It’s a confusing thought: If you love your partner, then why would you break up with them? The truth is that there are so many reasons why a relationship might not be right for you, even if you have strong feelings for the person you’re with. It’s important to be able to pay attention to what you’re feeling and trust your gut if it’s telling you that you’re not happy. The key is figuring out whether or not you should put your energy into fixing what needs to be fixed, if it’s possible to fix it, or if you should end the relationship. In this article we will explore whether breaking up with someone you love is the best solution for you or not!
It’s important to understand that break ups cause a lot of pain, so your decision to leave must be very well thought out. As I explain in my numerous Audio Seminars on How To Get Back With An Ex, sometimes the heartbreak is inevitable but other times you can improve the relationship to where it makes both of you feel happy and fulfilled. You should never be lying to yourself, and if you’re trying to convince yourself to stay in the relationship, it’s important to pinpoint what exactly you want…
What’s holding you back from breaking up with someone you love?
To help clarify what you’re feeling, I’ll share with you three of the most common reasons why people remain on the fence. The first thing to consider when you’re hesitating about leaving a relationship with someone you love, is the reason behind why you’re stalling. A lot of people deeply care for their partner but they’re just not happy in the relationship… However, instead of breaking up with their significant other, they stay because they’re afraid of causing them pain or even scared of causing themselves pain because although you are unhappy, you still love and rely on them.
It’s hard to imagine breaking the heart of someone (or your own) you care so much about and sometimes it seems like it might just be easier to suck it up and stay in a relationship. After all, it could be worse right? The problem is that if you’re trying to convince yourself to stay in the relationship, it means that something needs to change. I do not mean that the answer is that you must break up! Perhaps instead of breaking up with someone you love, all you need to do is change the dynamic in your relationship. What is it that’s making you feel dissatisfied? Do you feel that there’s hope for change?
Another common reason why people avoid seeking advice for breaking up with someone is that they’re afraid of being alone. After so much time having a partner, the idea of suddenly becoming single again is very daunting. Some people are super excited at the thought, whereas others pull away from it. This is why people so often stay in an unhappy relationship.
The last of the three most common reasons why people don’t pull the trigger and break up with their partner is because they don’t know what they’re feeling. Though they’ve been trying, they can’t seem to figure out what they want… More on this in a moment!
Why are you thinking about breaking up with someone you still love?
So what’s the reason behind why this thought has made its way into your head? Are you ready to move on from this relationship or is there something else at play? The better idea you have of what you’re feeling and what you want, the easier the decision will be.
The hardest decisions become the easiest decisions if you let time clarify things. When you’re thinking about breaking up with someone you love, it’s imperative to avoid being hasty. Take your time, think things through, and allow yourself to really consider the pros and cons.
So to make things a little bit less confusing, let’s look at the reasons why you might be thinking about dumping someone you love and what you can do about it.
I might break up with someone I care about because I don’t feel satisfied
When two people have been together for a long time, it’s not uncommon for the dreaded “Routine” to set in. There’s no more excitement, you might start feeling taken for granted, and you might feel like you’re not getting much out of the relationship anymore. It becomes all the more confusing when you realize that you still deeply love your partner. It’s just that you feel so dissatisfied… So what should you do? Should you consider breaking up with a lover?
The answer to that depends on what your gut tells you. If you can think of what your partner could do to make you feel happy, and whether or not that would make you feel satisfied, you’ll have a clearer picture.
Everyone evolves so it’s up to you to gage whether or not you and your partner have compatibly evolved, or if you are ready for something entirely different.
Carter, a long time client of mine, first called because he was very unsatisfied and stimulated by his relationship, but wasn’t sure as to whether or not he wanted to great up with his girlfriend of three years. Together, we identified that the reason he was sticking around was because he felt guilty for leaving her and because he didn’t want to upset his or her family.
He had been sacrificing his happiness in order to keep her and others in his life happy. Over time, he found the strength he needed to walk away knowing that he really was no longer emotionally invested in the relationship. Believe it or not, she ended up respecting him for it and now, a year after the break up, they’re friends.
Leaving someone you love because you don’t share the same goals
As I just said, every single person evolves. Do you and your partner still want the same things? As time goes on, sometimes people find themselves going down different paths. It could be career-related, time investment-related, or maybe one of you wants to move and the other doesn’t.
