A lot of people find themselves wondering if their partner is two timing them. It can be triggered by something you saw on TV or in a movie, by something your friend told you, or by your gut. Once the idea pops into your head, it becomes easy to obsess over it but how do you know if it’s actually happening? Why are you experiencing this feeling? What are some signs that something might be up? And what do you do if he is being unfaithful? Throughout this article you will find answers to your questions along with some guidelines on how to handle the situation.
It’s not uncommon for a woman to begin to wonder, “Is my boyfriend cheating on me?” especially when they’ve noticed that something feels a little bit off. In life it’s very important to learn to pay attention to your intuition, and it’s also crucial to gauge whether there is actually something up or if this feeling is rooted in something else.
Together we will explore the different roots of this suspicion, how to find out what’s going on, and what to do if you find out that your partner has strayed.
Why am I wondering if my boyfriend is cheating on me?
What does it mean when you have this feeling? There are a couple factors that can help you to pinpoint what exactly is going on. The first step is to determine whether there are reasons to worry, or if this is stemming from a deeper-rooted issue.
The feeling can be triggered quite easily, especially if you’ve just watched a movie in which one of the characters is being unfaithful, or if you’ve just talked to a friend that’s been cheated on.
You can easily start to think, “Hmm, could I be in the same situation?” You find yourself starting to pay very close attention to your partner’s words and actions, you start to be more aware of where they are throughout the day, and if you don’t live together, maybe you start making more and more plans to see each other.
Before we dive any deeper into this article, let’s explore what the root of this feeling actually is. Think about what exactly sparked this thought. Did something happen? Did you see something odd take place, hear a secretive phone call, is there someone in particular that you feel has gotten a little too close for comfort to your man? Does your boyfriend have a history of cheating?
There are plenty of reasons that could give rise to your suspicions. That said, there’s another reason that could make you wonder is my boyfriend cheating on me. Do you have a history of being cheated on? I am asking this because I have seen many people develop suspicions because they do not feel confident in their relationship and in themselves.
So it is up to you to determine if this feeling is stemming from something external or from something internal. Has your boyfriend given you reason to worry or are there deeper trust-related or self-confidence related issues that need to be worked out?
Oftentimes people that feel insecure within themselves will feel insecure in their relationships. If you feel that this is the case for you, go out and start a new project or a new physical activity in order to boost your self-confidence! Once you start feeling better in your own skin, perhaps these suspicions will subside.
That said, if what I just described doesn’t feel like it’s the case for you, let’s explore some signs that may indicate that your partner is being unfaithful.
Is my boyfriend is cheating on me and what are the signs?
When looking for signs that your boyfriend is being unfaithful, it’s important to look at them objectively. Try not to spend hours on the phone with friends discussing every little detail because it could drive you nuts. Notice things and calmly ask him about his plans for the evening.
Pay attention to how he reacts. Is he willing to share details of what he’s doing with you? Does he answer the phone when you call him?
Some examples of shady business are when a person is very secretive with their phone (how does he react when you pick up his phone to look at the time?) when he never has phone conversations within hearing distance, if he gets defensive when asked about his plans or what he had been up to, when a he is very taciturn when it comes to your relationship, when he can’t be reached for long periods of time…
You can ask him. Do it calmly, have a conversation about it. You can initiate it at a moment when he’s not expecting it, and if he’s in the wrong you’ll be less likely to receive a well-thought out alibi. Choose your words wisely; you can tell him that you just want honesty and that you’ll both feel better once this is out in the open.
If he’s been up to something, he’ll most likely feel relief that he can stop hiding and you’ll finally know what’s been going on.
If you don’t want to ask him and prefer a less direct yet more extreme route, you can opt for the old “check the phone” move. I am not an advocate of snooping and you might find something that you really don’t like. You have to be the judge.
Another option is to ask one of his good friends, “Is my boyfriend cheating on me?” Chances are if something is up, this person will know about it and won’t feel too good about it either. In my opinion, an honest approach is always best. If you want to know what’s going on, open up to your partner about how you’ve been feeling, and make them feel comfortable enough to share openly with you as well.
If you learn that your suspicions had been warranted, you will undoubtedly feel a wave of emotion but don’t worry, there are many tools to help you bounce back.
What do I do if my boyfriend is cheating on me?
If you’ve found out that your boyfriend is cheating on you, you are probably experiencing a plethora of emotions from hurt to rage to incomprehension. How could this happen, and how could he hurt you so much? You wonder what changed, and if this was all your fault. You hate the person you loved so much, and you can’t believe that you’re in this situation.
The most important thing right now is to remember that you should not blame yourself. Sure, maybe there were issues in the relationship, but it’s important to note that these can be worked on through communication and honesty.
I’ve seen a lot of women turn the situation around on themselves and think, “Maybe I wasn’t good enough, maybe I wasn’t attractive enough, or X enough, or Y enough…” In truth this is a coping mechanism, because if you think that you’re the cause of something, it means that you can be solution as well.
You feel that it’s in your hands. Now part of that is great, and part of that is awful. You shouldn’t automatically blame yourself for being the victim of infidelity. The positive aspect, if you choose to continue your relationship, and if you feel that you are the root of some of the issues, is that you do have the power to change things that need to be fixed.
Other people become furious. Which is good. Be angry! But don’t seek revenge. Communicate your hurt and how you feel betrayed to the person that was unfaithful to you. But there is no point in seeking revenge. Two wrongs won’t make a right.
What you need now is to take some time for yourself.
If you are finished with the relationship, take this time to heal. Remind yourself of all your qualities, what you love to do, what makes you such a unique and special person. Remind yourself of what people love about you, and everything you have to offer. Like I mentioned above, pick up a new physical activity.
You’ll feel better in your body and you’ll meet new people and start having more fun. Spend time with your loved ones and you could even take a little weekend trip somewhere. Take this time to broaden your horizons, and prepare yourself for new adventures. Take advantage of the new doors that have opened for you and take life by the horns!
If you feel that you want to remain with your significant other and work through this issue, take this time to spend some time on your own, and to critically assess your relationship. Look at what wasn’t working, and remember what was working. Come up with solutions, and work with your partner to breathe life back into your relationship.
Remember how it was in the beginning? Start doing the things you did at the start of your relationship again. Plan little getaways together, even if it’s just a day trip. Be romantic, make sure you both feel loved, appreciated, and desired. Cook for each other, leave little notes for your partner to find before they go to work.
And most importantly, nurture communication. If there is something missing in your relationship, pinpoint it together and work on how to attain it. The key for healthy, faithful relationships is providing what the other needs, and in order to do so, you both must communicate what you require in order to feel fulfilled and happy.
If you learn that your partner had not been cheating on you, now is the time to express what had been making you feel so anxious. It’s crucial for your partner to know how to make you feel secure and safe in your relationship.
Tell them that seeing them so buddy-buddy with their colleague who is clearly interested in them made you feel extremely uneasy, and ask them to respect your wishes and to keep it professional. One of the pillars of stable relationships is making your partner feel safe.
No matter what the case may be, the key here is to figure out what is right for you, and to make sure that you feel happy and at ease.
Motivational Speaker, Life Coach & Relationship Expert