So many people hesitate about using the no contact rule because they have trouble wrapping their heads around how distance would increase their odds of getting their exes back. As a love and relationship coach specialized in getting people back together, you can imagine how many times people ask me, “Will my ex come back after no contact?” This is one of the most powerful tools used for bringing two people back together, and if you are familiar with our philosophy then you know how often we talk about this technique. It is challenging, yes, but I am here to tell you that if you stick with it and fight the urge to break it, you will have positive results. There are a few different aspects to this rule that need to be respected, but I will go over them with you right here.
We will also take a look at what to do if you’re having trouble reestablishing contact with an ex after your NC period. I want you to rest assured and know that you are more in control of this situation than you might realize. You’ve just got to analyze the situation and determine an appropriate action plan. I know that each situation is unique so if you have any questions at all, please feel free to leave them in the comments section below this article!
We are here to help guide you every step of the way. Using this tool can bring you fantastic results, but you have to make sure that you use it properly. By the end of this article, it is my hope that you will feel more confident in your attempt at getting your ex back by using this powerful technique! So without further ado, let’s take a closer look at how to ensure that it works for you!
How no contact with an ex works to get them back
As we dive in, I wanted to open this article with a brief overview of how and why this technique works. The idea behind using no contact to get an ex back is relatively simple. You see, human beings have a terrible tendency of taking things for granted when they are readily available to us. We are attracted to challenge and mystery, and when we feel like we have full ownership of something, it loses its allure.
This is one of the main reasons we warn against emotionally dependent behavior in relationships! You never want a partner to start to feel like the exciting element of the chase has fully died out.
Sometimes the monotony that settles into a relationship is actually one of the biggest culprits behind your breakup… Whatever the case may be for you, the goal of using this tool is to give your ex an electroshock that makes them realize that they’ve taken your presence for granted. If you do this right, you can actually begin to make your ex miss you!
Before I get into the odds of it working and how you can increase your odds of success, it’s crucial that you fully understand the technique! When you’re thinking, “Will no contact bring my ex back,” you have to ensure that you’re using this tool properly.
To summarize, you cut contact with your ex for a predetermined period of time – between three weeks and three months. The goal of this period is to make your ex realize that you aren’t around and begin to miss you. He or she will begin to realize that they are not the center of your universe and that you are not at their beck and call.
They’ll start to regret breaking up with you when they realize that they don’t have your attention anymore. Human beings are funny like that. We take things for granted so easily but the moment they’re taken away from us, we immediately want them back.
On top of that, and this is the most important thing of all, you are to use this time very wisely. Here are a few of the things that you’ll need to be doing:
• Taking a step back and analyzing the relationship and breakup
Work on pinpointing the exact cause of the breakup and what elements of that you can change. Use this time to do some serious introspection and think about what part of the breakup you were responsible for. For example, if you started getting lazy in the relationship and losing yourself, start working on finding more balance in your life.
This can be as simple as getting physically active or switching up your workout routine. Prioritize your physical health and this will have a positive effect on your emotional state and your energy levels, which will in turn make it easier for you to take your life in your own hands and start making improvements across the board.
You are in control of your own actions, so make sure that you’re being proactive instead of sulking on the couch.
The analysis phase is crucial. If you are to propose getting back together with your ex later on, you’re going to have to be able to propose an entirely new relationship.
Your ex might be sad about the breakup, but that’s not enough to prove to them that a new relationship with you isn’t going to end up just like the last one. You don’t want them to think, “I’m sad it had to happen this way, but I broke up with you you for a reason and nothing has changed.”
If you want to successfully use no contact after a breakup to get them back, you have to make them see that you’ve learned and grown from the breakup, and that it’s helped you to become the new and improved version of the person they fell in love with initially… Which brings me to the second part of what you need to be doing during this period.
• Actively working on becoming the 2.0 version of yourself
As I was saying, it is very common for people to lose themselves in the relationship and lose track of their hobbies, spend less time with their friends and family, and stop taking care of themselves.
We get lazy and too comfortable sometimes, whether we realize it or not! When you want to grab your ex partner’s attention and make yourself feel much better, you have to think about how you can improve your life right now.
What people would you like to see more, what hobbies had been put on the back burner, what personal or professional projects can you bring to life, what new activities can you try, what kind of trips can you go on? Start making yourself very busy with things that are making you happy.
Hit the gym and get your endorphins flowing while you boost your self confidence. An ex will undoubtedly notice the improvements you’re making, and don’t forget to post pictures of all the fun things you’re doing these days.
If you start to transform your life, your ex is going to start to feel inspired to want to get closer to you again. They’ll be reminded of the person they fell for and nostalgia will begin to surge up. It is up to you to stick with it and avoid making mistakes.
You don’t want to cave when your ex reaches out before your NC period is over! If you do speak to him or her, avoid seeming depressed or clingy! You want to showcase the new and improved you that is living life to the fullest.
Remember, you want to inspire your ex to want to get closer to you and find out more. You want him or her to look at you and think, “Wow… I think I could be really happy by this person’s side.”
Will my ex miss me while I use the NC rule?
I know the one thing you want most right now is to be back in your ex’s arms, and you want them to miss you as much as you miss them. You’re thinking, “Will my ex come back to me after no contact?” “Will it make my ex miss me?”