Every relationship requires compromise in order to be successful, but it’s up to you to decide how much of that you want to do. Life is full of these types of challenges, and it may very well be that this is why you might find yourselves breaking up but still in love. It’s essential for two people to be on the same page if they’re going to make it work.
It doesn’t mean that you’re situation is hopeless, but it does mean that it will require compromise and communication so that you can reach a middle ground and stop having to wonder how to end a relationship with someone you still love!
I want to break up because I need time alone
Sometimes a person realizes that they just need to be alone. It can be related to depression, too much pressure at work, or some important soul searching. This is always tough if you have a partner because it might not have anything to do with them at all. You still love them but you know it’s important to be on your own so that you can find some clarity.
It’s hard to know when to end a relationship with someone you love if you’ve got so many conflicting feelings, but it wouldn’t hurt to open up to your partner about what’s going on. It’ll be hard for them to understand, so you have to take a moment to figure out how to put what you’re feeling into words.
Your significant other might be able to help you design a plan of action in order to help you move towards feeling good again. A lot of tensions arise when someone needs space and doesn’t take the time to explain it to their partner. Your partner will of course pick up on it, and the ensuing emotions, if things are not clear, and add an uneasy dynamic to the relationship, making you want to get away even more.
Breaking up with someone because of pressure from my family
Sadly, I often see situations in which a person breaks up with someone they love because their family or friends didn’t approve. Sometimes the loved ones think they see something that the person doesn’t (because they’re too smitten to see objectively,) and other times the friends or family members don’t like the person’s partner for no good reason.
Your loved ones’ opinion of course matters, but it should never be the deciding factor when it comes to breaking up with someone you love. This is your life and you can think for yourself. That said, if there is a specific reason why they dislike your partner, pay attention to it in order to know if it’s something important to take into consideration or not. It’s easy to be blinded by love, so keep an eye out.
This was a major issue with Carter and his previous relationship. His family was always pressuring him to propose to her, and if they ever fought, it was always his fault in their perspective. Overcoming the fear of judgment was really challenging for Carter. However, with enough time, he found that push to make the move.
From my observations as his long-term coach, leaving his ex has really helped him regain his identify of self, and he’s definitely in much better shape now that when we had initially met.
If you’re fighting all the time should you break up with someone you still love?
Of course, one of the most common things that make two people separate is incessant fighting. It’s exhausting, mentally and emotionally frustrating, and it’s not unusual for a person to want out no matter how much they love their partner.
The good news is if you don’t actually want to break up with your partner but you feel like you might need to, working on better communication could help both of you. If fighting is the issue, you don’t necessarily have to jump to breaking up with your lover if you’re both willing to make an improvement. Both partners have to make an effort or else things won’t improve.
Start paying attention to the way you two speak to each other. Is it accusatory? Are your fights explosive? Try working on your language. For example, instead of saying something like, “You always have something better to do… You never spend time with me,” focus more on taking the blame out of your sentence by saying something along the lines of, “I really miss spending time with you. Let’s go do something fun together!”
Ending a relationship with someone you love because of abuse
Contrary to popular belief, abuse victims don’t always end their relationships. Sometimes the abuse begins long after the person has had time to fall deeply in love with their partner, and it becomes hard to forget the version of this person that they grew to care so much. There’s hope for change, and sometimes there’s even denial.
The problem is that there is no place for abuse in a happy relationship, but at the same time it doesn’t automatically mean that the person loses feelings for their partner. All it means is that you’ll have to digest the loss of this person and their good side like with any other breakup.
Becoming single is never easy, but there are so many things a person can do to start feeling great again. If you decide that you need something different. Breaking up with someone who was not allowing you to live life to the fullest is extremely liberating, and once you moved through the mourning stage, you’ll be happy you did it!
When you’ve decided against breaking up with the love of your life…
So perhaps you’re coming to realize that breaking up with the “someone” you love isn’t right for you, but you need to know how to change the situation. You don’t want it to be completely over; you want it to be better.
So, obviously something needs to change, but what?
Taking the time to become fully aware of what’s going on between you and your partner is going to be the key to reestablishing a healthy relationship. It will require patience, self-control, and motivation, but as you know, I love to remind our readers that in love, anything is possible! The trick is being proactive.
