broken hearted after a breakupTo undergo deception in love is a nightmare for anyone that still has emotional attachment because it calls everything into question. The moment that a separation is announced your world crumbles; the inability to understand why this is happening to you takes more and more space and you don’t know how to react to grasp the reasons behind this decision. You may still think something along the lines of, “But we were so good together.” Love can be an extraordinary feeling while it is mutual and while it brings you great happiness. But while experiencing a situation like the one you are presently in, you realize that loving someone can also be destructive that a separation leaves a mark even when we were prepared for it.

Nevertheless if I write these articles for you, if I coach or provide conferences or videos, it’s because I believe in love, and that everyone, including you, has a right to happiness. You deserve this second chance because I feel that everyone is allowed to make mistakes, even in love! I know that in this moment, you are losing faith, you have trouble imagining a bright future. This is exactly why I am offering you the chance to bounce back and pry yourself free from your sadness.

Being broken hearted after a breakup is completely understandable and even logical; this decision is destabilizing and will disrupt your daily routine. What is not understandable or logical is not taking the initiative to lift your head back up. Through this article I will give you the advice that will help get you out of this difficult situation, and practical tools that will help revitalize you. Not only by learning how to ask yourself the right questions, and analyzing your current situation, but by learning what to do to feel better as well.

Why am so broken hearted after a breakup?

Certain men and women are able to quickly get back on their feet and seem unaffected after a breakup; or at least that’s what it looks like on the outside. But for others it’s harder. Be it at work or at home your whole world is falling apart, you can’t eat, you can’t sleep, and you can’t seem to figure out A. why they left, and B. why you can’t seem to move on. We don’t decide to think about our ex. Our subconscious constantly reminds us of the past relationship either during the day or in our dreams at night.

More often than we think, breakups are frequently unexpected or happen out of the blue. Even when we are aware of certain tensions, we are never really prepared for the possibility of our significant other leaving. Of course, the person that made the decision thought about it for weeks and maybe didn’t even show any signs of a problem until the very day they left. This is probably one of the main reasons that this separation is so hard to gasp. You didn’t have the time to work out your issues; they made their decision and they want to move on… At least for now!

But being broken hearted after a breakup can also explained by the fact that you could be in a state of affective dependence and therefore your entire future is put into question. Of course you still have feelings or are still in love; maybe you even have children with your ex, and you don’t want to damage your family. On a subconscious level you feel a profound need to have that special someone by your side, and you are willing to consider them before your own happiness. You constantly devalue yourself; you don’t feel like you can move forward without your significant other and it intensifies your suffering. You must stop this behavior immediately because not only is this dragging you down on a personal level, but it is also diminishing your chances of getting back with the one you love. There are key steps to follow to achieve this goal, and I will present them to you in this article.

Starting over after a painful breakup

A question that we often wonder after having had your heart broken and one that I often during coaching sessions is: “How can I make them come back?” While I see why you ask this, it’s important to understand that this isn’t the first question that should be asking. When you are in such an emotional state, it is easy to make mistakes and to present yourself in an unfavorable way to the person you love. This is why it’s paramount to rebuild yourself first before setting out to rebuild your relationship.

I am aware of the fact that this might not be the way you see thing because you feel an urge to rush to get back with your ex as quickly as possible (even though this process is already set in motion). I see how you might feel that you’re wasting precious time and that your ex might think that you’ve just moved on, but you must let go of these negative thoughts because they’re completely irrelevant. You are the priority! Moreover it’s important that you don’t let time do the work instead of you; don’t believe in the motto time heals all wounds, take control of this process and make yourself feel better quickly in order to then be in a position to get back with your ex.

Even if you’re ready to move on you shouldn’t feel as if our approach is not beneficial to you; No matter what your goals may be, it’s crucial to not waste time and to create a custom approach to your specific set of circumstances. To do this you have to realize that you can succeed, and that it is possible to lift your head back up. It’s normal to be sad and even to feel bitterness and hopelessness. No one can blame you, but you must also take control and rebuild your own future with or without your ex. It isn’t by staying locked up at home and not seeing any of your friends or loved ones that your situation is going to improve.

You must never lose faith in love…

One consequence of deep emotional sadness is the loss of faith in love. You don’t want to go through any more deception or betrayal and the result is that you want to keep your heart locked away from future relationships. You are by no means the only person to respond in this way and of course, I understand. I highly advise against jumping into another relationship just to forget your last one, because this could bring more heartache to you as well as to the new person that you are dating who didn’t sign up for this. Band-Aid relationships as we like to refer to them as, usually offer nothing but unpleasant surprises because in reality you’re harboring a psychological wound that is holding you back from moving forward. That being said, I’m not suggesting that you remain alone for the rest of your life or that you don’t try to win your significant other back. This is just the time to take a moment to focus on you.

You shouldn’t base your potential relationships on the one that you just experienced, or else you will always be living in the past and you won’t experience true happiness! By taking the time and distance needed in order to properly rebuild yourself, you will ask yourself pertinent questions and decide whether or not you should pursue your ex. Whatever your decision may be, I will accompany and assist you in your quest for happiness in love; whether it be by helping you meet someone else, or in the process of reclaiming your ex’s heart!

Your coach when broken hearted after a breakup,

Alexandre CORMONT