Well, keep in mind that feelings don’t just disappear overnight, especially when you’ve been romantically involved with someone.
No matter how bad the breakup was, the positive memories don’t cease to exist, and the love you develop does not get erased. Sure, it might be buried under a pile of negative memories right now, but that doesn’t mean that it vanishes.
Many people ask me if the no contact rule could backfire and give their ex the perfect opportunity to move on. I know that this is a valid fear and I hear it often in my coaching sessions.
It’s normal that you’d be afraid of losing the person that you love but the truth of the matter is that they are not “yours” at this stage. The breakup has taken place already and they are already in a different stage of their life right now.
If you are fixating on fears and insecurities right now, you are going to hold yourself back from getting this person back.
In terms of them moving on and being with someone else, I want you to remember how difficult it is to make a deep connection with someone. I mean think about how hard it is to even go out and make a new friend, let alone someone you want to spend the rest of your life with! The odds of your ex getting into a new serious relationship, especially if your breakup didn’t happen very long ago, are very slim.
Sometimes we see exes try to cope with the pain of a breakup with rebound relationships, and trust me, it’s not the end of the world. If you’d like to learn more about these types of “bandaid relationships” as we call them and what you can do about it, I encourage you to click the link.
At this point, you need to prioritize your personal development and your own well being so that you can restore your self confidence and present yourself in a new light to your ex. They’ve fallen for you once before, so you have proof that you can make it happen again!
You must first ensure that you are happy in your life before you try to get your ex back! It is a mistake to think that first you need to get your ex back in order to be happy. You need to be happy in order to attract your ex back into your own life.
They aren’t going to take you back if they see that you’re throwing yourself a pity party or revelling in fears and insecurities. The goal is to inspire your ex to realize that they would be happier if they had you in their life!
Simply put, the answer to “Will my ex come back after no contact” is yes if they come to the realization that you would be an incredible addition to their life… That is why it’s so important to focus on the positives, remember what you’re in control of, and believe in yourself.
I won’t sugarcoat it – sometimes you might be faced with obstacles, but it is always in your power to overcome them…
Will my ex come back after no contact? What if it doesn’t feel like it’s working?
There is one thing I want to warn you about when it comes to using this technique. The NC period should not be stretched out for too long because you do want to remain fresh in your ex’s mind. The general rule of thumb we give to people is that your NC period should not go on for longer than half the amount of time you spent in a relationship with this person.
For example, if you were in a relationship with someone for 6 months, your NC period should not go on longer than 3 months. The specific length will depend on your specific relationship because each one is entirely unique. If you feel like you are unsure about the timeframe you should give yourself, all you have to do is reach out to me or a member of my team directly right here.
Another thing I wanted to go over with you in this article is what to do if you’re using the no contact rule to get him back or her back, but it doesn’t seem like it’s working. I was contacted by Sara just this morning who told me that she had been using NC to get her ex back, and when it time to get back in touch with him, he didn’t respond! She was seized with panic.
She immediately thought that all hope was gone, that he had moved on, that she had done something wrong, and that her no contact period didn’t work. She was devastated and reached out to me for help.
What I told her is the same thing that I want to tell you right now: Not getting a reply from an ex the first time you reach out after no contact does not mean that your NC period didn’t work and that everything is ruined.
First things first, when this happens, it’s crucial that you take a step back and avoid writing or texting again. It’s a natural response to want to try again because you don’t want to be faced with that feeling of vulnerability again.
I understand that you’ve had your heart broken and you’ve worked hard to successfully employ radio silence throughout these weeks or months, and not getting a response from your ex feels almost as bad as the original breakup, but it isn’t as bad as you might think.
You just need to dip back into NC and reassess, and begin to think about a different approach that could get you better results.
Perhaps you didn’t get a reply, but using no contact to get him back or her back still works. At this point, you might feel like this is biggest rejection ever, but oftentimes it’s actually about your ex protecting themselves.
They can feel insecure about engaging with you and feel like they need to protect themselves. They could very well be afraid of what a conversation with you will lead them.
If you’ve been doing the things that I mentioned above (assessing the breakup and actively working on becoming the best version of yourself), your ex will be wondering about how you’re doing, whether or not you’ve moved on, and if they don’t respond it’s alright. It doesn’t mean that your NC process was in vain!
Don’t forget that at the end of the day, you’re using this technique as a tool for yourself to bounce back and be open to happiness in the future. A response or lack thereof from your ex is not what should validate your process. It’s all about your own personal development right now, because that it what will truly to determine the success of this breakup recovery process.
So if your ex didn’t respond, don’t panic and don’t try to keep reaching out. Instead, continue to focus on yourself and think about a new way to reach out in the future. All you need to do is be patient and continue focusing on yourself right now. Again, please don’t hesitate to reach out if you need help. Sometimes we have clients that reach out to us once they’ve been using the no contact rule for a while, and we can help to recalibrate and optimize the process for you.
So please don’t hesitate to get in touch. We are all looking forward to hearing from you!
Wishing you all the best in life and love,
Your coach when you’re wondering “Will my ex come back after no contact”
I Know We Are Meant To Be!
Bonus: 3 advanced strategies that will turn you into a Human Relationships Expert and give you the tools to get back with the one you love... for good!