How to avoid leaving someone you love: Step 1
Instead of thinking about how to break up with someone or to start to prepare to get over a painful breakup, you’ve switched your focus to how to make your relationship better. Proper communication is going to be your best friend right now.
Sit down with your partner and have an honest and calm conversation about what you would both like to change in the relationship. During conversations like these it’s especially important to practice active listening. Basically you ensure that your partner knows they’re being heard. You can do this as simply as mirroring them: “So what you’re saying is that…” This invites them to share more and you should be able to do the same. Avoid being aggressive or accusatory. This is a partnership and if you want things to improve, you’ll have to work together.
You two can even write lists to clearly outline what you feel could use some improvement. Once you’ve both prepared this, come up with solutions together, as a team. Rather than leave someone you love, use that love as motivation to make things better than ever.
Ensuring you don’t have to worry about leaving someone you love: Step 2
Improving your relationship and steering clear of separation or divorce is going to require a daily effort.
Both of you will have to be diligent with the solutions you two had come up with, while keeping tempers in check. If something starts to derail, both of you should work to ensure that you both talk about it. Healthy relationships consist of two partners that make each other feel safe to voice their concerns.
Breaking up with him or her doesn’t have to happen if you’re able to work together to improve your relationship. By the way, relationships really flourish when they remain exciting, so bring in some innovation and creativity. There’s nothing like some good old-fashioned romance to reignite the flame!
If you decided to dump: How to break up with someone you love
Perhaps you’ve come to the realization and you need to, in fact and however unfortunate, end your relationship with your significant other. But how do you leave someone you love? I’m going to be honest; there’s no easy way to do it, but there are some “Do’s” and “Don’ts”, so let’s start with what you shouldn’t do when you’re breaking up with someone you love.
There are a few things to keep in mind in terms of how not to break up with someone you love. Some of these include ignoring them or acting like a jerk in hopes that they’ll leave you, giving mixed signals, threatening to leave in order to blackmail them into doing what you want, and telling other people it’s over before you actually tell your partner. Remember that break ups cause enough pain already so there’s no need to be disrespectful to someone you care so much about.
If there is one, I would say that the best way to break up with someone you love is by being very precise and respectful. Avoid being cruel and be sincere. Don’t use the tacky “It’s not you, it’s me…” because that just sounds ridiculous to someone who’s getting their heart broken.
Try (no matter how scary or difficult it may be) to do it in person, and start by simply explaining, to your partner why this relationship isn’t working out for you. They’ll most likely ask you questions or offer ways to fix things, but if you’re truly finished with the relationship, calmly answer their questions and express that you do not want to be in this relationship anymore. Be kind, but firm, and you can express your regret over having hurt them.
It’s a lot to think about, so you could write your ideas down first in order to gather your thoughts. It doesn’t hurt to rehearse what you’re going to say a few times either.
There aren’t a million ways to break up with someone, and I advice you to simply remain honest and respectful, especially if this is someone you care about.
What happens after you break up with someone you love?
Every person is unique. Some people prefer a clean break whereas others would like to develop some type of a platonic friendship with their ex. Regardless of what kind of relationship you’d like to have with your ex in the future, some time will be needed in order for things to calm down. You’ll both need to heal. A lot of people think that breakups are harder on the person that was left, but the truth is that it can be equally (if not more) painful for the person who took the decision to leave. There can be doubts or regret mixed with the pain of knowing you hurt someone dear to you.
Getting over a breakup when you broke it off is going to take a bit of time, but as long as you’re proactive in making your life the way you want it to be, the process will be accelerated.
Now you can start working on getting back in touch with yourself. People often lose track of their personal projects or hobbies when they get into a serious relationship, so start doing the things you love again!
Breaking up with your boyfriend or girlfriend will inevitably be on your mind, so fill up your time with things that you enjoy doing. Spend more time with your loved ones, try new things, go see new places, get back into the gym, and work on enjoying life! I know that sometimes it’s easier said than done because you can feel so low after a break up, but the more you do, the easier it will become! And as always, we are always here to help. Don’t hesitate to leave your comment below and I will personally reply to you, or get in touch with us for one on one coaching!
Your relationship expert for knowing whether or not you should break up with someone you love