I often get asked if staying friends with an ex is a good way to get back together. Sometimes people aren’t sure because they feel like they might end up having to deal with a conflict of interest. They want to stay close, but there are various elements of that that scare them and make them feel very vulnerable.
In today’s article, I’m going to go over the reasons people have for hesitating about staying friends with an ex, and the types of situations in which staying friends with an ex would actually benefit you very much. Each situation is entirely unique, but by gauging the pros and cons, you’re going to have a much better idea of whether or not it’s right for you!
There are certain situations in which staying friends with an ex wouldn’t be a good idea right now, but that doest mean it can’t change later on down the line. As always, we are here to help so if you have any questions at all, please don’t hesitate to leave them in the comments section below!
Why people are so undecided about staying friends with an ex
Everyone will have a different opinion on whether or not you should stay friends with an ex, and it all depends on their own personal experiences on the subject. Of course, if they stayed friends with an ex of theirs and ended up getting badly hurt, they’ll tell you to avoid it at all costs. They might even say that staying friends with an ex is impossible.
It’s normal for a person to think they way if they tried to be friends with an ex but ended up becoming sorely disappointed when their ex decided to get in a relationship with someone new. Sometimes people don’t realize that staying friends with an ex is actually the best way to undo a relationship with a rebound, but more on that later.
Being friends with an ex is also a lot harder than many people think. When you were intimate with someone, when you shared all kinds of precious memories, and when you were working towards a future together, feelings don’t just disappear overnight. For some people, it simply isn’t possible to be friends with an ex.
When tensions are still running high, you might end up fighting all the time, you might end up feeling intensely jealous of friendships and relationships they have with other people, or you might end up sleeping together. A lot of people are worried about becoming friend-zoned by their ex, or becoming nothing more than a “friend with benefits.” I understand the concern, but I also want to remind you that you are in control of what type of situation you allow yourself to be in.
If you see things headed down that path with your ex boyfriend or girlfriend, it is in your power to say, “No, this isn’t making me happy.” You can pull back at any time!
It’s also important to note that it isn’t easy to be friend-zoned by your ex. You’ve already shared too much. If you play your cards right, you can actually use the bond you already share as the perfect platform for creating something new between you.
I also know that being friends with your ex is scary for some people because they’re very scared of seeing them flirt with other people. Just remember that you already have an advantage because you’ve made this person fall for you once before.
So when is it a good idea to be friends with your ex boyfriend or girlfriend?
When staying friends with your ex is going to help you reach your goal
If you’re on this site I’d say it’s safe to assume that you’re hoping to get back together with your ex. What a lot of people don’t realize is that being friends with an ex is actually one of the absolute best ways to reach your goal!
Think about it – if you’re able to be friends with your ex boyfriend or girlfriend, you have the perfect opportunity to offer him first row seats to your evolution right now. If you’ve read up on other articles regarding how to get back together with your ex on this site, then you know how important this is. In order to successfully get an ex back, you’re going to have to show him or her that you’ve made positive changes in your life and that you can offer them an entirely new relationship.
You’re going to need a platform for proper communication, and what better platform than friendship? You can show your ex that you’re positive and that you’re living the kind of life you want now. You’ve got to show him or her that you’re still compatible (maybe even more compatible than before because you’ve made such positive changes in your life). You have to show them that they can trust you, that you can make them happy, and that you are able to seduce them.
If you can adopt the right mindset, remaining friends with an ex can be a shortcut to getting back together.
The right mindset consists of keeping your emotions under control, keeping your focus on personal development, remaining positive, being level headed, and having a clear plan.
If you need help designing the perfect plan of action for getting your ex back, all you have to do is reach out to us here!
You might also be worried about having to see your ex flirt with someone else or begin dating someone new. The thing is, staying friends with your ex is actually one of the best ways to bring him or her back to you.
Yes, it’s very hard, but if your ex is in a relationship with a new person, staying friends with them is actually a great idea. If you’ve been able to take time to heal and progress in your personal development, and if you’re able to keep your emotions under control, you’ll be able to treat your ex and their new boyfriend and girlfriend the way that you would treat regular friends. If you’re able to show improvements in your own life to your ex while remaining close with them, you’ll become a real threat to their relationship.
Your ex’s new partner will recognize that that connection between you is still there and that you could tap into it at any moment. This in turn will make them insecure, which will result in behavior that will ultimately push your ex right back into your arms.
When being friends with your ex isn’t a good idea…yet
If you’re wondering about staying friends with an ex but you haven’t taken time to heal and restore self confidence that may have taken a blow from the breakup, right now is not the best time to be their friend. It’s important to be able to remain level headed and calm, and if you feel like you’re going to break down and cry every time you see him or her, it’s a bit too soon.
If you’re going to stay friends with an ex, you’ll have to fight the urge to call them and text them, saying you love them all the time. Staying friends with an ex isn’t a good idea if you are unable to control your emotions.
If that’s the case for you right now, you’ve got to switch your focus to taking care of yourself and making yourself happy again. The psyche takes a huge hit after a breakup, so it’s completely normal that you’d be struggling with emotions right now. But as the psyche is your biggest ally when it comes to getting an ex back, you have to protect it.
If being friends with your ex boyfriend or girlfriend sends you down a path of negativity, it is my advice to avoid doing so. Avoid it at least until you are in a better headspace and can handle the situation with ease and peace.
Can you be friends with your ex? Yes or no?
It ultimately boils down to what you can handle. The decision is entirely yours.
If you truly feel that you can keep your emotions in check and showcase your positive evolution to your ex, being friends with him or her could be substantial stepping stone towards getting back together sooner than you thought.
If it’s too hard right now and you know that it’s going to hurt you too much, then my advice to you would be to wait. Focus on healing more, and then you can develop a friendship with your ex in the future.
People often need some distance after a breakup (or even No Contact), but in some cases it’s not necessary. In other cases distance can be followed by friendship.
Just make sure that you’re being true to yourself and that you’re taking care of your own well-being.
We are always here to help, so don’t hesitate to reach out.
Wishing you all the best
Your coach when you’re wondering, “Should I be friends with my ex?”