manner.
It’s a sign of self-confidence (which is essential in love as well as in life in general) and it’s also an indicator of what bothers you in your relationship.
By looking after your personal interest, you’ll be able to feel more fulfilled in your relationship without forgetting about what’s best for you and your partner together! I know that at first glance this might seem paradoxical, but can you really imagine a life of never speaking up and always letting the other person make all the decisions?
Probably not, so you should know that you can speak your mind and communicate with your significant other. In truth, it’s essential part of your life’s balance.
Your expert on pride in relationships and in love